Author's Note: Aaaand time jump! I'm hoping to stick with this story without switching to another one for the duration of April, but you know what I'm like. I'm pulling things towards an endgame now, though.
Oh, and you will probably notice that I shoved the Bradley Dynamics mission waaaaaay back in the timeline. That was intentional, to give Jane and Roman some time away from the compound by themselves, but yes, I do know that in canon, it happened much earlier. Oh, and it's probably not that plausible that the team would sit around re: Borden for so long, but I wanted to save him for now, so shhhh, it's just fanfic, don't worry so much about the realities of things. ;D
Five weeks later…
It was seven a.m., and the most dedicated of the admin staff of SIOC were just beginning to sit down to their duties. None of them had to start until eight a.m., but since Jane had gone missing, they'd all become aware of the change in their Deputy Director. Some of them had chosen to work unpaid overtime on whatever Weller and his core team asked of them, as a show of support, though they were still in the dark about Sandstorm and Jane's undercover mission. There was no way to know if there were any more moles working in SIOC.
Kurt got up from his desk, where he'd been tackling what he privately thought of as his 'Mayfair paperwork' for the past couple of hours. He'd woken early from yet another nightmare, and lazing about in bed while Jane was still gone had seemed an unbearable prospect.
He leaned in the doorway of his office, gazing out at his people. The second the budgets allowed for it, he was giving these analysts and administrators—the ones going above and beyond for him—raises. And screw Pellington if he didn't like it.
His gaze fell upon Jane's vacant desk, and his heart ached. He'd have given anything to see her there, frowning at her screen, making notes on a notepad, sipping from a steaming coffee cup… Anything.
God, he was so tired. His entire body felt sapped of energy, as though Jane had been his fuel, and without her he was running on fumes. He had no appetite, and the food he made himself eat seemed tasteless. When he slept, it was restless, and as the weeks stretched on, more and more frequently punctuated by nightmares.
The one he'd woken from a few hours ago had been torturous. It had started out a perfect dream—he'd been relaxing in bed with Jane, her head on his chest and his arms around her. It had seemed so real that he'd half believed she'd gotten home in the middle of the night and slid under the covers without waking him.
In the dream, he'd begun to stroke her hair, and she'd looked up at him. The love on her face had morphed into pain as her skin had bloomed with the bruises and abrasions she'd had on the first night they'd shared a bed—at Kalina's motel, less than forty-eight hours after she'd escaped the black site.
As he'd watched, frozen with helplessness, she'd struggled to sit up, cradling her injured arm, and gotten out of bed. He'd called after her, but she'd limped out of the room without a backward glance, her pyjama pants and tank top becoming more and more stained with blood as she'd moved. As he'd desperately struggled to sit up, finding himself pinned to the bed somehow, Shepherd had leaned into the room, given him a maternal smile, and closed the bedroom door behind Jane.
And Kurt had woken to an empty bed, his pulse racing and his breath trembling. Even now, nearly three hours later, the residual horror of the dream was still in the back of his mind.
"Still no sign of her?"
With an effort, Kurt focused on Brianna, his admin assistant, who was giving him a sympathetic look.
"No. Nothing."
"I'm sorry. I know you guys had gotten close."
Closer than with anyone I've ever known. He swallowed the words. Of all the people he wanted to be discussing his innermost feelings with, Brianna didn't even make the list. She was nice enough, but there was something about her that meant they didn't quite gel together as co-workers. Maybe it was because she never went out into the field, and Kurt spent every moment he could out there.
"I know it's only a small comfort, but Jane seems like she's really good at taking care of herself. I mean, I was there when you guys were first trying to find out what her field skills were. She beat four agents in a row. She's strong, and she's smart. If anyone can get out of whatever mess she's in and come back here, it's Jane, right?"
He gave Brianna a weary smile. Her attempt at comforting him was appreciated, even if she had no clue what she was saying. "Yeah. Thanks, Brianna. I'm gonna head down to check on our classified operations. Call me if anything urgent comes up."
