Title: The Adventures of ATM and the UPS Guy

Author: Kaykyaka

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: K+

Characters: Lita, Trish Stratus (not married in this story), Melina, DX, Edge, Nitro, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Randy Orton.

Summary: A woman's face is turned permanently red by make-up, an iPod makes a man lose his hearing and ATM is on the case!

Eight – While You Were Sleeping

St. Louis, Missouri – 12:01am:

The audience was going wild, Randy had just become the youngest ever World Heavyweight Champion.

"Congratulations Randy," said Vince McMahon as Orton got backstage.

"Thank you Mr. McMahon," Orton said beaming like a kid in a candy store.

"Now I know you wanted to marry Stephanie and become my son-in-law, but since she slept with Triple H she is obviously damaged goods," Vince said and Randy nodded his head.

"It's such a shame, she's a lost cause now Sir," Orton said pitifully.

"Well you should know that I've FIRED Evolution and hired a new WWE Superstar to take their place," Vince said and he stepped to the side to reveal Melina.

"Wow!" Orton said as the WWE Diva sashayed over to him and stroked his belt.

"I love your belt Mr. Orton," she gushed totally enamored with the Legend Killer.

Randy Orton smiled ravenously, "What else do you like?"

Melina bit her bottom lip sensuously and stroked his chest, "I love your chest Mr. Orton," she said seductively. Randy pulled her towards him exposing the curve of her neck to his lips.

"I wanna be the only man in your life," he said and Melina grabbed his hair and parted her lips.

"You are the only man in my life Mr. Orton," she said breathing heavily.

"Let me just make sure," Randy said and RKO'd Nitro who fell to the ground and didn't get up. Melina grabbed Randy Orton's arm and raised it above his head.

"You are the Champions of Champions, I love you Randy Orton," she said and Orton smirked and pulled Melina into a long kiss.

Orton opened his eyes smiling into his pillow as the phone rang.

"Hello?" he said still smiling.

"Hi Randy its Melina,"

Orton cocked an eyebrow, "Melina. I was just thinking about you,"

"Me too," Melina said twirling her finger around a strand of her hair, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay,"

"I'm great thanks to you," Randy said.

"You looked a lot better when you woke up," Melina said.

"That's because the first thing I saw when I woke up was your face, your angelic face," Randy said remembering seeing his reflection in Melina's brown eyes when he awoke at Stephanie's house, "and even though I was looking at myself you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen,"

"Oh Randy," she said smiling, "I'm glad you're back to your old self, if you start having nightmares again just give me a call okay? We don't want anything bad to happen to you ever again,"

"Nothing ever will as long as I'm with you Melina," Randy said sincerely.

Melina frowned, "Erm, okay. See you at Carlito's tomorrow, God bless you Randy," she said and hung up the phone.

"Goodnight my angel," Randy said to a dial tone and put the phone back on the hook.

"Now to make the transition from dream to reality," he said cunningly and turned to the other side of the bed pulling the covers over himself, "I will have you Melina," he said amorously, "it is your destiny to be with the Legend Killer," A few seconds later he was asleep and dreaming about Melina over and over again.

Carlito's place, Boca Vista, Florida – 1:07am:

Carlito's phone rang and the former IC Champ growled so Trish reached over him and answered the phone before he started cursing in Spanish.

"Hello?"

"Trish?" asked a gravely voice.

Trish cocked her eyebrow, "Who is this?" she asked intrigued.

"It's Shawn, Shawn Michaels," HBK said introducing himself properly, "couldn't you recognize my voice?" he asked surprised.

"No it's so deep and gravely," Trish said flirtatiously.

"It's always deep and gravely," Shawn replied.

"You wanna talk to me about your wife right?" Trish said.

"Yeah how'd you know that?" Shawn asked.

"Because I'm the Truth: Trish Stratus, talk to me baby how can I help you?" she said and Carlito's eyes shot open at the use of the word 'baby'.

"Don't you know what I'm gonna say already?" Shawn asked.

"Sure sure, but I need you to unburden yourself, you are talking to a Heavenly worker you know and we're all about confession, go," Trish replied.

