I smell like greasy, greasy bacon!

XS doesn't obviously doesn't belong to me. It wouldn't be a kid's show if it did; it'd be a court case.

Oh, and a lil shout-out to all my reviewers: Thankya babies! Much luff and good times be headin' your way on a cloud of spun gold and rainbows :D! 3 3 3

Please Allow Four Days for 'Cloud of Spun Gold and Rainbows' Delivery. $39,000 Postage and Handling:

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MEDIOCRITY AT ITS HEIGHT

Iced Tea With A Spritz Of Lemon by Death-by-Candy

Chapter Five: A Nice Dose Of Kitty Angst

Ashley a.k.a Katnappe sat in a ripped-upholstery lounge in a tiny apartment that was centered in the worst street in wherever the hell she was. Yea, she thought, hell was right. There was a baby lying prostrate on top of her head; probably unconscious. She paid it no attention. She was lost in a world of her own, thinking about the glory days… when she was Katnappe! World-famous evil guy! I mean, girl! Well, maybe not world famous…

She sighed and shifted in the chair. The baby slipped off of her head and landed with soft flump! on the greasy carpet. The sight that met her eyes made her want to bawl. There were children everywhere, screaming and crying and playing in the lounge room. What made it worse was that they were all hers. Even though it was logically impossible, due to Katnappe being around fifteen herself, there were even kids that were fifteen and sixteen, rolling around on the floor; scratching their eyeballs and moaning.

She sighed again and took a lengthy swig from her bottle of vodka. When had her life gone wrong? she thought despairingly. She pursed her lips; she knew when it had gone to the shit-house… when she met that clown at the traveling circus… he was the father of nineteen of the children currently roaming her flat. Before she could dive into a possibly detailed and raunchy flash-back, there was a knock at her door.

She slowly lifted herself off of the lounge, (actually it was more peeling herself off of it; she had gained a few pounds since she had all those kids) and headed for the door. Three children around two clung to her legs and a five year old latched onto her shoulder with its teeth.

She tried half-heartedly to shake them off but gave up when the effort became too much. Finally she managed to drag herself to the door and open it.

Katnappe would have done a back-flip when she saw Wuya and Jack standing outside her door if she could lift herself with the extra weight of the children clinging to her.

Jack raised an eyebrow when he saw the state Katnappe was in, but shoved past her anyway, a staggering Wuya following him.

"And I was… I was…" Wuya muttered, a silly grin on her face, "I told Tubby to shove it where the… the… the sun don't shine." She giggled and collapsed on the sweaty lounge that Katnappe had just left.

"So you've said," Jack grumbled, throwing a bottle of schnapps at Katnappe, who scrambled for it, the kids flying off of her.

Once she had caught the precious bottle, Katnappe narrowed her eyes. "What are you guys doing here?"

Jack reclined on the floor, leaning against the lounge, taking swigs from his own bottle.

"We…" Wuyas slurred, peering at her through blurry eyes, "Hehe, we shtole Chases' car and his drugs and HA!" Wuya was suddenly unconscious, sprawled ungraciously on the couch.

Jack shook his head, "You'd think she could handle a few drinks after 1500 years boozing, wouldn't you?"

Katnappe didn't reply. Jack looked around the room languidly. "There are more kids here than the last time we visited!" he exclaimed, ignoring a baby wriggling over his legs.

"Yeah, well, ya know, when all the women go to war and leave their men at home…" Katnappe shrugged.

"Sooooooooo…" Jack murmured.

Katnappe coughed. Wuya started to heave over the side of the lounge. A baby rolled in it.

"Yeeeeeeah…I… I think… coming here was a mistake." Jack said, scratching his head. He stood up, wiping kids off his and grabbed Wuya by her hair, dragging her onto the floor. She giggled as Jack dragged her out of the door and down the stairwell.

"NOOOOOOOOO! Don't go!" Katnappe screamed, reaching for their retreating backs, "Don't leave me here! Please! Not with these… these things!" But they were gone.

She slid to floor, sobbing as the children climbed over her, enveloping her, until all that was left was a writhing mass of babies on the floor. Her last screams echoed pitifully and were eventually slowly muffled.

That was prolly the weirdest and worst chapter on this story. Sorry, it won't happen again. :D

In other news, click on my profile to see a link to a fan art for this story: 'Clayelda Dancing.' ITS WORTH IT I SWEAR!

-Death-by-Candy