Harry Potter and the Heir to Gondor
A Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings fusion by Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: This is a fanbased parody work of prose. Please support the official release.
Petunia sat on one side of the carriage, dressed in a warm dark blue coat with gray fur trim. Her sword hung from her belt, along with her Elven knives. She had one leg crossed over the other, and her arms crossed underneath her breasts. She stared across the carriage at the only other passenger-Severus Snape-As unpleasant to be around as ever.
He too had opted for another layer, a black cloak over his usual clothing. He glowered back at her, the carriage tumbling along as snow fell outside the windows.
"So. Hogsmeade visit on Halloween?" Petunia asked. Snape nodded slowly.
"The Headmaster has been granted an increase in the number of visits to the village. The mayor was asking for more student purchasing, apparently."
"Ah," Petunia replied. Silence again fell. "Why are we chaperoning?"
Snape let out an annoyed hiss, his black eyes glaring back into hers. He really looked just as sour as he did when they were kids.
"You were there when the Headmaster talked to us-McGonnagal is preparing some new training program, Flitwick is off visiting his family-"
"I mean why specifically he made the two of us," Petunia asked, pointing at herself and then Snape, "chaperones."
Snape sneered, as was his wont. He could probably hold an entire conversation with nothing but sneers.
"You have probably already guessed."
Petunia sighed and looked heavenward.
"He's really trying to make us get along, isn't he?" She asked in exasperation.
"Why do you think he keeps sending Potter to my classes?" Snape sniffed. "His mentality remains that of a school teacher."
"And we're just two misbehaving students," Petunia huffed. She leaned back in her comfortable seat.
"Well, I refuse to play his game," she stated.
"Admirable, but ultimately futile," Snape replied. "He will continue the same strategy until something violent actually happens. And he will take any possible improvement as a sign he was right, and that it's working."
"You mean how you are treating Harry with actual professionalism in your classes?" Petunia deadpanned. Snape bristled.
"That had nothing to do with the Headmaster!"
"But he will take it as a sign of encouragement," Petunia pointed out. Snape paled.
"Bugger."
"Yes, bugger," Petunia snorted. She looked out at Hogsmeade. "Ugh. Well, it's cleaner than a medieval village, at least. You wizards and your nostalgia."
"Tradition counts for something," Snape sneered. Petunia opened the hatch, and stepped out onto the muddy cobblestone street. Snape got out soon after. Petunia strode forward, as numerous students emerged from the carriages and congregated in a messy crowd. The townsfolk watched them, some with smiles, some indifferent.
"Attention! Everyone!" Petunia shouted. She got many eyes on her, but not enough. She put her fingers to her mouth, and whistled as loudly as she could.
That got everyone's attention quickly. Petunia gave them all as professional a smile as she could. She sensed Snape alongside her, glaring into the crowd. She decided to ignore him.
"Now. You are Hogwarts students. Coming to Hogsmeade is a privilege, not a right. Abuse it, and you lose it! You will all be expected to behave properly! And be back by sunset! Any questions?"
There were none. Petunia smiled and held up her arms.
"Then by all means-Go, enjoy yourselves!"
The students parted, heading off to shops while talking excitedly.
Harry was approached by Susan Bones, who smiled warmly at him from a furry hooded cloak.
"Hello Harry!" She said cheerfully. "Since we're training together, I was wondering if you'd like to go see the Shrieking Shack together?"
"Ah, well," Harry began, but Hermione smiled and took his hand.
"Certainly!" Hermione said, her smile gleaming in the snowy light, "we'd all love to go to the Shrieking Shack together-Wouldn't we, Harry?"
"Ah," Harry looked between the two girls, bewildered. A kind of silent conversation seemed to be held between the Gryffindor brunette and the Hufflepuff redhead. A tension was clearly developing, and he was at least able to notice it.
He took a deep breath.
"Sure!" Harry said, "let's all go! Ron? You coming with?"
"Yeah!" Ron said excitedly. "I promised Luna I'd get her a picture!"
"Oh? You promised Luna a picture?" Fred teased, wrapping an arm around Ron's shoulders. George sniffed, and wiped a faux tear from his eye.
