xiv.

chapter fourteen - full of love, full of light

My eyes stared out at the breath-taking scenery before me. The oasis hadn't changed much from when I had last visited it, which was probably around two years ago. Sasori and I were enjoying our time together, fishing and swimming in the beautiful lake. After that, life seemed to take over and we never got a chance to visit again. At least, not together.

The water was still a vibrant blue, and the foliage around it was still a mesmerizing green. A beautiful sight, but my mind wasn't focused on that at the current moment.

'What happened?'

My hands dug into the sand around me and I bit down harshly on my lip. The pain and frustration I was feeling were trying to consume me, and I was doing all I could not to lash out violently because of it.

'Why are you acting like this?'

A few months apart and my brother had become a completely different person; I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Surely, Komushi's death couldn't have been the only contributor to this? To completely shut me out, when I thought I was his closest ally… I just don't understand.

The path Sasori was trying to go down was one I had no intention of following him on. I had tried everything I could through the years to keep him from it, and yet he still found his way to it. Did this mean that everything that happened in canon was meant to happen and there was no way to change it?

If that was really true… If that really was the case…

'Then what is even the point of being here.'

What was the point of sticking around, just for me to lose a brother all over again?

Rationally, I knew this wasn't a good mindset. I knew that my world is larger than just Sasori, but when it came down to it— he made up the majority of it.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the negative thoughts. I couldn't just give up on Sasori now; he hadn't even started the actual construction on the human puppet yet, so there could still be time to stop it from happening. This wasn't something I could do alone though; hopefully Chiyo and Ichirou could help.

Unfortunately, an intervention would have to wait. I had a date to keep.

The weapon shop I arrived at was a familiar one. It just so happened to be the one Chiyo had taken Sasori and I to back when Sasori had graduated from the Academy. Since then, it had been a frequent stop for me and my family… Despite that, I had only ever seen one person run the place, and it wasn't a woman named Shaiā.

Entering the establishment, I saw I was not the only ninja present. Not surprising; this place was almost always busy.

I approached the old man that seemed to live behind the counter at the front of the store. He nodded in greeting; no matter how many times I came to this place, he never seemed to remember me. I didn't blame him; so many people filtered through here every day, he probably didn't bother to put a face to anyone anymore. If he was a former shinobi I'd doubt that'd be the case, but, as far as I knew, he was just the son of a blacksmith.

Returning his nod, I explained why I was there. "Hello, I'm supposed to be meeting with Shaiā. I've been assigned to her genin team."

The man sighed.

That didn't seem like a good sign.

"I see," he said with a shake of his head. "Damn girl probably forgot; she's been gone all day. She usually comes crawling back around this time for lunch, so I suggest you stick around, unless you have somethin' else you'd rather be doing."

"No, I can wait. Thanks for your help."

My frustration was probably clear on my face, but the man didn't comment. I had a lot on my plate and would rather be focused on clearing it, but I was here instead— waiting for an unreliable sensei.

I sighed, walking slowly down the aisles in a bid to kill as much time as I could. Browsing the wares, nothing really caught my eye. It was just your typical weapon shop inventory; I remembered being much more impressed when I was younger and more fresh to the world of shinobi.

Finally, however, something drew me to a stop. A memory of what seemed forever ago came to mind at the sight of the kunai pouches on the shelf.

Releasing a shaky breath, I reached out and more gently than I even knew I was being, selecting a kunai pouch with a scorpion design stitched on the front.

It wasn't the same as the one I had picked out for Sasori, but it was still a blatant reminder. I had forgotten all about that day, despite how much fun I had at the time.

Before I could continue my reminiscing, the shopkeeper's voice brought me back to attention.

"Shaiā, you stupid girl. Your new rookie has been waiting for you for the past hour."

That was a lie; I hadn't been here that long. With my attention caught, I wandered out of the aisle I was in and saw the shopkeeper speaking to a fairly tall young woman. Her skin was tanned, pairing well with her dark brown eyes. Her hair was also dark; cut short, black strands framing her face.

Overall, she was quite pretty. The air around her screamed "accomplished and respected kunoichi". Despite her serious appearance, her personality didn't seem to match it very well…

"What? You're lying!" Shaiā exclaimed, denying the man's claims. Despite it, she began looking around frantically as if to spot the pitiful child that had been waiting over an hour for her.

