freaks (part one)
Kurenai

In the grey light of dawn I met Team 8 at our usual meeting place, a small circular clearing in the forest near our training ground. I had gotten out my vest jacket. Usually it's a little too cumbersome for me, but right now in the chill of dawn I was thankful for the extra weight of the dusky green fabric. It smelled like musty closet, though. Should have washed it.

"Good morning, team," I greeted them, with a nod to each one.

Kiba and Hinata were seated on a fallen log. Hinata looked a bit sleepy yet, but she appeared to be trying to make an effort for the mission. Despite her milky eyes periodically attempting to droop closed against her will, the girl sat up straight, hands folded tightly in her lap. Akamaru was nestled in the front of Kiba's jacket. The small dog was still dozing. Kiba, his head framed by the shaggy mane of his hood, seemed itching to get going. Either that or the fleas were biting today. Shino stood beside Hinata, stock-still and silent. If anything, Shino definitely is a master of the art of remaining perfectly still. He simply nodded when he saw me. His mouth gave away no hint as to the expression hidden behind his dark glasses.

"We're here," Kiba announced, plaintive voice a little too loud for the distance between us-- as usual. "Will you tell us what our mission is now?"

"Of course," I said, keeping my tone smooth. I produced a leather messenger's bag from my pack and showed it to the three. "For our first C-rank mission, we are going to deliver this to the Leaf outpost in Matsuya."

Shino raised an eyebrow. "Matsuya."

"Um, sensei," Hinata raised her hand. "I-isn't Matsuya kind of…"

"Like days away!" Kiba spat. "You told us to pack light!" Opening one eye, Akamaru peeked out from Kiba's coat and barked.

"Two to three days, actually, depending on the weather," I informed them as I put our cargo away for safekeeping.

"Then why…?" Hinata began, and then trailed off, puzzled. "I didn't pack rations…."

Shino inclined his head ever so slightly to the left. "Sensei. You seem to have some reason for not giving more information."

"You're right, Shino, I do." I folded my arms and looked sternly at them. "Listen up, you three. This is your first real mission as adults."

There was silence, even from Akamaru. "This is your first mission in which you will leave the village." I paused, looking out at the dawn on the horizon. "For this mission, you are going to do everything yourselves. I won't be helping you."

Hinata made a small, unintelligible sound of surprise.

"What?" Kiba exclaimed, almost jumping out of his seat. "But you're the TEACHER!"

Shino's eyebrows merely scowled a bit, in scrutiny of what I was getting at.

"You three will have to distribute tasks amongst yourselves. In real life we don't always have the option to pack everything we want. So I have compressed bedrolls, a map, compass, and first-aid in this bag, here," I announced, gesturing to the standard-issue backpack which lay at my feet. "You will hold the map and the compass. You will find all of your own food. You will decide when we stop and where. I'll be there to protect you, and I'll follow your leads. But you will lead the mission and get us to our destination. Not me."

"Up until now," I continued, "You three have picked up trash. You've found lost pets. We cleared paths, we dug a ditch. You had to learn to work together, learn each other. You were safe, performing safe tasks. But now, now the real work begins."

My gaze traveled to the direction in which I knew the stadium lie, unseen in the distance. "You three won't get anywhere in the Chuunin Exams by doing chores. And you won't get anywhere by following my orders all the time. This mission is about…" I turned back to them and trained my eyes on each one in turn. Shino, Hinata, Kiba. My precious students, my first students ever. "…Survival."

Hinata's hand covered her mouth. Shino twitched. Kiba crossed his arms, and huffed. "Survival is fine. We know what to do if you get lost in the woods, Teach. I mean, give us some credit, here."

"I don't just mean that kind of survival, Kiba," I told him, resting my hands on my hips. "I mean survival together."

"Oh! I get it," Kiba laughed and jerked his thumb in Shino's direction. "You mean like how I'm gonna survive with Freaky Bug Freak here, right?"

Shino scowled through his coat collar at Kiba. "Would you care to repeat that?"

"Heh! Oh come on, don't act like you've never heard that one before. I know about what everyone calls you," Kiba jeered, looking up at Shino over Hinata's sleek head. "Bug Freak. Cockroach Boy."