HBK took a deep breath and pulled his loose hair out of his face, "How come I couldn't break the necklace from around my wife's neck?"

"Well let me ask you a question Shawn; are you in love with anyone else?" Trish asked.

"No, but Hunter thinks that I'm in love with Lita," Shawn said crouching over his bedside.

"Why does he think that?" Trish asked.

"Because he thinks it would make a great storyline on RAW, and Maria the store clerk at . . . you know all this Trish," Shawn asked getting flustered.

"Sorry Shawn I just love the sound of your voice," Trish said smiling while Carlito now had both eyes and ears open as they spoke on the phone, "but Hunter's right it would be a good storyline, just not for the right reasons,"

"Did God say that?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah," Trish answered.

"Yes!" Shawn cried quietly glad that he and God were still on the same page, "But I still don't understand why I couldn't break the choker from around my wife's neck,"

"Well let me ask you something Shawn, what was the first thought that went through your head when you saw your wife wearing the choker?" Trish asked him sitting up.

Shawn got up and walked quietly out of his bedroom, "I thought she looked beautiful I chose it especially for her," he said.

"Okay what was the second thought that went through your head?" Trish asked.

Shawn bit his bottom lip guiltily, "That it would look better on Lita," he said and his face collapsed into a portrait of despair, "Oh my God I killed my wife I killed my wife!" he cried.

"Shawn what are you talking about?" Trish said.

"I was thinking about Lita when I should have been thinking about Rebecca this is all my fault, Trips was right I am a murderer!" Shawn wailed hysterically.

"Hunter never said you were a murderer," Trish said.

"No I'm saying I'm a murderer, for murdering the sacred vow between my wife and me with extramarital thoughts," Shawn said disturbed by the whole situation.

"Shawn thinking about Lita doesn't mean you're in love with her, it just means she was on your mind. That coupled with the fact that the choker was cursed gave the Devil enough room to play havoc with your wife," Trish explained.

"But if I wasn't thinking about Lita I would have been able to break the choker from around her neck," Shawn said.

"Woulda, coulda, shoulda Shawn," Trish said shaking her head.

"Yes, I woulda saved my wife's life, I coulda saved my wife's life and I shoulda saved my wife's life, but I didn't my son had to instead because his Father is a no good sonofabitch!" Shawn cried really working himself into a state outside his bedroom door.

"That Catholic guilt is gonna kill you," Trish said trying to lighten the mood.

"I should never have looked at her that time back in June," he said continuing to beat himself up.

"What you gonna do, ignore her?" Trish asked incredulous, "Shawn you can't ignore Lita she's a human being. What you need to do is spend more time with her,"

"No, no, no, this was a warning straight from Heaven, I told her we could be friends and my wife nearly dies, nah-uh no, it's over no more Shawn being friends with Lita, I'm a married man it can't work this is a sign from God that it can't work," Shawn rationalized.

"Shawn, if it was a sign from God don't you think I would know?" Trish said.

Shawn went silent.

"Okay then," Trish said taking his silence as an agreement, "first of all calm down, second of all listen to me. I am telling you that you are not responsible for what happened to your wife today okay?"

Shawn nodded, "Okay," he said.

"Good, now I am also telling you that there is nothing wrong with thinking about Lita, it's no different then thinking about me or Melina – do you think about me by the way?" she asked off subject twirling her hair around her fingers suggestively.

Shawn rolled his eyes, "Trish," he said unimpressed.

"Alright alright it's just your loyalty to your wife is very sexy however misplaced which is why I want you to listen to me very carefully now," Trish said seriously.

"Okay go ahead," Shawn said.

"I want you to spend more time with Lita," Trish said and held the phone away from her ear as Shawn went into one basically reprising his argument from the past five minutes, "Shawn I thought you were going to listen to me?"

"I thought you were gonna tell me to pray or something," Shawn said.

"You already do pray you could stand to read a couple more Scriptures though, like 2 Corinthians 10:4," Trish said.

""For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God,"?" Shawn answered.

