Rejection
Shadows began to stretch eastward, telling Hiei It was getting late. He was practicing sword maneuvers in the dens bamboo forest outside of Genkai's Temple. He had been watching the sun spots move steadily across the forest floor all day. Shortly he would have company, and a confession to make.
Despite hours of practicing movements he knew by heart, his muscles were tense with anticipation. Normally the training could clear his mind, but anticipation built up inside him causing discomfort. In short moments he would say things he had never said before in his life.
He reached inside his shirt to run his fingers over a cool metal ring on a chain. It was a token of his affection, carefully selected for the one he intended to have. He had consulted Kurama on the matter, and was confident in his choice. Now all he had to do was… all he had to do was…
There was a snap in the distance, heralding the arrival of his would be lover. The heavy, careless steps of a certain redheaded teen followed that first sign. The fire demon felt tension seize his chest, surprising him. It was only a testament to how this human made him feel. Keeping the ring carefully tucked away, Hiei waited as Kazuma's silhouette became clear through the bamboo.
When the boy finally entered the tiny clearing, the short assassin expelled a breath he had not been aware he was holding. The youth ducked through the stalks smiling amiably at his shorter companion.
"Yo, Shorty!" The carrot top greeted his teammate in a good-natured tone. The slight insult, as usual rolled off Hiei with no recognition.
"Oaf," the darker male returned the greeting coolly, but without sting. Hiei saw the words he wanted to say fly before his vision, but still he was unsure where to start. Seeing the object of his desire strip off his jacket brought him out of his thought bubble.
"Okay!" The boy enthusiastically threw his coat aside. Taking a battle stance with an excited grin the teen said, "Ready to spar shrimp, and don't think this will be like last time."
Hiei blinked, as he digested what was happening. He coughed sheathing his blade, and relaxed his natural defensive stance. The demon regarded Kuwabara seriously, causing the boy much confusion.
"I did not summon you to fight," The demon said clearly, not at all sure that his voice was its normal calm. The youth gave Hiei a puzzled look, and backed out of his stance wearily. "I would speak to you," he paused, unsure of how to word the next sentence. Should he launch into his confession, or build up to it more subtly. The demon's heart beat quickened ever so slightly, as the pause drew on. Was this really such a good plan?
"Speak away," the human replied, raising his arms behind his head in a relaxed fashion. The boy's expression was thoughtful, and almost eager. He did not often get to talk seriously with his normally surly teammate.
Said teammate was still torn on how he was going to break the news. Rejection loomed as a possibility in his mind, more frightening than he had first imagined. He mentally shook the feeling off, telling himself he was too old to get worked up over such things. Acceptance or rejection were most likely fifty fifty chances at this point, he reasoned to himself. He had not prior to this moment, made a habit of courting the human. He hoped that a confession of his feelings might be the beginning of such a relationship.
Perhaps if he began with why he had feelings for the human... But the thought of doing so brought a flood of confusion to the demon's mind. Even though he had clear and concrete reasons for liking the boy, the full extent of his affection and what caused it were still something of a mystery. He was not confident in making his point clear yet. The demon would much rather discover the meanings of his emotions, and the extent of his affection during courtship. His feelings being too intimate to share out loud just yet.
"Hiei?" The demon snapped to attention at the youth's concerned voice. The youth paused before carefully asking, "Is everything okay?" A slight smile tugged at the corner of Hiei's mouth as the boy asked this question. The demon would have to merely confess his feelings, and deal with whatever reaction came one step at a time.
"Kuwabara," Hiei felt the moment was a little surreal as he spoke, "I have wanted... I want to tell you..."
The moment was also surreal for the human boy, who listened in a sort of rapt fascination. Something about the way Hiei was looking at him gave him butterflies. The idea that Hiei wanted to tell him something so obviously important, made that fluttering feeling all that much more powerful.
"I have feelings for you," Hiei finally blurted out. He could feel the blood rushing in his ears and chided himself for such a childish reaction. "I desire to have you," the demon continued seriously, "as my lover." Kuwabaras' eyes widened with alarm at the statement. "I want you for more than a lover." The last sentence, Hiei felt proudly, was quite smooth.
The boy was obviously more than a little stunned by the sudden confession. The redhead stared forward, as though frozen in time. Slowly, color spread from ear to ear and the humans mouth moved as though to speak. Futilely it seemed, as no sound escaped his lips.
Hiei's own heart was beating ferociously. He gripped the ring tightly in his palm, hoping against hope a positive answer was in store. Finally the human found his voice.
"Hiei, I..." There was slight confusion, but no difinite rejection in the human's stuttering. Finally however, Kazuma's dark eyes dropped away, avoiding Hiei's gaze. "I can't." The redhead was stumbling backward out of the clearing, his face crimson as he made his escape.
The refused demon did not move to stop the retreating human. He stared after the spot Kuwabara had made his exit, with a thoughtful expression. The self conscious refusal intrigued the shorter teammate. If his ears had not deceived him, there was a reluctant almost regretful note in his redhead's voice.
Could it be, the human even marginally returned his feelings? Hiei thought about all the things he had planned to say in the case of flatout rejection. His thoughts were not organized in the sense that he had a speech all ready if Kuwabara were to refuse him, or that he expected to be refused. Kuwabara's personality was such, that it left some lee-way for conversation and in it's own way a door open for persuasion of necessary. Hiei had been more prepared for a flurry of questions, than flat out acceptance or denial of his feelings.
Interestingly enough, Kuwabara's response had been none of these things. From the human's body language, it was obvious he was not expecting the confession. From his words... The boy's words were the tasty bit of information Hiei was chewing over.
It was strange that the boy say he 'could' not return the feelings. Not the same as the defiant 'would' not return the feelings, or an apologetic, 'didn't want to' return the feelings. Though it might be a synonym for any of those phrases under certain circumstances, it didn't feel that way. To Hiei's understanding, it was almost as though some 'outside' force prevented the boy from accepting.
The finally Hiei put his thoughts on the back burner. He didn't want to over analyze the response. The demon would go back to the fox for a second opionion. In Hiei's mind, his old friend was the foremost authority on words and hidden meanings.
"And," the demon mused, gathering the human's forgotten coat, "I have an excuse to see him again."