"Sure."
Kurt headed out of SIOC, Brianna's words haunting him. She's really good at taking care of herself.
Brianna had never seen Jane in the grip of a panic attack, struggling for air as she battled a PTSD flashback. She'd never found Jane sobbing in the corner of the bedroom, attempting to shake off another nightmare. She'd never had to argue Jane out of exercising herself into another debilitating injury.
Jane was a survivor, and she'd drag herself through dangerous situations with grim determination and ingenuity, earning the respect of everyone around her. But there was a toll to be paid for every strength, and Jane paid hers by struggling to function in private. Eating, sleeping and relaxing were sometimes impossible tasks for her.
The same could be said of him, lately, and he was ashamed of that. He wasn't undergoing this undercover mission. He wasn't the one putting his life on the line in the enemy's presence, day after day after day. Yet his childhood trauma over Taylor had transferred straight to Jane. If she didn't come back… If she died because he'd let her walk out of here, and into the lions' den…
He let himself into Zero Division and crossed to the monitors that showed the camera feed from Nigel Thornton's cell. The former FBI therapist was awake, staring at the ceiling with a bleak expression on his face.
Kurt realised his hands were clenched into fists. That bastard knows things we need to know. If things carry on this way for much longer, Pellington's gonna ship him off to the CIA to be interrogated, and who knows if the CIA will bother to share the information they get out of him?
They had to break him soon, or else they'd lose him.
They'd given him a hearing at the courthouse for the crime they'd charged him with, bringing him in through a side entrance and ensuring he encountered no one but the judge and stenographer in the chamber, having briefed them on the situation beforehand. Borden had opted to serve as his own legal counsel at the hearing, and had taken the judgment that he would be denied bail and returned to Nas' custody while awaiting trial with quiet resignation. All of the paper trail relating to his arrest indicated exactly what they'd wanted Sandstorm to see.
Under the Patriot Act, they could hold him indefinitely, while they worked on resolving the Sandstorm situation. Kurt was pretty sure Borden knew he'd been made, that Jane was working with them to bring down Sandstorm, and that the hearing had been for appearances' sake. He was just biding his time, waiting for the right incentive or the right questions to be asked, still hoping that keeping quiet about his ties to Shepherd would result in her changing her mind and rescuing him, somehow.
Kurt had been trying to persuade Nas to let him drop the pretence with Borden for weeks, but she'd wanted to exercise more caution and leave him as a last resort, to 'let him stew' for a while. Kurt had agreed for two reasons: firstly, because he knew he wasn't thinking straight, and secondly, because Borden would likely demand a conversation with Patterson in exchange for any answers he gave. And if he could do nothing else, Kurt would protect Patterson for as long as he could.
They'd managed to follow other avenues, and the tattoo cases had kept on coming, so they'd been busy enough to keep Borden on the back burner for a month. But now, Kurt's patience with Nas was running out.
He unclenched his jaw with an effort, and went over to the coffee pot. Caffeine was the only thing keeping him going on days like today.
With a mug of freshly brewed coffee in hand, Kurt sat down with the laptop he'd been using for their Sandstorm-related cases. He scowled at the picture of Ellen Briggs, a.k.a. Shepherd, which he'd been looking at every morning for the past month. A quiet, confidential phone call to Colonel Nix, his old commandant at Liberty Military Academy, had revealed her identity, and shed some light on why she'd been in the background of his yearbook picture. Shepherd had paid Kurt's tuition fees when his father had been unable to keep up the payments. Kurt had been told it was a scholarship, but Shepherd had been holding the reins of his life for longer than Kurt had thought possible.
Had she been grooming him for this, even then? Or had she just seen his anger, his railing against the strict rules of the academy, and assumed he'd be easy to turn to her cause when the time came?
