Faces in the sand…
Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. And that I do own Adithi and the people you've never heard of before is true!
Author's Notes:
I'd like to thank the following reviewers:
Critias: Thanks for the review and here you have it! The next chapter!
Kristall: Well...mayhap things that happen happen for good? Hmm...Let fate decide..I guess.
Now on with the story...
Chapter XII:
The bangs to my door resonated throughout the room as I sat there, turning my vision away from the door - towards the gazebo, clearly ignoring a very irate and worried emperor who was intent on meeting me.
"Adithi! I command you to open the door." His voice rose as I sat there as still as marble. I would not open the door. I would not meet him…the one man I wanted to see at this moment…I would not meet him. I gasped as my tears left my eyes.
"Adithi…please…I plead…" I shook my head visibly as I moved towards the window, trying to drown his voice away. The bangs grew more violent as I heard him pound at the door relentlessly.
"Leave me alone." I cried as I dropped onto a chair by the window and continued to sob. The bangs stopped momentarily before resuming once more, with increased intensity.
"My Lord!" I heard one of our ministers exclaim and then there were sounds of scuffling and then silence,
"I command an audience with your servant. There is an important matter I'd like to discuss with her."
"But-"
"I am the emperor here!" he was definitely boiling mad. The ministers were silent now and the bangs continued. Where was Shwetha? As if on cue, I heard her voice,
"Saihitei…what do you think you're doing here?" there was silence and I strained my ears to catch what was going on only to have the door that connected the princess' room with mine to be thrown open and to find him stand there, his face worried and angry.
I stood up from my chair as I turned to see him stand there…both of us silent and motionless for a minute before…
BANG!
He closed the door through which he had entered and bolted it for good measure. At any other time, I would have been frightened out of my wits. But funnily, now it all seemed clear as to what I was to do.
"Your majesty…" I sank into a bow even as he was striding towards me with a look as though to kill me. He hoisted me up halfway through my bow and holding my arm in a vice-like grip, forced my eyes to meet his.
"What is the meaning of this?" I felt my heart beat at an unbelievable pace as I saw his golden eyes and the emotions that collided in them…there was anger, hurt and a tinge of anxiety and love in them…
I shook myself mentally as I squirmed in his grasp.
"We were leaving and we wanted to tell you that, my lord."
"What is wrong with you? Why won't you look at me?" he caught my chin and gently raised my eyes to his.
"I beg your pardon, your majesty. It was highly improper of me to have behaved in such rude manner with you and I hope you will have the heart to forgive this humble servant…" my eyes darted towards the door hoping someone would open it and let me free…away from this man.
His grip tightened a little painfully.
"What are you talking about? What happened, Adithi…tell me. Did someone tell you-"
I sighed as I finally wrenched my hand away from his grasp and turned around, away from him…
"I want to leave, Saihitei. I want to go home…back from whence I came."
There was silence as he stood there, staring at my back and I dared not look at him, fearing what I would find there. He would be angry but that was not frightened me…he would be hurt….he would feel betrayed. I willed for the tears that had run down countless times before to stay…I willed myself not to cry in front of this man….not in front of the one I loved.
"Adithi…" his voice sounded so resigned and hurt, I bit my lip as I continued…
"The journey shall commence the day after tomorrow. And I hope your majesty did not find us a burden."
The silence dragged on and mustering all courage, I turned around. He stood there as though carven of stone. His eyes were shocked and he regarded me as though he was seeing a new creature hither before unheard of.
"Adithi…" his eyes clouded over before they grew sharp and he glared at me.
"You have a good tutor, Adithi. Tell me, who taught you these vile words?" I lost my footing for a second. But this had to be done. Now I saw our future. He would have to take another wife and I would leave these halls never to return ever again.
"I don't think this will work out, Saihitei. Please leave me." I said, my voice sounding so beaten.
"There is a future for those who believe in it, Adithi…why can't you see it?" he held my arms tightly once more as he shook me slightly. I threw his hands away as I backed a little.
"This servant shall find no peace in being an empress when she knows she has hurt people who have loved her to be so." I said in a raspy and choked voice.
"I have loyalties to many people that I cannot give up on, Saihitei." His eyes narrowed as he stepped closer, as though to kiss me. But he growled an inch away from my face,
"Then what of your loyalty to me?" I lowered my eyes as I shook my head.
"I am sorry. But I cannot do as you ask of me." I said with a finality in my voice that surprised me as well. He released my arms as he backed away as though touching me had scalded him. There was a look of despair and disbelief in his eyes as he backed away. I wanted to cry out to him…tell him that I loved him and that I wished nothing but to spend eternity together with him. But no such words crossed my lips that day.
"Please don't make this harder for me, Saihitei." His eyes clouded over as he straightened up, his face drawn blank.
"I deem it unfit that you should address me so…" the words shattered what little happiness I had in me. He stared at me for a while longer, his face closed down and devoid of any emotion and then turned around and stormed out of the room.
The entire crowd outside rushed into my room when the emperor had left…some to question me, some to sympathize with me and some merely curious. I smiled at Sātviki who regarded me with worried eyes. Turning to Shwetha who stood there, not knowing what to say, I smiled as I bowed before her.
"This humble servant of Magadha is ready to leave."
I straightened up to catch an expression of surprise and bewilderment in her eyes. She opened her mouth as though to tell me something before her face hardened and she turned around and without another thought, walked back to her room.
I stood there in the corridor that was now devoid of people, even Sātviki…the tears slowly sprang up from my eyes as I felt the loneliness of my existence.
The afternoon sun shone down on us as we traveled, already a day away from the capital. I sat beside the window of my caravan as the horses trudged back through the deserts and meadows into Magadha. It would be good to go back home…back to the mundane existence where I knew I wouldn't be summoned by the emperor or have him visit me…
"Adithi…" I looked up to realize that we had stopped and were now camping in some shady glade. Vishaka stood by the door of my caravan, obviously worried that I had not disembarked. This was a strange situation!
He said nothing as I looked out through the window at the distant hills in the direction of Khonan. I knew I would hardly venture out of my lands ever again. It would be a miracle if I continued to remain in the service of the royal ones after this incident and Vishaka was the last person I wanted to meet at the moment…having destroyed his hopes beyond repair.
He walked in, drawing to a halt beside me and sank into a cushion by mine. I wished he would just leave me alone…I wished he would just go away.
"Adithi…do you hate me so much?" his words sank deep into my heart like a dart that pains the flesh.
I lowered my head as I felt sobs threatening to break free once more.
There was silence as we sat here thus,
"Adithi…"
I looked up to meet his brown eyes. My vision swam in tears as I shook my head as I buried myself into his arms.
"Oh Vishaka! Why did this happen?" I sobbed and I knew he listened for I felt his hands stroke my back in a soothing way.
"Whatever happens happens for a reason, Adithi. I don't think we have a say in it."
I shook my head as I drew away from him.
"I hurt you…you were my best friend and yet…"
He smiled as he shook his head, denying all that I said.
"Oh Adithi! I was a little betrayed in the beginning…but then…when I see how much you love him…I feel guilty." He lowered his eyes to the caravan floor.
"I know it is hard on you…to be separated like this from him. Now you know why hate this hierarchy!" I laughed at the tone my friend took. Vishaka always had the knack of making me feel better. I smiled at him as I shook my head,
"He hated this division of people based on their status as well. He refused to listen to me if I called him 'your majesty' once."
I smiled as I thought of that night when we talked more than any other time. Nestled in his embrace, the breeze blowing around us, it had been so divine! To listen to his rants about his ministers and his harem which, he declared was few of the vilest things in the world.