Shino said nothing but his stance became wider, ready for attack if need be. "Kiba," I began, in a warning tone.

Kiba ignored me and kept right on talking. He folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, with an air of superiority. "Man, when I found out what team I was assigned to, I just didn't know what to think. Me, on a team with two freaks."

Hinata blinked, shocked. "Kiba-kun!"

"Well, sorry, Hinata," the boy backtracked, showing a trace of apology, "But your eyes do make you look pretty weird. They're creepy. At first, I thought you were blind or somethin'."

Hinata looked down at her toes, her shoulders slumped. Shino moved a step closer, removing his fists from his pockets. I heard him mutter in reply, "She sees more than you do, you imbecile."

"Shut up, Buggy Bug. Bug Freak." Kiba snapped.

I found it highly ironic that my little werewolf was calling other people names. "Kiba," I broke in, trying to hide any amusement I was feeling, "the fact of the matter is, you're all freaks."

Kiba, still turned to face Shino, darted his eyes towards me. "I am not!"

Hinata's mouth had dropped open, her gaze reproachful.

"Kiba. You've got claws. You howl. You transform. You're a freak." I inclined my head towards him. "That's why I chose you. I wanted you." I paused to unfold my arms and stuff my hands in my pockets. "Because I'm a freak, too."

At that point-- perhaps in retaliation-- Kiba snickered something that sounded an awful lot like, "…yeah, only teacher with boobs."

I turned on him quick as a flash. "Yeah, I am the only teacher with boobs. Do you have a problem with that?" I snapped.

"No! No, not at all." The dog-boy cowered under my gaze. If he had a tail, it would have definitely been tucked between his legs. "Your boobs are okay with me. I mean! It's okay that you have them. They're nice and all. Er--"

At this point Hinata's eyes were wide in surprise, as though she were having trouble believing the conversation was taking place. I could understand her confusion, I suppose. Weren't these things normally supposed to be kept hush-hush? Shino, however, slid his hands back into his pockets and took a seat on the log beside Hinata. He leaned forward as though mildly interested in where the conversation was going. I suppose it was amusing, yeah.

"It's okay, Kiba." I offered, graciously allowing him off the hook--this time anyway. "I'm glad it's all right with you." I had scared him enough, I guessed. But I've got to admit it was difficult to suppress the urge to tease him a bit about the blush that was beginning to rise to his cheeks. Perhaps I am developing a sense of humor these days. Maybe it's being around these three that's doing it?

Relieved of the burden of having to make some sense out of his feelings about teachers with boobs, the boy (and the puppy in his jacket) grinned sheepishly up at me. "A-Actually, sensei…" he admitted, scratching Akamaru's head, "your eyes are pretty freaky."

"Think so?" I asked, now relaxing near them on the ground.

"I think they're beautiful," Hinata murmured, gazing up at me. The dismay in her expression at the earlier comments had been repaired and now she seemed like she was comfortable again."They suit you."

I gave her a nod. "Thanks."

"But why it is that you say that you wanted us? It sounds as though there was a specific reason for the choice." Shino spoke up. Hinata looked from her bespectacled teammate to me and nodded, wanting an answer.

"Because," I told him, "You three are strange and unique. You are the dark horses of your graduating class, the unknown variables. Not many people really know or understand what you are capable of. Because of your bloodlines and families, you three each have a special gift. You have very specific skills that none of the others have. If you hone them, and learn how to use them together, I believe you will become an unstoppable team."

They looked at each other, wondering about what I was saying. I thought of the first day they had shown me what they could do on the training field. I remembered looking from a swarm of writhing kikai bugs devouring one training dummy, to another ripped and maimed with feral claws, and the last marked where a human's vital points would be, burned with bursts of cold chakra with a surgeon's precision. My god, I remember thinking to myself, astonished, gleeful. They're killing machines.

I continued, recalling that pride I had in them from the start. These are the kids I chose. The kids I would give my life for, the kids I would wager everything I had on. They are the ones who will succeed. "No one else has what you three have. There are going to be people who don't understand you, or are afraid of you. But you can learn to use that to your advantage." I paused and smiled slowly, relishing the thought of what they might be able to do in the Forest of Death. "Your clans have developed your family's skills to help them survive, through the years. Now you must learn how to use them to help each other survive."

