The Light of His Life
Disclaimer: Don't own POTO… but I do own Stephanie (not that I'd want to) and Piers, who is based on a real person that I know – a family friend who has more eccentricities than he has letters in his big, highfaluting, double-barrelled surname.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has already reviewed. Here's another five thousand and something words for you… And, you'll find out more about the Stephanie/Christine situation in a later chapter. Oh, and, yes, I know the age gap is huge but it has to be and that's the way I like it. Kay got it bloody right. End of…
Please read and review…
Chapter 2: Their Life Together…
Every weekday morning in the house that they shared, Christine would waken up first, going downstairs to make their breakfast as Erik went through his usual ordeal of trying to wake up. He had never been a good sleeper – always remaining in bed for hours each night before he could fall asleep and then, because of that, he would not be at his best in the morning. Christine had gotten used to him being grumpy in the morning and actually found it rather endearing – but she pitied the people who did not know him as well as she did and who tried to have a conversation with him while he was still half asleep. He could be irritable at any time of the day, but he was a complete grouch when he felt he had not had enough sleep and only Christine knew just how to handle him.
After making breakfast, she would take it up on a tray to his bedroom, sitting down on the bed on top of the covers at his feet as he still lay in bed, and they would eat together. It was like a makeshift table really – because Erik did not usually feel up to getting up before he had eaten, it meant that they could still share breakfast together without trying to achieve the impossible.
Afterwards, she would clear up and they would both go for a shower in their own respective en suites before getting ready to go to school. Then Erik would drive them and the rest of the day would be spent there going through the usual until afterwards when Christine would do her homework and Erik would work on his marking and lesson plans. They would have tea together and sometimes read together later or share in their music together. They were a good team as they were – Erik had his responsibilities and she had hers, both of them complimenting each other perfectly – and, from the perspective of others should they look in, they were just an average couple, living together in flawless coordination. It might have seemed monotonous to some, but, as a child, Christine had needed routine to help her get passed losing her parents and they had just developed so since then. Granted, at the time, Erik had been the one to look after all of her needs as a child and now their roles were almost reversed but, perhaps, more half and half than anything else. They had stuck together out of mutual pain and become rather happy in the process…
This particular morning, things were going by as they usually did – Erik was his normal temperamental self, Christine was in the kitchen cooking their breakfast and he had nearly bitten her head off when she had gone in to waken him. Basically what passed for ordinary in this house…
Until the doorbell rang…
Christine, perhaps obviously as Erik was not up to it, answered the door and was greeted with a woman in her mid to late thirties who had a gentle expression and soft blond hair which fell around her shoulders in a loose style. Christine observed her for a moment – the woman was on her own so she could not be a Jehovah's Witness, it was too early and she was not dressed in the uniform to be the postie, and she was definitely not anybody that Christine knew…
"Christine," the woman said almost as a gasp, tentatively raising a hand to touch Christine's hair.
"Do I know you?" she asked uncomfortably.
"Yes… I mean, no… that is – not now…" The woman paused to offer her hand to Christine to shake and tried to explain herself better. "I'm Steph and the last time I saw you, you were just a little girl – you won't remember me and you obviously don't… I suppose Erik still lives here then…?"
"I'll go and get him…" Christine said, scarpering up the stairs.
"No, really… that's not necessary," the woman said too late for Christine to hear her.
"Erik?" Christine said as she came into his room.
"What?" he snapped. "And where's breakfast? I've been waiting ages…"
He could be such a child in the morning, she mused but not sadly. He was a handful but she loved him… and she couldn't really work out why the woman at the door was making her feel slightly uneasy. Is she an old girlfriend? Christine wondered. Now she felt a little jealous and she didn't like that unfamiliar emotion creeping over her when she didn't know why. Perhaps because she and Erik were so close and she wasn't prepared to let anyone – including an old girlfriend of his – threaten their relationship. At the same time, it felt odd to her that Erik could have had another woman at some point who would have been as close to him as she was. Maybe she was just being silly… hopefully, anyway.
