Chapter 2 Feeling Bad?
I woke up to the completely pleasant sound of my cousin stampeding across the house. I looked at my watch and realized it was around ten, so I figured I needed to get ready to go. After I was dressed and basically ready, I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head slowly.
"Well, Harry, you've looked better," I said to myself, though didn't bother to change anything either.
"So," growled my Uncle as he devoured his toast, "I suppose you're off, then?"
"Yes, for the entire year," I paused and then added, "Of course, you'll still have to drive me"
He nodded and before I knew it, we were in the car close to arrival. Ron's words kept playing through my mind as I walked across the station alone. I couldn't help, but wonder…was he right or was I? It was a very difficult decision, but in the end, my guilt took over and I began to believe I was the one who was wrong.
As usual, I walked, or rather, ran through the wall to platform 9 ¾ and I saw from a distance, the Weasley family. I tried to get onto the train unnoticed, but unfortunately, I don't give Ginny enough credit. She noticed me as soon as I came through and ran to me, throwing her arms around my neck.
I smiled and hugged her back, "Good summer?" I whispered.
She shrugged, pulling away, "It would have been much better if you were there," she frowned. "I was going to write you and get you to come, my mom wanted to as well, but she felt that with the tension going on, it'd be a bad idea."
Wait.one.second. Did that mean what I thought it meant? Did Ron tell his entire family!
"Ginny," I started, but was not able to finish my thought as Mrs. Weasley, obviously wondering where her daughter had run off to, caught my eyes and walked over. She, too, embraced me as though she'd never see me again.
"Oh, so good to see you, dear! I hope it wasn't awful at your house. I wanted"
"Mum, I…talked to him already, we need to get on the train," said Ginny.
"Oh! Of course, you must! Do have a good year. I'll miss you both!"
………………………………………………………………………………….
Ginny, loved me, and would have let me sit with her and her friends, if needed, but I couldn't do that. It would have been most uncomfortable. Hermione, as she said in her letters that she would, searched the train to come sit with me before she had to fulfill her duties as Head Girl.
She smiled and sat across from him, "I think I'm having a break through." She said with that irritating smile. When I looked puzzled, she rolled her eyes, "With Ron…I think I'm actually getting through to him and he's beginning to accept it."
"Yeah?" I asked, "Then, where is he?"
She smiled even wider at this, "Head duties, covering for me. Which means, I've got to get going, but do you believe it? Ron's Head Boy? I'm so proud of him!" she laughed softly, "I'll see you later and," she stared intently in my eyes before leaving the compartment, "I'll be bringing Ron."
She left me alone again. It was hard to fathom that there were some times, like this, when I would BEG inside me head to be left alone and then when I was, I desperately wished I were with people. However, before I was able to further think this through, I was rudely interrupted.
"Potter," I looked up. That feeling, you know, that one that clearly stated I didn't want to be alone. I take it all back. Just get him out of here, my mind pleaded.
"Malfoy," I acknowledged his presence and then quickly looked out the window. When had Hermione said she'd be returning?
"What's this? The boy who lived without his fans…friends, as you like to call them…?" He smirked, that annoying smirk that made me want to rip his mouth from his face.
"Ohhh, yes, my friends have abandoned me." I rolled my eyes. "I don't see yours with you…or are my glasses really that bad?"
I had long since turned away from the window and looked into his eyes when I saw them flash. With anger or with hurt, I didn't know, but they didn't show happiness and it was when I remembered the paper from last night.
What does one do in a situation like this one? I could tell him that I understood how he felt. I could tell him that it's "okay". Or, I could do the thing that would bring me most joy. I could make us even and make him feel the pain I've been forced to bear. The pain, that was caused, partly, by him.
What did I do? Nothing, of course because that was just like me. I wasn't going to bring up the subject and if he happened to, I would say that I didn't get to read yesterday's paper at all.
He was silent, though, and I took advantage of it. "Well? Aren't you going to sneer at me, mutter some understandably rude comment and then strut out of my compartment like you own the place? Because, in case you're wondering, that's what I'm waiting for."
He did, in fact, sneer, but I doubt it was because I told him to…if it were, he'd have followed through with the "strutting". He pushed a hand in front of his face to move the strands of hair that fell into his eyes and came closer.
"Word around the train is your friends are dating now."
I raised my eyebrow waiting for him to continue his thought. When he didn't, I answered, "So?"
"So? So, you're no longer needed, then. I mean, what with You-know-who gone and Ron and Hermione have each other…what could anyone possibly need you for? If you've noticed, even the paper has stopped writing about you. You're old news, Harry Potter."
I tried to pretend that it didn't sting. It shouldn't have stung because I didn't care about the fame. What if it were true, though? What if Ron never did come back to me because he didn't need me anymore? He had a full dorm of friends and Hermione as his girlfriend. What did he need his gay friend for anymore? Nothing. For once, Malfoy had a point. They needed nothing from him.
Of course, I wasn't going to admit this "point" I found that Malfoy had. "Oh, yes, I may be old news because they've moved on to people like you, haven't they? You're the next big story. Look, maybe my friends have given up…or whatever…but if they have, at least, I know MY parents loved me…you…" I stopped immediately.
He knew it. He knew at that moment that he never should have brought the newspaper into this. Forget what I said about not torturing him when he's given me the perfect bait for it.