Seeing as I wasn't trying to hide myself, I moved to greet her but stopped when she noticed me immediately. Not even a second passed before the woman was directly in front of me, an apologetic look on her face.

"Kyojin? I am terribly sorry; I knew I was going to be a few minutes late, but an entire hour!? I feel horrible, I—"

The shopkeeper began to cackle loudly. "Always so gullible!"

Shaiā abruptly turned, marching back to the older man with her fist raised threateningly. "Tou-san! I told you to quit with your lies! Must you embarrass me in front of my student?"

The shopkeeper, and Shaiā's father, as it turns out, continued to laugh despite the lingering threat of a solid punch hanging literally over his head. He shook his head, wiping at a nonexistent tear. "I think it's best he just knows what he's getting into."

Shaiā rolled her eyes. "What exactly is that supposed to mean? Nevermind, I don't care." The dark-haired woman cleared her throat and stood straighter as she approached me for the second time. "Apologies, Kyojin. My name is Shaiā, and I'm your new sensei. Please disregard anything that pile of dust has said about me."

"Right…" I mumbled, glancing behind the woman at the still heavily amused shopkeeper. "Nice to meet you... I think. Um, please take care of me," I finished with a polite bow.

Shaiā laughed at my hesitance. "Trust me, my family isn't always this… rambunctious. Now, let's get straight to business. It's my job to nurture and train you to grow stronger and become a much more capable shinobi to Sunagakure. Before I can do that, I need to do an evaluation, so—" She grinned then, winking at me. "Race ya to Training Ground Sixteen!"

The woman was gone, leaving a gust of sand in my face. I coughed, spitting out grains, not wasting another second before I ran after her. I knew she'd beat me, especially after such a stunt, but where was the fun if I didn't even try to win?

A small smile crept up my face as I raced through the village. My heart definitely felt a little bit lighter.

Upon making it to the training grounds, Shaiā wasted no time in getting my evaluation started. She walked me through some basic stretches before having me do some tests to assess my current skill level. They ranged from running laps to punching tree stumps repeatedly; it was honestly more tame than I had been expecting, not that I was complaining.

"Okay," Shaiā said after one final test. "You seem to be above average for your age, but there's a lot you can improve on. I can tell you're a clanless kid."

I frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Shaiā either was oblivious to my offense or just blatantly ignored it as she replied matter-of-factly, "Well, clan kids are usually trained from a young age. You're clearly self-taught, or either didn't start training until later on. Also, clan kids are prone to using clan-specific fighting styles. Yours are a mix of the Academy's and your own bastardized version."

"...Oh."

"Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with that! You don't have to be from a clan to make it far as a shinobi. The fact you graduated at such a young age says enough about your potential and current skill level to me. Now, moving on— Show me all the ninjutsu you currently know."

Showcasing my ninjutsu was a very quick affair. I basically only knew the Academy basics, and hadn't focused on learning anything new due to my interest being on other specializations. Shaiā looked like she had definitely been expecting more from me, as after finishing my final jutsu (demonstrating how durable my sand clones were) she seemed to be waiting for me to continue. When I didn't she kept watching me expectantly.

"Um," I said awkwardly after enduring her stare for a while. "That's all the ninjutsu I currently know."

"Oh? Really? Okay, then…" Shaiā tapped her chin. "Well, nothing wrong with that! Let's just move on. You performed all of the Academy basics perfectly. No need for improvement there; you'll do that gradually as you continue your career as a shinobi. Next, we need to figure out your chakra affinity so we can expand your jutsu arsenal a bit more."

Digging through her pocket, Shaiā pulled out several sheets of what was most likely chakra paper. She held one out to me, and I watched as, with a pulse of her chakra, the paper ignited on fire before shriveling up into a burnt crisp.

"You just channel a small amount of your chakra into the paper and your affinity is revealed! Pretty nifty, right? Your file said you have excellent chakra control, so I expect this shouldn't be too much of a challenge for you. Here, give it a go."

I grabbed the paper Shaiā held out to me and scrutinized it. From the corner of my eye, Shaiā looked amused but didn't say anything about my blatant dubiousness. I seriously wondered how these pieces of paper worked. Fūinjutsu was the only reason I could think of.