She sat down on the bed at his side and stroked his stomach like a cat, watching as he stretched his spine out and had his arms raised above his head. He had long since learnt not to be self-conscious lying in such a defenceless position in front of Christine as he trusted her and knew she wasn't going to do anything to hurt him even when he was vulnerable. It was strange to him to be so close to someone that he could even sleep while she was near him and he still felt entirely comfortable though he would be susceptible to being hurt. He had never felt that way before with anyone… certainly not with the woman who was supposed to be his mother – he would never have felt safe sleeping and being unprotected around her. That was where his sleeping problems had started, he was sure. It was funny, but Erik actually could say that he felt more comfortable sleeping when Christine was around him than when he was on his own and he tended to get more sleep then too.
"There's a woman at the door, says she knows you, Angel…"
Erik groaned. "This is why I tell you to keep the gates locked and to use the videophone…"
Regardless, Erik got up and put on his favourite robe, heading downstairs behind Christine as she led him to the figure waiting in the entrance hall.
"It's been a long time, hasn't it?" Steph said when he caught sight of her. Needless to say, he was rather surprised.
"Stephanie, what are you doing here?"
"I'll leave you to it," Christine said, not wishing to watch their reunion. "I'll leave your breakfast in the kitchen, Angel."
"Christine, wait," he called, but she wouldn't stop. He had no idea what had gotten into her – why she had just hurried off like that – and it was upsetting him.
"So she still calls you 'Angel' then?"
"You are not the first person to have commented on that this week," he replied indifferently. It troubled him when Christine was upset and he wanted to know what Stephanie had said to distress her so. How people treated his angel was very important to him…
"Still, nothing is final until I see how you are with Christine…" he said, standing from his armchair in the living room where he had been interviewing registered childminders.
The young woman there at the moment appeared to be the most suitable with confirmed references and a good CV. She also had a gentle demeanour and caring disposition that made him think she would be the best person to be Christine's childminder.
"Not to get ahead of myself, but what are your specifications when it comes to me looking after Christine? I find that they vary wildly from parent to parent…" she said as she got up too and shook his hand.
"I just need you to bathe and change her on a daily basis…"
"That's all?" she asked, surprised. "You don't actually want me to mind her?"
"No, I am perfectly capable of taking care of her myself I just need you to help her bathe and dress…"
"Alright…" she said, still quite confused.
"You'll still be paid full price but she's mine to mind," he clarified. "However, I also think it might help to have a female influence in her life, so, perhaps if you are willing, you may have a room here with us in case she needs something during a time that I am not available. And, you are aware that it is an indefinite position?"
"Oh?"
"Yes… her parents died recently and her legal guardian has also been untimely bereaved, so, I will be looking after her until the woman who is supposed to be caring for her is ready to do so again. That might be a week from now or a month from now or any conceivable time period, you understand. That, of course, is presuming that Christine likes you well enough…"
"Of course…"
"Angel?" the little girl in question said from the doorway.
He strode forward purposefully, bending down to pick up the child he cared for more than anything else in the world. "Yes, little love?" he said in a voice completely different from the cold one he had been using for the child minder.
"Who's that?"
"Hello, Christine," the child minder said sweetly moving towards the little girl in Erik's arms. "I'm Steph…" She took Christine out of a very reluctant Erik's arms and sat down with her in one of the armchairs. "I hear you like music… tell me, what's your favourite?"
"My Angel sings to me…"
"Oh, I bet he's good," she said in the voice she used solely for the children she looked after. "And maybe one day he'll sing for me too…" She looked up at Erik and smiled at him, hoping he might just agree to that sometime – she thought he must be an excellent singer with the amount of scores and books on music she had seen throughout the house.
Christine shook her head, "My Angel sings only for me… he said so."
"You must be very special…"
"She is, thank you, Stephanie," Erik added. "Now, I have to get her settled – I realise you will not be ready to stay here yet, so, if you'll just give her a bath and put her in her pyjamas then, since it's Friday, I'll pay you for the day and I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning."
"So, I've got the job?" she asked.