Investigating Major General Ellen Briggs had led them to Sean Clark, an old friend of Shepherd's, who'd been placed high in the Department of Justice. Patterson had uncovered a phone call between Mayfair and Clark, in which she'd attempted to put Kurt forward for a promotion in Washington, DC and Clark had dissuaded her, saying Kurt still lacked experience. Weller had never known he was up for the promotion, but one thing was clear—Clark had blocked the transfer at Shepherd's behest, because she'd needed him in New York, to take Jane's case.
They'd gone to interrogate Clark, who'd suffered a stroke that had ended his career, and landed him in an assisted living centre, since he'd blocked Kurt's promotion. Ellen Briggs was paying his medical and care bills, so clearly she and Clark had been close.
To avoid any staff on Shepherd's payroll becoming suspicious, they'd gone in pretending to be volunteers from a charity that visited old people whose families rarely made time for them. Kurt and Zapata had engaged a few of the other residents in conversation before Kurt had zeroed in on Clark, their true target. In a rare moment of lucidity, the old man had recognised Kurt, and had told him he had to stay in New York because of 'the Truman Protocol', but had fallen into a deep sleep soon after. When they'd gone back for a second visit, after visiting several other residents for a second time, Kurt had enquired after Sean Clark, and had learned he'd become catatonic. The doctors weren't optimistic he'd ever come back out of it. Another dead end to their investigation.
He hoped like hell that the nurses at the assisted living centre wouldn't mention his interest in Clark to Shepherd. If she figured out the 'volunteers' had been Weller and Zapata, she'd know the FBI were making dangerous enquiries, and Jane's cover could be in jeopardy.
The only lead they'd been able to find on the Truman Protocol had been a ridiculous scavenger hunt case that had led to a cache of documents containing a redacted scan of the paper copy. It had told them nothing, except that whatever this protocol was, it had been re-signed into law by every US President since Truman. They'd been chasing details ever since, but gotten nowhere. Whatever the Truman Protocol entailed, it must be considered vital to national security.
And Kurt was somehow going to be involved, despite never having heard of the damn thing before. Why Kurt, and not Pellington? Why not the heads of the Washington, DC office?
He groaned and rubbed his hand over his face. That discovery had been nearly a week ago. Without knowing what the Truman Protocol was, the lead Jane had left them would come to nothing.
And all Kurt wanted to do was talk it over with her. If she were here, maybe she'd remember something that Remi had known about the Truman Protocol, or Sean Clark. Or hearing that Shepherd's legal name was Major General Ellen Briggs would bring something back to her.
Hell, even if she didn't remember anything at all, he'd still just want to bounce ideas off her, and have her contribute her own thoughts and suggestions. They'd spent so many of their evenings throwing around theories, trying desperately to narrow down the possibilities. Sometimes, when things got too intense, he would throw a ridiculous suggestion into the mix, just to watch her frown slowly melt into a smile as she'd nudge him and remind him that this was serious.
God, he'd give anything to see that smile again. Jane…
Behind him, someone entered Zero Division, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Shepherd's smiling face on the screen. He only remembered encountering her once, outside Colonel Nix's office at the military academy, but now that his memory had been jogged, that memory was etched into his brain. Shepherd had encouraged him to finish his time at the academy, instead of dropping out or getting himself expelled, because in order to change anything in the world, he'd need to have power, and the academy was his first step in obtaining that power.
How was it possible that he'd taken those words to heart, yet the woman who'd given the advice to him had slipped from his memory? Maybe that was the way Shepherd had wanted it.
But now he was assigning her too much power over him. He—
"Hey." Zapata dropped a warm breakfast burrito on his desk. "Got you breakfast. I figured you'd have been here for hours already, so…"
The food smelled just as delicious as it always did when they did a breakfast run after pulling an all-nighter, yet Kurt's stomach rebelled. "Thanks, Tasha, but I'm not hungry."
