Faces in the sand…
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Chapter XI:
I walked wearily back to my room having suffered the ill-effects of nausea early in the morning. I looked up from the bed on which I had collapsed with fatigue to find the princess standing there with her hand on the door-frame - mocking me.
"I hear you defied your uncle." I lowered my eyes as I remained silent. I gasped as I felt her hand clutch my chin in a tight grip and lift my face forcefully to gaze at me, her eyes emotionless.
"We leave the day after tomorrow…did you know that?" she mocked me relentlessly. Still I said nothing.
She released me as she straightened up.
"He hasn't been here to see you again…has he?" I bit my lip willing my retort to remain buried in me. She was my mistress and she had been betrayed. It was natural that she should feel sore. That was no reason for me to say harsh things that I felt inside.
It hadn't been me who had asked the emperor for his love…this woman had no right…
I looked up to stare defiantly at the princess…we who had been good friends once, now stood like warriors about to battle each other in probably the fiercest of wars.
Just when I was about to open my mouth, there was a knock at the door. We turned to the door to find Sātviki stand there with an anxious look on her face. Shwetha turned to me with a sneer on her face.
"We are leaving Adithi." I felt my eyes burn as I stared back at the princess without the least emotion in my face.
As the princess left the room, Sātviki walked inside. She had a bowl of some liquid that emitted a sweet and spicy scent – quite like him.
"I know how you suffer in the mornings, Adithi." She said gravely as she placed the bowl on the table and turned to me. I stood there, bemused.
"You'd better drink this. It will make you feel better." She poured some of the murky liquid in another small cup and brought it towards me. I backed away a little. Sātviki stopped as she saw this. Her eyes grew sad as she lowered the cup and placed it back on the table.
"I am not here to take lives, Adithi. I hoped you would have understood me better than this." I felt guilt prick my heart as she said this and leaving the cup where it was, walked out of my room without another look. It took me some moments to run after her, calling her name. Vishaka had vanished off the place since the evening I had come to know and Sātviki was probably the only friend I had left.
"Sātviki! Wait!" she halted before turning around, her eyes sad.
"I am sorry." I said as I took the bowl from her and holding her hand clasped in mine, led her back to my room.
Once we were inside, I took the cup filled with the herbal remedy and gingerly sipped at it.
I looked up from the cup to find Sātviki survey me with a serious look in her eyes. I frowned at this.
"Sātviki…" she started as she turned to look at me, with a smile on her lips.
"Feeling better?" I nodded as I took another sip. The potion was a little spicy but it did the trick of soothing the stormy waves of nausea.
There was silence once more as I lowered the cup to my lap, staring at the dregs of the herbs that still remained at the bottom.
"He did not come back after that day, did he?" I heard Sātviki. I felt my heart clench as I said nothing. I heard the rustle of linen as she got up from her chair to sit beside me, holding me in an embrace to her bosom. I closed my eyes as I felt the hot rivulets run down.
"I feel like I need to see him once more, Sātviki…it could be my last time."
She sighed.
"Adithi, I think it would be wisest to forget the emperor. I know there are things that can never be undone now…but that doesn't mean you should cling to a hope that was long lost."
Her voice was soft and sober… like that of a creature far more mature and wise. This hopelessness that engulfed me seemed to choke me.
"What do you intend to do. Adithi?" I looked up at her, my eyes red with the tears that I couldn't bridle.
"He will not desert me, Sātviki." She nodded.
"Why don't you go and talk to him? I presume he knows that we leave the day after tomorrow." I nodded as I straightened up and wiped my tears away.
I smiled at the lady before me as I got up to do just what she had asked of me. It was time I went in search of him…like the many times he had come in search of me.
"The emperor is in the middle of a meeting."
The ministers were hellish sometimes. I smiled, or at least tried to as I bowed once more,
"But this is a matter of urgency." My voice was getting a little anxious with time. Was Sātviki right about it? Was he avoiding me on purpose? I wanted to meet him.
"I'm sorry, my lady. But I cannot let you go in when-"
"Lady Adithi." I turned around to find a wizened man stand there, his hands folded into his sleeves and his tanned and wrinkled face smiling. The minister I was talking to bowed towards the newcomer. The old man walked towards us, his eyes resting on me.
I bowed to him as well as he smiled at me.
"There is a matter of great importance that I shall have to talk with you about." His voice was serious and when he turned to the other minister, he nodded and left the place, as though he understood something I did not.
When we were alone, he turned to me once more.
