Author's Note: Thanks for sticking with me! Any medical fail in this chapter is entirely my fault.
"I don't think I could have kept it together without Roman."
They'd been in the ER waiting room for around twenty minutes, waiting tensely alongside Pellington's son and Reyes' immediate family. When Jane spoke, it was for Kurt's ears alone, and Nicki Reyes' young children were making enough noise to drown out her words for anyone else.
Kurt tightened his arm around Jane, encouraging her to continue, if she wanted to.
"I know he's done awful things. I'm not making excuses for that. Killing is his first instinct, and sometimes it's mine, too. That's how we were raised. But Remi was everything to him, and I think most of the time, it was mutual. They shared a bedroom for most of their lives together, just so they could wake each other up from the nightmares."
As bad as his childhood had been, Kurt couldn't even imagine the depths of misery the Briggs children must have had to endure, for years on end. His throat tightened with sympathy.
"I think having to do that for me really made Roman feel like I was still his sister, despite everything. Or that the new version of me had enough similarities that he could still understand where I'm coming from." Jane frowned at the air in front of her, seeming to be almost thinking out loud.
"He did say, when he visited the apartment last week, that there was enough of his sister in you that he wanted to protect you. And that he liked most of the parts of you that he didn't recognise."
Jane smiled sadly. "Yeah. We bonded pretty well, despite all the memory loss and our differences of opinion. I don't know if it's the part of me that was Remi that makes me feel that way, but I love him, and I feel responsible for him. He's my little brother, Kurt. No matter what."
"I know." He kissed the side of her head, keeping his doubts about Roman to himself.
Even with Jane's positive influence, he wasn't sure Roman would continue to stay on the right course in the future. Old habits died hard, and without the ZIP, Remi would probably have been a terrorist until the end of her life. Whether the same would apply to Roman was anyone's guess.
"If he dies, I don't know how I'll live with myself," Jane whispered, the agony on her face difficult for Kurt to bear. "He turned on the rest of his team because I encouraged him to. This is my fault."
"Hey…" He caught her eye, shaking his head. "He wanted to stop Shepherd, and he made the decision to go along with the plan. And if he hadn't, he probably would have died tomorrow in the nuke attack. Did Shepherd have a plan to get you to a safe distance before the missile hit?"
"No," Jane said softly. "I guess Roman and Remi were meant to die with Shepherd. But that doesn't make it any easier that he's fighting for his life now."
"I'm not saying you shouldn't be worried or scared. Just that you shouldn't blame yourself for his condition right now." Even though I know you'll do it anyway.
"I just want him to get the chance to be proud of himself for all the lives he helped save. He needs that kind of positive experience, like I had when we worked my tattoo cases." She gave him a rueful smile. "We won't need to do much of that in the future, by the way. Shepherd had me filing all the evidence related to each tattoo at her compound, as punishment for not being Remi enough. The analysts will have a field day putting the paper trail together, but we won't need to do much investigating before we make arrests."
He felt a pang of regret that their time investigating the tattoos was limited. This really was the end of an era—and Jane must be feeling that so much more than he was.
Would she even want to stay with the FBI after this? He wouldn't blame her if she wanted to leave her role as a consultant once they'd closed her case for good, stop putting her life at risk—but he'd miss working with her every day, even if she still lived with him. His job had always been one of the forces that drove him, but he'd seen it through fresh eyes since Jane had joined the team, her perspective making him take a second look at things he'd once taken for granted. He didn't want that to change, even as he knew he had no right to expect otherwise.
Now wasn't a good time to ask her about that, so he gently teased, "Desk work to punish you, huh? Sounds like you and Remi had that in common."
She snorted. "And Shepherd knew it. She had me sorting that damn paperwork for over a month. I was going crazy by the time she actually let me leave the compound."
Thinking of the post-case paperwork that would await Jane at the office now she was home, Kurt winced. "If you're tired of paperwork, I have some bad news for you."
She shrugged. "Yeah, I figured. But at least this necessary, and not just busywork. Shepherd was just making sure I jumped when she said I had to."
A doctor entered the waiting area, and everyone tensed, hoping and fearing the news would be about their loved one. When he spoke Pellington's name, the Reyes family resumed their vigil, while Alexander Pellington, the Director's son, rose uncertainly.