I moved forward, closing the distance between us. We are alike, you and I. "That's just what freaks like us have to do."

"Sensei." Hinata said quietly, solemn. Her hands folded and unfolded in her lap.

"Yes, Hinata?" I answered.

"I think I understand, what you mean." She looked from Kiba and Akamaru, to Shino and then to me. "B-but, can we—"

"Hell yeah we can," Kiba blurted out, beating the air with a fist. "We're gonna kick major ass! Just you wait!"

Hinata's lips spread, hope crossing her wan features. She turned to Shino and he tilted his head as in agreement.

"But," Hinata continued, turning back to me. "I never thought of you as… as…"

"A freak?" I chuckled inwardly at her hesitation to use the word. "Well, most of the name calling stopped over time."

"Probably cause of the boobs," Kiba added. He had to duck right after that as my kunai went whizzing past his ear.

"Actually," I went on as if nothing had just happened, "I just kept studying hard and working hard, and I learned to overcome it. Eventually it didn't bother me anymore."

"Tell us more about it someday," Hinata requested, her colorless eyes eager.

"If you want, I guess." I agreed, pressing my lips together in thought. "One day."

Shino seemed pleased, and decided to take the opportunity to ask a question. "Your family… is an offshoot of Uchiha and Hyuuga, is it not?"

I nodded assent. "Yes. Somewhere way, way back." A rueful smile played at my lips. "Far back enough that we're not important."

"Then that explains your talent for genjutsu," Shino observed. "It's very unusual."

"So your eyes, can you do freaky stuff with them?" Kiba wanted to know. "Like mess with people's minds? Can you fry my brain?"

I looked at him and widened my eyes, feeling the pupils dilate. "Would you like to know?" I asked, lowering my voice a bit for eerie effect.

"N-n-no, that's okay," Kiba stammered, waving his hands in refusal.

I felt a dark smile tug at the corners of my mouth. "Too bad."

By sunset of our first day out of Konoha, we had made excellent progress. We were about halfway to Matsuya, our destination. Matsuya is a small village in which Leaf maintains an outpost, hidden in the mountains on the northern border of the Fire Country. From the high vantage point it is easy to monitor activity on the borders where Fire Country meets with Grass, Rain, and Waterfall Villages' territories, and beyond that, Earth Country. I was looking forward to arriving and delivering our message safely-- and enjoying a rest at one of the village's cozy inns. I thanked the Third Hokage mentally for the substantial allowance he had given us for lodging.

The kids had followed along with admirable speed. The feeling of flying through the treetops seemed to agree well with them. I felt pleased that they enjoyed it like I did. In the lead, Kiba and Akamaru were in high spirits, non-stop yips and hollers. Hinata quietly took in the scenery, her arms extending from her sides like timid wings. Shino said nothing as we traveled, nor did he make any sound, but from him you could feel an electric sort of sensation. I believed the boy was actually enjoying himself.

The two boys took turns carrying the pack. I could have done it but I felt they needed work on pacing themselves. As the day wore on I was interested to note that Shino showed signs of tiring first. He was now in the rear position, trailing Hinata by a long leap or two. Hinata was behind me. She was breathing in short audible gasps, yet she kept pace despite this. Akamaru's tail began to droop as the sun began to set. When we arrived at the crossing of a small creek, the dog came to a halt. He barked something to his master. Kiba nodded as if he could understand the small dog.

"Okay, we stop for the day now. I'm hungry," Kiba commanded, and he let himself fall through the green leaves below, dropping to earth. Akamaru whined and followed. Kiba had taken over the role of leader quickly, as was obvious. He hadn't quite gotten the part about consulting the other team members yet though. He had completely forgotten to take rest breaks or check the pace of the other members. Communication was definitely going to require some work with these three.

I nodded and motioned to Hinata and Shino, who halted as they reached my position. "W-wha-t is it?" Hinata panted.

