Author's note: Wow I never ever expected the kind of feedback I have been getting about this stoy. I have to write this story to deal with my pre-season frenzy and my depression about Patrick's new baby. But all the reviews and knowing others enjoy it drives to try to write some every day.

It had been three years since Ellen and Patrick had first consummated their feelings for each other. Three years they had taken as many opportunities to be together as possible. In that time, Ellen had officially split with Chris, Jill gave birth to a baby boy, and Ellen had dated the occasional guy.

Sure, she realized that in order to have a child it meant you had sex, Patrick had sex with his wife. Ellen for some strange reason didn't feel jealous. She knew where his heart lie. She knew that if the world were different, he would choose her, that was enough for her. And besides being a single, famous actress, she got her pick of men, and she wasn't exactly a saint either. They didn't discuss their sexual relationships with other people, by mutual agreement. It was never brought up or alluded to.

They enjoyed the time that they could be together, and nothing else mattered. Even though they had never once discussed him getting a divorce , it wasn't something either one of them wanted. What they had worked.

Once, about a year and a half into the relationship, Ellen had experienced a pregnancy scare. She still shuddered when she thought about it. She had been afraid to tell him, but they didn't keep secrets from each other, and there had been no other alternative but to share it with him. "I think I might be pregnant," she had said to him when they had met in her trailer to rehearse lines.

He had looked up at her instantly, alert, and she was saddened to see excited. "Did you take a test?" he asked her right away.

"It's too soon to take one Patrick." She answered him. She was about two weeks late.

"They have tests you can take as soon as the day after, how late are you?" he asked her.

She had shaken her head. "I'll send Angie to get one tonight." Angie was her assistant. She could just imagine if she was spotted buying a pregnancy test.

"Let me know right away, there's things we need to, you need vitamins and you need to see a doctor." He said, smiling at her.

Ellen had gulped, she knew this was coming. "Patrick… I can't have a baby." she whispered softly.

The look she saw on his face, the sadness in his eyes nearly tore her apart. He looked up at her, and tried to speak, to ask her why, but couldn't get past the lump in his throat. She had reached over and taken his hand there, and answered him as if he had asked her.

"I'm single. I have a career that I need. Meredith isn't going to be pregnant anytime soon, and there's not really a way to hide that. And what would I say to people when they wanted to know the father?" she rambled on nervously. "And can you imagine me giving birth to a McDreamy junior? What if the baby came out looking just like you."

For the very first time, Patrick realized the damage their relationship really had done. Ellen might be going to have his baby, their baby, a little part of her, and she wouldn't be able to have him or her, because he was married. He could imagine her giving birth to their child. He could imagine it all too well, and the thought of it made him very happy.

This kind of thing had never been brought up before, and he hadn't really thought about it. Now it was hitting him full force in the face, and the thought that their child might have to be terminated cut into his heart. She reached out and touched his face, and he leaned into her hand, before wrapping her in his arms and holding her. She broke down into tears, and he held her while she cried, wishing he could cry with her.

That night they had tried to ignore the subject, rehearsing their lines, and pretend like nothing was happening. The relief had been evident in both of them when she had failed the test that night, and her period has started two days later. She had gone straight to the doctor and changed her birth control pill.

The scare had probably been what cemented the way their relationship was handled. Ellen was happy to have what she could with Patrick, while not taking him away completely from his family. He enjoyed his home life, and his children, Jill and him got along well, and he did love her. His and Ellen's time together was magical, and maybe, just maybe if they were full time it would lose some of it's luster. So they were both content to continue this way and not hurt anyone in the process.

Yes, there were times when Ellen laid on her bed, at home, alone crying. She never told him about those times, because she didn't want him to feel bad. Besides, always just when she was feeling the worst for herself, he would call. Even when he couldn't be with her, he always carried her with him. His biggest fear was that she would meet someone, someone who could be with her full time, and she would want to stop seeing him.

Sometimes, when they were apart he worried about it, but he never brought it up to her, because she would have every right to make that decision, and he would have to be happy for her. She deserved a family too. Ellen was an amazing woman, and he was damn lucky that she gave herself to him. She deserved someone who would spend every waking minute of their day on her, and instead she settled for the bits he could give her. It made him feel guilty. Guilt was something that he lived with a lot. He didn't really feel guilty about having a relationship with Ellen, most of his guilt came from not being around for the kids as much as other fathers might, and thinking about Ellen having to be without him on holidays, or spending lonely nights in her bed… which always led him to think about those nights that she wasn't alone, and not with him. He had no right to be jealous about it, but he was a man, and he had no control over that.