CHAPTER 3: THE PARODY FICS

Harry clicked on another general fic. It read:
'Harry sat down to have lunch one day. He had a Sandwich with pickles. The end.'
"Man, why would somebody even bother to write something like that?" He asked, but nobody answered, cause they were all asleep from boredom.
"HEY, WAKE UP!" He yelled and everyone jumped up.
"What should we look at now?"
"Hey, what's a pear-o-dee?" Ron asked, squinting at the computer screen.
"Ron, it's a parody and it means a spoof. That kind of fic just makes fun of something, or does random silly things." Hermione informed everyone. Harry clicked on the parody section.
They all seemed to have names like 'Harry Potter and the stupid, random fan fic,' 'Attack of the tomato soup monster,' 'The Marry Sue fic,' and so on.
"Do we know a Marry Sue?" Ron asked.
"No, I don't think so..." everyone said.
Harry clicked on one titled 'The terrifying pie curse.' This is what happened in it:
' Ron was sitting there in the Great Hall eating a pie. "I love pie.." he thought, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth and swallowing it whole.
"OH GOD NO! YOU'VE SWALLOWED THE PIE OF DOOM! YOU SHALL NOW SUFFER THE CURSE OF THE RANDOM PIE!" Screamed someone. Just then a giant walking pie came up and ate Ron whole. The end.
"...What?" asked everyone in the room.
"I.. I think that was supposed to be funny..." Lupin said, just to remind us all that he was still here.
"What would our creator think?!" shirked Hermione.
Scene goes to J. K Rowling, who is in her house on her computer reading that fic. "Hmm," she says. "That's not bad.." she turns around a writes something on a note book: Giant-Ron-eating-pie.
"Well, I don't believe she'd to that for a second!" Hermione said angrily. "I swear, some day I'll make those fn fic writers pay!"
"Let's give parodies another chance." said Harry, clicking on a random parody. It said:
' Something stupid happened, and Snape was pregnant with Harry's baby-' But then they stopped reading.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone in the room screamed, running through the house and sobbing. It looked a little like the first scene in 'Lost,' when the plane crashed and all that chaos was going on. Hermione was even standing in one spot screaming "HELP!" over and over.
After an hour or two of that, they had all settled down to read another fic because they didn't know why, but they just couldn't stop.
They went to the Mary Sue fic section and clicked a fic.
"Who are these Mary Sue people?!" Hermione demanded. The fic started out like this:
'There was a foreign exchange student from America coming that year-' "Wait, we don't have a foreign exchange program at Hogwarts!" Hermione interrupted. "SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!" everyone said. Anyway:
' -and everyone was waiting for her to come and get sorted. For some reason, she was sitting right next to Dumbledore.
She was beautiful, with long hair that was the perfect shade of blond, red, black, brown, and some how blue. Her eyes were the prefect shape and one was dark blue and the other was green. Her teeth were so white they actually blinded people, but no one cared cuz se was so pretty.
And since she was so pretty, Dumbledore didn't make her wear the uniform, so she was wearing an incredibly pretty red dress.
She was also smart, smarter then everyone, so she would probably teach a class cuz the teachers would be so amazed by her brilliance. On top of all that, she was funny and had more magic powers then every witch in the world, plus she was part were-wolf and Harry's sister
"And now please welcome our new foreign exchange student, Serena Hope Faith Love Light Beauty Potter!" Dumbledore announced as Serena walked to the sorting hat and put it on. Some how she was sorted into all the houses.'
"This is insane!" Hermione cried.
"I like it." Said Mary Sue.
"Hey, this is for real Harry Potter characters, not you idiotic fake characters, who are probably really supposed to be the author!" Hermione snapped. "Ron, stop bowing to her!"
"Don't anger the Gods, Hermione!" Ron yelled, throwing himself on the floor to warship Mary Sue.
"Lets try another genre." Hermione said.
Harry went to fantasy.
"No, not fantasy. We're already witches and wizards, that's already fantasy!" Draco said. "How about angst?"
Harry clicked on that one and got the first one:
' Harry was walking through Hogwarts grounds in the rain one day, thinking about how depressing life really was.Then he killed himself. The end.'
Everyone was to busy weeping to say anything.
"That-that was so depressing!" Snape cried.
"We have to do something about these horrid fan fic writers!" Hermione sa-
" ATTENTION READER! THIS IS HERMIONE GRANGER SPEAKING! WE HAVE DISTROYED THE WRITER OF THIS FIC AND IF YOU ARE A FAN FIC WRITTER, WE WILL DISTROY YOU TOO! IF YOU ARE NOT A WRITTER, STOP READING AND TAKE SHELTER NOW! THERE IS ABOUT TO BE A HUGE BATTLE! I SAID STOP READING! STOP! STOP IT! VOLDEMORT, THEY WONT LISTEN TO ME!"
"Alright, let me see what I can do... CRUCIO! CRUCIO! DAMMIT! IT WON'T WORK! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO CRUCIO CRUCIO...

END NOTES: I hope you all liked this chapter! I like it better that the last one. Thank you everyone who reviewed, and please keep reviewing! And to spongebobfan1661, thank you for saying that. It's my life long goal to make milk come out of peoples noses:)
Some people have been asking why all the Dumbledore/Voldie jokes. Why? Well, I just thought why not? It's weird and creepy, but not as bad as the Fred/George romance fics (not that I've read any, but come on that's sick!). PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING! I never knew how much fun it is to have complete strangers tell you they like your fic!