Boys Don't Cry

"I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
been too unkind"

Sitting in English class Richard stared at Justin's back. (Look at me, Look at me, Look at me!) He mentally screamed at Justin. His eyes were like fire burning Justin, willing him to glance back, shift slightly anything. It had been one week. Seven days, to the day and it was killing Richard. Not exchanging secret glances with him in class. Not meeting him at "their" place every afternoon and staying the whole night. A week since those eyes had penetrated Richards's soul; a week since he had gasp in ecstasy heavily breathing his name. It had been a week since "forgetting" to set the cell phone alarm clock causing them to both be late for school.

"I would tell you
that I loved you
if I thought that you would stay"

It had been one week. Seven days, to the day that Richard had thoughtlessly taunted Justin in class. "All this poetry about pain, you've probably never felt real pain in your whole life." There was the regular round of snickering; it was part of their cover, business as usual how could Richard have known?

"I would break down at your feet
and beg forgiveness
Plead with you
but I know that
it's too late
and now there's nothing I can do"

Richard found Justin after school, in the parking lot unconscious and bleeding. Richard felt paralyzed, Justin opened his eyes filled with tears and shame and looked up at Richard. Suddenly several football players came over to Richard, slapped him on the back. "We heard what you said to Justin about never feeling real pain so we thought we would give him something good to write about."

I've said too much
been too unkind

Richard was in shock he had no idea such a small comment from him would have caused this much damage. "You really should thank us, we found this in his pockets" The tall jock handed Richard a piece of notebook paper with Justin's handwriting, "I know the places where you hide; I hear the pain behind your pride. I see the regret inside your eyes and I know the truth covered by all the lies. I see the smiles you always give and I've felt the truth you want to live. Richard Haywood I'll take as much of you as I can and never ask for more because it's you that I adore."

"Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
took you for granted"
"You see he's hot for you or something so we put this fag in his place." The football players all grunted in unison, standing around Richard in a circle over Justin. Richard couldn't think his mind was spinning. Looking down at Justin he left his heart crying deep within. Justin's eyes connecting with Richards filled with desperation Richard couldn't look away until a short stocky player kicked Justin in the chest causing the other players to laugh. Richard laughed with them, not because he wanted to but because if he didn't laugh he was going to starting crying in front of everybody.

"I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry"
And he hated himself; he hated himself so fucking much for laughing nervously with these idiots and not falling to his knees beside Justin. But he couldn't he wanted to but couldn't (You wear a façade for so long you become the façade) this wasn't who Richard wanted to be but it was all he knew. "Come on Richard lets get away from the queer, he's been taken care of." Richard was vaguely away of hands clamped around him dragging him toward the school gym, away from Justin. Richard walked away with the football players.

"But I know that it's no use
that you've already
gone away"
Richard waited; he waited almost all night for Justin at the look out. Finally at 3am he went to Justin's house, climbed up the tree and up onto the ledge. Justin's window was locked, he never locked his window and the curtains were drawn making it impossible for Richard to see inside. Richard called Justin's cell phone and could hear the ringing from were he stood outside Justin's window. Richard heard Justin walk over to his desk and look pick up his cell, then put it back down unanswered.

"I thought that you needed me more
now I would do most anything
to get you back by my side"
 Richard knocked on Justin's window with his ring. Justin's light came on, Richard could make out Justin's silhouette in the desk light against the window. He watched as Justin came toward the window mere inches from where Richard stood then turned away, turned off the light and got back in bed. Richard felt tears in his eyes, as he climbed back down.

"But I just
keep on laughing
hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry"