Chapter 1: Dread
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the world of Harry Potter
A/N: In this chapter, the point of views are sometimes changed, like in the flashback, but other than that, it is mostly from Harry's Point of View. Hope you enjoy :) please review. P.S. If there's anyone reading this who has never read any of my other stories, I'd like you to know that I simply can't learn how to italicize words on this cite, so if it is capitalized, it usually means that. Lol
My name is Harry Potter and I am seventeen years old and in one day, I will be on the train back for my seventh year at Hogwarts. I should be quite happy about this, as I usually am; however, I'm not excited at all. Let me tell you why.
It all started at the very beginning of the summer when I had a very important secret to tell some very important people. Of course, you should never keep a very important thing from your two best friends, right? Wrong. Now, I wish I had kept it a secret, for it caused so much more trouble than it was actually worth. On July third, I informed my best friends, Ron and Hermione, in two separate letters, that I was…well…
"Ron," Hermione pleaded, "please, just be calm about this, we are going to meet Harry at the Three Broomsticks, and we are going to talk about it."
"How can I be calm? He writes me a letter that basically says, 'oh, how are you? By the way, I'm attracted to men, from, Harry'"
"Oh, Ronald," Hermione stopped at the corner before pulling Ron inside. She glared at him, "that is not what he said…exactly… and he's still your friend and you go in there, be mature, and treat him as such. Do you understand?"
He sighed and took her hand, "I suppose," he said defeated. "I suppose that dating you is harder than I thought" he muttered.
"I will politely choose to ignore that because I am portraying calmness and maturity, see?" And with that, she pulled him into the pub.
Harry was sitting close to the windows with a drink in his hand and, since he had never got a response from the letter he sent to Ron, he was quite nervous. Hermione felt pity for him. Of course, she always felt pity for him, but this was one more thing added to his plate of things to worry about and Hermione hated to see him worry.
She knew it was probably harder for Ron to accept Harry's sexuality because he was a male and he slept in his dorm. Obviously, she knew, just because Harry was gay, did not mean, all of a sudden, he'd be in love with Ron. Also, it did not mean their friendship had to change at all, really, but she supposed it would be harder for a boy to accept it, anyway.
"Hello, Harry," Hermione sat down in the chair across from him, while Ron, looking uncomfortable, tried to pull one over from another table.
"Hey, Hermione, how's your summer been so far?" he asked conversationally, obviously wanting to avoid the dreaded, but necessary, subject for as long as possible.
"Well, it only started a few days ago," she laughed, "but then again, I suppose a lot can happen within a week. Do you believe Ron and I are actually together?"
Harry laughed, "Well, it was bound to happen sometime. Everyone knew. They just wanted you to figure out on your own, see? Ginny and I thought if you weren't together by the beginning of seventh year, we were going to completely set something up."
Hermione smiled the first true smile since she saw Harry, "Yeah? Well, I suppose I would have appreciated it. It's amazing how blind love can make you, hmm?"
Harry's smile dimmed a little and his eyes wandered down toward the table, "I wouldn't know."
Ron, who had not spoken since the arrived, had begun to fidget at the mention of his sister helping Harry to get he and Hermione together…
"Hey, Ron…alright?" Harry asked assuming correctly that something was definitely wrong.
Harry knew he was stupid for asking. He knew Ron much better than that! He should have waited for Ron's anger and confusion to subside, so that he would join into the conversation when he felt good about talking. Harry knew all this, but screwed up anyway.
When Ron spoke, it was in a whisper, such a soft tone that Harry wasn't sure he was even meant to hear. "Why did you date her? My sister…she LOVES you."
Harry didn't have an answer for the question at the time. It wasn't that he didn't like Ginny because he did, she was beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and just an amazing person. Less than a month before this time, I had been dating her and felt like the luckiest boy in the world…so, wasn't I? No. No, I wasn't because, of course, Harry Potter's idiotic mind had to strike me with some other issue. Voldemort.
Honestly, this was the reason I had broken up with her. Whatever people may assume when they find out about my sexuality, it was truly because of Voldemort and the fighting. I cared about Ginny and I'd give my life for her, as I would any loved one…but I wasn't in love with her and I know that now.
