As the coffin was lowered into the ground, she stood there and watched, cold, colorless, silent. No tear was shed from her eyes. She felt like she didn't have any emotions to give. Various people hugged her but she was motionless, never hugging back. They gave condolences but none she could understand.
"We are very sorry for your loss"
"She was a good woman and she will be missed"
"I
know it must be hard on you, you two must have been very close"
"Don't think of her as gone, she is still here but she isn't suffering any longer. Shes better off now"
If they only knew. She could tell that these people either didn't know them very well or didn't know her relationship with her. They were never close, she was never around so this doesn't feel any different. Just more permanent.
She stayed there until the coffin reached the 6 feet mark and then the men started to throw dirt on top of it. Now she was one of those "I wont believe it until I see it" types but even this was crazy to her. She wasn't gonna miss her but it sure was going to be weird to not ever see her again. She quickly turned around and started to walk away.
"Sarai"someone called. She turned around and half smiled.
"Hey Jackie"Sarai said to her.
"I know its going to be weird for you. It all happened so fast"Jackie said as she hugged her. Sarai did the same as usual, she didn't hug back. "Whats wrong?"
"Nothing"Sarai said,"But I agree with you, it is weird but nothing different"
Jackie looked at her with little surprise but more sadness. This girl was only 16, her mother died of AIDS and she wasn't fazed at all. It still seemed like a regular day to her. She shook her head,"Lets go"she said as she led Sarai to her car.
Flashback
Jackie opened the door and let herself in, "Suz! Im here! Wheres Sarai?"she asked as she walked into the living room. It was a mess as usual. "SUZ!"she said
She heard loud music, old salsa and merengue, probably Celia Cruz or something like that. She walked toward it and saw that it was coming from Suzzette's room. The door was a little bit open, she sighed, not really wanting to see what was going on behind them but she pushed them open. Well, curiosity killed the cat.
There was Suzzette sitting on her bed in only a bra and underwear, there was an unknown man sitting next to her, in only some boxers.The room was dark and filled with smoke and smelled like alcohol. She was trying to find a vein.She looked up,"Jackie?"she said slowly,"Hey girl"
"What are you doing?Arent you supposed to be at work?That's why you needed me to watch Sarai"Jackie said to her
"Lets say I had a change of plans.But you can still take her right?"she asked as she finally found the vein and injected the drug into it."Oh shit"she said
"Give me some of that"the guy said and practically snatched it away.He quickly found a vein and did the same.
"I cant believe that you are doing this in your house!Suz, I told you stop this. Sarai can not be surrounded by this. She needs a mother!"Jackie said
"Mother?You never told me that you had a kid?"the guy said with disgust
Suzzette groaned and got up and pushed Jackie out of the room."Now look at what you done?"
"Look at what you are doing to yourself!You are sick Suzie, you need help!"
"I don't need help"Suzzette said."Everyone has their addictions.Yours is cigarettes.Mine is men"
"And drugs"Jackie said
"I don't do it all the time.Im not some junkie.Im not even hooked.I just do it cuz the guys do it"Suzzette said and then started coughing."But I need you to take Sarai still please?"
"Why should I?You're here"
"He doesn't know I have a kid.You saw him!If he sees Sarai-"
"Fine,I'll take her,she doesn't need to be around you anyways"Jackie said
Just then the door closed,"Anybody here?"came a voice.It was Sarai.
"Please?"Suzzette whispered
"I said fine"Jackie said reluctantly.Suzzette smiled and hugged her quickly and closed and locked her door.Just then Sarai came down the hall.
"Oh hey Jackie"she said
"Lets go"Jackie said with a smile
"Is Mom in there?"she asked
"Yeah but shes not feeling well.So you are coming with me.Bring your backpack and whatever you need"Jackie said.Sarai looked at her like she knew what was going on.She rolled her eyes and got her stuff together.
End Flashback
"Isnt this your turn?"Sarai asked.
Jackie shook herself out of her daydream or day nightmare and made a sharp turn."Thanks"she said
"So when are you moving?"Sarai asked
"Well that all depends on some things"Jackie said.She was moving to Miami in a few weeks.But those plans might change now that her best friend has passed. "But lets not think about that.Im having a gathering at my place.Be nice.They are friends of your mothers.You will stay with me"Jackie said
"That's nothing new"Sarai said.Jackie pulled into her driveway and they got out the car.There were people already there,a lot of people were outside in the backyard since a lot of things were starting to be put in boxes and cleaned.
Without meaning to, Sarai headed straight for the grill and piled her plate up with a burger, hot dog and some ribs with extra barbeque sauce.She saw various sodas,juices,drinks and beer.She looked around and opened a Pepsi and dumped some of it out and added some Corona.Now she could feel like herself at least a little bit.She took a big gulp and looked around.She sat down and practically swallowed the food.She didn't realize how hungry she was.