"Our Ronniekins is growing up so fast!" George gushed.
"OY! Lay off, you two!" Ron growled, blushing hard. This made Harry and Hermione laugh, and after a moment, Susan laughed too. Susan looked over at Hannah with a bright smile.
"Do you want to come with us, Hannah?" She asked.
"Nah," Hannah said, shaking her head, "I've seen the Shack on my summers with my aunt. But I'll meet you for butterbeer later?"
"Sounds great!" Susan said. She beamed and took Harry's other arm. "Shall we?"
The group headed off for the Shack, Hannah headed to the Three Broomsticks, and Fred and George ran off to Zonko's Joke Shop.
Petunia sighed, and rested her hand on Hadhafang's wooden hilt. It was reassuring.
"Teenagers," Snape sniffed. "Always nauseating."
"We were that young once," Petunia stated wistfully, not looking in his direction, "we hate it because it reminds us."
Things were silent for a moment. Snape finally huffed.
"I'm surprised you aren't enjoying our reunion more," he stated, "you always liked making me suffer."
"I'm making you suffer then, Severus?" Petunia asked wryly, "I haven't even started beating you up yet."
Snape went pale, and growled a bit.
"You didn't beat me up! You-You cheated!"
"A girl has to cheat to beat up a boy?" Petunia shot back, a savage smile on her face.
"Of course you did!"
"Yet there were all those times," Petunia mused, pressing a finger to her chin thoughtfully, "that you had your wand and I still knocked you silly."
"You did not! I was sick those times!" Snape protested. He shook his head and turned away. "If you're going to just be immature about this-"
Petunia grabbed onto Snape's arm. He jumped in surprise and glared at her in shock. Petunia smirked.
"Ohhh no. Dumbledore wants us to bond? We shall bond," Petunia stated, dragging him towards the Three Broomsticks, "we will bond and he will dearly regret his stupid, stupid idea. Forever."
"You-You hate me!" Snape protested.
"Yes, but I hate that meddling old man more," Petunia said cheerfully, her eyes narrowed, "and making him regret things is swiftly becoming a hobby of mine."
She dragged Snape through the doors, and all eyes were soon on them. Old regular wizards chuckled to themselves at the sight. A few witches gaped in disbelief. Several students giggled and whispered.
Petunia dragged Snape right to the bar, and sat them both down. Madame Rosmerta, the busty proprietress of the establishment, walked up with a shocked expression that morphed into a cunning smile.
"Well well well! Professor Snape! Out on a date? I never thought I'd see the day," she said, "and so pretty, too!"
"Thank you," Petunia said brightly, before Snape could respond, "two of your finest, please. He's paying."
"Wonderful!" Rosmerta chuckled, turning and walking off to the back. Snape glowered at Petunia, who just smirked back.
"You're a sadistic monster," he stated.
"Takes one to know one," Petunia said, sing song. Maybe it was all the nostalgia, but she could almost see Severus as he was... Before all of this.
She had tried. She had tried so hard to stay friends with Lily and Snape while they were at Hogwarts. She had tried to bury her resentment, and just talk and bond with them. Before the letters came, all three of them were inseparable. Sure, she did beat up Snape... But she also beat up the boys who bullied him. She was the elder sister, after all. She took care of Lily and Snape.
Then... Everything just fell apart. Lily went off with James Potter. Snape, to the Death Eaters. And Petunia?
Petunia had hung up her sword on the day her parents died. She had transformed herself, trying to be as normal and boring as possible. Which led her to Vernon.
She shut her eyes, keeping her sadistic smile up.
No. She wasn't going to think of him now.
Right now? She was just going to think of making Severus suffer a bit for fun. A Halloween treat for herself.
And trick, too!
In all honesty, the Shrieking Shack was a lot less... Impressive than Harry thought it was going to be. It was just a dilapidated ruin, leaning into a hill that jutted out of the Forbidden Forest just a bit. Like it was poking its head out of the trees to see if it was safe. The windows and doors were all boarded up, and not a single footprint disturbed the light snow around it.
It was a bit ominous looking, sure, but scary?
"Cool," Ron breathed, eyes wide as he beheld the ruin, "so spooky!"