"I know the secret the two of you carry between yourselves." To say that I was surprised was an understatement. I lowered my eyes as I felt embarrassment settle in.
"I hear that you shall be leaving in another two or three days?" there was silence.
"Saihitei is trying his best to stop the envoys from leaving. That is probably why the meeting is dragging on like the Huang-ho." He sighed as he turned to face me.
"You do love him, don't you?" I nodded silently; my eyes were now in tears on hearing the news that he was desperate. He needn't be in this predicament had it not been for me.
"What does he plan to do?"
"He said he would wed me."
The old minister laughed. This was not what I had expected as a reply. When he had sobered enough to a snicker, he turned to me.
"He did, did he?" my heart was beating twice its pace now. The way this man said it, it seemed as though he had heard Saihitei say this to many girls all the time. I did not say anything as I stood there, under the scrutiny of this man.
"Saihitei is a good and honorable man. A man of his words." He stopped.
"But tell me, Adithi…what do you think? That you should marry him?" I frowned at the minister. He was confusing me more and more.
"I…I don't understand you, my lord…"
"Please address me as Lord Haku. I think we have acquainted ourselves well enough to be addressing each other with names, with or without the titles."
I smiled as I nodded.
"My decisions-" I was interrupted.
"Your decisions not only affect you but all those who are around you." he sighed as he walked on, beckoning me to follow him. I docilely obeyed.
"His majesty said-"
"But his majesty hardly has any control in the matter." Once more he interrupted me, my assurances and my dreams.
"Saihitei is answerable to his people. The council wants him to forget this …er…incident as a bad dream. They want their emperor to forget about the antics he had with a silly and naïve servant girl and get on with his life, choose a noble woman from a good noble family and produce a worthy heir."
The world was crumbling around me.
He smiled with kind eyes as he motioned to a chair in the corridors, into which I sank.
"Adithi…I know how you feel and had Saihitei been a commoner, I would have advocated his case…conducting your marriage myself, if the need came. But…his destiny and yours…his legacy…he cannot choose you for an empress. I know you face similar pressures from your side?"
Sighing, I felt my vision blur as I felt my heart tighten.
"Did he-"
"He is a stubborn man. He is fighting for his decisions to come through. But it won't be long before he is overpowered. Adithi…there is a favor I ask of you…for my emperor…for Khonan."
The deep voice of Haku made me look up. He was looking at me with an earnestness which left me unsettled.
"Saihitei can be dissuaded…only by you." my eyes widened.
"He is stubborn but he wouldn't marry you sans your permission. And you must not consent."
"But I can't…I cannot-"
"This is a plea, my dear child. There were times when there have been grave and long battles between the nobles and the emperors of this land…and that has only led to discord within the country. I have a love for this land that cannot be described. Please…only you can dissuade him."
"How-"
"Tell him you do not want to see him…tell him you do not hold him in your heart…tell him that you wish to leave…" he lowered his eyes,
"Tell him that you do not love him."
"No." he looked up to meet my angry frown.
"I cannot do as you ask of me." he stared at me as I rose from where I sat and turned to walk away.
"Would you like to be remembered for having started a civil war, Adithi? If you truly say that you love him, would you find happiness in his anxiety when the entire country turns against him?"
I stopped on my tracks…Haku was standing there with a frown on his face. His face softened a little as he walked towards me.
"And what of your uncle, Adithi? Do you think he would be able to face the royal ones if you were to remain here…if you married an emperor…forgetting your own rank and position? I know how rigid your rules can be, Adithi."
Silence lengthened as I stood there watching Haku give me a nod and walking away towards the doors that, just a moment ago were locked and now stood open, revealing Saihitei busy in an argument with a younger adviser.
He looked up and for that moment, I was afraid…I was afraid as to what I would tell him…what I would not tell him…the face of Haku; the loyal servant loomed behind him.
Those golden brown orbs started a little as they landed on my form and with a commanding hand, silenced the adviser beside him.
Haku seemed to sense the confusion in me for he stepped forward and said in a cheerful voice as though nothing had happened.
"The Princess has sent her servant to inform you that they desire to leave for their country as soon as possible. They are much missed in their land and the royal one cannot remain here for long."
He turned to me and motioned to bow before Saihitei as though to agree with what was being said.
I closed my eyes as I inclined my head forward and biting my lips lest I sob, I turned around, fully aware of his bemused and hurt expression, and ran away.
Author's Note: The end of yet another chapter draws this tale ever closer to the end. Please read and review.
Anarya of Lorien