"When are you ever hungry these days?" Reade put down his travel mug of tea and opened his laptop. "Jane would want you to eat, man."
"And she'd want us to give you a hard time for not eating," Zapata added.
Taylor would want you to move on and stop obsessing. Taylor would want you and Dad to get along. Taylor would want you to be happy.
"Can we not talk about Jane as though she's dead, please?" His voice emerged more sharply than he intended it to.
Zapata and Reade exchanged a glance.
"That wasn't what we…" Reade changed tack with a sigh. "I'm sorry it sounded that way."
"Me, too. None of us are giving up on her, Weller. You know that, right?" Zapata's eyes were concerned.
Kurt leaned back in his chair, picking up his lukewarm coffee mug and taking a sip, despite the temperature. "Yeah. I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to fly off the handle."
"Some food might help," Tasha suggested gently.
"Maybe in a while. I really couldn't stomach anything right now." It was true. The link his mind had made between Jane and Taylor had left him faintly nauseated.
"Patterson in yet?" he asked, wanting to change the subject.
"She's travelling back from Michigan today, remember?" Nas took her place at the other end of the table, giving him a quick smile in greeting.
"Her grandma pull through okay?" Reade asked.
"Yeah. It was a mini-stroke, but Patterson said she should mostly recover." Zapata shook her head. "She's still fussing about the lab and accessing work remotely, even while she's over there. Typical Patterson."
"Any developments I should know about?" Nas asked Kurt, changing the subject.
"No." Weller looked around at the whole team. "I want to go hard at Borden today, tell him we know he's with Sandstorm. If we can break him, we'll finally have something new to go on."
Nas sighed. "Look, I know you're worried about Jane. We all are. But Nigel Thornton is a trained psychologist. He'll be able to see that you're desperate for answers, and he'll use that for all he's worth."
"He has to know the location of Shepherd's compound. And even if he doesn't, he knows how to get in touch with Shepherd. That could give us something to work with."
"And if he doesn't give us anything?" Reade asked.
"What good does keeping up this CIA investigation ruse do? The only people who have access to him are us and Pellington. He can't compromise Jane's mission if he can't speak to anyone besides us. And I think he already knows the truth." He fixed his gaze on his NSA counterpart. "Nas, I know you're waiting for the right time to tip our hand, but when is the right time? I've held back all this time because I acknowledge my bias when it comes to Jane. But phase two is getting closer every day, and unless you have a specific date or event in mind for getting him to break, I don't see the point in waiting any longer."
"I'm with Weller," Zapata said. "The most Borden can do is ask for immunity in exchange for everything he knows. We don't know what he might have done in the past, sure, but in exchange for saving thousands or hundreds of thousands of lives? Maybe even millions? Giving one guy a free pass on the one crime we do know he's committed is a small price to pay, right?"
"Hold up. You want to give Borden immunity for infiltrating a government agency?" Reade stared at her.
"Want to? No. But if it comes to that, it's by far the lesser of two evils."
"Maybe we should ask Patterson what she thinks of that," Reade said, shaking his head.
"Okay, points taken all around," Nas interjected, then sighed. "All right. Weller, you might be right. I've been trying to think of a way around the immunity issue for Thornton, but I'm still coming up blank, and since the Truman Protocol didn't get us anywhere, I suppose this is the logical next step. Let's do this without moving him from his cell, though. Taking him from one place to another might add unforeseen complications."
"If nobody objects, I'll go in alone." Kurt stood up, feeling energised for the first time in days. "He might say more if it doesn't seem like a formal interrogation."
"Fair enough. We'll watch from out here." Nas gave him a pointed look. "My point about him being a therapist still stands. He'll look for any leverage he can find."
"Yeah, I know. But maybe we can use that. Make him think he has more of an upper hand than he does."
"You know what he's gonna ask for, Weller." Reade was still frowning. "He's been asking for Patterson a couple of times a week, since the day we arrested him. You gonna make her, if she doesn't wanna go?"
