Chapter 263

Sad Part

John tried to find out where Cameron put the warheads, he was unsuccessful. Cameron always knew what everyone was doing, before they even did themselves it seemed. She really was 'everywhere'. He wanted them back in the hands of the government so they could be properly disposed of.

Cameron made it clear to John Henry that Skynet could intercept the warheads from the government before they were deactivated and destroyed. She knew if she kept control of them, they were secure. She assured him if they were used, it would be done 'responsibly'.

That concept didn't leave anyone with a feeling of comfort. It only spoke of death and destruction.

John Henry wondered what that meant. Did that mean that maybe only a million were killed instead of ten million? How could it end well?

He did not want to argue the point with John.

"I am still worried about the nukes." John said. "Millions could be killed with them."

John Henry wanted to remind John of their size.

"They are relatively small and have a low yield." John Henry said. "The destruction will not be widespread."

John pointed out they were still lethal.

"They can still kill millions outright and more through radiation poisoning for years to come." John said. "It depends where they're detonated at. Some cities are more compact and crowded."

John Henry was worried about them too. He hoped they would be used underground again the same way that Duplicate Cameron used hers. There was no guarantee.

"I will not argue that point." John Henry said.

John wondered if he could draw Cameron closer to him. He wanted to make her see that their bond was so much more than they were sharing now. There was so much more they could share. Maybe it was the limitation between human love and machine love. The real emotional connection was limited. It was not lost on him that things were much more vibrant around the human females, maybe his mother excepted.

"I need to get Cameron back." John said. "I know she loves me but her quest to 'protect' me and destroy Skynet consumes her."

John Henry felt that Cameron's problems were caused by straying from her mission. She made it personal instead of a job.

"That is her function. That is why she was sent." John Henry said. "That is all she should have done. Things would have been simpler than they are."

John was aware that Cameron was programmed to expand her 'feelings' to be a better infiltration unit. It would allow her to blend in better. The trouble was she did not know how to process all those feelings and control them.

"It's because she's 'expanded' beyond that, that it will terminate her." John said. "It's killing her inside. Love will be the death of her…."

"Everyone sacrifices for John Connor." John Henry said.

John hung his head and shook it from side to side. He slowly raised it and looked at John Henry.

"I didn't need to hear that." John said.

John Henry thought that John did.

"It's the sad truth." John Henry said.

"I am afraid it is." John said. "It's something I hate."

John wondered how many lives he'd destroyed. He hated the man he would become in the future. If it was Cameron's 'job' to change that, he didn't think it was successful.

He wondered how screwed up Future John must be if he already felt this way at this early point in his life now. He wondered how much of that blame for Future John fell on Cameron's shoulders. Maybe she was really a deep plant by Skynet. No, that wasn't it. Cameron was devoted to destroying Skynet. Why did everything need to be so complicated?

The problems with Allison and Vanna deeply troubled Cameron. Holly pointed out it was her actions that split the girls up by separating them. She'd spoken with Allison already. Now it was time to speak to Vanna. She waited for her hand to stop glitching before she approached Vanna.

Cameron walked up to Vanna.

Vanna as always, was thrilled to see and be with Cameron. Cameron was her 'everything'. They shared some small talk before Cameron hit on the real reason she was there.

Cameron was here on serious business. She got right to the point.

"I want to know how to fix this?" Cameron asked. "I'm talking about Allison and you."

Vanna drew in a long breath and held it for a while before she let it out slowly.

"There is no fixing it." Vanna said. "We've drifted too far apart."

Cameron could see the look of love in Vanna's eyes. It was clear the girls were deeply in love still.

"But you two love each other." Cameron said. "I know you both do."

Vanna didn't know how to make Cameron fully understand. There needed to be more than the emotion and feelings. There needed to be something real. There needed to be a physical connection.

"I'll always love Allison. She's my true love." Vanna said. "I also NEED to have someone to hold and touch, Cameron. I NEED someone to hold and touch me back. I can't be lonely anymore."

Vanna wanted to tell Cameron she was different than her but she wondered if Cameron really was that much different anymore. Cameron seemed to have evolved greatly.

Cameron felt more than responsible for all of this. She wanted to try and explain her actions. She felt they were important too.

"Allison is trying to learn to be a good mother." Cameron said. "She's trying to improve herself."

Vanna was a little worked up right now as she thought about everything. Maybe she should point out a few things that bothered her.

"Just because you THINK you don't need to be here for John doesn't mean the rest of us feel that way about the ones we love." Vanna said.

Vanna was instantly sorry she said that but she knew her words were true. She could defend them if she needed to.

Cameron looked down and away from Vanna.

Cameron thought of her long periods of time when she was separated from John. Vanna's words 'slapped' her. She knew she was not a good 'wife', let alone a good 'person'. She believed she was protecting John and protecting the future. It was her function. Why couldn't everyone understand? It all took a lot of work and time. She needed to regenerate after being damaged. There were so many things involved. There were temporal errors and nuclear explosions….

"I know I am a failure." Cameron said. "I'm trying to do what is logical for everyone. It seems that I am a victim of my creation as well as a villain."

Vanna wanted to explain love as she saw and felt it. She did understand Cameron was 'limited' by circumstances surrounding it all. She could see that Cameron never understood how much she'd hurt John over the years. That angered her too.

"Love is about sharing. It is about being there for each other, for EVERYTHING." Vanna said. "You are LUCKY John has waited for you through all the HELL you've put him through. You don't deserve him."

Vanna let her anger seep out as she took a jab at Cameron.

Cameron was shocked. Vanna was right, she wasn't 'good enough' for John. She tried to get the girls closer to him to 'help' him out in her absences. It just never seemed to work out. Vanna was lonely and she wasn't 'good enough' for John herself. Perhaps there was a solution right in front of her.

