I'm back and I smell worse than ever!
MEDIOCRITY AT ITS HEIGHT
The contents of a tapirs' stomach by Death-by-Candy
Chapter Three: SomeFung is Afoot
The monks were instantly silent. The shriek continued. And continued. And continued. It ended in a gurgle.
"Well, someone's dead." said Kimiko cheerfully, glad for a change of subject.
Dojo suddenly appeared in the hole in the wall where the door had been.
"Morning guys, I just wanted to tell you someone's refrained from living outside and—whoa, whoa, whoa! Is that a kitty? On our wall? Nailed there?" The dragon peered curiously at the steaming carcass.
"Yeah, mmhmm, stainless steel." Kimiko answered absently, heading for the entrance door.
"If you're goin' ta check out who's carked it out the front, then I'm comin' with ya!" Clay said, leaping for the door, his muumuu flapping gracefully in the slight breeze.
"JESUS CHRIST, CLAY! ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR!" Kimiko screamed as Clay leapt over her.
(A/N: Come on, you know if you try you can picture Clay jumping in slow motion over Kimiko wearing a flowery dress)
Raimundo slouched after them and a grumbling Omi followed him with Dojo on his shoulder.
Of course they were startled when they saw ole Master Fung lying in a bloody and broken heap on the Xiaolin doorstep.
"DOJO! Why didn't you tell us it was Master Fung!" Kimiko cried, tripping over the carcass. She quickly regained her balance and glared at the dragon, who was staring blankly at the dead man.
"Well, I was stuffing a turkey when I heard a thump and a scream outside. I put two and two together, got five, and then I came and grabbed you four. I had no idea it was Mister Wrinkles the Fifth." Dojo shrugged and pulled a fork and a basting brush from somewhere on his person, then slithered back into the temple.
Let's not dwell on where he hid them.
Clay lifted one of Master Fungs' arms to check his pulse. He let it flop back to the ground when it sloshed completely out of the arm socket, twitching.
"This here old coot looks worse than a porcupine prostitute driving a punch-buggy through a desert highway with nothing but a glass of coke and a Pokemon plushy to keep her alive until dawn when she'll crash into a truck fuller sugar, mud and raw chicken then she'll have to eat it and she'll die from raw chicken-itis and the disease infects the whole world, killing everything in its path!" Clay commented, his eyes slowly rolling back into his head.
Kimiko bent over and licked some of the blood off of Master Fungs' foot. She smacked her lips, straightened and tapped her foot, thinking.
"Yeah, his bloods' still warm. He must have died just right then." Kimiko said, and then bent back down to 'Just see if it's still warm.'
Omi stood to the side, his eyelid twitching. One of his fists clenched then unclenched.
"HOOOOOoooooly shit!" The orb-headed boy screamed.
Clay looked at him sympathetically. "I know you feel bad little buddy. Let's find his killer. Will that make you feel any better?"
Raimundo looked up from his slumped position in the doorway. "No way, man. I'm, I'm not goin' through all that again! You can't make me, man. Not after that time, noooooo way!" He backed away, towards the entrance room, but tripped over his torn pants legs.
"What are you on about!" Clay yelled, deliberately ignoring Kimiko, who was now abandoning all dignity and lapping up the blood that was pooled on the stone steps.
"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M ON ABOUT!" Raimundo cried, dragging himself through the door, "DON'T YOU REMEMBER 'NAM!"
Clay scratched his head. "Rai, buddy, we didn't go to Vietnam, we weren't even born then. And what does that have to do with finding out who crunched Master Fung?" Raimundo seemed to calm down, breathing heavily.
"Ah, nothing I guess …" the emo muttered.
"Alright then!" Clay said, peeling a struggling Kimiko off of the ground, "LETS DO IT!"
Throwing Raimundo, Kimiko and Omi over his shoulder, Clay skipped towards the sunset, intent on finding Master Fungs' killer.
END OF CHAPTER THREE
Gasps I killed off Master Fung :
Next chapter coming soon; fulla Chase Young :D