Chapter 4

Cross Dressing Robots and Maggot Mayhem

"I have computed the data and pinpointed the exact location of the wormhole, Captain," Spock informed Kirk two hours later. Spock had spent that time adjusting himself to the primitive tools aboard the SOL, and found Gypsy to be a helpful and knowledgeable assistant, although her constant "oohs" and "ahs" when he told her of the future were, admittedly, rather irritating. He found it impossible to dislike her, however, as he related to her status as somewhat of an outsider. He learned that her responsibility in running the ship kept her from joining Nelson and the others from viewing the films, leaving her clueless to what the three of them were talking about half the time. As a Vulcan accustomed to working on a ship full of humans, Spock understood and, were he not Vulcan, would have empathized.

Meanwhile, Kirk and McCoy unearthed a tape labeled "Captain Crow T. Robot's log." When played, however, the majority of it contained someone making fart noises into the mic, while the rest was some sort of incomprehensible screenplay involving a hyperactive bowl of soup attacking Earth. They had just shut off the tape and exchanged flabbergasted glances when Spock and Gypsy reentered the engine room and gave them the good news.

"Excellent, Spock! What's the next step?"

"By my calculations, Captain, if we return to the point we were taken to, the bridge, and I simulate the last circumstances with this Simulation X-Deux Machine-A device (Author's Note: Yeah, I just made up something ridiculous to move my plot along. W hat of it?) That Miss Gypsy assisted me with"--at hearing the 'Miss' attached to her name, Gypsy giggled self-consciously-- "We will again attract the wormhole and reverse our location."

Kirk and McCoy examined the large, complicated looking machine Spock was just barely able to hold with both hands. Several gleaming buttons, wires, and tubes protruded from it, and both officers gave up trying to understand the details.

"Very well, Mr. Spock. Let's return to the bridge."

"I'll miss you guys," said Gypsy sadly, really meaning she'd miss Spock. Calm down, girl, she told herself. He's charming, but it would be pretty creepy if anything really happened between you, what with him being who he is, and you being... large, purple, and robotic.

Gifting her with one of his lopsided grins, Kirk said, "We owe you a lot, Gypsy. Thank you."

"You're welcome! I better come with you to the bridge and help you with the simulation, Mr. Spock."

"Thank you," said Spock, standing aside to let her pass before him, inciting another giggle from Gypsy, which in turn incited a randy chuckle from McCoy.

"Spock, you ol' charmer," he said once Gypsy was out of earshot.

"She is a very skilled technical assistant, Doctor," replied Spock icily, "I will thank you to limit your imagination to that concerning any emotions between us." With that, Spock turned on his heel and followed Gypsy to the bridge, while Kirk and a still snickering McCoy trailed close behind.

The snickers soon disappeared once they returned to the bridge, when McCoy cried out, "What in Hades!"

Mike and the bots were right where they had first seen them, only this time both Crow and Servo were in sequined evening gowns with long blond wigs, and Mike was in the middle holding a large crate full of...maggots?! In the background a sultry female voice was singing a 1940s song on the ship's audio player.

"Mr...Nelson?" asked Kirk hesitantly.

Surprised and more than a little embarrassed, Mike flinched a little and turned the music off, to groans of disappointment from Crow and Servo. "Oh! Uh...didn't know you guys were still here...the experiment's over...and...um..." he nodded to Crow and Tom. "Both these guys want to be like Veronica Lake in the movie and own a maggot farm, but since they only ordered one case of maggots, they're gonna decide who gets it by whoever can lip-sync to Veronica Lake lip-syncing to Martha Meers on this old movie soundtrack the best...hahaha." How come these ideas always seemed so much sounder of mind in action than when described? Mike smiled awkwardly.

"I...see," Kirk said after a lengthy, uncomfortable pause. Clearing his throat, he indicated Spock and Gypsy, who were already tinkering with the device in the corner (as soon as Spock saw Mike and the bots in that condition, he decided to immediately turn to his work to distract himself). "We are going to simulate the last time the wormhole occurred," Kirk informed Mike. "In just a few moments, expect a flash of light exactly familiar to the one before. We will be gone by the time things return to normal."

"Well, it's been great knowing you!" Mike said. "Good luck with the future and all!" Deep inside, Mike was a tad jealous. Man...To live like these guys, roaming the universe, fighting intergalactic crime...while he was stuck here, watching crappy movies until the end of time.

"It's been...interesting," Kirk admitted of the experience.

Just then, a slight turbulence began to shake the bridge, and little shots of light began to penetrate those gathered.

"Working, Captain!" Spock said.

At this precise moment, Crow and Tom were sick of waiting, and began to nudge Mike forcefully.

"C'moooooon! It's my turn to sing! I'll kick Servo's ass, just you see!"

"Nuh-uh, booger!"

"Yuh-huh!"

"Why, you little!"--The two robots jumped at each other, pushing Mike in the process, who emitted a "WHOA!" as he spilled the entire crate out of his hands, sending maggots flying all over the bridge, the majority of which fell onto and inside of the Simulation X-Deux Machine-A just as the wormhole shot into the satellite.

There was chaos of blinding light and a deafening roar as the instrument malfunctioned, with Kirk screaming "NEEEELLLLLSOOOOOOOOON!!!!!" vengefully. Eventually the bridge returned to normal, with Kirk, McCoy, and Spock still aboard. They looked down at the fried device, and all three suppressed a moan at the realization they would most likely have to start all over from scratch.

"Hell's bells," McCoy growled.

Losing his temper, Kirk whipped around to confront Mike. "Nelson, you clums—" he stopped, realizing no one was there.

"Mike! Crow! Servo!" Gypsy cried hysterically. "They're...they're...they're GONE!"

Kirk and his team exchanged petrified glances, understanding what must have happened.

MEANWHILE, ON THE USS ENTERPRISE A FEW CENTURIES AWAY...

Scotty sat in the captain's chair, strumming his fingers impatiently, pensively staring off into the distance. The science and engineering team had spent hours looking at the data trying to discover a way to recover the landing party. So far, nothing looked encouraging.

"Transporter room to bridge!" Lt. Kyle's animated voice came through the intercom, jarring Scotty from his thoughts.

"Bridge here. What is it, lad?"

"You better get down here, Mr. Scott," Kyle said in an astonished tone, "Three life forms just appeared...but they sure as hell aren't the Captain, Mr. Spock, or Dr. McCoy!"

Cliffhanger, baby!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! How do you like dem apples?!