Scene 3: The Arrival of Jack!!!, Murtogg and Mullroy Are Boring, And Elizabeth's First Fiancée

Jack Sparrow (!!!) is standing on the mast of a very small ship when it suddenly occurs to him that dude, it's totally sinking. He jumps into it and tries to dump the water back into the ocean, which is stupid whenever anyone tries it, no matter how sexy they are. He stops, noticing three skeletons hanging from a random rock and a sign that says "Pirates, ye be warned". Jack mutters 'dumbasses' under his breath before decided that since his ship is still miraculously sailing forward, he will go back to the mast and wait until it stops just in time for him to step onto the deck at Port Royal. What are the odds?

Harbormaster: to Jack Hang on, dude, you have to pay me a shilling if you want your ship to stay here. Jack looks at him like 'my ship just sunk stoopid' Yeah well, you still gotta pay me. And who the heck are you anyway?

Jack: hands him three shillings What d'yasay I give you more money than you ask for and you give me the post popular name you can think of so no one can possibly find me here?

Harbormaster: Deal. You can be… Mr. Smith. There are tons of those guys. Once Harbormaster is turned around, Jack steals like five times as much as he gave him and walks off

Meanwhile, at Norrington's very boring promotion ceremony

Shouted orders to soldiers: Make one of those cool archway things with your swords so Norrington can walk through!

Norrington walks to get his promotion, unsheathes his new sword that Will spent three days on. Elizabeth fans herself and we see the blinding!sun over her shoulder, because besides the fact she can't breathe, it's apparently really, really hot out

Murtogg: spots Jack Whoa, whoa, whoa, you totally can't be on this dock.

Jack: Oh Jeeze, I'm sorry, I had no idea. Hey, howsit that two hawght young things didn't get invited to the big fun party up at the fort?

Murtogg: Falling slightly for Jack's 'flattery' Only the Navy's best men get to watch these ships.

Jack: Oh, you mean like that ship? points out the Dauntless Why are you standing by this little ugly one then?

Murtogg: Well, even though the Dauntless is a sexy ship, the Interceptor is like, hella fast. No other ship can catch up to it.

Jack: laughs The Black Pearl could totally pwn it.

Mullroy: Only because fairy tales pwn everything.

Murtogg: The Black Pearl isn't a fairy tale!

Mullroy: Uh, are you stupid? Yes it is.

Murtogg: No, dude, I've seen it!

Mullroy: Oh really?

Murtogg: For realz.

Mullroy: You're such a liar!

Murtogg: No it totally sailed right by me!

Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails, that's crewed by evil idiots that serve a man so evil he's like, the devil, only way grosser and with an apple fetish?

Murtogg: Well… no.

Mullroy: That's what I thought, bitch.

Murtogg: But I did see a ship that had black sails on it. Jack is getting totally bored with their conversation and desides he's going to go play with the steering wheel (the helm, I think) of the Interceptor

Mullroy: And you think any ship that has black sails HAS to be the Black Pearl? I can't believe you still think it's real, you're clearly deranged.

Murtogg: starts crying

Mullroy: Stop crying! You look like a-- notices Jack at the wheel of the Interceptor. Murtogg stops crying

Murtogg: Hey! WTF are you doing?

Mullroy: I thought I told you you can't be on this dock!

Jack: Sorry, I just got so bored with you guys talking I couldn't resist this sexy ship.

Murtogg: Who the hell are you?

Jack: Uh… Smith! Or, you can call me Smithy.

Mullroy: Okay, so what are you doing in Port Royal.

Murtogg: Yeah. And don't be all confusing, 'cause I'm really slow.

Jack: In that case, I'm gonna steal a ship, get some drunk guys to crew it for me, and get a whole bunch of gold, all the while being insanely clever, crafty, and sexy!

Murtogg: Dude, I told you not to lie!

Mullroy: …but he is all sexy…

Murtogg: Psh, like you have a chance.

Jack: Yeah, he's pretty much right.

Back on the battlements of the Fort

Norrington: Elizabeth, can I talk to you in private?

Elizabeth merely nods 'cause she can't breathe and follows him up like two stairs, which is supposed to be more private. She fans herself, because apparently fanning yourself gives you air to breathe

Norrington: Damn, girl, you so fine... Elizabeth chokes a bit I'm sorry if your father will think this is improper, but I've pretty much wanted to steal your virginity since that time we were on the boat together at the beginning of the movie. Possibly since before that. I know you're younger than me, but it's still legal. Besides, I have everything else I want so it's only natural that I have you too. So, Elizabeth Swann, will you marry me?

Elizabeth: … ribs… breaking…

Norrington: I'll turn away to give you a moment to collect yourself… I know you must be beside yourself with joy and I don't want to keep you from celebrating animatedly.

Elizabeth falls over battlement