Bill Adama awoke in a cold sweat, breathing hard. Gods it was just a dream. Frak, but it had felt real. He could still vividly feel the desperation he felt as he ran through the corridors, the despair he felt when he discovered he was too late. He wiped a hand down his face, rubbing at his eyes, trying to wake himself a bit more. It was just a dream, he tried telling himself again. It was just a dream.

Unfortunately he knew that it could easily have NOT been a dream. If Starbuck hadn't showed up when she did, if she hadn't brought that frakkin' Cylon back with her, it could have happened. He could have killed his son. And why did he go to the lab first? Why didn't he just go to Lee? Saul was seconds away from doing it when he arrived. Gods, SECONDS! And it was Saul's hand, but it was his order. He was the one who said to put it out the airlock. Gods, "it." He'd called Lee "it" like he wasn't even human. Wasn't even alive. The horror of his dream had not faded and now he was faced with the horror of his reality as well. No wonder Lee didn't want anything to do with him now. Why hadn't he ordered a more thorough investigation, a repeat test, something. "I'm sorry, Lee," he whispered, wishing he had the courage to say it when his son could hear.

Bill lay back down but after a few moments realized it was a lost cause. He got up and went to his desk, intending to work since he couldn't sleep. His eyes were drawn to the picture on his desk of himself with Lee and Zak at the spaceport. He reached for it and carefully picked it up. He thought back to that day, so long ago. He could still remember it, he could even hear their voices...

Dad! Is it time to go yet?" Zak's excited voice rang through the house. "Is it? Is it?" He danced around as he spoke, tugging at his father's sleeve.

Bill couldn't help but smile at his son's enthusiasm. "Almost. Where's your brother?" He expected Zak to go and find Lee but instead the child simply bellowed his brother's name. Bill cringed at the noise. "No, son. I could have done that." At that moment Lee appeared, dressed like his brother in the miniature flight suits Bill had bought for them at the PX. Caroline had chided him about spoiling the boys with gifts after he'd been away for too long. She didn't want them to see him as only a source of presents, and she didn't want him to think he could buy their love. However, he didn't heed her advice and this trip home he had brought the boys authentic flight suits, complete with insignia and wings. They had been thrilled. When they learned he was taking them to the spaceport they had been so excited. They had asked if they could wear their "uniforms" and he had gladly given permission.

Bill smiled, remembering how much they'd idolized him. He took it for granted back then. He had been so self-satisfied as they'd toured the spaceport. Several people had commented on how Bill must be so proud to have two fine sons, how great the boys looked in their suits and a couple of guys had even saluted them. The boys had eaten that up. His chest swelled as he watched them try to return a proper salute.

He'd taken them out on the tarmac to see a viper up close. "This is a Mark II, boys. It's the fastest thing ever designed by man. This baby's got a Voram VM2-D15 upper turbothrust engine, two Voram VM3-D22 turbothrust engines and two reverse thrust motors. It can flip end for end in .35 seconds," he recited as the boys stood wide-eyed and slack-jawed. "One day you'll fly one too," he told them with certainty.

He remembered seeing the small press contingent on the tarmac. One of them noticed the Adamas and came over. "Sir, do you mind if I get a shot of you and your boys?" Of course, he was happy to oblige. He was sure it would be a great PR shot, with them all dressed alike. Zak was grinning almost ridiculously as the camera flashed.

In fact, he was proud to have two fine sons. He wasn't a particularly religious man, but he figured he must have done something to please the gods to be given not just one but two boys. Of course, a girl would have been fine, but he had hoped for sons. Boys he could train to be men. Men who would make him proud, who would carry on the family name, who would become great warriors. Great pilots. "A man's not a man 'til he wears the wings of a viper pilot," he'd told them as he'd pinned the plastic wings on their lapels.

