Author's Note: It's Camp NaNoWriMo again, so I figured I'd have another shot at finishing this fic! Or at least getting a few more chapters towards the end before I get diverted by something else. ;) And I just had to spare Patterson the worst of what she went through in season two. It's bad enough finding out your boyfriend is a terrorist without getting shot, tortured and having a bug implanted in your tooth. Patterson will definitely not have such a hard time of it in this fic, though she will obviously still be devastated.

"Are you okay, Dr. Borden?"

"Hmm? Yes. My apologies, Jane. I didn't sleep well." Her therapist smiled, the expression seeming a little forced. "A problem I know you're intimately familiar with at the moment."

"If you need to talk…?" she offered, without thinking.

Borden leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. "That would be reversing our relationship as therapist and patient. Ethically speaking, I'm not allowed to do that—though I appreciate the offer. Tell me about your first nightmare last night."

Jane reluctantly focused on the notebook she'd been using to write down her dreams. "Well, no surprises… It involved my torturer again."

She had very specific ways to refer to things in her therapy sessions, right down to the way she filled out her notebook. She always referred to Keaton as 'my torturer', so she didn't divulge to Borden that she'd been taken and tortured by the CIA. When the team popped up in her dreams, it was usually okay to talk about, although if it was Kurt in a condemning role, she wasn't able to tell Borden it was because of her arrest. And any members of Sandstorm had to be reframed as suspects from her tattoo cases, so she didn't give away any classified information about Shepherd, Roman or phase two.

"I… I was torturing a guy, and my torturer was my…my mentor. He was giving me instructions on how to cause the torture victim more pain." She shuddered, remembering the way Keaton in her dream had smiled approvingly when she'd ripped off one of Cade's fingernails, as Cade's screams reverberated through the room.

"Did you know the man you were torturing?" Borden asked.

Yeah, I was supposed to kill him last week. I framed him for a murder I committed in self-defence. Oh, and the guy I killed? That was my ex-fiancé, who I'd been sleeping with because he was in love with the terrorist I used to be. I was also helping him to frame Mayfair for Tom Carter's death, and that was one of the primary reasons I was sent to the FBI with all these tattoos and my memory erased.

"No. He was just a random guy."

Sometimes she thought there was no point in continuing her therapy sessions with Borden. There was so much she had to dance around; so much she wasn't allowed to tell him. How could he possibly help her without knowing the extent of her trauma?

But she wasn't allowed to say anything, so she edited herself. Even substandard help was better than none. She wanted to get over this PTSD, wanted to be better. For herself, for Kurt, and for her mission.

"So in this dream, you perceived yourself as one of the enemy, torturing a helpless victim. Why do you think that was?"

Because I literally tortured him last week. I was trying to help him, but I still made him bleed, caused him pain.

"I guess I'm still worried about what kind of person I used to be. What kinds of awful things I've done in my past."

Borden wrote something down. "Have you had any new memories that concern you?"

Jane sighed. "A few flashes. An explosion in what looked like a desert country, maybe somewhere I was deployed when I was a SEAL? A few memories of being a child, in that horrible basement. Kids attacking each other. One of them had a razor blade." And he cut my brother's face with it. He still has the scar.

"That sounds traumatic, but nothing there suggests to me that you're a bad person. Does it to you?" Was it just her imagination, or had he flinched when she'd mentioned the explosion in a desert country?

"No, I guess not. But… I don't know. I don't even know what my brain is trying to tell me with these dreams."

"It could be that it's not trying to tell you anything. You've gone through some very traumatic experiences, but not everything in a dream has to be relevant to the trauma. For example, someone might dream about an abuser, or a torturer, turning into a giant frog, or something similar. Sometimes what happens in a dream has nothing to do with what actually happened, but it still feels terrifying because your torturer is in the dream."

Jane nodded slowly.

Their session continued, Jane talking around important details or leaving them out completely, and Borden asking questions that didn't feel relevant because she wasn't able to be honest with him. It made her steadily more frustrated, though she knew the therapy's failings were her own fault—or Nas', for refusing to read Borden in on the Sandstorm mission.

"You seem irritated," Borden said. "Why would you say that is?"

Because I can only tell you a tiny portion of the truth, and if things keep going on this way, I might as well just stop therapy altogether.

"I guess I'm just angry that any of this had to happen. I mean, on top of all the memory issues, the tattoos, being attacked in my safehouse… The torture just seems like one thing too much, and it's wrecking my life even more than the rest of it, because now I can't even sleep. And it was three months of pain and fear for nothing. I didn't break, so they might as well not have taken me in the first place."

"That's understandable. When a government agency, one meant to be protecting your rights, instead ignores those rights, it must feel like an injustice."

It wasn't until Jane left her session that Borden's words sank in.

She'd been lost in her own emotions when he'd commented, going on to tell him how much worse her PTSD had become since encountering her torturer in Bulgaria, and how if he'd just stayed away, her mind might have had an opportunity to heal. At least with this, she could be honest, though she still had to conceal Keaton's affiliations and identity. She'd been glad to be able to open up about those terrifying minutes that she'd had Keaton tied up and at her mercy.

