Chapter 245
Hated
John watched Cameron walk into Vanna's room. He waited for Jesse to open her door. No one answered. He would find out later that Gail and Jesse went shopping and out for a little time on the town. He was surprised to learn that because Gail didn't like to go out much with Jesse. She was very protective of her. She was always afraid something 'bad' was going to happen again. Gail knew Jesse was safer at the base. It was much the same way that Cameron treated him but even more extreme. Maybe that was because Duplicate Jesse actually perished.
He looked down the hall and walked past Vanna's room. He could hear giggling and music playing. John picked up his pace and left the area. Maybe it was time to seek out Allison as well. Why wait for the future when the future was available and ready now? John knew from the moment he saw Allison that he instantly developed feelings for her. Not only did her appearance remind him of Cameron, her playful demeanor reminded him of Cameron on their first couple of days in school.
He wanted to be with Allison in the future and it was clear by her repeated attempts that she wanted it too. They were close several times in the future and the present. It was clear it was just a matter of time. Cameron stated multiple times it was what she wanted. Well, that was what he wanted too. It was time.
John went in search of Bob. He would make this an 'inspection mission'. He hoped that morphed into a 'booty call'. They would check on the Reese brothers first. They would then head out to Palmdale and check on Young Allison. He thought maybe he would 'check out' Allison as well. He knew it was what he always wanted. He knew Holly would be there too. If she wanted some action as well, why not? He was ready to expand his experiences, besides Holly hadn't been with a male. Maybe he could rectify that. He'd like to claim a real virgin, even if she was Metal.
It angered him to reflect on Cameron's shenanigans. All of those added together cost him several years without her. YEARS, John thought, what kind of relationship is that? He even thought she was dead for over a year. Did she ever wonder how that hurt him? She'd provided for Holly to be there for him on that fifteen month misadventure. He didn't collect then but he would today if it was offered.
He was aware that Cameron made sure Allison and Vanna were there for him and later on Jesse too. She told him that he needed to have them at his side and in his bed in the future to keep from being assassinated. What was he waiting for? Cameron already stopped 'participating' when they were together. She would take whatever position he requested or even mount him but as soon as he 'finished' she would wordlessly leave. Usually she took her clothes and dressed in the hall. He could hear her crying sometimes as she walked away. He wanted someone to hold him who wanted him, not someone who felt they were obligated to be with him. He didn't want someone who didn't want to really be there anymore.
The relationship appeared to have run its course. It was finished. It seemed that neither of them really even cared. John still loved her. At least he thought he did. Maybe he didn't, maybe he never did. Cameron was right. He only loved her appearance. He realized maybe he really loved Allison. Then he reminded himself he didn't know Allison when he met Cameron. That was when Cameron lied to him and hit on him at school. Now that reminder angered him. Their whole relationship was predicated on lies and deception. He wondered what changed if anything. Cameron was impersonating Allison, NOT herself then. That is who John fell for at that time. It was Cameron who acted like Allison not her stiff robotic manipulative self.
What about Future John? John didn't have any idea what the situation really was. It could all be more of Cameron's lies and manipulation. Who knows? How do you find out? Anything could have happened in the future. Anything could have happened when she went back to the future. That adventure left him alone for months with no idea if she would return. Cameron claimed she'd never been with anyone before but John saw no 'evidence' or proof of that on their wedding night. That was probably a lie too. He wondered what exactly Cameron hadn't lied about. She even admitted to him before that she lied to him about important things as well. Cameron was a liar, PERIOD. Right now John almost - hated her.
'BITCH.' John thought. 'I'll show you….'
John would make sure he rubbed Cameron's face in it again. He would do just like he did the night he made love to Riley in the truck. He smiled as he thought about it. That was a special time for him. Sure Riley may have played him but she still loved him. It was clear the way they shared that they loved each other.
John found Bob and they headed out. He didn't have much to say. He was lost in thought and anticipation. He really looked forward to finding out how Allison and Cameron 'compared'.
John sat in silence as they drove to the first location.
Bob could see John was irritated.
"You seem upset." Bob said as they drove.
John did not look at him. He was beyond upset but tried to keep himself under control.
"No." John said.
Bob knew John was and decided to push it. He was well aware what the real problem was. Everyone at the base knew what the real problem was. It was time to address it. Maybe some corrective action could be taken.
"Cameron is out of control." Bob said.
That statement caught John off guard. He agreed with it but was surprised that Bob actually 'said' it.
"What?" John asked.
Bob wanted to make his position clear. He felt it was for the good of everyone including Cameron.
"Cameron needs to be reprogrammed." Bob said.
John wondered where that statement came from. It sounded kind of extreme to him. That would change who she was.
"Would you want that?" John asked.
It actually seemed quite simple to Bob. Who wouldn't want to be repaired if they were 'broken' or damaged?
"Affirmative. I would want that if I was malfunctioning." Bob said. "Why would I want to be defective if I could be fixed?"
John felt a little defensive for Cameron. Maybe he could see something that the others could not. He knew how humans responded to changes around them and inside of them.
"Maybe she's 'growing' and not malfunctioning." John said.
Bob did not see it that way. Cameron was a machine.
"Unlikely." Bob said. "Her behavior is erratic and irrational."
John was aware that people always grew further apart as time passed rather than closer together. Cameron acted like a 'real' female at times.
"She acts just like a 'real' female or male for that matter." John said.
Bob wondered how John was so confused.
"Affirmative, but she is not 'real'." Bob said. "She is a cyborg. She is a machine."