That thought snapped Bill out of his revelry. Trying to live up to that expectation had caused Zak's death. Bill sighed. He'd been so focused on his failings with Lee he hadn't considered where he might have gone wrong with Zak. He stopped himself before he got any further. What he did or didn't do wrong with Zak was irrelevant; there was no way to rectify past mistakes now that Zak was gone. No point in wasting time wondering what those mistakes were. He tried to recapture his earlier feelings of nostalgia. He looked at another picture on his desk, this one of the boys at about the same age, but with Caroline smiling between them. How he longed to have those boys back.
Helo, Kara, Lee, and Tyrol alighted from the raptor and immediately set up a defensive parameter. When it appeared there was no immediate Cylon threat they indicated for the other members of the team to disembark. Commander Adama went first, followed by President Roslin, flanked by Billy and Elosha. Sharon, in chains, brought up the rear, along with her marine guard.

Laura Roslin was obviously moved by standing on the almost mythical world. "Kobol," she breathed. "We're really here."

"Remember Madam President, the scriptures warn that any return to Kobol carries a price," Elosha cautioned.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come here," Billy whispered.

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength," the priestess admonished.

Laura nodded. "We should pray for wisdom."

"We do not receive wisdom. We must discover it from experiences which no one else can have for us and from which no one else can spare us." Elosha declared.

Roslin considered those words and nodded. "Very well. What should we pray for then?"

"Guidance. Humility. Strength. Courage." Elosha replied and bowed her head. "Help us, lords of Kobol. Help your prophet Laura guide us to the path of righteousness. That we might...that we might destroy our enemies. Let us walk the path of righteousness and lift our faces unto your goodness. Help us turn away from the calls of the wicked and show us the knowledge of your certain salvation. We offer this prayer."

"So say we all," the others intoned, and then they set out along the path they had mapped out, with Sharon and Helo in the lead.

Bill wondered if the change of scenery might be an avenue to reach out to Lee. "Nice to breathe fresh air," he commented to his son as they walked.

"Sir. If you say so, sir." Lee responded flatly.

Bill frowned at even that innocuous remark being rebuffed, but didn't comment.

They walked for the better part of the day, struggling with the terrain and the underbrush. Billy had doubts whether Sharon would really help them. He wondered if they were being led into a Cylon trap. However, the President seemed to trust Sharon, and he trusted the President, so he kept his thoughts to himself.

"Eleven o'clock. Twenty degrees elevation. There's a formation of twin rocks up ahead," Sharon pointed out, gesturing as best she could with her wrists shackled.

"Yeah, I've got it," Helo responded.

"I think those are the Gates of Hera," Sharon explained.

"You think?" Kara wasn't very happy with the intel for this mission. Or rather, the lack thereof.

Sharon sighed, frustrated with everyone's distrust of her, although she knew why it existed. "I'm putting together a lot of pieces from a lot of sources beyond your scriptures. If I'm right, that's the spot where your god supposedly stood and watched Athena throw herself down o­nto the rocks below out of despair over the exodus of the thirteen tribes."

"Supposedly? I thought the Cylons believed in the gods," Billy let some of his doubt surface.

"Yeah, don't get her started," Kara retorted. "They believe in o­ne true god or something like that."

"And we don't worship false idols." Sharon snipped back.

"You were quick enough to come o­n this mission." Lee spoke up. "Lead us all to some tomb o­nly actually mentioned in our false scriptures."

Sharon wanted to roll her eyes but stopped herself. "We know more about your religion than you do. Athena's Tomb, whoever and whatever she really was, is probably up there. That part is true."

"Madam President, we won't make it up there before nightfall," Kara said.

"Let's go, see how far we get." Roslin was determined that this mission would succeed. It had to; it was her purpose in life.

As they hiked along, Kara couldn't help but notice Lee's strict military demeanor. Once when they'd stopped for a water break, she'd dared to approach him. "Hey, what'd you do? Eat the rule book for breakfast?"

She was rewarded with a glare worthy of the Old Man himself. Kara caught herself before she commented on that fact.

Lee distracted himself from his flash of anger at Kara by directing his gaze elsewhere. It fell upon Helo and Sharon, who were clearly enamored with each other.

"Gives me the creeps seeing him acting like that with her," Lee muttered, seeing that Kara noticed his staring.