By the time she realised Borden had been referring to the CIA, not the FBI, she was halfway towards the Zero Division annex. Abruptly, she stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall, sorting through the rest of her memories of him. How did he know that? I don't think I let something slip. Could he have guessed?

She was focusing so hard on her previous sessions with Borden that when a new memory of him hit, she didn't realise it wasn't recent for a moment.

After staring into space for a moment, stunned, she veered towards Patterson's lab.

"Patterson?"

"Hold on a second, I'm just in the middle of some math," Patterson said distractedly, bent over her desk.

"This can't wait."

Patterson looked up sharply, sensing Jane's distress. "What is it?"

"We need to go to the annex."

On the way there, Jane couldn't speak, though Patterson tried to ask what was going on. How badly was she about to hurt her friend? Patterson and Borden had been dating for a few months now. As far as Jane could tell, it was serious between them.

Nas began speaking the moment they got through the annex's door. "Ah, Jane—just the person I needed to… Are you all right?"

Jane quickly took stock of the occupants of the room, looking from Nas to Reade, Reade to Kurt, Kurt to Zapata. Thank god. They're all here.

"Borden is a Sandstorm mole."

"What?!" Patterson shook her head in total denial, a slight smile on her face, as though she was waiting for the punchline. "That's ridiculous. I know him. He's sweet, and kind, a-and—"

"His real name is Nigel Thornton. I first met him in Afghanistan, after the drone strike took out my Orion team. His wife, Chris, was a doctor."

Patterson wrapped her arms around herself at the word 'wife', looking nauseated.

"She saved my life, even though Borden—Thornton—was against me staying with them at first. They both helped me recover. It took a long time for me to heal, but Borden and I were walking in the mountains one day when…when the whole town exploded below us. The government had found me and sent more drones to finish me off, but I wasn't there. They bombed the town, the hospital… And then I…"

Revulsion rolled through Jane, and she hugged herself tightly. "Remi recruited him to Sandstorm that same day, told him she could help him get revenge for his wife's death. I'm so sorry, Patterson. I'm so sorry."

Patterson stared at her for a moment in silence, her features blank, her face pale. Then, without a word, she shouldered past Jane into one of the empty rooms, the door swinging slowly shut behind her.

After a moment, Zapata got up. "I'll check on her."

"Thank you," Jane managed to say, before Kurt enfolded her in his embrace.

"You okay?" he murmured.

"Not really," she replied, hiding her face in his shoulder for a moment. All those lives ended, just because the government were trying to erase all evidence of Orion. My fault. I should never have tried to find help.

"Jane, how did you remember this?" Reade asked.

"Does Borden know you're onto him?" Nas added urgently.

"I, uh…" Jane reluctantly pulled out of Kurt's arms and regained a professional distance, turning her attention to the remaining team members in the room. "I don't know. I didn't put it together until I left the room that he'd said something about my being tortured by the CIA. At first I thought maybe I'd slipped up and told him something classified, but as I was trying to remember everything I'd told him, a new memory came into my brain, of how Remi met him and recruited him. I think he's been here to monitor me the whole time."

"Did Borden realise he'd slipped up?" Kurt asked.

"He might have by now. If he does, he might run. What do we do? Do I tell him I've remembered he's Sandstorm, but keep my cover? Try to play Remi, the same way I do with Roman and Shepherd?"

Nas wavered for a second, making an indecisive noise. "Borden has psychological training. Even if you do make him a co-conspirator within the FBI, that means you don't have as much time here to be yourself."

Kurt added, "Plus, he's got to be curious about the annex. I've seen him outside talking to Patterson a few times. He'd ask Jane why we're working from here now instead of SIOC, and that'd be another complicated cover story to add to the one she's telling Shepherd and Roman. Especially if they start telling her to sneak intel to Borden."

"True. The more we complicate things, the more risk Jane has of slipping up," Nas agreed.

"So we arrest him, interrogate him. See what he knows about phase two," Reade said.

Jane shook her head, alarm coursing through her. "No! What if he's not the only mole in the FBI? Shepherd planted me and Borden—there might be more. We can't arrest him for being Sandstorm, otherwise Shepherd might be able to see it in his arrest files. Who knows what she has access to?"

"Good point," Reade said, deflating.

"So we arrest him for something else. Something that's believable, but doesn't tie in to terrorism." Nas paced for a moment, then swung back to face them. "Stealing classified files."

"That'd make sense." Kurt's eyes were still on Jane as he spoke, and she sensed he was worried about her. "Sandstorm would think he was trying to find out more about what you were doing and got caught in the act."

"I want to be the one to take him into custody," Patterson said, her voice a little too strong.

They all turned to face her. She stood in the doorway, her expression set with determination. Behind her, Zapata gave them all a concerned look.

"Patterson, I—" Jane started.

"Not now." Patterson cut her off abruptly. "Let me go in and see if he's spooked. I should be able to tell."

"No one would blame you if you don't want to do this, Patterson." Kurt took a step towards her.

"He could be getting ready to run as we speak. If he isn't, then we have a little more time to plan, but if he is, we have to act fast. I'm the easiest way to him. He's expecting me to meet him for lunch in about ten minutes. Let me do this." Her rigid posture made it clear she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"You can't go alone. One of us should be waiting outside the room to back you up," Zapata said.

"Fine. I'll take Weller."