Title: The Adventures of ATM and the UPS Guy
Author: Kaykyaka
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: K+
Characters: Lita, Trish Stratus (not married in this story), Melina, DX, Edge, Nitro, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Randy Orton.
Summary: A woman's face is turned permanently red by make-up, an iPod makes a man lose his hearing and ATM is on the case!
Six - Nightmare Revisited
Vince's office, Titan Towers:
"Okay one more time, why were the five of you beating the Holy Hell out of Randy Orton on a public street in the middle of the day right outside WWE Headquarters?" Vince asked incredulously.
"He said I was gay!" Shelton Benjamin replied.
"He said I had female hips!" Johnny Nitro said.
"The guy just bugs me," Edge said with a shrug and Vince felt like he was the Principal of a very bad school.
"And now I come to the worst kids in the class," he said strutting over to DX who were looking up at the ceiling pretending not to see him, "This is the second time in half-an-hour that you have been in this room, can you tell me what Randy Orton did that deserved a five-man pounding?"
"He spat in my face!" Hunter replied.
"He screwed me out of a victory at Unforgiven!" Shawn replied.
"That was years ago!" Vince said.
"Oh you mean lately," Hunter answered, "yeah I agree with Edge the guy just bugs me,"
"He's been a lot to take recently," Shawn said.
"He hasn't been in my office twice in one day!" Vince replied.
"You guys were here before?" Nitro asked DX.
"Didn't you see the news this morning? We were all over it," Hunter replied boastfully and Shawn cleared his throat to indicate that he shouldn't brag about it in front of the boss.
"Oh the UPS thing, good thing Lita handled all those packages huh?" Nitro said and Shelton made a subtle shushing noise at him while DX made the 'cut it' sign with their hands.
"That's my girl, can't keep her hands to herself," Edge said and Vince gave him a pitiful look.
"Look guys as contrary as it may seem I actually want our public perception to be a good one, at least until I decide otherwise," Vince said to Edge, Shelton and Nitro, "Don't be like these guys," he said pointing to DX who pretended to be hurt by his comments, "don't think that you can do whatever you want whenever you want because that won't do more than piss me off!"
Shelton, Edge and Nitro gulped as Vince's voice raised incredibly high real fast.
"Now I don't know what's going on with Randy Orton but just don't let the entire world know that you hate his guts okay? I mean we're supposed to be a family," Vince said his voice taking on a softer cheerier tone, "so start acting like it!" he said firmly the softer cheerier tone disappearing and Edge, Shelton and Nitro nodded apprehensively, "Okay, dismissed," he said and the three RAW Superstars turned to leave. "As for you two," Vince said turning to DX, "Let this be the last time I see you today,"
Shawn and Hunter nodded," We feel the same way," Hunter said and Vince went scarlet.
"GET OUT!" he yelled and Shawn and Hunter ran out of the office and right into Edge, Shelton and Nitro who were standing outside the door.
"Man that was close," Shawn said.
"Yeah, my Cerebral Cense is telling me that Vince is gonna work out that something's going on with Lita very soon if we keep referring to her 'handling of packages'," Hunter said looking at Nitro who was looking at the ground sheepishly.
"Yeah Nitro," Shelton added hitting the IC Champ around the head, "you nearly blew her cover,"
"I'm sorry I just think what she did was really cool," Nitro said in his own defense, "Edge you're a very lucky man,"
"Yeah but now Vince is gonna think she's really a whore and then he'll start looking down on me!" Edge said and the four men just looked at him blankly and Edge rephrased the comment, "Not that I care about what he thinks about me personally or who I go out with," he said looking at his Italian loafers.
"Oh please your politicking is about as subtle as Nitro's cologne," Hunter said.
"Hey Melina likes it!" Nitro hit back.
"Hey guys can we focus on what we're doing up here in the first place?" Shawn said making the 'time-out' signal with his hands.
"Orton," Nitro said.
"Where do you think they took him?" Hunter asked.
"Somewhere nearby, somewhere where they could pray over him and cast out any demons without any media attention," Shawn answered, "Somewhere where it went downhill for all of us,"
Edge, Shelton and Nitro went pale looking at Shawn's uneasy expression it was clear that they all had the same answer.
"Where?" Hunter asked clueless then his cell-phone rang, "Hello? Oh hey Steph,"
"Tell her we're on our way," Shawn said as he walked reluctantly with Edge, Shelton and Nitro to the elevator.
"But I thought we were gonna find Orton?" Hunter said confused.