"Totally!" Susan grinned nearby.
Well, Harry smiled, at least two of his friends were enjoying the outing.
"It was built in the 1970s by an anonymous investor, but was shortly abandoned afterwards," Hermione murmured, "apparently it's now property of Hogwarts, though I don't know what we do with it."
Okay, three of his friends.
"Dare you to go in there," Ron said with a grin. Harry snorted.
"I'm not going in there," Harry stated. Ron's grin widened.
"What, you afraid of ghosts or something?"
"No, just think it would be boring," Harry pointed out. "I mean, we have been in the Chamber of Secrets."
"I haven't," Hermione said.
"Neither have I!" Susan said cheerfully, "sounds interesting! Maybe we could go see it together?"
"Blimey, hell no!" Ron shuddered, "I'm not going back there! What if there was another basilisk?"
"Ooh, do you think there might be?" Susan asked eagerly. Hermione shook her head, shuffling a bit closer to Harry as Susan and Ron began to argue about the Chamber. Well, Ron seemed to be arguing-Susan was asking more questions and seemed to get even more excited as Ron tried to dissuade her.
The two of them stared at the Shack, studying its lines. Harry frowned and closed his eyes.
"What can you hear from it?" Hermione asked softly. Harry focused on the Song, and sucked in a deep breath of cold air.
"There's a lot of... Sadness from the house," Harry admitted, "a lot of anger... And..." His frown deepened, and shook his head. "Can't get anything else firm... Too much interference?"
"That's a shame," Hermione sighed, "might be nice to learn more."
"What do you hear?" Harry asked softly. Hermione flushed, and looked aside.
"I've... Been struggling with that part," Hermione murmured. Harry raised an eyebrow.
"You?"
"Believe it or not, Harry James Potter, I'm not good at everything," Hermione muttered. "I just... It's hard to keep my mind quiet, I guess. I keep thinking and just can't... Quiet it down."
Harry thought a moment, and then took her hand in his. She blushed.
"Harry?"
"Try listening now," he said, "I hear it better when I'm near Aunt Petunia."
Hermione sighed, and closed her eyes. She worried her brow. Harry laughed a bit, softly.
"You're focusing too hard," Harry said, "you just need to relax."
"I am relaxed," Hermione grumbled.
"You're not," Harry teased.
"Well you being so close isn't helping me relax!" Hermione huffed. Harry pulled his hand back.
"Ah, sorry," he said. Hermione flushed, and looked aside again. She worried her gloved hands together.
"I... I didn't say it was a bad thing, either," she mumbled. Harry blinked.
"Well which is it?" He asked.
Her song was... Strange. Like it wanted something but was filled with fear...?
He sensed mischief, and immediately ducked and pulled Hermione down with him. A snowball sailed over their bowed heads. Susan pouted.
"Aw! I thought I could catch you by surprise!" Susan called. "I got Ron!"
Ron was still wiping snow off his face, sputtering.
"I'm gonna get you for that!" Ron cried, caught between anger and laughter. Harry grinned, and scooped up his own snowball. He let it loose at Susan, who barely dodged it. She shrieked and returned fire, as Hermione ducked down with Harry behind a snow bank for cover.
Ron alternated between throwing at Susan and Harry, dodging around wildly. Susan found a tree and let loose snowballs at high speed, but with poor accuracy. Harry picked his targets carefully, and threw, while Hermione just made ammo.
"Not fair!" Ron shouted, "she's making you ammo!"
"You and Susan can team up!" Harry shouted back.
"Nuh uh!" Susan cried, "Ron's a cheater!"
"You hit me first!" Ron shouted, "when I didn't have a snowball!"
"So?" Susan cried. "Still cheating!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
Harry laughed, a smile from ear to ear. Was this what it was like? Just being a kid without a care in the world? Just... Having fun?
Despite Hermione's occasional disapproving looks, it was clear she was enjoying herself too. Her cheeks were flushed, and she waved her wand. Several snowballs rose into the air, and Hermione flung them at the two redheads.