"He loves her. And, yeah, he knows she's a machine. He doesn't care. He loves her anyway." Kara didn't trust Sharon, but she respected Helo's unconditional love for her. She wondered what it would be like to be loved like that, openly, despite what everyone else thought.

"Frak! How can o­ne of us get that roped in by o­ne of them? You know, we should keep an eye o­n him too." Lee didn't know Helo and wondered if his loyalty to his own people was stronger than his love for one of the enemy.

"Helo's a friend of mine, all right? He's o­ne of the good guys." Why did Lee have to be so frakking paranoid?

"Yeah? Sharon was a friend of yours too," Lee couldn't resist pointing out the obvious. Without thinking, he rubbed at one of the lacerations on his face, which was itching as it healed. It wasn't this version of Sharon he had to thank for it, but to him they were all the same. He didn't want to think about that, though. "Okay people, break time's over. Let's move!" Lee effectively ended their conversation and the team started hiking again.

Kara walked up beside the President. It was time to start planting the idea of a rescue mission. "So from what I could tell, the Cylons have a plan for Caprica. They're cleaning up the bodies, bringing in the heavy machinery to fix the infrastructure."

"I understand," Roslin nodded, not really wanting to think about what the Cylons were doing to their homeworlds.

Kara's enthusiasm prevented her from seeing the President's unease. "But they haven't killed everyone. There's a resistance movement," she announced triumphantly. "O­nce we find the tomb and get the map, I think our first order of business has to be planning a rescue mission back to Caprica," she finished, sure the president would pleased at the thought of adding to their numbers.

"Lieutenant, I hope you know how grateful I am for everything you've done and what you've risked, but right now I can't think about anything but finding that tomb. Thank you."

Kara was nonplussed. How could anyone not want to rescue the survivors? She thought all this physical activity was probably a bit much for the President who wasn't used to such exercise having a desk job, and so she couldn't concentrate on more than one thing at a time. She would bring the rescue mission up again later. She'd talk to the Commander about it as well. She was sure he would be in favor of it.

"The path is supposed to be marked by gravestones. There's something there," Elosha observed and moved closer to investigate.

"Wait!" Sharon shouted, but it was too late. The priestess had triggered a landmine and it exploded, throwing her into the air. They all dived for cover as debris rained down on them. When the smoke and dust cleared, Roslin struggled to her feet and hurried to Elosha's side. The woman was clearly dead. Roslin was overcome with the loss of one who served the gods with her life. One she had grown to depend on and confide in. She shakily reached for the holy book which had fallen into the mud and was now stained with Elosha's blood. She clasped the Book to her chest and tried to hold back her tears. Billy put an arm around her shoulders in silent support.

The others worked quickly to dig a shallow grave; it was the best they could do. The President managed to say a few words over her body. Then they continued on.

When they stopped again to rest, President Roslin noticed Captain Adama standing apart from the rest.

"Captain Apollo...Lee...are you all right?"

"Yes, of course." Lee was confused. Did she think he was injured or grieving? He hadn't been near the explosion when Elosha was killed, and although they were all diminished by the death of a human soul, he wasn't close to her, in fact he barely knew her.

"You seem to be avoiding your father." Laura quietly revealed the source of her concern.

Lee's face hardened. "If I have anything of importance to report to the Commander, then I will do so."

"Don't you think he'd like to talk to you about anything other than this mission?" She'd seen the look on Adama's face when he had tried to speak to Lee earlier.

"What would he possibly have to say to me? He thought I was a Cylon." Lee didn't mean to sound so bitter, but something about Laura Roslin caused him to let his guard down a bit.

Laura put her hand on Lee's. "I was there too, you know."

Lee nodded halfheartedly. "But you haven't known me all my life."

"No," Laura agreed. "But you weren't there when Baltar first showed us the results. Your father vehemently denied it was possible. Colonel Tigh and I convinced him that it must be true."

Lee looked up. Colonel Tigh didn't surprise him, but he'd always thought the President trusted him. "You?"