"Trust me," Shawn replied nervously, "we're going to the right place,"
Hunter frowned at him confused, "Yeah honey? Okay. Bye," he said to Stephanie and hung up.
"What did she say?" Shawn asked.
"Don't bring Shawn," Hunter answered puzzled then he remembered what happened the last time Shawn was over his place, "Maybe you should go home Shawnie," he said suddenly, "I don't think Steph ready to deal with this stuff with us and Orton again,"
HBK nodded, "You're right, tell Steph I understand, call me later," he said as they exited the building. The other guys watched as Shawn hailed a taxi all by himself and looked as Hunter followed the moving vehicle with HBK alone inside.
"Tell Rebecca I said Happy Birthday!" Hunter said as the taxi turned the corner and drove out of sight.
"Steph still freaked out about the whole possession thing?" Shelton asked as the guys came over to him.
"Stephanie said that Trish got a message from the Holy Spirit that Shawn should go home but not to tell him that because he would worry," Hunter answered and the guys looked at him curiously as his eyes narrowed in concern, "Only problem is, now I'm worried," he said, all things Orton seeming incredibly irrelevant all of a sudden.
Steph and Hunter's place in Connecticut:
Edge, Shelton and Nitro stepped into Hunter and Steph's place apprehensively sticking to each other like ladybirds trying to keep warm in the winter.
"Guys the house is warmer on the inside," Hunter said sarcastically as the three men tentatively approached the doorstep. Once inside Hunter closed the door with a deliberate bang to see if they would jump and they did. He started to laugh only to stop after Stephanie got hold of him and slapped him around the head.
" Aurora's asleep!" she said angrily then she turned to Edge, Shelton and Nitro and turned her sour frown into a sweet smile, "They're in here fellas," she said pointing to the living room. Edge walked in first, looking for traces of broken glass and furniture but there was none only the sight of three women gathered around a sleeping Randy Orton in the middle of the room. Shelton and Nitro spotted Carlito reading by himself in the corner and decided to go join him.
"What's going on?" Shelton asked him.
"Nothing," Carlito replied absently, "just another Orton exorcism,"
Shelton and Nitro looked at each other in shock.
"You serious, again?" Nitro asked amazed.
"It's not an exorcism it's a cleansing to free up any of Orton's spirit that may have been possessed by that demon spirit that possessed Shawn after Lita cast it out," Stephanie said coming over to them, "he was denying anything was wrong right up until he got here right Carlito?"
"Right," Carlito replied back indifferently.
"It wasn't until he started to remember what happened to him here that he began to freak out, the poor kid was terrified. Lita says that the Devil's after his soul," Stephanie explained and Shelton and Nitro's eyes widened in shock, "did you guys know that he was having nightmares about what happened? About his bones breaking and him not being able to breathe?" she asked and Nitro and Shelton shook their heads.
"So that's why he's been acting so weird lately," Shelton said.
"Yeah we thought he was just being his usual jerky self," Nitro explained.
Stephanie folded her arms and shook her head looking over at Orton, "That kid hasn't been himself for a long time," she said concerned for the young Superstar and Carlito turned the page of his magazine apathetically.
"Poor Randy Orton," he said sarcastically and Shelton frowned at the insolent apple-biter while Nitro went over to ATM with Stephanie.
"How is he?" Stephanie asked quietly as Lita, Trish and Melina lifted him onto the couch.
"At peace," Lita replied pulling the Tallit right up to his chin covering his upper body completely, "as long as he stays under there, so no touchie okay Carlito?" she said to the moody Carib in the sofa chair.
"Yeah, yeah," Carlito said annoyed.
"Trish I think your boyfriend needs another kissing session," Lita said playfully but then changed her tone when she saw the serious expression on Trish's face, "What is it?" she asked putting her hand on Trish's shoulder.
"There's a cursed package that wasn't destroyed in the implosion," Trish said.
"Is that what you meant by not getting the job done?" Melina asked.
"Yeah and it's already been delivered," Trish said.
"What's the matter with you?" Shelton said to Carlito who didn't seem to care about what was going on around him.
"Nothing," Carlito replied.
"Yeah you can lie to me but I know there's one person you can't lie to," Shelton said getting up and heading towards Trish.
" Shelton don't bother her," Carlito said reaching out and stopping Shelton.