It was impossible to tell from the doctor's demeanour whether the news was good or bad, but Alexander's relief was evident, and Kurt relaxed a little. He'll make it. Thank god.
"Be back in a second," he said to Jane, and went to Alexander's side as the doctor left.
Smiling a little tearfully, Alexander looked over at Kurt. "He'll make it. He should be waking up soon, and then they're gonna let me visit for a little while."
"That's great news. Give him my best when you see him, and tell him we're handling everything. An interim director is taking over for a while, so he can make a full recovery before going back to work."
Alexander nodded. "Sometimes he regretted taking the promotion and giving up fieldwork. Hopefully this will remind him he made a good decision." He shook his head. "I feel a lot better about him being behind a desk, anyway."
"Yeah. We were in a situation today where the field came to the office, but that doesn't happen often. Your dad should be safe at work from now on." I hope, Kurt added mentally.
"Thanks, Agent Weller. I'll pass on your regards. Knowing Dad, he'll still want to call you, though."
Kurt had prepared for this eventuality. He passed Alexander a slip of paper. "This is the number of his temporary replacement. She'll know better than me what the details relevant to his job are. I'll stop by to visit him tomorrow, after work, but if he wants to call me before that, tell him to call me during office hours. My partner, she's…also waiting for news about someone. I need to be there for her tonight."
Glancing at Jane, Alexander nodded. "Hope they pull through."
"Yeah, me too." Kurt stepped back. "If your dad asks what the situation is with the case, just tell him I said the crisis is over. That should get him to relax."
"Nothing could ever get my dad to relax," Alexander said, with the affectionate exasperation people only ever used when referring to family members. "But thanks."
Yeah, sounds like Pellington, Kurt thought wryly, returning to Jane's side. I just hope he'll cut Jane some slack, now that she's helped us take down her mother's organisation.
Jane looked relieved as he resumed his seat next to her. "He's gonna make it?"
"Yeah. Stubborn old bastard will be just fine." He smiled at her. "So that's one thing less for you to feel guilty about."
"You were feeling just as guilty as I was about him. I know you, Kurt Weller." She leaned her head against his shoulder.
"Yeah, you do. Better than anyone." He tilted his head to rest it against the top of hers. And I am so glad to have you back.
Pellington was going to live.
Given the choice, Jane would have preferred news about Roman, but Pellington's positive condition was a huge weight off her mind—primarily because her family having been responsible for his death would have haunted her forever, but that wasn't the only reason. If Pellington had died, Kurt would have been the natural choice for his successor—and Jane knew Kurt would have felt responsible enough for his boss' death that he'd take the promotion. And although he spent far more time in the field as Deputy Director than he was supposed to, in Pellington's job, he'd have had no option but to fully embrace a desk job.
And he would have hated every second of it.
Kurt's warmth against her side was comforting as her thoughts drifted back to Roman, and to Reyes, the field agent still being operated on. The family waiting for news of Reyes was bigger than Pellington's—a wife and two young children—and though the kids were mostly oblivious, she could sense the anxiety in Reyes' wife.
Jane knew exactly how she felt. If not for how paralysed by fear she was about Roman, she would have gone to the woman to offer some solidarity and comfort. But right now, she didn't have any extra support to give. It wasn't that she lacked empathy, but there was a mental barrier between her thoughts and her ability to commit to a course of action. She was just…incapable of anything more than she was doing.
She closed her eyes and turned her coin over and over in her fingers, hoping it would bring better luck than it had throughout the Kruger siblings' lives up until now.
Maybe it's a cursed coin, and that's the reason our lives have been so terrible since our parents gave it to us. Maybe Roman will live if I get rid of it.
But she knew he'd never forgive her—and she'd never forgive herself, either. She felt very little in the way of connection to her birth parents, but the fact that this coin had passed back and forth between Roman and Remi—and then Jane—for most of their lives…that was important.
Maybe the coin was bad luck, but she wouldn't ever put herself in a position to find out.
And after all, the coin wasn't in my life when Mayfair's arrest and death happened, or when Oscar tried to ZIP me again, or when I was sent to the black site. Those were pretty awful life events. Maybe it's just me who's cursed.
It was almost funny to realise how superstitious people could get when they were desperate for some hope.