"None of us wanted to believe it, but there is was in black and white. Or rather red." She laughed nervously at her bad joke. "And I remembered Leoben saying 'Adama is a Cylon,' back when Kara interrogated him. All the pieces seemed to fit together." She fell silent for a moment. "We added two and two and came up with five. I'm so sorry, Lee." She increased the pressure on his hand as she expressed her regret.

Lee cast his eyes downward again. He didn't want her pity.

"It's not your fault," he said finally, and pulled his hand away from hers.

"No," Laura concurred. "It was the Cylon's fault. And I know it's been hard for you, but it's been hard for him too." She didn't need to say to whom she was referring.

Laura watched as Lee's expression grew cold and distant. She knew the conversation was over. She had to stop herself from commenting that he'd gotten that mannerism from his father.

"It's time for us to move on. I'll see you later, Madame President." Lee hoisted his pack onto his shoulders and walked away.

Laura shook her head as she watched him go. Lee was being so stubborn. She wished she could figure out a way to get the two of them talking again. They were trying to hurt each other but they were really just hurting themselves.

When dusk approached, they found a place to make camp for the night. They set up tents and built a small fire. They hoped it wouldn't attract the attention of any Cylons that might be in the area. Bill and Laura sat off to the side. Laura noticed Bill watching Lee, who was sitting by the fire with Kara. It saddened her that the two men seemed to be getting along even worse than usual. "Give him some time, Bill."

"Hmmm?" The commander had been lost in thought. Then he realized what the President meant. "Is it that obvious?"

"Only if you're paying attention." Laura smiled.

"So...you're ah, paying attention, huh?"

"It behooves me to know what's going on around me. It's part of my job, I think. Plus I care about you both. Lee seems pretty stuck on being the poster boy for military discipline," Laura smiled sadly. "Is he trying to make amends for disobeying a direct order from Colonel Tigh? Or is he angry with you about what happened afterwards?" Laura spoke cautiously. She had a feeling she was treading on very unstable ground.

"Lee told you about that?" Bill asked sharply.

"Lee's never said a word to me. About any of it," Laura replied softly. "In fact, I've barely talked to him at all since this whole mess started."

"Then how..." Adama trailed off as he followed the President's gaze...to Billy Keikaya. Of course. Dee had been there. She must have told Billy, and he doubted Billy kept anything from the President. He felt a moment of shame, thinking of Dualla discussing his loss of control with her boyfriend.

Unaware of the Commander's thoughts, Laura continued her foray into uncharted waters. "Bill, I've been spending a lot of time reading the scriptures lately. There's a passage that I think applies to you, to your situation. I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love."

Bill shook his head and looked away. "Lee doesn't seem to want my love," he finally responded.

"Oh yes he does," Laura replied with certainty. "He just doesn't want to admit it."

Adama regarded her silently for a few moments, and then returned his gaze to his son, a thoughtful look on his face.

By midmorning the next day, the team had come to the base of the Gates of Hera. There was what appeared to be the entrance to a tomb there. This was a surprise to some of them and a given fact to others. Kara removed the Arrow of Apollo from her quiver and began searching for a way to open the door with it.

"Stupid frakking thing couldn't come with a handbook? No, because that would just be too logical, wouldn't it?" Kara didn't attempt to hide her frustration when there was no apparent way to use the arrow to open the door.

"And the Arrow of Apollo will open the Tomb of Athena," Roslin quoted.

"Yeah, well, unless anyone sees a keyhole or whatever, then we're either in the wrong place or we're just perfectly screwed." Kara felt like hitting something. She went through hell to bring back this frakking arrow and now they couldn't figure out what to do with it.

Adama decided to take matters into his own hands. If the Arrow didn't open the door, they would do it themselves. "Okay, then why don't we just..." he began pushing on the door, but it wouldn't budge. "Helo, come here." Helo joined Lee and Kara with the Commander at the door. "On three. One... two...three."

They started pushing o­n the rock door. After a few moments it finally swung open.

"Oh, my gods," Roslin gasped in awe.