Kurt sighed, guilt simmering in his gut. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that." But compared to what we asked Jane to do, what we'd ask of Patterson is nothing.
Reade nodded, obviously still ill at ease, and said nothing more.
Kurt picked up the breakfast burrito Zapata had brought him. "Might as well take him breakfast."
"Hey!" Zapata called after him, as he made for the door to the observation area outside Borden's cell. "I didn't buy breakfast for that creep—I bought it for you!"
"I'll pay you back. Then you didn't buy it at all." Kurt reached the door and looked back at them. "Wish me luck."
"Good luck," Nas said, her face apprehensive.
"You got this," Tasha added.
Reade nodded.
Kurt took a steadying breath, then opened the door.
Jane ducked under Roman's punch, then blocked the kick she almost hadn't seen coming. Even while deflecting the impact, she staggered back a little. What her brother lacked in speed, he made up for in raw power. He'd be formidable in a serious fight. "Not bad. You almost got me there."
Roman grinned. "I'm not done yet."
Amused, Jane adjusted her stance a little. "That works out. Neither am I."
Roman raised an eyebrow. "Was that a smile I almost saw on your face, there?"
Jane felt a flash of irritation at his words. Sparring was one of the only activities that allowed her to forget what had happened a couple of weeks ago, and now he'd ruined it.
Turn around.
Please, don't… I didn't mean to—
Turn around. Now.
Oh, god…
She shook off the unwanted memory, the guilt rising thick in her throat, and swallowed hard. "Let's keep going."
"Sorry. I was just glad you were feeling better." Roman had the grace to look apologetic. "Okay, one more round."
"Actually, I need you to cut this one short."
Both Jane and Roman turned to face Shepherd, who leaned in the doorway with a faint smile on her face. "I have a mission for you."
All thoughts of the incident forgotten, Jane stared at her mother, hardly daring to hope. "A real mission? I finally get to do something besides sort paperwork?"
"Roman asked if you could be his partner on this one, and the way I see it, you've earned it." Shepherd gave her a fond smile. "You've been very patient, Remi."
Jane shot her a disbelieving look, making both Shepherd and Roman chuckle.
"Patient by your standards, anyway. I half expected you to start escaping through the window and trying to sneak into places I didn't want you to be, but you proved me wrong."
Jane shrugged. "I thought about it a few times, but I guess I realised it's logical that you'd need time to trust me again. If you'd caught me doing something I shouldn't, you would have needed even longer."
Shepherd nodded approvingly. "Well, this is the next step in reclaiming your old place."
"What's the mission?" Jane asked, hoping her eagerness was read as wanting to do something real for Aurora's cause, rather than to find out if she'd be left alone for long enough to get word to the team.
"Remember Jeffrey Kantor, the guy you killed just after you escaped from Keaton?" Roman asked.
"With the panic room—yeah." Jane hoped he knew just how grateful she was that he'd covered for her with Shepherd.
"He worked for Bradley Dynamics," Shepherd reminded her. "He was going to smuggle what we want out when it was time, but when he got cold feet, that angle became…unworkable. So you're going in for it."
Between them, Shepherd and Roman filled her in—they were after a complex microchip that had just been completed, according to Shepherd's source in the building. Jane and Roman were to pose as OSHA employees, there to ensure that Bradley Dynamics was complying with health and safety laws. The staff member they'd be dealing with happened to have a peanut allergy, so they'd give him anaphylaxis and use the ensuing chaos to venture deeper into the building, steal the chip, then get out of there.
"What does the chip do?" Jane asked. "How will this help phase two?"
Shepherd hesitated.
"Come on, Shepherd. You just told me I was on my way to getting my old place back, so…?"
"I'll tell you later, when you come back with the chip." Shepherd gave a slight shake of her head, her expression warning Jane not to argue any further.
Resigned, Jane nodded.