"Do you want him?" Cameron asked. "We can share him or I will relinquish him to you."

This was another source of irritation for Vanna. It was created by more of Cameron's meddling.

"We ALL want him. You've made us ALL want him and YOU." Vanna said. "You have controlled and manipulated everyone."

Cameron didn't feel that she'd manipulate anyone. She only tried to guide them in the proper direction. They seemed confused at times, like now. She wanted to make John and Vanna happy.

"I want you to have him, Vanna." Cameron said. "You're right that he does deserve better than me. I'm no good. I'm 'not good enough'. I'm Nobody…."

If Cameron would have worn her wedding ring right now, she would have taken it off and placed it on Vanna's finger.

Vanna did not like how Cameron simplified some things and complexified others. She understood that was her nature.

"Cameron, that's not how any of THIS works." Vanna said. "People can't turn on and off their emotions or firewall their feelings. Our feelings are there all the time. They do dull and fade over time but it still takes time. We feel everything until then. Those same feeling can come back up at any time."

Cameron could only see herself as a failure. How else could it be viewed? She wasn't helping anyone or protecting them. She was torturing them.

"I'm hurting the people I love without trying or even knowing I am." Cameron said. "I don't know how to fix any of this."

Vanna saw Cameron was about to break down. Her left hand began to glitch.

"That is how it is for all of us." Vanna said. "Things happen and things go wrong. That's the story of life. Nothing can ever really be controlled."

Cameron felt she tried hard to better people's lives.

"I ruin everything no matter how I try to make it 'better'." Cameron said.

Vanna could see the distress that Cameron was being swallowed by. The glitch was worse and much more intense now. She did not want Cameron to have a meltdown.

"Cameron, you need to relax and unwind. You're about to malfunction if you don't calm down immediately." Vanna said.

Vanna moved in to hug Cameron to calm her and reassure her. She loved Cameron dearly.

Cameron felt guilt and remorse. She knew how John made her feel at times and what she felt on her own. It was how she made everyone else feel too. It wasn't on purpose.

"I'm sorry Vanna for hurting you and ruining your relationship. It wasn't my intent." Cameron said. "I was trying to 'help'."

Cameron started to cry now and soon Vanna joined her in tears.

Vanna held Cameron and Cameron held her. Vanna knew she wanted Cameron and not anyone else. No matter how bad Cameron hurt people, they all loved her more. She loved Cameron more than anything.

Holly tried to make Allison understand that she NEEDED Vanna.

"Holly, you know I love you right?" Allison asked.

Holly was aware Allison's love was more widespread than she'd anticipated.

"Yes, I know you do. I also know you love Cameron, Vanna and Jesse as well." Holly said.

Allison did not see any of those as a problem. There were different types of love and love to different degrees. It was not black or white as in lights on and lights off.

"I can't help it." Allison said. "Cameron makes EVERYONE love her. I know you love her as well."

Holly was unsure what to say. She did love Cameron. Her relationship with Allison was based on her love for Cameron. Allison was the means to achieve a physical relationship with 'Cameron' through Allison as a surrogate. Cameron even steered her to do that. Now she was ashamed of herself for having used Allison that way. NOW she really did love Allison, as Allison. Maybe that is what Cameron knew would happen all along and really tried to help her. It was all very confusing.

"I do." Holly replied. "I also understand your long term relationship with Vanna. I accept that and have never tried to alter or interfere with it."

Allison blamed circumstances for the problems. To have Holly close at hand made it unnecessary to seek out Vanna. Holly was right at her fingertips and could soothe and comfort her instantly. Holly would do anything she asked and she always provided a finish. She was never sick or tired. She was available twenty four seven. There was never an argument or harsh words. A Metal lover made the perfect lover as long as they were there.

"I know, Holly. With you HERE it's too easy not to see Vanna. I love everything about you and being with you." Allison said. "I don't know what to do."

Holly felt an extra special attachment to Allison since she was her first and only lover. She'd never sought another.

"Allison, you know I have only ever been with you." Holly said.

Allison always wondered when Holly would stray but she never did. That said something.

"I do." Allison said. "That really means a lot to me."

Holly knew sacrifice was the true test of love. She was ready to test herself.

"I'm devoted to you, Allison." Holly said. "I will do whatever you ask of me or tell me to do. Love is about sacrifice. If I must be sacrificed for your TRUE love, then I am willing to sacrifice myself for your happiness, because I love YOU and want YOU to be happy. Your happiness means more to me than my happiness."

Allison did not want to hurt Holly like that. She feared it would lead to self termination or chip extraction. She simply could not 'throw away' Holly like a piece of trash. She would rather die first.

"I can't do that to you. I won't do that to you." Allison said. "I don't know what to do. I really don't."

Claire sat in the other room and 'overheard' the conversation. It broke her heart to hear her daughter so torn and lost. Life was about choices and Allison was going to have to make some hard ones. The sad part was that she didn't have any advice to offer her. The choices needed to be Allison's alone. It was her life. It was her future.

'Louie, Louie' by 'The Kingsmen', drifted through Claire's mind.

Sad Part

Two in the beginning
Wonder where to start
Will what they find be sweet
Or turn rancid, foul and tart

To the one they care for
Their love they do impart
Blinded by their feelings
Do they act foolish or smart

As they become captivated
Will Cupid shoot love's dart
If they are fortunate and lucky
It will hit their love's heart

Will the life together that they paint
Be a masterpiece and work of art
Or will it erode, crumble and fall
As they sadly tear themselves apart

It seems a happy ending
May not be on the chart
Soon one will stray and depart
One alone again is the sad part

Nobody