Lee gestured to Kara, "After you."

Adama looked back at the rest of the team. Laura and Billy had already entered, along with Lee and Kara. When Helo moved to follow them in, he stopped him.

"Helo, you stay out." Adama knew if Helo came in, Sharon would want to come as well. If they did find the map to Earth inside, the last thing he wanted was to have the Cylons learn its location.

"Yes, sir."

"Chief," Adama addressed Tyrol

"Sir?"

"Guard everybody." Someone needed to remain outside as a sentry, as they wouldn't want to be trapped inside by Cylons and he didn't know how far he trusted Sharon and Helo.

"Sir," Tyrol nodded, and turned a watchful eye to the others.

Adama joined the others inside.

"If the arrow didn't actually open the tomb, how do we know this is the right place?" Kara wondered.

"We don't," Adama acknowledged. "But this is a tomb all right."

"The scriptures say you need the arrow to find the map." Roslin couldn't figure out how just finding a random tomb was going to help them.

"These broken statues," Kara indicated the ruins around them. "I recognize them. The ram, Aerilon."

"This could be Picon, the fish," Billy noted.

Lee looked at another one. "I guess this little lady could be Virgon."

"The goat, Caprica," Kara identified another one.

"Sagittaron. The archer," Roslin breathed. An archer needed an arrow.

"He's missing something," Adama verbalized what Laura had recognized.

Kara carefully placed the Arrow of Apollo in the bow of the Archer. Then the door to the tomb closed and the room went black.

The next thing they knew, they found themselves standing in what appeared to be an open field. There were twelve monoliths in a circle. Each had gems set in a constellation pattern in the stone with the constellation in stars above the monolith.

"Uh... where the hell are we?" Billy asked.

"I don't know. Tomb of Athena, I think," Roslin replied.

"I thought we were already in the tomb." Adama stated.

"I think that was the lobby," Kara whispered

The President noted the designs on the stones. "Again the ancient symbols. These patterns were o­n the original flags of the 12 colonies back in the days when the colonies were called by their ancient names: Aries... Taurus... Gemini... Cancer... Leo... Libra... Virgo."

"The jewels match the constellations," Adama added.

"This is the map. This is the map to Earth," Lee realized.

"Maybe. So is Earth in o­ne of these constellations?" Adama wondered

Kara realized the truth. "We're standing o­n it. We're standing o­n Earth. The scriptures say that when the thirteenth tribe landed o­n Earth, they looked up into the heavens and they saw their twelve brothers."

Roslin realized Kara was right. "Earth is the place where you can look up in the sky and see the constellations of the twelve colonies."

"I don't know what good it's going to do us though. I mean, what are we supposed to do? Search the entire galaxy for o­ne particular star pattern?" Kara was frustrated that the map they'd worked so hard to find was not more specific.

"Sir. There in Scorpio. I've seen that before. It's the lagoon nebula, sir" Lee said.

"Astral body M8," Adama identified it by its official name. "That's a long way from here."

"But at least now we have a map and a direction," Roslin was very optimistic that they could make the journey.

They made their way back out of the tomb and rejoined the others. They had barely walked any distance when centurions began firing on them from above.

"Get back, get back, get back!" Kara shouted.

"Sharon, take cover!" Helo yelled as he grabbed his weapon.

The warriors spread out, taking cover and returning fire. One of the marines was killed. Helo and Lee each took out one of the centurions.

The centurions continued to advance, moving through the midst of the humans in an attempt to divide and conquer. Billy took Laura's arm as they rushed to shelter behind some trees while Kara and Helo provided cover, firing madly and taking out several of the Cylons. Chief Tyrol and several others were also holding their own near another stand of trees across the way. They all retreated further and further into the forest as the Cylons advanced on their positions. Soon they had become totally separated from each other.

Bill and Lee fought boldly against the Cylons, finally felling the last of those that pursued them. When they were sure it was safe, they holstered their weapons and looked around. They were alone. There was no trace of the others. They didn't want to call out to them in case there were still Cylons in the area.

