Author's Note: This is kind of a special day, because it's the first anniversary of this fic! On 1st June, 2018, I uploaded the first chapter to this profile and hit the post button, not having had any contact with anyone in the fandom before, or having read any other Blindspot fics. I didn't know if anyone was going to read or care about TWY, and I definitely had no idea it was going to grow into the giant monster fic it became! I couldn't have written this much without your reviews cheering me on, so thank you for that.
So, while I wait for my new foster cats to settle down so I can watch the two-part season four finale without terrifying them, here are TWO anniversary chapters in one day!
"You're just gonna leave him there? Shepherd, with all due respect—" Jane protested.
"Let's not bother pretending respect comes into this discussion, Remi." Her mother gave her a shrewd look over her desk. "Even before the ZIP, this would have been something you fought me on. I know that. But unless you can get the FBI to send Nigel Thornton to minimum security at Rikers, while he waits for his court date, we have no chance of extracting him from custody. I'm sorry."
No, you're not. This is a minor inconvenience for you, no more.
Jane shook her head, censoring her thoughts. "While this investigation into the CIA is active, the FBI won't take the risk he'll talk to someone who might tip them off. They don't even want to transfer him out of the NYO right now, in case he manages to get word to his fictional CIA contact."
"It's an unfortunate situation, but his own slip of the tongue was to blame for this. He has to live with the consequences."
"Shepherd, I don't remember much about him from before, but he must be a valuable asset to us, right? I mean, I assume psychology isn't his only useful skill. What if I can come up with a way to get him out?"
It wasn't that she wanted Borden out of FBI custody—in fact, it could work to their advantage if Shepherd decided to abandon him—but she couldn't help but feel guilty. She'd recruited a man into extremism, someone who'd only tried to help her, and now she felt compelled to petition for his freedom. Mainly because Remi would have, but also because, if not for Remi, Borden would never have ended up in Sandstorm.
Shepherd set down her pen and levelled a hard stare at Jane. "Absolutely not. I have faith in your skills, but I've seen blueprints and pictures of the inside of that building. Your chances of success without being detected—or at the very least, suspected—are minimal, and if Weller's team starts to doubt you, that puts our entire operation at risk. It's out of the question. I liked Thornton, but he screwed up. I'm cutting him loose, and if it wasn't for the increased scrutiny it would draw, I'd get you to end his life. Be thankful he gets to live at all."
Jane remained where she was for a moment more, making no effort to hide her disgust. She'd known Shepherd considered everyone in Sandstorm expendable—even her own children—but every time she saw it, it nauseated her.
"Understood," she said, through gritted teeth, then stood up. "Is there anything else?"
"That'll be all," Shepherd said, turning in her chair to take some gun oil and a cloth from a shelf behind her, then reaching for the pistol on the corner of the desk. "Roman, please drive your sister home, then get straight back here. I'm putting you in charge of the next…acquisition."
Roman nodded. "C'mon, Remi."
Something about his tone nudged a memory at the back of her mind. Without a specific instance coming back to her, she understood it was the way he addressed Remi when he thought she was about to say, or do, something Shepherd really wouldn't like.
Heeding his warning, she turned her back on Shepherd and left the room, her shoulders tense.
"I wasn't going to say anything else," she muttered to him, once they were out of earshot.
"You already said plenty. Get in the car, and we'll talk."
They passed a cluster of four Sandstorm operatives in silence on their way through the compound's large entrance hall, and headed into the garage. Jane hadn't met any of them before—maybe Shepherd was still recruiting, even with phase two imminent.
Once they'd both slammed shut the doors of Roman's car, sealing themselves inside, Jane turned to her brother. "What? You think I shouldn't have fought to save Thornton? Shepherd said herself that I would have done it even before the memory wipe."
"It's not what you said, it's the way you said it. You used to stay cool while you disagreed with Shepherd about mission parameters. Now you don't bother to hide your feelings. You treat every disagreement with her like it's personal, and she considers it unprofessional. She's gotta be wondering if you'll go against her orders."
Damn it. She'd been waving a red flag in Shepherd's face without even realising it. Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead, anxiety churning in her gut. "I don't remember enough about the old Remi to be her. I can only be who I am now, based on the experiences I've had and the fragments of memory I've gotten back."
"I know," Roman said quietly, his face inscrutable. "That's what worries me."
Her stomach lurched. "What does that mean?"
Roman tossed the black bag into her lap. "Put it on. Let's get out of here."
At the end of the drive, as Roman pulled over to let her out of the car, she looked over at him. "Is there something I should know, Roman?"
He gave her a long look, the emotions still carefully held back from his face. "For now, no. Focus on the FBI. I'll update you when I have something solid."
She had to remember to breathe. "You're hinting at something, I can tell. Does Shepherd think I'm a liability now I've been ZIPped? Am I gonna end up like Markos?"
"You really think I'd let that happen?" Roman snorted. "No. Shepherd isn't exactly happy with you lately, but she knew you'd be different. She's just pissed she has to reassert her dominance."
That, at least, was a relief. "Then what?"
Roman reached past her, yanking on the catch to release the passenger door. "I have a mission to plan, and no, I won't discuss with you what it's gonna involve. Get back to Weller before he starts suspecting something. I'll be in touch."
Jane sighed and shoved the door open further. "Okay, okay." She hesitated before getting out of the car, worried about her brother despite herself. "Good luck. With the mission, I mean. Watch your back out there."
Her brother gave a slightly bemused smile. "Thanks. You too."