"Cheer up, sis. You're still getting away from here for a few hours, spreading a little mayhem." Roman grinned. "It'll be like old times."
"Go get ready, you two. The appointment that gets you into the building is at ten-thirty." Dismissing them, Shepherd retreated towards her office.
"You can have the first shower. Shepherd had your business suits and office gear taken out of storage last night, so you can look the part." Roman beckoned for her to follow him. "While you're getting dressed, I'll grab the makeup you bought in case you needed to cover up the tattoos when you got back. I think I remember where we stashed it after you left."
"If not, we'll need to stop by a cosmetics store. I doubt anyone will buy that I'm an OSHA worker with a tattooed neck and hands." Maybe that's an opening I can use, if we have to go shopping. "Wait a minute—does this mean I get to see you in a suit? Do you even own a suit?"
"Believe it or not, I look great in business wear," Roman told her, rolling his eyes.
"Are you gonna shave the beard, too? Seems more like a style a biker would have than an office worker." Despite the unbearable weight of her conscience lately, Jane couldn't help but feel lighter at the promise of something to do—something that might bring her closer to learning the truth about phase two and helping the team solve this case.
"This guy we're meeting with probably won't do more than glance at me before he's totally captivated by you. I won't need to worry."
"If you say so." As they reached their room, Jane reached out to touch her brother's arm. "Thank you. For asking Shepherd if you could take me along on this one."
He shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. "Yeah, well, I was sick of watching you go stir crazy in that office. Desk work really isn't a good look for you."
As Jane shut herself into the bathroom, ready to shower off the sweat her workout had given her, she wondered if Remi had been incapable of thanking her brother for things he'd done for her. It would explain Roman's sudden awkwardness, if she'd reminded him once again that she wasn't quite the Remi he'd grown up with.
Even after all these weeks of sleeping in the same room as Roman, having him wake her from nightmares, eating meals with him and sparring with him, Jane wasn't quite sure where he was coming from sometimes. His mood seemed to swing from one extreme to the other. Sometimes she'd catch him looking at her with affection, other times with resentment, and there were still some questions about their shared past that he avoided answering.
She still suspected he was still working up to telling her something Shepherd didn't want her to know yet, but as the weeks went on, it seemed less and less likely. Maybe it had always been wishful thinking on her part.
It didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that she'd be able to leave the compound today, with only one member of Sandstorm to keep an eye on her, and if she was lucky, she'd be able to get some kind of message to the team—or at least figure out where the compound was in relation to Bradley Dynamics.
Unless Roman made her wear that damn bag on her head in the car.
If nothing else, at least she'd be taking a new step towards getting Shepherd to trust her. She'd do whatever the mission required of her, just as she had a couple of weeks ago.
Please, please don't. I won't tell a soul, I swear—
Jane shuddered, attempting to push the memory back down into the depths of her brain. I did what I had to do. I maintained my cover.
Just focus on today. Worry about the rest when you're back in Brooklyn with Kurt.
She pulled an image of the apartment's living room to the forefront of her mind, breathing deeply to steady herself as she recalled the softness of the couch cushions, the glow of the bridge lights visible through the French doors that led to the balcony.
I know you can do this, Jane.
At the memory of Kurt's words, Jane shook herself back into action. She wouldn't let him down. She had to protect him from becoming Shepherd's pawn, no matter the cost.
Author's Note: In case anyone is wondering if they missed a chapter somewhere - no, you didn't. Something happened with Jane during the time jump (and it's probably pretty obvious what it is, in general terms), but I'm going to wait until she's back with Kurt to flashback it. :)
Oh, and re: the changes to canon with the Truman Protocol stuff, I made some adjustments so that the team managed to look into it without alerting Shepherd. That means Creepy!Shepherd doesn't get to tie Kurt to a chair and massage his thighs while talking about sacrifice, which is a version of canon I can definitely accept, since that will always weird me out.