"Sarai?"someone asked.She looked up and saw a man.He looked familiar.She didn't say anything,"Im sorry about your sister"he said.
Then she remembered him,he was one of the many men coming in and out of their house.He would fuck his mother, do drugs with her and then not call her for weeks unless she had a good stash.That's what most of them did and her mother always fell for it.
"Suzzette wasn't my sister.She was my mother"she said.
"What?Your lying-"
"No Im not.Suzzette was my mother and she was better off before you junkies messed up her life!So you're the liar, sir! You arent sorry! You fucking killed her!You killed my mother!"Sarai shouted at him.
People around were staring and gasping and soon Jackie came to her rescue.As always.She quickly led her into the house and upstairs."Sarai,I know you miss your mother-"
"I don't fucking miss her!I hate her!"Sarai said and started to cry.This was the first time she had cried in a long time."Why did she have to do it?"she asked her
"I don't know baby"Jackie said as she hugged her,"Suzie always had her priorities mixed up"she said,"Im going to ask that man to leave.And anyone else like him.He did deserve it"she said,"You stay up here and calm down ok?"she asked her
Sarai didn't say anything and Jackie kissed her forehead and left the room. She just laid there and cried herself to sleep.
After Sarai's outburst, she was back to her normal self. She stayed with Jackie because that was natural to her.That's what she's been doing the past few years.
"This box is done"Sarai said as she taped up another box.
"Ok,you can take a break.You have been doing this ever since you got home from school.Go and do your homework"Jackie said
Sarai frowned.She hated the thought of school.She didn't need it.She didn't go today.She was there for attendance for the first class and bounced.She went to the mall and looked around,walked around in the park and came back just in time.
"You know what?Everytime I mention school,you always get that evil look on your face.Do you not like it there?Are people bothering you?"Jackie asked her
People never really bothered her.But now that everyone knows about her mother they will.But Jackie gave her a good excuse."Yeah I hate it there"she said
"I bet the schools in Miami are much better"Jackie said.
"I bet they are"she said
"Sarai?Now be honest"Jackie said,"How would you feel about moving with me to Miami?Im all you have and you are all I have and I refuse to leave you here alone.We can both start new lives together"
Sarai smiled,"Really?"
"Yes"
"Of course"Sarai said and hugged her.She didn't want to be forced to be in some foster home."Miami would be fun.It must be beautiful there"
"Yes,its like a local paradise.I have everything taken care of,anything imaginable so nothing can happen.Its Miami or bust"she said,"15 more days"
Sarai smiled,"My birthday is in 13 days"
"Oh yeah!"Jackie said,"How does it feel to be almost 17?"she asked her
"Nothing different.Im practically grown"Sarai said,"But Miami?That's one helluva birthday present"
Jackie smiled."It sure is"she said."Now go do some homework.Put a smile on your face,you wont be at that school any longer"
Sarai faked a smile and ran upstairs.She was barely at school anyway.But moving to Miami would be great for her.That's where everything was.Better than this little small ass town where everyone knew her business.
Sarai heard a familiar rattle in the driveway and saw that Jackie was finally home.Where the fuck has she been?
Jackie walked in with a big smile on her face.But Sarai interrupted her and said,"Where the fuck were you?"
Jackie stopped and looked at her,"Excuse me?What the hell did you say to me?"
"I said-"
"I know what you said.Now you may have talked that way to your mother but that shit wont happen here,you hear me?"
Sarai sighed,"Yes.I was just worried that's all.I didn't know where you were"
"That's understandable"Jackie said."But I have good news.Two sets of good news.I was at two important meetings"she said as she sat her down.
"Ok"Sarai said
"Well….Im your official legal guardian now!So now you moving to Miami with me is a reality!No waiting,we are out of here!"Jackie said happily
"That is good news"Sarai said
"Oh and that's not all"Jackie said."Now since you are 16,you weren't able to be at this meeting.But the bank found some of your mother's records and she had a lot of money left and since you are the only living relative.It all goes to you"
Sarai gasped,"How much?"she asked
"I wanted to wait until your birthday but why?"Jackie said,"I don't know but here"she said and gave her an envelope,"Open it"
Sarai ripped open the envelope and there was a check.A check for $6,435.56. She hasn't seen that much money before in her life!"This is all mine!?Where did mom get it from?"
"It started out as a college fund for you.But money kept on getting taken out so she just transferred it all to a savings account"Jackie said.
"Yeah,I wonder what the money was being taken out for"Sarai said.Probably drugs.