He nodded reservedly. "We'll see what happens – I want to see how Christine copes with the change before I make any permanent decisions." He took her out of Stephanie's arms and headed towards the stairs with her, glad that she was his alone to hold again.
"She has grown into a beautiful young woman, Erik… you must be very proud," Steph said.
"I am… But she possesses more than just her beauty – she is intelligent, kind, sweet and the most precious creature on the planet. However, I am not exactly sure what that has to do with you… why did you come here?"
"It's hard to explain…"
"Try…" he said, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back against the wall. It was definitely a feat to look imposing in silk pyjamas and a dressing gown – but Erik was managing it…
"I just wanted to see her…"
"Why, after all these years, would you want to see her now?"
"I suppose I was still expecting that little girl I used to look after… I know I was only her childminder, but, she was like a daughter to me…"
"She is not your daughter though, is she?" he said, feeling very possessive when it came to Christine.
"Well, she's certainly not yours…"
"What did you say?" he hissed. "What right have you to come here to mine and Christine's home while we are having our breakfast and insult me like this? I don't care to continue this travesty of a conversation any further; good day to you, madam; now, if you'd please leave…" He gestured towards the door…
"No, look… I'm sorry… The truth is, I came to see her because… because… she is the closest thing to a daughter I will ever have…"
"What?"
"I… I know this doesn't concern you so I'll keep it short, but, I've been unable to have any children of my own and I was always very fond of Christine – I grew to love her in the few short years you employed me… I thought perhaps she might remember me… I know I was kidding myself."
Christine chose that moment to enter in her full school uniform and carrying her bag. She walked between both of them and kissed Erik goodbye on the cheek. "I love you, Angel… Look, I'll take the bus and let the two of you catch up," she said in a strained voice. "Don't worry, I'll tell them you'll be in as soon as you can… and don't forget your breakfast or it'll get cold."
"No…" She was out the door before he could stop her so he ran outside after her in his pyjamas and dressing gown, rushing along the drive with his bare feet. Granted, they had a large driveway and there were no neighbours so it didn't really matter what he did out there – but it meant something to Christine that he had followed her.
"I said 'no', love…" he scolded gently, refusing to release his hold on her arm. "You should listen to me… and you know I do not like you travelling to school on that contraption with all those ruffians your age."
"Who is she?" Christine asked, nodding over his shoulder to the woman standing there. "Did you used to go out with her or something?"
She was slightly squinting in the sunlight but he also had the feeling that she was trying hard not to cry and it endeared him towards her even more as he imagined the reason behind it. "Oh, Lord, no. She was your childminder, Christine…"
"Why don't I remember her then?"
"I had to let her go when you were still quite young…"
"What for?" she asked.
"It doesn't matter right now… we'll be late for school. Come back inside and I'll get ready… then we can go together."
He started to lead her in by the hand and was delighted that she didn't let go when he gave her the chance.
Stephanie rushed passed them, embarrassed that she'd caused such a touching scene but, still, she wanted to see the girl who had come closest to the child she would never have. "I shouldn't have come today – it was a mistake not to have warned you… I know that, but perhaps… another time…?" she trailed off, continuing passed them to her own car outside the gates.
"I thought she was your girlfriend," Christine admitted.
It gave him a dizzy thrill to realise that she could very well have been jealous of Stephanie when she believed there had been more between them than the parent-figure and childminder to her. "Don't be ridiculous, love – with this face…?" he said sceptically, gesturing vaguely towards the mask.
"And what's wrong with your face, Erik…?"
"You are just used to it… We have discussed this before – you are one in a million and there are no others like you who would be so lenient towards appearance…"
"My angel is beautiful… and I don't care what anybody, including you, has to say on the subject." Erik stopped exactly where he was to look at her peculiarly. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"That's not the first time you've said that…"
Erik started awake at the feeling of his bed moving and the mattress depressing next to him. He opened his eyes immediately, prepared to defend himself from any imminent attack but was happily surprised to find the little angel Christine kneeling beside him, playing with one of her toys.