"Kiba has decided we should rest for now," I informed them. Shino gave a slight nod, then leapt down from branch to branch. Hinata took a bit longer, carefully picking her way downward.

"Come ON guys," Kiba yelled up to us from far below, insistent. "I said we're stopping! Hinata, hurry it up, we ain't got all day."

"S-sorry," was the girl's reply.

I was amused. Kiba was following my orders eagerly. Perhaps, I noted with a rueful smile, a little too eagerly. I guessed I would leave them to finding some food for the time being while I scouted the area.

I leapt up to the treetops, finding a perch on the tallest tree I could find, and scanned the surroundings. The air was light and crisp, and any sound would be easily heard if there were anything in the area. I saw nothing to be wary of. Simply the soft, cloudy green treetops, and the sound of the nearby stream. The sun was melting into a golden sunset, the color of butterscotch. I sat down on the tree's limb and leaned against the trunk.

There were days long ago when all I knew to do was climb a tree and hide.

Some people wish that they could go back to their childhood. I never do. I couldn't wait to get out of it. I don't understand that sentiment. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Who knows?

I always felt left out. The other kids were interested in different things than I was. They liked to run around and play dumb ball games and make as much noise as possible. I liked quiet. I liked to read and study. When I knew more than them in class, it built animosity between us. When I passed the point of just knowing more than them and began to be impatient for them to catch up, things got even worse. I had no idea how to deal with them, how to relate. So I hid from it all.

I hated being a kid. I hated being told that I was just a child. I hated that adults had different rules than kids. I hated being told my people that I should go out and play when I knew there was so much about the world that I had yet to learn. I hated my classmates and their slowness to grasp new concepts. If they would just hurry up and get it, we could move on already! I hated their complaining and I hated the way they liked acting like babies. I especially despised their inane, relentless teasing of anyone who was different, even in a small way.

I didn't have it the worst, of course, but I did get teased about my eyes a bit. I was quiet and didn't like to talk much, which led to more teasing. I never knew what to say when they pestered me. I never knew what they wanted me to say. I spent a lot of time afraid of being talked to. It didn't help when I developed faster than the other girls my age either. The girls acted like they hated me and the boys harassed me. I was alone most of the time. Lots of books, lots of stuffed animals. Not many friends.

I looked forward to a magical day in which I would be an adult and no longer a gawky teenager with plastic reading glasses and boobs that seemed out of place on my body because of my small height. I believed that on that day, my problems would all go away and life would be easy and normal. I was sure that if only I was an adult, it would be easy to find friends whom I had something in common with.

And here I am, just as alone at 27 as I was at 10. I guess I never learned, huh?

Breaking my thoughts, a flock of wild geese passed overhead in their v-shaped formation. Their calls sounded lonely, mournful. I wrapped my vest closer around myself. The air was starting to get chilly. I wondered what was going on back at the village. I figured it was exactly the same as always. There was no one at home to miss me.

When my father had been away on missions everything felt dead. It was like a breath held, held inside until you were sure he would come back safe and alive. Until his shadow appeared, walking on the path towards our house, no one could rest. But when he raised his head and waved to us… everyone let that breath go, and it was all normal again.

I had always figured it must have been hard for him to fully perform his duties on missions knowing that he had a wife and kids waiting for him at home. I always felt like it made no sense to marry and start a family in such a high-risk career.

On the other hand… perhaps it was nice to know there was someone waiting for him to come home? Someone to miss, while you were away.

The familiar image of Kakashi standing before his old friend's grave came to mind. A shot from behind, the lines under that one exposed eye so tired. I also thought of Gai and his energy, and his brilliant smile. His habit of training at dawn. Long before anyone else is even coherent he's wide awake and facing the day with gusto. I thought of Anko, guzzling down beer and eating all the food in sight, all the while keeping the conversation rapid and the insults sharp.

Who did they miss? Who missed them?

I remembered Asuma from Friday night, and his horrible hand of poker cards. All mixed up: two, five, seven, three, and the Queen of Hearts on top, like one queen was going to do him any good. He had looked so puzzled, shuffling them around as if he might magically be able to make something useful out of them by changing the order. It was kind of… well, I don't know. Funny. Endearing?