He looked angry. He looked upset and angry and that is what I wanted. So, why wasn't I pleased? Damnit, I should have been happy, but my stupid sensitive side came in and I sighed.
"Malfoy," I started.
"Bye," he answered slamming the compartment door.
A few minutes later, Hermione stepped into the compartment with a silent Ron. I supposed silent was better than screaming. They sat down across from me and stared…it looked as though they were waiting for me to say something.
Finally, Ron stepped in. "I'm angry that you hurt my sister." He said softly.
I didn't know why he said it, but he wasn't done. "Ron,"
"Please," he said softer still, "I'm so angry that you hurt her when you know how hard I try to protect her. My own friend…" he paused for a long time and I almost thought that was it, but he started again. "I don't like that you are gay, but you're my friend and I will accept it. However, that doesn't let you off the hook for my sister."
"Ron…we talked…over the summer, in letters. She hugged me at the station…we're okay. She's okay. I love her…I just can't love her that way."
He nodded, "I'm still a bit…uncomfortable with"
"Ron!" I interrupted laughing, "I suppose I can try to…I don't know, not spice you with too much 'gayness'."
"And…I suppose…I can try to sleep in the same bed as always." He stopped, took one look at my questioning gaze and added, "I was so mad before, I was going to switch dorms."
Ron extended his hand out for me to shake. It was more than just a handshake. It was a sign of his trust. It was a sign of his care, his forgiveness and how much the friendship mattered to him. Most of all, though, it drove the words from before right out of my mind. Honestly, I thought they'd give me away because they had a relationship? Why, on earth, was I going to listen to Malfoy?
I shook his hand, smiling, and Hermione nearly died of ecstasy. She clapped her hands together.
"Oh, Harry! We certainly have to try and find you a boyfriend!" she squealed.
"Oh, Hermione!" Ron yelled, "Too soon, too soon! I just accepted it. Can we talk boyfriends later?"
I laughed, so glad to have my friend back, "Don't worry, Ron. Hermione…not yet." I smiled, though because I was so glad she was okay with the subject.
"Soon?" she asked clearly disappointed.
"Soon," I clarified. "Ah, and we're finally here!"
McGonagall, as our new Headmistress, had a longer speech to day that Dumbledore's ever were. The reason being was getting used to her. She explained how she would be teaching and running the school and how this would be a difficult task. I understood, of course, why the speech had to be so long, but for Merlin's sake, I was HUNGRY. Thank god, at least the sorting was done.
Finally, she was done talking, and the food appeared. All manners forgotten, I lunged. I grabbed some of everything for my plate. Just as I was about to dig in, I noticed that Draco Malfoy was not in attendance.
He was probably so disgusted by what I said that he didn't come to dinner. I remembered what I said and I, too, felt disgusted. How could I have gone to his level? Been so heartless…? My stomach hurt and I no longer felt like eating. I pushed my plate away and told Ron and Hermione that I wanted to rest.
I left the Great Hall and went straight to my dormitory. I fell onto my bed and put my head under the pillow trying to drown out the sound of his angered voice in my ears.
Ron came up a little while after the feast because Hermione wanted to find out what was wrong, I assumed. She could have come up herself, though because Ron didn't really sense that something was wrong. He just sat down on his bed and raised his eyebrow.
"You alright?" he asked.
"Yes," I lied wondering how far he'd take it.
"Well…good, then," And that was the end of his interrogation. It seemed funny to me how different he and Hermione really were. How they were together…I couldn't answer.
"Well, it's still early. Do you want to come down and talk in the Common Room with us?" he asked looking into my eyes. I hoped they didn't betray my answer.
"Alright," I said quietly. I suddenly groaned and looked at Ron, "Hermione wants to talk about my being gay, doesn't she?"
Ron nodded slowly. I groaned again before he added, "Well, I don't know exactly what she CAN say…I pretty much said it all." He laughed.
We walked down the stairs to the Common Room and I laughed as I saw how eager Hermione was to speak with us.
"Oh, good, you came down! I was afraid you wouldn't and I brought you your food." She smiled. I suddenly realized how hungry I was again and snatched it quickly from her hands.
"Malfoy torturing you again, Harry?" she asked with a visible frown.
I tried to smile, "Well, I'm used to it, aren't I? Look, it's just something I said to him on the train about his parents. You know me! The guilt's…coming home." I laughed softly.
Ron rolled his eyes, "And only YOU would feel sorry for someone who's made your life a living hell."
"Yeah, Harry, don't worry," said Hermione. "I mean…the boy has serious, serious issues."
"Well, we'd best be off to bed now," said Hermione the "voice" of reason. "We wouldn't want you two to be late for your first class of the year."
We nodded our heads, knowing that arguing with her was a lost cause especially when classes were involved.
We did, indeed, get to our first class on time, as I kindly reminded Hermione as we sat down, but even when I win, I lose because she said it was because "I got you to bed,".
Transfiguration was never one of my worst subjects, but the class was awful. I mean, not particularly every year was it as bad as this particular one because of Malfoy.
I expected his dirty looks, his taunting, his…laughing, but his silence…was something I definitely hadn't grown used to and if I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have believed it.
Draco Malfoy, for once in his life, was quiet…and I found myself wishing he wasn't.