"Hello, darling," he said fondly, his voice still laced with sleep. He turned onto his side so that he was facing her and tucked his arm under the duvet more comfortably. It was the perfect way to be wakened up, he was sure… having the child that he loved with all his heart sitting with him, unknowingly offering him the comfort of her presence.
""Are you always so sleepy, Angel?"
"Yes, I suppose so," he laughed. "I don't sleep well, child."
"When I can't sleep, Daddy sings to me…"
Erik smiled and stroked the back of her hand lazily with one of his fingertips. "Perhaps you should sing to me then…"
He was reeling with shock when she opened her little mouth to sing and brought forth the most exquisite sound he had ever heard. It was pure and crisp and child-like, every note rang clearly and her little song made him feel as though he had finally found the reason he had survived so long in such awful circumstances… it was to see her – hear her – and just be with her. A great deal of understanding to come from one song alone, yes… but Erik had always been wildly affected by music, and, though he might be hesitant to admit it, he would have loved her anyway… the song was just a way of showing him now that he did. It was, perhaps, the first time he realised that he would come to love her as more than a child when she was old enough…
With one realisation, however, came another, less welcomed, one…
His eyes had adjusted enough now from sleep to see exactly what she was playing with and, suddenly terrified, he brought his hand up to his face, reeling in a different way when it connected with rough, bumpy skin and not the smooth surface of his mask.
"What have you done?" he hissed, immediately getting out of the bed and away from her, still covering the right side of his face. He was handling the situation in the only way he knew how to – in the only way he had experience with – to lash out at his attacker until they were no longer a threat to him and he could escape.
The little girl on the bed in front of him was terrified as he leaned down in front of her, still towering over her, and started jeering at her through clenched teeth. What he lacked in pure volume, however, he more than made up for in his ability to frighten her. She burst into tears and curled up into a ball, holding the mask unconsciously like a shield above her head on the bed.
Erik realised himself quite quickly after that – he couldn't believe he had been shouting at a child the way he had been… especially towards Christine. It was unacceptable, and, if anyone else had distressed her like this, he would have twisted their neck until he heard a satisfying snap.
"Oh, precious," he said in a completely different, soft voice. "Forgive me…" He got down on his knees by the bed and lifted her into his arms as she started hiccoughing, rubbing her back soothingly to try to get her to calm.
"You shouted at me," she sobbed pathetically.
"I know, love… I know. Please forgive me… I did not mean it – my temper is not what it should be. I just… I didn't want you to see me…" he said, equally as pathetic.
She brightened up immediately, in the way only a child can – one second, completely distressed and the next, happily playing again. It fascinated him… "My Angel is beautiful," she said, giving him her best smile. "But he's lazy…" Then she kissed him on the tip of his bare nose and scurried off to find something of more interest. He laughed and brightened up, himself, going downstairs to make them both some breakfast.
Since then, he had been more lenient with letting her see his true face and had sometimes let her remove it while they were in the privacy of their own home. He hoped she might grow used to it and not find it repulsive when she was old enough to realise there was something really wrong with his face… and grow used to it and accept it, she did.
"I remember playing with your mask, Erik, and seeing nothing but my Angel when I looked at you… and, if I've said exactly the same thing, on two completely separate occasions, then it only proves how sincere I am."
"I do not doubt your sincerity, my love – it is your accuracy with which I take exception… You are biased in the relationship we share and you cannot see why anyone would hold my appearance against me – but only because you know me. If I walked up to somebody in the street, completely unmasked, they would think me a mugger or some other sort of hardened criminal and call the police… not before screaming themselves silly, of course. Child, if you were this hideous, I should still love you… but the rest of the public would not be so forgiving. Thankfully, though, you are exquisite…"
"But, Erik…"
"No, I don't wish to discuss this any further. Now, come on, we are going to be late," he warned.
And late they were… but not excessively so. Perhaps luckily for Christine, Erik was her form teacher, so they could not take the register without him and she did not have to sign herself in for being late. It was one of the many perks of having a member of the teaching staff as your foster-father. Others included being taken to and from school in a comfortable and quiet car instead of the school bus; being on a mutual first-name basis with the rest of the teachers when they were not in class; having a key to his room so that she could escape at lunch or break if it was getting too much; and, of course, help with work that she didn't understand or had missed.