Just let him live, and I'll endure a whole lifetime of bad fortune.
As though the universe had heard her, a different doctor approached the waiting area, a slight smile on her face. "Is anyone here for Roman Briggs?"
Jane was on her feet before she even realised she was going to move. "He's my brother. Is he—? How is he?"
"Barring unforeseen complications, he's going to pull through just fine," the doctor told her, a reassuring expression on her face.
Jane exhaled hard, swaying slightly. Kurt's hands steadied her waist as he joined her, and she smiled up at him for a moment, seeing relief in his eyes.
The doctor's voice drew her attention back to the matter at hand. "It was touch and go for a while, since the bullet did a lot of damage, but we managed to repair everything, and his condition is stable now. We'll be keeping him sedated for the next twenty-four hours, though, just to give his body a little head-start on healing before he starts moving around."
Jane nodded, her elation only a little dented by her disappointment that he wouldn't be waking up anytime soon. "Can I see him? Even if he's still asleep?"
"Sure. Once the nurses have gotten him settled, I'll send someone over to get you."
She somehow thanked the doctor, knowing that words could never convey her gratitude, but desperate to try nonetheless. As the doctor walked away, she turned to Kurt, stunned. "He's gonna be okay."
He laughed softly, pulling her into a hug. "I heard."
"I won't spend too long sitting with him, I swear. If he won't wake up until tomorrow, there's not much point in being here. I just want to see for myself that he's still breathing, I guess."
"It's fine. Take as long as you need." He guided her back to their seats.
If she'd been alone, Jane would have spent as much time as possible at Roman's bedside, regardless of her emotional exhaustion, or the physical weariness it was drawing over her. But Kurt was here, and he had to be feeling just as wrecked as she was—and she knew he'd never agree to go home without her. Not right now.
They sat quietly, listening to the chatter of the Reyes children playing with toys nearby. I hope Nicki makes it, too. It would be too cruel for her wife to have had to wait through both sets of our good news, just to get the worst news possible afterwards.
After a few minutes, a nurse came by to collect them, and they followed him to Roman's bedside. He still looked pale, but so much better than he had last time she'd seen him.
Kurt waited nearby, while Jane sat down next to her brother's bed and took his hand.
"You scared the hell out of me," she murmured to Roman, her voice a little shaky. He wouldn't be able to hear her, but it felt right to talk to him as though he could. "But we did it. Shepherd's in a holding cell, and the missile just blasted the bottom of the ocean. We stopped phase two, and we're getting our immunity."
It still didn't feel real, even as she said the words. She'd been feeling a little detached from reality ever since she'd realised Shepherd wouldn't be shooting her in the head today, but the more she was able to relax, the stronger the detachment became.
"Don't worry about our coin. I have it safe. I didn't want them to lose it while they were looking after you, so I took it back for now. I'll hand it back over tomorrow, when you're awake."
For a few more minutes, she talked to him, filling him in on things he'd need to have repeated to him when he was awake, as well as things he wouldn't even care about. It was just such a relief to see his chest rising and falling in deep, even breaths, and to see the graph on his heart monitor regularly spiking into heartbeats. He's gonna make it. Thank god.
When she ran out of things to say, she stood up and gave his forehead a light kiss. "I love you, Roman. I'll be back this time tomorrow, when they let you wake up. Just…don't make a liar out of the doctor, okay?"
As she stepped back from the bed, a wave of fear caught her off guard. What if they're wrong, and he takes a turn for the worse? What if this is the last time I ever see him alive?
"Hey," Kurt murmured, crossing the distance between them. "It's gonna be okay. Do you need some more time?"
She leaned into the comforting hug he offered, sighing. "No. The longer I stay here, the more medical equipment I'll look at, and the more worst-case scenarios I'll come up with." And the more I'll be burdening you. "Let's go home."
"That sounds so good." The smile in his voice warmed her, despite her dissociation. "Let's go home."
Author's Note: Yeah, I know, it's probably unlikely that they'd keep Roman sedated for twenty-four hours. But I just needed to get Jane home, rather than have her hang around the hospital for hours so the Jeller is postponed. This way, Jane can at least put her worry for Roman on the back burner and concentrate on herself and Kurt for a little while. :)