At least I had thought so for a moment. And then he had gone and—

"SENSEI!" Kiba bellowed from below, cutting my reverie short. "Dinner!"

I shook my head. Best to put aside those thoughts for now. It was time to enjoy work. I slipped down through the trees with my pack, relishing the sensation of falling. The twist in my stomach as I dropped through the air, the rise of adrenaline, that tiny taste of fear and the unknown made me feel excited, awake. Green needles grazed my arms as I descended, their scent tickling my nose. A familiar smell, the smell of how many winters before… I liked it. I've always liked the smell of trees.

Below, Kiba was tending a fire at which five or six trout were roasting, suspended on sticks. Shino was studying the map, engrossed in thought. Hinata was busy trying to keep Akamaru away from the roasting fish. They all looked up when I alighted nearby.

"How are we doing?" I asked. "I see you've found food all right." The fish looked nicely toasted. The smell was pretty appealing after the day's long journey. Beside the fire were a pile of ration bars and some nuts and berries it looked like the kids had collected. "Looks good."

"It's ready, I think," Hinata ventured, checking the color of the fish.

"It was ready when we caught it," Kiba grumped, helping himself to two fish. "This way it just took longer."

Akamaru barked and leapt away from Hinata, joyfully wagging not just his tail, but his entire behind. The puppy pounced on the ground around his master, front paws dancing.

"Sit down," Kiba ordered. "Siiiit. Good." He waved a fish around a bit to cool it, then broke off some of the meat for the small white dog. "Okay, eat up."

Shino nibbled at his fish. To do so he had to undo his jacket collar, and he seemed kind of shy of doing so. It made me feel inwardly amused to see his face and some evidence of emotion. He's a good-looking boy, you know. If the next few years are kind to him, he'll be beating off the girls with a stick-- Konoha girls like the silent type. But for now he's just a kid with unruly, uncontrollable hair, skinny legs and a voice that seems too deep for his years. Sometimes—possibly because of the stern upbringing he's come from, or possibly because of the fact that he hosts a colony of lives that depend on him, it's easy to forget that Shino is still a kid.

Shino looked up and noticed me watching him. I wanted to ask the boy how he was feeling, but wasn't sure how to. He returned my gaze, then cocked his head to the side and nodded to me. I supposed that was his way of saying he would be all right. Somehow Shino often seems aware of what I'm thinking even without spoken words.

Hinata was watching Shino as well. Pearly eyes traced the boy's features, taking in every detail. I wondered, watching her, what Hinata sees when she looks at us. Her muted eyes reflected nothing, not even the firelight. Shino's condition after today's journey was worrying her, I could see. The girl's expression showed a trace of concern, but she did not give voice to her thoughts.

Hinata is going to be a good mother someday, I thought, noticing how she was wise enough not to point out that the boy seemed flagged. It would just bother him if she mentioned it, and she knew this. I like Hinata because she has that kind of insight.

Kiba was chewing on a fishbone, the tail dangling at the end like a tiny flag. He leaned back against a tree and let out a satisfied burp. This earned him a bespectacled glare from Shino but he did not notice nor care. This is a child one hundred percent free of the burden of worrying about others' unspoken thoughts and attitudes. He laughed at nothing, tilted his head back to gaze up at the sky. Akamaru, belly full, stumbled over to his master's lap. Without dropping his eyes from the sky, the boy reached down to scoop the puppy up and cradle him in a fold of down jacket.

It was quiet except for the crackling of the campfire. Kiba stroked the little dog absently, his eyes far away and dreamy. It's easy to think Kiba is just a trash-talking punk, all teeth and claws. That is, until you see him rocking his puppy to sleep. The stars twinkled down from the sky, and I thought I saw the boy smiling back at them. He hummed a little tune to himself, twirling the fishbone in his teeth.

I smiled softly and nodded to Kiba. "He's a good dog," I said, keeping my voice low so as not to disturb Akamaru.

Kiba rested his chin on the small dog's smooth head, arms wrapped around his body. His voice was faraway. "He's the best."

Hinata was collecting the fishbones and ration bar wrappers into a small pile. "He worked hard today. A-and you too, Kiba-kun. And Shino-kun," she added, ever careful to keep the balance even between her teammates.