"You're upset about something and you shouldn't have to sit there in silence when you've got a girlfriend like that," Shelton said adamantly, "someone who can help you on a spiritual level,"
"No Shelton it's because I've got a girlfriend like that that I have to sit here in silence and let her do her job," Carlito responded and looked down sadly for a moment before looking back up, "she can't look after the world and look after me at the same-time, I just have to accept that but it's not easy, I miss her so much,"
Shelton looked at Carlito compassionately understanding what he meant.
"That's why you have to tell her Li, saying the truth out loud is ten times more powerful then keeping it all to yourself," Shelton reasoned. Carlito nodded and put down the magazine.
"Maybe you're right," he said getting up about to approach Trish when the blond suddenly went white and everybody looked at her concerned.
"It's the UPS guy," she said, "He's a murderer,"
Carlito shook his head and looked over at Shelton Benjamin.
"Then again maybe you're not," he said holding his girlfriend's hand disappointed that they couldn't be on a beach in Florida rather than in a haunted house in Connecticut with a murderer.
In the kitchen:
Hunter and Edge came down from checking on Aurora to see the portly delivery guy sitting at the kitchen table eating a huge sandwich. Edge frowned at Hunter pointing towards the strange man.
"Is this the guy?" he asked quietly and Hunter nodded.
"Yep, that's the UPS guy," Hunter replied, "Let's go talk to him," he said bringing Edge over to the table. The UPS guy looked up at them as they came over.
"Hey Triple H, Rated R, how you guys doing?" he asked pleasantly.
"Not as good as you," Hunter replied sitting down next to the man, "look at you you're really enjoying that sandwich aren't you?"
"Sure am, it will hold me down until dinner," he said and Hunter raised his eyebrow in surprise at the man, "you're staying for dinner?" he asked.
"Sure, Miss McMahon said it would be nice to get to know the fans better," he replied.
"UPS delivery guys?" Edge asked cynically.
"We can't all be the product of Vince McMahon's semen Edge," Hunter admonished the Rated R Superstar.
"I bet you get a lot of orders for the WWE Title replica belt," Edge said lightening his tone.
"Yeah for the John Cena spinner belt, not that piece o' crap you came up with last month," the UPS guy replied bluntly and Hunter chuckled.
"I think you're gonna fit right in here," he said patting the UPS guy on the shoulder, "we've got a little business to take care of, enjoy your sandwich we'll be back later," Hunter said getting up and motioning an offended Edge towards the door of the kitchen.
"Okay we got him, he's not suspicious so when the police get here we'll just let them take care of everything," Hunter said to Edge quietly as they moved out the door.
"What are we gonna tell them, that he's possessed? We got no proof that he killed anyone," Edge argued back.
"Got a little demon problem?" the UPS guy asked and Hunter and Edge looked at each other not sure what to say, "It's alright I don't expect you to say anything, I mean I wouldn't want the world to know that I had a demon in my house," he said, "Although I can't imagine what the media would think if they knew the business that was going on in Stephanie McMahon's home, or what Vince would do to you if he knew I was even here,"
"It's your word against ours that you were even here," Hunter replied evenly.
"Oh but I was there when Carlito spat in my face, I was there when you guys and your friends jumped Randy Orton and I was there when a cute little Mexican girl gave me a package to deliver to the wife of The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels," the UPS guy answered and Hunter's throat dried up.
"What did you say?" he said threateningly and Edge held him still thinking the last thing they needed was another murderer in the house.
"Shawn Michaels ordered a special necklace for his wife's birthday from a Mexican jewelers in San Antonio and I delivered it to her yesterday, you know, before you decided to come down and visit us lowly assembly line workers and delivery guys," he said begrudgingly picking a piece of bread out of his tooth.
"What did you do to it?" Hunter asked his rage increasing.
"What do you think I did to it?" the UPS guy answered, "I cursed it. I don't like Mexicans, or their jewelry," he got to his feet and walked over to The Game, "this piece was exceptional even for their standards, a gorgeous Chimallis choker," he peered into Hunter's eyes menacingly, "Now what kind of damage do you think a choker could do to a woman's neck?" he asked malevolently.
"You're not gonna get away with this you bastard!" Hunter said pulling out his cell-phone and dialing Shawn's number then Stephanie flew into the kitchen and grabbed him frantically.
"It's Shawn something's happened to Rebecca!" she yelled and the UPS guy laughed. Hunter punched him in the face knocking him out cold. Stephanie gasped, "Come on Hunter!" she said pulling Hunter away from the man.
"I'm glad Carlito spat in your face!" Edge cried and the three of them ran into the living room where Lita was on the phone with a hysterical HBK.