Focusing back on the paper, I did as my sensei instructed and channeled a small amount of my chakra into the paper. The results were instant.

The paper split in half, before turning into dirt and crumbling to the ground a moment later.

"Oh! Two affinities, huh? That's tricky, but also fun. I don't know many earth jutsu, but I know a couple of wind jutsu that I can teach you." She winked at me. "Not right away, of course. There's more to being a ninja than flashy jutsu!"

I just stared. I had thought it before, but Shaiā gave off the same energy as a preschool teacher. Despite the fact I was a genin, she was still viewing me as a child. Which, fair.

Physically, I still was. It was just odd considering every other person around me treated me like I was older.

"...Right. Is the evaluation over then?" I asked, staring blankly down at the remains of my chakra paper. I really didn't want to go home just yet; who knew what would be waiting for me there.

"Almost," Shaiā smiled. "We're gonna finish up with a friendly spar. I just want to get a feel of your combat abilities, and experiencing them firsthand is usually the best way to go. So, come at me once you're ready!"

Immediately I put some space between Shaiā and I.

She laughed. "Relax, I won't be retaliting at first. I'll be looking at your offensive style, so think of me as a training dummy."

I raised an eyebrow. "How will I know when you're ready to look at my defensive style?"

Shaiā's eyes glinted, making the kind smile on her face appear out of place. "I think you'll figure it out."

With that being said, I began the spar.

True to her word, Shaiā didn't fight back… at first. She remained in one spot the entire time, my hits and projectiles doing nothing to even so much as inconvenience her. I sincerely think she wasn't trying to insult me by not even breaking a sweat, but… it certainly made me feel like all my training up to now had been for nothing.

Then when she switched up and put me on the defensive. The pace changed instantly. I felt like she was chasing me, and I was doing more running than actually fighting back.

At the end, I collapsed on the ground while Shaiā stood above me, unbothered as she wrote things down on a small notebook.

"Not bad, but nothing impressive either," she observed, glancing down at me. Her words were like stabs to my chest, yet she said them with a sunny smile on her face. "Offensively, I can see you're more of a long-range type of fighter. That isn't bad, but usually only works if you're on a team that has actual close-ranged shinobi. We'll have to work around that. Defensively… I really thought I was holding back, but maybe I was a bit much? Your defense needs a lot of work."

Just like that, all the many things I had done to train myself for this moment flashed through my mind.

"How did I even graduate?" I mumbled to myself, hands clenching into fists. Was I really so weak?

Shaiā frowned. "Hey, don't take what I said too seriously! You are still super skilled for someone your age. Sunagakure doesn't just let anyone graduate early, you know. You have a lot of potential, but it's unrealistic to become the best instantly. You just have to keep working towards it, and that's what I'll be helping you do." The dark-haired woman ruffled my hair before forcing me to my feet. "Cheer up. I'm taking you to get dinner now, or did you need to get home?"

I looked up at the moon in the sky. I hadn't even noticed that the sun had set.

Looking back to Shaiā I shook my head. "No… There's no rush. Where are we going to eat?"

Before I knew it, dinner was over and Shaiā and I were parting ways with plans to meet again tomorrow morning to officially start our training. Now, I stood outside my home, anxious to return. Slowly, I opened the door and sneaked inside. I didn't bother sensing who was home; I was too afraid of the answer.

Immediately upon entering, I noticed the lights were turned on.

Sasori wasn't one to make sure the home was well-lit. If he came home late, he'd march straight to his room and only turn on the light in there.

Cautiously, I reached out with my senses. A familiar chakra embraced me.

"Are you going to keep lingering by the door, or are you going to come in here and greet me?"

"Baa-chan!"

Faster than what Chiyo probably expected, I was in the kitchen and launching myself into her arms. She caught me deftly, only stumbling one step back. "Welcome back!"

She chuckled. "I'm home."

Releasing her, I took the time to examine her. She was still in her kunoichi gear, so I assumed she had just gotten back to the village recently. A pot of food still steaming on the stove also pointed to that conclusion.

"You've grown while you were gone," Chiyo observed with a pleased look on her face. "What a handsome grandson I have!" She laughed once again, ruffling my hair and displacing my forehead protector. "And to top it off, you graduated? Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Baa-chan…" I couldn't find it in myself to be annoyed with her affections. I had missed it, and her. Glancing back over at the dinner she had prepared, I looked at her apologetically. "Ah, sorry, but I won't be eating. My sensei already treated me to dinner."