As he drove off, Jane set off down the sidewalk at a quick walk, trying to pull apart the conversation they'd just had. Something is going on with him. I just wish I remembered enough of our past to figure out what he's thinking.
Jane took a deep breath as she faced her team. "Okay. I think I'm ready."
"You sure?" Reade asked, pulling on the string attached to the teabag in his mug. "Because you don't look ready."
Kurt shot him a sharp glance, but Jane put her hand on his arm to stop him from interjecting on her behalf.
"Honestly? This is about as ready as I'm gonna get," she confessed. "But I think that's okay. Thornton was a good friend to Remi, and he knows the new me as much as he knew the old me. He's had a window into my head for almost the entire time I've been Jane. Sure, I held back some facts, but not the emotions that came with them. If I go into this cold and detached, he'll suspect I'm playing him somehow."
Nas was nodding her agreement. "Just make sure he buys the reason we're moving him from holding to Zero Division. That's the most important thing."
Jane nodded, then looked over at Patterson. "If he asks to see you again, do you want me to shut him down?" she asked hesitantly.
Patterson gave her a bitter, exhausted approximation of a smile. "Just tell him I need time, I guess."
"Okay." After a moment longer, she glanced up at Kurt. "Let's do this."
"Good luck," Nas said, as they left.
During the elevator ride up from the sub-basement to holding, Kurt wrapped his arms around Jane. "You need anything?"
Grateful for his support, Jane leaned against him, closing her eyes. "Ask me again when we get home. Right now, I just want to get this over with. God, I feel so guilty."
"I know." Kurt kissed the top of her head. "But you wouldn't be you if you didn't. I won't try to tell you not to feel that way, but Jane, you didn't recruit him. Remi did. And it wasn't your decision to hang him out to dry—it was Shepherd's."
Everything he was saying made sense, but she couldn't shake the awful feeling of responsibility. As the elevator chimed its arrival on the correct floor, she brushed her lips against Kurt's stubbled cheek, then stepped back. "I shouldn't need more than ten minutes."
Borden rose from the bench inside his cell as they entered. It was the first time he'd seen Jane since earlier in the week, when she'd briefly visited him in interrogation to tell him in code that Shepherd was looking into their options. He had to suspect something was up.
Kurt asked the agents on duty in holding to come down to his office to clear up some paperwork issues, telling them Jane would take temporary babysitting duty. The agents in question were smart enough to know they were being lured away for a reason, and Kurt would confirm that they were working an undisclosed angle with the suspect once they were out of Borden's earshot. Borden would assume Remi had manipulated Kurt into sorting out a paperwork problem, so they could speak in private.
As soon as Kurt and the agents had departed, Borden came to the front of the cell. "Any news?"
Even before Jane began speaking, his face began to grow pale. As she told him Shepherd's decision, his disbelief became fear.
"There has to be something you can do. Remi, please—"
"I tried, Nigel. But Shepherd shut me down. She told me if I didn't drop the subject, she'd see to it you were killed in custody, and we should be thankful she's letting you live."
Borden burst into despairing laughter. "Of course. After seeing how she treated Markos, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Practicality was always Shepherd's strong suit."
"I'm so sorry. If I could go back now, I would never have brought you in on my family's plans." Feeling the sting of tears at his obvious desperation, she didn't try to turn away, wanting him to know how truly sorry she was.
Borden sat down heavily, looking as though he'd just been given the death penalty, rather than what promised to be no more than a couple of years in prison. "I made a choice, and this is the consequence of my actions. It seems almost disappointing, after everything, that I'll be facing charges for something I didn't do, instead of something I did."
"I strongly advise you keep it that way," Jane said, putting enough warning into her tone that her old friend would heed her words. Remi would have protected the mission at all costs, even if she didn't agree with Shepherd's decision. "Shepherd has me monitoring the situation."
"No need to worry. I'm well aware that you answer to her over anyone else. The past few months, since she reintroduced herself to you, have been proof of that." A tinge of anger in his voice now, he asked, "Do you ever have doubts, Remi? That your cause is just? That your retribution is proportionate to the original crime?"
"Everyone doubts sometimes. But since I got that memory back, all I have to do is remember the sight of an entire town being wiped out by American drones, and that's enough to convince me. I may not remember what phase two is all about, but things like that can't be allowed to continue. No matter what."
Even as she spoke, Jane knew she wasn't entirely faking it. She didn't believe the ends justified the means, the way Shepherd did, but the way the military had obliterated an entire settlement just to end one life—hers—would never feel like anything less than an injustice.
"I should have died with Chris that day."
"Maybe we both should have. But we didn't. And even though you can't see this through with me, I promise we'll get it done. I will take the people who destroyed our lives down. I wish I could offer you freedom too, but unless you're transferred to Rikers, it's not gonna happen. Nas and Weller are moving you to a cell in Zero Division as it is, to stop you from talking about the CIA operation to anyone who's not in the loop. Maybe when their investigation is over, we'll have a better chance of getting you out. But that could be months." At the sound of squealing hinges down the hall, she took a step back, shaking her head. "I really am sorry, Nigel."
Borden wasn't even looking at her now. Jane didn't blame him.
She took a shuddering breath as she and Kurt headed back down to SIOC. "Please tell me there's some kind of fieldwork I can be doing? I just want to focus on the tattoo cases, like the old days. Before I knew about Sandstorm, or being Remi, or any of this."
"A lead will come up soon. It always does." Kurt held open the door for her, attentive as always. The familiar, comforting touch of his hand on the small of her back made her smile, despite the situation.
No matter how hard things got, at least she had Kurt.