"Yeah that's what you're doing by separating yourself from Lita, you think you know God better than me and I am speaking on God's behalf. You're a people person Shawn don't make Lita different from anyone else in the locker room, that's why your imagination takes over and you condemn yourself for wanting to get to know a woman other than your wife," Trish said.

"You're right," Shawn said.

"Of course I'm right, I'm-"

"The Truth: Trish Stratus got you," Shawn said with a little smile, "I see things more clearly now I have been condemning myself instead of being myself,"

"That's right, so all you have to do is get to know Lita and your imagination will cease to run wild," Trish said confidently.

Shawn smiled broadly feeling a lot better, "Thank you Trish, El dios le bendice/God bless you," Shawn said.

"Y usted también Shawn/And you too Shawn," Trish answered and hung up the phone.

She turned and looked at Carlito who was looking up at the ceiling with both eyes wide open with his hands clasped behind his head.

"It's a little late at night to be introspective isn't it honey?" Trish asked playfully. Carlito gave her a half smile.

"I've been waiting all night to have you to myself, and even when the moon is up and half the country is asleep you're on the phone trying to help someone," he said, "it's just an observation I mean no disrespect, quite the opposite actually I find myself wondering how awesome you are compared to how you used to be. Then again I guess you always were awesome, God just decided to make you special in a more spiritual way, which means you should have a special boyfriend to go with it,"

Carlito sat up in the bed and looked over at Trish who was completely focused on him and he smiled, her look making him forget what he was gonna say.

"You know that's the first time I've seen you look at me like that all day, with your eyes totally focused on me," he said and shook his head admonishing himself. Trish turned his face towards her own.

"I have not taken my eyes off of you the entire time we've been together," she said sincerely.

Carlito nodded smiling, "And that makes me feel good because I know you cannot tell a lie, but neither can I so here goes," Carlito took Trish's hand in his own and looked deep into her eyes, "No puedo ser su novio más/I can't be your boyfriend anymore,"

Trish took a long look at Carlito before replying, "Mentiroso/Liar," she answered and Carlito shook his head.

"No Trish I'm telling you the truth I need you too much. I can't go a minute if your hands aren't on me, if you don't say my name if you don't put your head on mine. I love you so much it rips my heart out when I think that after tomorrow you'll be back in Toronto and I'll be back on the road. I love my job don't get me wrong but I love you even more, Trish, I can't have you both," Carlito said and looked down at the hand he was holding as it came up to touch his face. He looked into her eyes which were bright with hope and vitality.

"Yes you can," she said and kissed him laying him down onto the bed waiting until their lips had spent enough time together before telling him her solution to his dilemma and she knew he was gonna like it.

Lita's place, Georgia – 5:45am:

Angry neighbors were flocking out of their houses to address the noise that was literally propelling down from the sky over their houses. Edge came out in his pajama bottoms to see if what he had seen from Lita's bedroom window was really what it looked like and it was. Mr. McMahon's private helicopter was hovering in front of Lita's house much to the distress of her neighbors who were shouting furiously at it shaking their fists in the air while trying to keep their robes tied and hair out of their faces. Edge moved closer to the aircraft and saw Hunter looking down at him from inside the helicopter.

"Morning Edge!" Hunter called out merrily.

"Hunter what are you doing it's 5 in the morning!" Edge exclaimed trying to keep his hair out of his face.

"I thought we'd go for a ride whad'ya say?" Hunter asked enthusiastically.

"Have you lost your mind?" Edge asked shouting so Hunter could hear him. Edge looked around at the angry neighbors and figured if he didn't go now Hunter would wait until he did and that might cause the neighbors to take their frustrations out on Lita, "Okay let me get my robe," Edge said.

Hunter pulled out what looked like a robe from inside the 'copter, "That won't be necessary," he said smiling. Edge turned to look at Lita who was looking down at them from her bedroom window. Edge mouthed the words, "I'll see you at Carlito's" and Lita nodded as Edge climbed into the helicopter almost falling out as Hunter took off before he could get in all the way. She wondered if he'd even make it to Carlito's by the time The Game was finished with him, she was sure of one thing though and that was that whatever The Game wanted it had to be very important.