Kiba petted Akamaru. "Yeah," was all the boy said in reply.

I took out the bedrolls I had packed for us, releasing the air seal until they expanded into sleeping bags. "Why don't we get some sleep soon," I suggested, rummaging around for my sweater in my bag. "Make sure you do your stretches before bed or you'll be sore tomorrow..."

Warm sweatshirt on, hood up, teeth brushed, I was ready for some rest. I arranged myself at the foot of the big pine tree, pulling my sleeping bag up over my head to keep warm. What happened next, I was totally unprepared for in all my years of studying, though.

I felt weight rest against my left side. Startled, I pulled the sleeping bag away from my face to see just what was going on. Beside me, Hinata was wrapped in her sleeping bag as I was, huddling close to me. Kiba plopped himself down on my right side, and did the same. There were two kids cuddling me-- me!-- for warmth. Why? Was this usual behavior among their age group? To be perfectly honest, I was frozen to the spot. It was such a strange feeling. I found myself thinking of the first time I had held a baby for some reason. All I could do was blink in surprise at the sensation of their warmth and weight resting against me.

I sat there staring up at the moon, unsure what to say. Nearby the water of the creek gurgled and chattered away. The wind blew, chilling now that the campfire had been extinguished. The needles of the trees above whispered with a lonely sound. Someone sniffed and Akamaru let out a long whine.

"Hey." Kiba spoke out all of a sudden, disrupting the forest sounds. "Hey, Bug Freak."

Thus addressed, Shino made no response. The shift of a sleeping bag was audible from somewhere a few meters away.

"Buggy Bug."

More silence.

"Freaky Bu-"

I let the Inuzuka have some of my elbow. "That's enough, Kiba. Stop it."

"Why're you all the way over there?" the chastised dog-boy asked aloud.

I heard Shino clear his throat. "I'm fine... here, actually," came his reply, his voice thick. I had actually been wondering, too-- but I figured it wasn't really my place to ask. Perhaps Shino's teammates understood something I didn't.

"Shino-kun," Hinata's feathery voice echoed in the small clearing. "Come be by us."

Kiba was less gentle. "Get your ass over here already! It's gonna get cold and we need you, bugs or no bugs."

There was no answer. "Shino-kun? Please?" Hinata repeated her request.

"Don't make me come over there," warned Kiba, who was already starting to unzip his sleeping bag anyway.

And thus Aburame Shino was persuaded-- with the help of a shove or two from Kiba-- to join us for the night's rest. The four of us huddled close together, our heads hooded by sleeping bags. I couldn't see their faces in the dark. It felt peaceful though, being together like this. Akamaru made happy little puppy grunts. I could feel Kiba fidgeting, hear Hinata sigh happily as we settled together. Shino made no sound but as he rested against us, I got the impression that perhaps he was feeling a mix of things he didn't want to address. He did not speak, just zipped his bag closed and his head was hidden inside. I have to admit, I'm quite curious about what goes through that boy's mind.

"Hinata. Teach." Kiba whispered presently, too loud. "You warm enough?"

"Uh-huh," came a yawn from Hinata's direction.

I couldn't help feeling a little amused at his question. "I'm fine, Kiba, thanks."

"'Kay. Just makin' sure. You know." He wiggled closer in our direction.

"Goodnight, Kiba."

"'Night, sensei."

Author's Notes

In response to "Theif of the Sand"'s comment: I'm not sure where you read that Kurenai and Asuma were friends since childhood or that Kurenai likes roses, the Naruto manga or info books don't say anything about that. Perhaps you read this in an rp, a webpage, or another fanfic? Both could be true but I'm going only on what the manga tells me. They're the same age and graduated in the same year from the academy but after that their years for becoming chuunin and jounin are very different, and no more info is given. Anyway, for this story I'm writing from the standpoint that they didn't know each other well-- there are a lot of nameless chuunin and jounin adults, they grew up in wartime and I'm assuming the population used to be much bigger (because a lot of people died apparently, and the current population of Konoha, which is pretty large, is what's left after war & kyuubi's havoc-wreaking).