The Darker Side of the Sun
Disclaimer: These are not my characters, but they are my thoughts and feelings about this character. Also, I don't own this song, it is "We Never Change" by Coldplay.
Authors Note: I forgot to mention, this is part of my MWPP series and is about Peter. It's my attempt to explain why he did the things he did. Also, darker side of the sun doesnt make any sense, but I have a huge long explanation for why I call it that, if you want to know email me or ask in the review, I don't want to take your time here.
I want to live life, and never be cruel
I wanna live life, and be good to you
I never did things very well on my own, especially homework. I always spent my time trying to be cool like my friends. Sirius was cool without trying and his good looks gave him an extra help on everything he did. James was popular because he had a way with words and he had a smile that all the girls fell for. Even Remus had a way of catching people's eyes with his dry wit and disinterested facial expressions. They were perfect; they even got the grades, but I…
I was not like they were.
Thus I found myself lying on a wooden floor trying to make up my homework that I never seemed to have time for. In truth I just liked to pretend that I didn't need the extra help, just the way Sirius and James would. They were so talented they didn't even have to study or try very hard, but I was a lost cause as my mother liked to tell me. I needed to do my homework, and so here I sat looking over my book and writing on my long sheet of parchment what I thought sounded intelligent, but I was probably wrong. But I did this so that during the day I could be there for my friends, the ones who took me in as their friend just because. There were people who would die to be me, I would tell myself to calm my rage; I was lucky to be friends with the coolest guys in school. It didn't make me cool, but it made me popular by association, and I didn't mind it all that much.
And I wanna fly
I'll never come down
And live my life
And have friends around
In the morning Gryffindor had Quidditch practice, so it was either sit in the common room like I knew Remus would or go out to the pitch and watch James and Sirius fly around with ease. I never was very talented on a broom. I could stay on one, but I didn't cut through the air like James, and I didn't smash the bludger like Sirius.
I was too small and too wide for broom flying, or at least that's what I told myself. I always dreamed of being like them though. Being high above the clouds and hearing people cheer as I caught the golden snitch. I always dreamed of being James. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be high in sky all the time. James never came down from his golden cloud above us where we worshiped him like a god. I wondered often what that was like, to have friends because you were talented, and courageous. I hated the fact that I couldn't feel that way just once. I would forever be in the shadow of my friends: James with his Quidditch, Sirius with his harsh talent at everything he tried, Remus with his bright future because of his intelligence. What did I have to contribute to a group so perfect? Sometimes I even asked why they would want to be friends with me.
But I remember as I sit down on the green of the pitch and watch them swoosh through the air that no matter what their reason, they do have one, because as I look at them I know that they don't need a friend like me, they choose a friend like me.
We never change do we no, no
We never learn do we
So I wanna live, in a wooden house
I wanna live life, and always be true
I wanna live life, and be good to you
I sat on a couch half asleep as I tried to study with Remus. He kept having to poke me to wake me up. It was late, and the fire was dying in the hearth. Lily Evans could be heard from the other end of the room laughing with her friends and yelling at James. She was so beautiful, and smart, she was what I dreamed I could be. I often have dreams of her, in a white night gown with her hair in curls singing to me. She brushes my hair out of my face and tells me I'm perfect just as I am. Then I wake up to the face of Remus telling me I have to get this work done. Of all the Marauders I like him the best, even if he does wake me up from perfect dreams, because he looks out for me in a way the other two don't know how to. Remus has always been a good friend to me, always caring for me the way James and Sirius refused to.
So I work on my homework with Remus beside me as I listen to the perfect girl yell at the perfect boy and I wish she paid any attention to me.
And I wanna fly
But never come down
And live my life
And have friends around
I've almost given up on attention from others. Sirius hurts me now with his snide remarks, and James who pretends he doesn't hear what he says gives me looks full of pity and I hate him for them. I just want to be like them, can't they understand? I just want to be better than I am, better than the stupid son of a woman who gave up on her son long ago. I want to be perfect without regrets; I want to fly not just on brooms, but on triumph. I want to be like them, and I hate them because of it.
We never change do we
We never learn do we
So I wanna live in a wooden house
And making more friends would be easy
I tell myself that now that school is long over and I no longer have the looming feeling of not being good enough that I will dump my old friends and find new ones that will appreciate me for my contributions. I'm not sure yet what those contributions are, but I will find them and my friends will love them. But my friends still stick by me and I feel I still love being in their presence; it makes me feel special to have friends like that. So I wonder if I will ever get my chance to shine in the shadow of such amazing people. They will change the course of the future, how can I compete with that?
But I will find a way, even if it kills me.
Oh, and I don't have a soul to save
Yes and I sin every single day
We never change do we
We never learn do we
I want to cry for what I did, but my hatred is so powerful I can't escape it. She never loved me so she paid for it; he gave me unwanted pity but no salvation so he paid for it, and Sirius… he will rot in hell because he messed with me. They lost everything because they were noble; they lost everything because they were the friends of a killer in the making. No, they made a killer, and that killer scorned them. I burned their dreams in my mind and destroyed their future, and didn't feel all too bad about it.
So I want to live in a wooden house
Where making more friends would be easy
I wanna live where the sun comes out
They will remember now what they did to me, because I found friends. I found the Dark Lord in his menace and he gave me the power over pain. I found the way to heal my wounds that they created when I took my wand to their bodies. I gave them over to the darkness, and though I'll die for it eventually in the shadow of an even more menacing figure, at least now I have recognition for my abilities. However small, I found a way to nail my name to history, a way in which they could only dream to.
Too bad their child survived; I might have really found a place in the Dark Lord's dark soul, but now he's gone. I will bring him back when I need him again, but for now I'll hide in the devise my 'friends' gave me.
See you on the darker side of the sun.
AN: This is the third in my series, and the fourth will be published in a second here. It is called "Sirius Tale" and is about...well, that's obvious. If you have any criticism or praise (::smile::) then drop a line. I'd love to hear from you!