"AH! HEY! THAT'S REALLY CHEATING, HERMIONE!" Susan cried, taking a hit to her chest before she slipped into the snow. "AHH! CEASE FIRE!"
"NOT COOL!" Ron laughed, leaping and slipping into the snow as he too was bombarded.
"Too bad! Should have thought of it first!" Hermione taunted.
She got up and preened.
"HA! I am the Snow Queen!"
"Great job, Hermione," Harry complimented her from behind. Hermione turned and beamed at him.
"Why thank you Harr-"
And Harry's snowball hit her right in the face. She sputtered angrily, as Harry laughed and ran.
"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, POTTER!" She shrieked, laughing as she gave chase.
"HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST!" Harry taunted back, running for the Shrieking Shack. Hermione scooped up snow and threw it, but she didn't have time to form it into a ball so she just kept tossing it at him in little clouds. Finally, she formed one, and cast it at him. Hard enough to his head that he tripped and fell, right within the broken gate of the fence surrounding the place.
"Oh! Oh, Harry! Harry, are you all right?!" Hermione cried. Harry laid still, and Hermione ran over to him. Ron and Susan headed up too, closing the distance. Hermione got to Harry, and turned him over.
"Harry, are you-?"
And she got another handful of snow in her face. She screamed in shock and anger, as Harry laughed.
"YOU PRAT!"
Susan helpfully handed Hermione a snow ball, and she smashed it over the laughing Harry's head.
"Ahahaha! Ahahahaha!"
All four teens fell into laughter. Harry wrapped an arm around Hermione's waist, grinning at her.
"See how much better it is to relax?" He murmured. Hermione blushed, and looked down.
"I knew... I just... I never had friends to relax with," she admitted.
"I know the feeling," Harry murmured. Hermione smiled fondly at him... Just before Susan stuck her face between theirs.
"ACK! SUSAN!" Hermione cried.
"What? Were you going to Eskimo kiss him?" Susan asked. "Because that sounds like fun!" She proceeded to nuzzle her nose against Harry's, making the black haired boy blush heavily. He jerked back.
"Ah! No! No we weren't!" Harry managed.
"Looked pretty close, mate," Ron teased. Hermione threw a snowball at him, but even as he ducked Ron just laughed. Hermione giggled too, after a moment. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Harry smiled, and closed his own.
Her Song felt... Far less anxious. It was still brilliantly constructed and intricate, but it was happy instead of frantic. In such a state, he hoped she could hear the same things he did. The deep darkness of the Forbidden Forest, the overcast skies...
He frowned. He could feel... Legs. Many legs, stomping down in an unnatural rhythm. A song of hunger and empty obedience. Hunger, a deep hunger beyond any mere animal... Something predatory...
And familiar.
He stood up, and drew Anduril. His friends stopped laughing and stared at him.
"Harry?" Hermione asked softly, as Ron and Susan began scanning around, "what is it?"
"Shh," Susan muttered. "Listen!"
It was... Like hard fingers were tapping against the ground. Skittering... Squeaks and squeals, faint, but almost human, carried through the still cold air.
Ron paled. He knew those sounds all too well. He pulled his own sword... Just as a blood red Acromantula leaped down from the roof of the Shrieking Shack!
"NANKARI!" Harry bellowed, swinging Anduril. Unlike his aunt, he could project the spell further, and unleashed it as a luminous white crescent of energy. The spider slammed into the ground near Ron, neatly cut into two pieces that swiftly burned away. Ron was breathing hard and fast, while Hermione and Susan were on their feet with wands out.
"More coming!" Hermione shouted, "on the left!"
The Songs of the Acromantulas were loud. They were all hungry, desperate for something. Not food, but they wouldn't mind it. Their eyes locked onto Harry. The Song changed, and Harry realized it.
Nothing for it then.
"RUN!" Harry bellowed, grabbing Hermione's hand and taking off. Susan and Ron sprinted right behind them, as a flood of man-sized spiders pursued them, shrieking and squeaking.
"WHAT DO THEY WANT?!" Susan shouted in disbelief and fear.
Harry groaned. He'd just wanted a quiet year, and now...!
"ME!" He shouted back.
Sorry for the short nature of this chapter. But the story is not dead!