Jackie sighed,"Lets not think about that"she said."You better save that money.Save it for college"
"I don't know if I wanna go to college"Sarai said,"I hate school already"
"Well then you better think about what you are going to do"Jackie said."Senior year is right around the corner and so is graduation"Sarai nodded."Well tomorrow morning we are going to open you an account at Wachovia and deposit this money"
"We cant just cash it?"Sarai asked
"No.You should never carry cash around anymore.Not this much,are you crazy?"Sarai just shrugged.
"Well let me start cooking dinner then"Jackie said as she went into the kitchen.Sarai smiled as she sat there and looked at her check.Wow,maybe her life was turning around for her.
Sarai turned off the tv because she was sick of watching the same reality shows.Then the phone rang.She was a little slow to getting it because it wasn't for her,they will leave a message.
"Hey Sarai,its me"It was Jackie."Im coming home really late.Things are hectic over here.So there are some leftovers in the fridge.Bye"she said and hung up.
Sarai sighed,she didn't want to be alone.She sighed and put on her boots and walked out of the house.She was just gonna walk around and see what she could find.She walked out of the neighborhood and onto the main sidewalk and walked down the street.She was in her own world when a car slowly pulled up beside her.
"How much do you charge?"a middle aged man said to her
"Excuse me?"she asked him.She looked down at her outfit, that's probably what threw him off. She was wearing a midriffed baby tee, a skirt and knee high boots.
"Look,I just got off work and I have to be home in 30 minutes.I have $100 is that enough?"he asked as he held up the bill.
Once she saw the evidence,she smiled,"Sure"She walked around and got in.
"Good,we are gonna go back to my office,no ones there"he said
"That's fine"Sarai said
He smiled,"Your nicer than the others.You must be new,I have never seen you. Others are so demanding,they demand more money,hotel rooms.Shit I cant afford.I have a wife and 3 kids and she isn't interested in sex…."he stopped."Well anyways,I bet I know your story already"
"Oh you do,do you?"she asked him
"Yeah,your about 22.Graduated from college, still really don't know what you are gonna do yet.Doing this to pay your bills.There are a lot like you"he said
Sarai just nodded.She may look 22 but shes only 16 and she wasn't even thinking about going to college.However she may be experienced as a 22 year old. She lost her virginity when she was 12. Back before Jackie started taking care of her and back when her mother first started drinking and doing drugs, she was never home, which gave her more than enough time to party and experiment with guys. Until her mother caught her in bed with an 18 year old. Now she had to be a little more sneaky. However this was the first time she ever had a "prostitute" job. "Yeah you are absolutely right"she said to him
They soon pulled up to some big office building and he led her through the back door, up a flight of stairs and then took the elevator the rest of the way up to the 6th floor.He's done this before.If not he knew how to plan in his head fast. They walked into his office and he closed and locked the door.
"So what do I get for $100?"he asked her as he took off his jacket.
"Im flexible"Sarai said and she didn't know what else to say.
"So I can do the standard me on top of you and you can go down on me?"he asked her
Sarai shrugged,"Sure why not?"she asked
He laughed,"Oooh I like you"he said."I may be your favorite customer"he said to her
'And my only customer',she thought.He started to put on a condom.She frowned,"A condom?"she asked
"Yeah"he said,"Your not into that?"he asked her
"Oh whatever"she said.Shes done it both ways but she would rather have it raw, it felt more real to her that way.
Then it was just like the movies,he put her up on his desk and pretty much fucked her brains out.However she could see why his wife didn't give it up, she really didn't get any pleasure from it. No orgasm, no nothing.However, he was having the time of his life.He soon came after about 5 minutes.
"Whoo"he said, he was all out of breath, face red, sweaty a little.He had a workout."I think Im done"he said as he took off the condom.
However, Sarai didn't want to leave. Not because she was attracted to him, oh hell no, but she just knew she was gonna be bored out of her mind when she leaves this place so she might as well milk it for all its worth.She soon got down on her knees.He didn't complain.The same thing happened, she was practically sucking her life away, not getting any pleasure, but he soon came after about 5 minutes again.However, she swallowed it, which she has never done before.She started coughing.
"Oh shit, sorry.You never swallowed?"he asked her
"Oh yeah, its just been awhile"Sarai lied.They both were out of breath as they straightened themselves up.Sarai looked out the window,she knew where she was, she could find her way back to Jackie's from here.
"You want a ride back?"he asked her
"No Im good-"
"Good cuz Nancy's probably gonna start getting worried if I don't come home right on time"
"I bet she will"Sarai said as she took the money and walked out the door.
"Wait, whats your name?I would love to do this again"he said
"You'll just have to be lucky and find me again"she said.She then disappeared down the steps and smiled as she looked at the Benjamin Franklin staring at her."Now its $6535.56"she said to herself.She left the office building and headed down the street.Prostituting wasn't bad,she thought,she may have to look into it.