Finally, I found my voice, "I don't…I don't know."
Okay, so Harry admitted to himself, that was a bad answer to the question.
"You don't know? What do you mean you don't know! I accepted your relationship with much reluctance, but I accepted it because, silly me, I thought you really wanted to BE with her. I trusted your feelings for her. I guess I'll never make that mistake again."
"Ron, I…I was confused. I didn't use her…I just…please, that's not fair!"
"I never said you USED her, but yeah, maybe you did. It would make sense because you didn't want the wizarding world thinking you might not be interested in women."
"Ron!" yelled Hermione pulling him out of his now standing position.
"No, Hermione, you don't need to yell at him, okay? He has every right to say what he needs to. Go ahead, Ron, tell me what you think my "motives" really were."
Now that Ron was given full permission to say whatever he pleased, he seemed to have lost his ability to speak.
"I--- I don't even know…why…what if…please…IT DOESN'T MATTER!" he yelled so loudly that all of the customers turned their heads to face them. Hermione smiled slightly and waved them off, while shushing Ron.
"All I know was that it was a dumb idea for Hermione to drag me here tonight…I'll see you in school, Harry. Enjoy your summer at the Dursley's because you're, sure as hell, not staying with me." He pulled his chair out ignoring the screech of the floor and walked out.
Harry, looking miserable, turned to face Hermione again, "He'll…get over it, right?" Though, he didn't sound one bit convinced.
"Harry, he'll come around. He loves you…I mean…" Hermione paused, suddenly she was uncomfortable as well, "as a friend, of course."
Harry chuckled softly, "I knew what you meant…and I hope you're right. You should getting going with him. He's probably waiting desperately for you."
Hermione stood up and hugged him as close as her body would let her and pecked him on the cheek. "Well, it looks like I'm not going to see you all summer…which feels absolutely horrible. I mean, to think…you'll be at home with them all summer and"
"Hermione, I've dealt with it before and I'll deal with it again. Besides, in the mood Ron's in with me, I'd rather hang around with my cousin."
Hermione smiled sadly, "Do try and have a good summer and I'll see you…hopefully, before school starts. Ron may change his mind…but Ginny will also feel uncomfortable and…well, we'll see how it goes."
And this is certainly how it went. Not very nicely, I can assure you. So, tomorrow I will be heading back to school and I am nervous as hell. What if Ron told other people? What if they all know? What if he never speaks to me again? What if GINNY knows? These questions have been pestering my mind all summer, but now that school begins tomorrow, they've gotten even worse.
The funny thing is, it seems way more important to me to have Ron back and hope that nobody finds out that I'm….well, nobody finds out my secret, than defeating the death eaters.
Oh, and this might be an interesting thing to mention, I've defeated Voldemort. No, your eyes do not deceive you, I, in one month, defeated the most powerful (other than Dumbledore) wizard that has ever lived. So, I suppose this makes me the most powerful? No, I'm not bragging. At all. It's just that after I completed this entire task that I'd been trying all my life to do, I completed it in one month, of one summer…and Ron still had NOTHING to say to me.
You see? Much more important things to worry about, and yet, it always brings me back to my friendship problem.
It's funny how, even without their "master", these Death Eaters are still fighting for their cause. It was my job, and mine alone, to take care of Lord Voldemort, but since he is through, it is the Order of the Phoenix's job to take care of the remaining followers.
I find it completely amazing how so much can happen in one summer, so much death and destruction caused me myself…and yet, tomorrow, I'll still be heading back to school to learn about defending myself.
I finished packing and was getting ready to head in to bed when Hedwig flew through the window with The Daily Prophet. I laughed to myself as I petted her, "What the hell took you so long? It's almost eleven at night. You might as well have brought tomorrow's with you.
I checked the front cover and, thankfully, there was nothing about me. I had been in the paper almost every day straight for the past month and now they've moved on. Instead, I saw a familiar, but not so pleasant to my eyes, name on the front with a picture. The Malfoy family and a story about how they were dead. Well, not Draco, of course because the world couldn't take away one more thing I dreaded, but his parents. For a moment, I felt pity, considering I was an orphan myself, but it was quickly replaced with hatred. I threw the paper in the trash and put myself under the covers. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.