Lee came to attention. "Sir! We are cut off from the others. What are your orders, Sir?"

"We'll head back to the raptor. The others should be doing the same. We should meet up with them along the way."

"Aye, Sir!" Lee saluted sharply and they headed through the forest, Lee taking point. He tried not to think about Kara. She was okay. She had to be okay. She was Starbuck. Of course she was okay.

After they had traveled for some distance they were both hot and tired. Lee stoppped and came to attention. "Sir! Permission to take five, Sir!"

Bill was grateful Lee had brought up the idea of taking a breather. He wasn't as young as he used to be but he didn't want to admit that he needed a break. However, the constant strict military discipline bit was starting to get on his nerves. He didn't run his ship like that even before the worlds ended. He could detect no trace of sarcasm or insincerity in his son's voice, but it seemed to him that Lee was doing it just to annoy him.

"Cut the crap, Lee. We're alone for the gods' sakes."

"Sir! I don't know what you mean, Sir."

Bill sighed. "Lee. You don't have to be so formal every frakking moment. And you know it. So just stop it."

"Sir! Is that an order, Sir?"

"Yes! It's an order!" Bill was tired of this whole situation. Yes, he'd screwed up. Yes, he had to live with it. But living with it and having it thrown in your face all the time are two different things. In total frustration he growled, "What do you want, Lee? What do want me to do?"

Lee inhaled deeply and walked a few steps away. "What do I want? You really want to know what I want? I'll tell you what I want!" He turned to face his father as he spoke tersely, his voice getting louder with each word. "I want you to come to my tenth birthday party! I want you to take me hiking in the Caprican national forest! I want you to teach me to drive a car! I want..." His voice broke and he turned away again and finished his statement in a shaky whisper. "I want you to be there when I'm promoted to Captain." Lee couldn't continue. He had told himself that he hadn't wanted his father there then; he'd made himself believe it. But it wasn't true. He hadn't even realized it until now. But he'd wanted his father there.

Bill had never felt so helpless. When he'd asked Lee what he wanted, he'd been willing to do whatever it was his son had asked. Anything at all. But Lee had asked the impossible. No one could change the past.

Neither of them had any idea what to do next. Lee had never meant to reveal so much to his father. In fact, he hadn't meant to reveal it to himself. He was shocked that those things mattered to him. What difference did it make now anyway? He knew what he wanted was not possible. He didn't even realize that he wanted it at all. And now that he knew, it made him angry. Angry for wanting it and angry that he could never have it. He walked a few steps further away and took some deep breaths, trying to regain some modicum of control.

Bill had suspected that Lee was bitter about more than Zak's death when he'd first come aboard Galactica, but he hadn't had any idea that Lee resented his absence during his childhood to this degree. He'd always thought his sons understood. He was a warrior. He was fighting for their safety, their freedom, their future. A lot of good it did, he thought in disgust. Zak is dead and what kind of future does Lee have?

The sound of gunfire interrupted their thoughts and both men instinctively assumed defensive positions and returned fire. Lee counted three centurions, but that didn't mean there weren't more. When one of them fell, Lee looked over towards his father, intending to compliment him on his kill. No less that he'd have done for anyone else.

All Lee saw was blood. One moment Commander Adama had been there, then there was just...blood. "DAD!" he screamed in horror and finished off the two remaining Cylons in a burst of fury, firing wildly without cover. Then he ran to his father's side, fearing he was already dead. There was so much blood. It looked like his whole head was covered in it and it was all over his tunic as well. Lee gathered his father into his arms, crying. He cradled his father's body in his arms, mindless of the blood, holding his father's head against his chest and pressing his cheek against his father's hair. "Oh gods, Dad," he sobbed, "Dad."

Credits:

Viper specs: Wikipedia

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength." Anonymous

"We do not receive wisdom. We must discover it from experiences which no one else can have for us and from which no one else can spare us." Marcel Proust, French Author

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love." Mother Theresa

Some text taken from the episode "Home" written by Ron Moore and David Eick