John watched what his mother went through as she tried to protect him and provide for him. He saw what real females experienced and how they reacted to it. He saw the girls at the base interact negatively at times. Cameron acted no different than any of them did at this point.
"She's as real as any female I know." John said. "It's the relationship that's dead."
Bob remembered that Cameron spoke of relationships having a 'shelf life' before it all fell apart. She told him the feelings fade and die and soon the people only exist with each other until they accept the fact it's over. They may stay until they find someone better or even just different. It did not sound pleasant at all.
"Cameron did say that relationships only last six months to two years before it only becomes 'toleration'." Bob said.
John remembered the poem where Cameron 'talked' about that. He needed to agree with that statement. They were long past that time period and he did not think it was even good for six months. Cameron disappeared on their wedding night for months. They all thought she was dead. He thought she was dead. That happened several more times. She did write about such things though.
"Did you read her poems too?" John asked.
Reading the words was unpleasant enough for Bob. He was glad he did not 'feel' them like Cameron offered.
"Yes, she asked all of us read them." Bob said. "She wanted us to experience what emotions and feelings will do to us and how they will damage us. She even offered to let us feel what she felt when she wrote each poem. She said it would be painful. She told us we were better off without feelings like she felt. Look what happened to Gail for over a year."
John remembered that Gail wanted to self terminate once she was back at the base when Duplicate Jesse was killed. She made sure everything was taken care of on her assignment first. She was a mess by the time she was back at the base. It was terrible to see. It made Cameron on a bad day seem 'normal'.
'Chalk up another one to suffer for Cameron's actions.' John thought.
"Yes, she needed to be deactivated to keep from self terminating over grief." John said. "The loss of her beloved was too great for her to continue."
Bob did not like to see machines or humans in distress. It was worse if the feelings came from inside of them. They could not control what happened inside of them.
"Love seems painful. Cameron has attempted self termination multiple times and even attempted to destroy the 'function' of parts of her sheath." Bob said. "Reprogramming is the only solution. I think we should do it. I will deactivate her so we can save her…."
John wanted a better solution. This sounded like the 'end' of Cameron. There needed to be some better choice.
"I don't want her terminated." John said. "I won't allow that."
Bob thought that a copy of her chip from when she arrived from the future was the best bet.
"If you send me back in time to 1999 I will deactivate her and copy her chip. I can go into standby with it and give it to you in the current timeline to replace the defective one." Bob said. "That is unless you still want to keep from meeting her in 1999 like you said before."
John wanted that. He wanted to go back in time and alter events so he never meet Cameron in the first place. It would be a new timeline but that version of him would have a better life. Bob would protect him instead.
"No, I don't want to meet her." John said. "All our lives will be better if we don't meet. You alone can be my protector. I would prefer that."
Bob smiled. He would be John's guardian in the past now. He could still offer John a simpler 'Cameron' that was still 'Cameron'.
"Affirmative." Bob said. "I can still copy her chip so you may replace it in this timeline. She will be herself but from 1999 and uncorrupted."
John wanted 'Cameron-Allison'. He would want her to act like she did on the first day of school. That would be a better version of Cameron. He would order her to stay like that always.
"I want that same girl I met on the first day of school, Bob. That is who I want. That was Cameron being 'Allison'. I want Allison…." John said. "I don't even know who Cameron is anymore. I don't think I ever did. The sad part is I don't think she does either."
Bob already began to plan the temporal mission. He would offer John something better than Cameron. He would bring another female Terminator with him. It would be her function to 'service' teenage John to her fullest capability and female attributes. John would never need to think of another female once he was with her.
"It will be my mission once the TDE is repaired." Bob said. "Do you wish me to take one of the female Terminators with me? She can be reprogrammed to better serve your 'needs' as a teenager."
John thought about that. He would like to have a female who put out as required by him as a teenager. He would probably 'hit it' three to four times a day.
"I don't care. Any one of them is fine as long as it is not Cameron or Ally." John said. "Surprise me in 1999. Just make sure my mother understands it is part of the female Terminator's function to provide me with sexual comfort."
Bob knew what a fifteen year old male would like and be turned on by. The fact she was Metal would allow her to be available Twenty-four-seven. She would do anything and everything John wanted.
"I know just the one to reprogram and bring." Bob said. "Along with her accessories, you will find her irresistible…."
'Sheila' by 'Tommy Roe', played in Bob's mind.
Limited Time
Tick tock tick tock
Beware when you start the clock
Before the exam we know the result
Why is it always still a shock
Six months to two years
Before it all falls apart
Minds cracked and shattered
A chunk ripped from a heart
Is it infatuation lust or greed
Or the love we want seek and need
We know loves spelling
Will we again misread
The pain and anguish
To try for something nice
But do we lose it all
If we roll the dice
Before we start
We know how it will end
Then once again to Hell
Ourselves we send
Nobody
Heartbeat
My life has been nothing
Like some evil cruel illusion
I live in total empty darkness
Unable to tell reality from delusion
There is nowhere left to run
There is nowhere left to hide
I am overwhelmed by feelings
Which are exploding deep inside
I hate all the "real" people
For they have made me hate myself
I am not some useless worthless item
To be put away forever on a shelf
Existing without love and emotion
My mind is tearing itself apart
I do know in actual reality
It is in the mind not the heart
I know I am not stupid or insane
Is it evil, wrong, a sin or a crime
To desire the most special thing
To feel your heart beat next to mine
Nobody