Erik also found that there were perks to having one of his students as his foster-daughter – he had her with him, or at least in the same building as him, most of the day; the other students treated him more like a human being than they had ever before because they had learnt from Christine what he was really like; he had the woman he considered to be his dearest and closest friend near him if he needed to talk; and, he had welcome company when it came to the long drive to and from the school.
After registration, Christine went off to her other classes and she didn't see Erik again until just before lunch, when she learnt from some of the people in the class before her that he was being especially grumpy today. She imagined it was because he was not particularly happy about having missed his breakfast.
"You're like a baby who's missed his feed," she laughed when she saw his grouchy expression.
"I'm not in the mood to be mocked, Christine… not even by you."
"Oh, stop being so temperamental, Angel," she said, perching herself on his desk in front of him and reaching her hand out to cup his cheek affectionately. "This is exactly what you're like every morning – you are only still being grumpy like this because that woman broke your routine and prolonged the amount of time you have spent without food today. Lord, you really are like a child – you need your routine, and, if it's broken like it was today, you sulk and throw your version of a tantrum."
"I do not sulk…"
"Face it, sweetheart – you're an overgrown, spoilt diva…"
"I've been called a lot of things in my life, Christine – but I have never been called a diva…"
"You're a man born with a headache – you're conceited, smug, arrogant, difficult to even hold a conversation with let alone live with and you're totally high-maintenance."
"How do you ever put up with me?" he said dryly.
"'Cause I love you, babe…" she said amusedly, "and you're lucky I like taking care of everything at home and of you – nobody else would be your skivvy. Here," she said, placing a lunchbox in front of him on the desk. "I made your favourite lunch because I knew you would be sulking."
"Thank you, precious," he said quietly, giving in, which was as close as he would ever get to admitting that what she had said was true.
She smiled in triumph as he bowed his head and gave him a quick kiss at his temple. "I'd better get to the canteen, Angel – Meg will be waiting for me. And I'm sure Piers will be waiting for you – why don't you go and eat in the staff room with him…?"
Piers was more than surprised to see a little curly-haired girl held at the hip of the man in front of him. Erik had just opened the door to see his colleague and friend, he supposed, holding a rather large ream of paper.
"What are you doing here?" Erik asked, a bit disappointed that he had been interrupted while he was spending time with his Christine.
"Fighting his bafflement, Piers dabbed the little girl on the nose. "And who's this little darling?" he said in the sort of voice one uses for a young child.
She giggled and decided that she liked this man who was a friend of her Angel's. "I'm Christine…"
"Well, Christine, I'm Piers… why don't you show me what you like to do while Erik finishes his work?" He took hold of her and lifted her out of Erik's arms, much to his annoyance, and carried her passed him into the house without waiting to be invited. He knew what Erik was like – if he were to wait for such an invitation, he'd never get inside.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Oh, don't look so put out… I only came over to get your help with these," he said, indicating the papers still in his hand.
"What are they?"
"They're my senior class's mid-term exams and I need to get them marked by tomorrow… can you help me?"
"Of course…" Erik could be irritable… but he was not stupid – he was aware of everything Piers had done for him and he would return the favour. He could be accommodating when he wanted to be… "Put Christine down and join me in the study; I'll put the kettle on…"
"Oh, just ignore Scrooge over there," Piers whispered in Christine's ear, making her laugh. "I think I'd like it if you came too – you're the sweetest thing I've ever seen."
When they were all in the study with their respective beverages, Erik sitting at his desk, Piers opposite him and Christine sitting on the window seat, Piers distributed the exam papers between the two men and they each gave a similar and exasperated sigh at the volume of work in front of them. Thankfully for them, they could talk and mark at the same time, allowing them not to go completely out of their minds.
"So, what are you doing with a child, Erik?" Piers asked. "She isn't yours, is she? You haven't been having it away with her mother, have you?"