"That's alright. I'll eat and you can tell me about that shitty Konohagakure and your new team."

I didn't want to. I didn't want to rehash my time in Konoha, or mention all the wonderful people I met and had to leave behind. I didn't want to talk about my new sensei, who was honestly very nice so far. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Sasori and how he was coping with Komushi's death.

I knew it was a harsh topic, though, and that it would sour the mood for the rest of the night. So, I started with the happy stuff. I told Chiyo about my time in Konoha, or, at least, the things I was too lazy to write about in our letters. I told her about Shaiā (unsurprisingly, the old had known exactly who the young jōnin was) and how I had no other team members as of yet.

After all of that was out of the way, the room remained silent for a moment. Chiyo busy eating, while I was busy gathering my thoughts.

"Baa-chan, there is something else I wanted to talk to you about…"

Chiyo seemed to know what exactly this subject would be, because she calmly set her bowl of food down to give me her full attention. Taking a deep breath, I explained to Chiyo about Sasori's attitude towards me, and also about the blueprint I had found in his room.

Chiyo remained silent as I spoke, but I could tell by her expression that she was troubled by what she was hearing.

"Can you talk to him, baa-chan? I don't know what to do anymore. It's like while I was away, our relationship completely fell apart. I just wish he would just— I just wish— Ugh." I stopped myself from continuing, feeling my eyes start to water.

"I see…" Chiyo's words were soft and solemn. "I will try and talk some sense into him, but, as you know from my letter, I hadn't had much luck with him before. However, back then I wasn't aware of his plans." Her face scrunched up and she sighed heavily. "What a mess this brat has created…"

Chiyo looked at me then, her expression serious.

"Kyojin. No matter what, I think it's important for you to not give up on your brother. He may not realize it himself, but after everything is all said and done, he will need you the most. I already know he'll be looking to you for comfort. I feel that because you weren't here when Komushi passed, it affected him greatly and forced him to cope in ways he had never thought of before." Chiyo looked away, as if debating on her next words.

"When your parents passed," she continued, "Sasori had you. If you hadn't been born, I think this is exactly how he would have reacted. As twisted as it is… Your brother has never been normal, anyways, right?" Chiyo smiled then. "Also, don't blame yourself for not being here. That isn't your fault, and, even so, no one could have predicted that poor boy's death. It was an accident. A tragedy, but an accident."

I nodded slowly, taking in all that she had said.

"Thank you, baa-chan."

"Of course. Now, I think it's time for you to head to bed. Don't worry about your brother; for the time being, let your dear Obaa-sama handle it."

I nodded, saying goodnight before scampering off to shower and to throw myself onto my bed.

As I was curled up in my blankets that night, staring blankly at the ceiling above me, I couldn't help but allow my thoughts to wander to Sasori. It didn't help that my bed smells exactly like him.

I sighed, curling into myself and squeezing my eyes shut.

'Easier said than done.'

author's note: thank you for everyone who left reviews! sorry if i wasn't able to reply to everyone. some i didn't know how to reply, others i felt bad for taking so long and decided to just not reply at all :') but i do see every review you send over, and i appreciate them all the same!

a big reason it's taken me so long to update is because writing is hard, life sucks, and i'm caught up on my outline for this story so i'm still trying to figure out what direction i'll be taking it! thanks to everyone who has stuck around,, and if you had to reread the previous chapters to remember what was going on don't feel bad bc i had to do the same lmao

side note, i'm in the process of making a tumblr for my fics and etc. just a place for me to retweet writing inspo and what not. it'll be easier to reach out to you guys up there too, and easier for you to ask questions and etc. the is valxrafics if you wanna check it out. it's kinda bare bones rn

this chapter was edited by fortheloveofb! thank you as always ^^

ABoredReader: thank you! i'm glad you're enjoying the story :)

Ali: thank you for the review! i really enjoyed hearing your thoughts LOL you basically said what everyone else was thinking during that scene lmao. yeah, sasori definitely needs to get his act together! sooner rather than later

story rec: "pulling the strings" by Hubris Plus