"No, I have not – what an absurd notion," he said, annoyed. "I am merely looking after her…"
"Where are her parents?"
Erik lowered his voice so that Christine would not hear and get upset again. "They're dead, Piers, and it would help Christine if you did not mention it around her."
"And you're looking after her…?"
"I said that, didn't I? It's only temporary – Ada Giry was supposed to be looking after her but you know she was recently bereaved too…"
"Erik… are you sure that's a wildly good idea?"
"What, exactly, are you referring to?"
"Looking after a child… on your own and everything…"
"I get the distinct impression that you do not think me capable… would I be right in saying so, Piers?"
"It's not that," he said, shaking his head. "It's just that you've… what I mean is that… well, you're not very paternal, are you?"
Erik was just about to retort when he felt a small tug at his sleeve and looked down to see Christine pulling on it. He found her needs to be much more his concern than insulting Piers back, so he ignored him and turned around fully to the little girl beside him. "What is it, sweetheart?"
"Sorry, Angel… but I'm hungry."
Piers watched as Erik immediately took her off to the kitchen in his arms, and he stood off to one side, observing as Erik made food for Christine with extra special care and made perfectly sure that she had everything she needed. He had never seen Erik so concerned about anything else in his life.
"I stand corrected…"
"Oh, come on, can't you learn to share? You'd think thirteen years living with a young woman would make you a little less territorial…" Piers said, shooting Erik a glare. "Surely she has borrowed your razor without asking and commandeered your favourite pair of pyjamas because they're 'comfy'… You already live out of each other's pockets."
Erik returned the look and folded his arms across his chest, unmovable on the subject. "Christine made it for me… you will just have to get your own. She'd be offended if I just gave mine away."
"Cobblers – and you know it… she'd want you to share your Black Forest Gateau like her good little blue-eyed boy."
"What are you suggesting?" Erik asked, suspicious.
"She has you wrapped around her little finger…"
Erik hadn't been expecting that and was suitably shocked-looking for Piers' tastes as he absently placed the piece of wrapped cake back down on his lap.
Piers smiled. "You don't feel like eating now, do you?" he laughed.
"You mean this was all a ploy to get me to relinquish my cake?"
"Too bloody right – Christine's Black Forest Gateau is the best I've ever tried… Besides, you know she doesn't have you wrapped around her little finger – she wouldn't allow it, she does everything for you…" He sighed when Erik's expression remained unchanging. "Oh, stop it, will you? Don't tell me you're in a huff now… why don't you lighten up, for Christ's sake?"
Erik didn't say a word but got up and left the room, heading towards the canteen. It was time to make use of one of his perks…
"Christine, can I speak to you in my room, please?" he asked, leaning down over shoulder as she sat with Meg and a few others. "Only if you're finished, of course…"
She followed him back to his classroom, rather confused, and watched as he locked the door behind them. "What's wrong, Erik? Has something upset you?"
"Just let me hold you…" he murmured as he moved forward and brought her into his arms. He often took comfort from her in this way – she had started it many years ago as a child when he would waken up with his own demons and she would hug them away 'like Daddy did'. It had taken him a great deal of time to get used to it, but now they were very comfortable with each other and he found that it was one of the only ways to calm himself down.
She stroked his back soothingly. "Tell me what's wrong…"
Erik was already a very insecure person to begin with – Piers' gentle teasing had not helped and he knew he was being silly, but, he had never been able to get unwanted thoughts out of his head. At least, not until he had met Christine…
"I don't know what I would do without you," he said quietly to her.
"Well, you won't have to find out, will you? We're the perfect pair…"
"You have been the best companion I could have ever have hoped for. I feel awful that my happiness has come about from your tragedy."
"I don't much remember my mother, Erik," Christine said. "But you have been the best father a child could ever have."
For some reason, that just made Erik feel worse… Perhaps because he thought he had stolen her father's rightful place… or, perhaps because he wanted to be something wildly different from her father…
And why did Christine also feel like she were not telling the whole truth…?
© Copyright of CrawfordsBiscuits, October 2005