Author's Note: It's this fic's second birthday! :D On 1st June, 2018, I posted the first chapter, and after that, things got a liiiiittle out of control. ;D I'm pretty near the end now (no, really this time!), but as you can tell, there are still a few things to tie up. For now, Jane and Kurt finally manage to go home and rest.

Jane stepped into a dream—at least, that was what it felt like.

The apartment was exactly as she remembered it, minus a few little things that she'd broken during her methodical trashing of the living room, last time she'd been here. It was so warm and familiar that it didn't feel real. The squishy couch, the large windows, the neatly organised kitchen—all the same, like she'd been transported back in time, to when she and Kurt had been blissfully oblivious of their impending separation.

Kurt said something behind her, but she couldn't focus enough to interpret the words. Instead, she walked into the centre of the living room, turning in a slow circle to absorb the atmosphere.

"Jane?"

Kurt stopped a couple of feet from her, his concern plainly written on his features. She tried to smile, to pull herself together, for his sake.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I…" She didn't have enough focus to draft a convincing lie, and sighed, giving up. "I just…don't feel real. None of this feels real."

He stepped closer, approaching as though she might flee at any moment. "You said that to me once before. Just after we'd stopped the Statue of Liberty attack."

"I don't remember that," she murmured, searching her memory.

"You were still trying to process a lot of stuff, so that doesn't surprise me." He gave her a faint smile. "I told you it was gonna be okay, and you said, 'I don't know what that feels like.' I had no idea how to respond to that, so I just went with my gut. And even though it was the most unprofessional thing I'd ever done, up until that point…that was the first time I properly hugged you."

Now she remembered—not the words, but the hug. Clinging to him as though he was the only thing she could be certain of, and relishing the brief few moments of comfort his embrace had provided. It had meant so much to her, to have someone invested enough in her emotional state to want to hug her, even though she'd been so alone in the world.

And here she was right now, needing that comfort more than ever, yet not taking advantage of it. What was wrong with her?

Kurt gently pulled her into his arms, but for a moment, she couldn't move to reciprocate the gesture. As though he feared he was unwelcome, he began to step back, and desperation sent a jolt into her heavy limbs. No, please don't go…

Before he could move out of reach, she slid her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I'm happy to be back, I swear. But this still just feels like a dream I'm about to wake up from."

He held her securely, stroked her hair, while she closed her eyes and just breathed for a moment. Then he asked, "You hungry? Maybe some food will help convince you things are more real."

"Hmm…" She was a little hungry, but making a decision right now seemed too difficult.

"Or I could run you a bubble bath," he offered, and she couldn't help but laugh, which had probably been part of his intention. Before she'd gone to the compound, he'd often made her take soothing bubble baths when she was stressed from the case or her PTSD.

Oh, Kurt. You're trying so hard, and you don't need to. All I want is to be close to you.

She drew back just enough to look into his face. "Could we just…lie on the couch for a while? If that's not too boring."

Was that relief she saw in his eyes? Maybe he needed it as much as she did.

"I think I can handle that."

It was a little awkward getting into a comfortable position on the couch, another small touch of humour to permeate the fog enveloping her mind. Once Kurt was stretched out, supported by throw pillows at his back, with Jane draped over him, she pressed her ear to his chest, comforted to hear the strong, steady beat of his heart.

Kurt stroked her hair, taking a deep breath. His exhalation shuddered a little. "I missed you," he confessed softly. "I can't even put it into words, how much I missed you."

"Me too." Jane swallowed hard. "I thought about doing this every single day. Just lying here with you, feeling you breathing, your arms around me… This was my happy place, when I needed to calm down, to feel safe."

"I wish I could have been there for you," he said, his embrace tightening. "I needed to be there for you. Having my hands tied like that was just…"

Torture, her brain supplied, with a trace of irony. It didn't feel too hyperbolic, though. She knew how hard inaction was on him, especially when it came to her.

"It was hard," he continued, after a pause. "But I know it was nothing compared to what you went through."

"You don't have to compare it to that. You went through your own kind of hell, and I went through mine."

He kissed the top of her head. "Need to talk about yours?"

Her mind rebelled at the thought. She'd need to open up to him about it—she knew that. But not yet. Not while she was still struggling to anchor herself to the present moment.

She shook her head as best she could without lifting it from his chest. "I just…want to get used to being back home first."

"Whatever you need."

"Right now, this is all I need," she said, with complete honesty.

"Me, too."

They lapsed into silence for a while, Jane still half convinced she'd open her eyes and find herself at the compound, out of reach of Kurt, of her future, of happiness… With every subconsciously synchronised breath she and Kurt took, though, she was a little less afraid to believe in reality.

It's really over. I'm really home.

Kurt wasn't sure if he'd dozed off for a while, or if Jane had fallen asleep, snuggled up against him. All he knew was that he hadn't felt this relaxed since before Jane had gone undercover. Having her back here in his arms, confessing how much she'd missed being away from him, was gradually mending his tattered soul.

Every time his mind tried to drift back to phase two, to the close call with the nuke, to Jane kneeling on the floor, waiting to be executed by her own mother…he closed the door on those thoughts, reminding himself that no matter what had almost happened, the result had been in their favour.

Tell that to Reyes and her family, still waiting to learn if she'll ever walk again. And to Christian, who died thinking that today was like any other day.

"What are you thinking about?" Jane asked softly.

He must have tensed up enough to clue her in. Focusing on the moment again, he shook his head. "Just…the things I didn't manage to do right today."

She lifted her head to look into his face, her eyes sad. "Kurt, you did everything you could. And at least we know Reyes will live. That's better than the alternative. Even if her life will be different now, at least she still gets to have one."

They'd gotten the call on the way home—that Reyes would most likely survive, but that her mobility might never be the same. Kurt knew how devastated the field agent would be by the news that she'd have to move to a desk job, if she chose to come back to the FBI at all.

"Blame Aurora for what happened, not yourself." Jane ran her fingers down his cheek, anchoring him to the moment with her. "If you'd been there in SIOC, Reyes might have been shot anyway. And I definitely wouldn't have made it."

His throat tightened at her words. "I'm so glad I got to you in time."

"Me, too." Shame flavouring her tone, she said, "I know you wanted me to fight as hard as I could to survive. But when I realised I was out of options, that there was no way to get to cover or grab a weapon without getting killed…I guess I gave up. I'm sorry."

Remembering how she'd knelt there, helpless, brought a lump to his throat. "No, Jane. You were in an impossible position. You needed someone else to get you out of it, and the way you stayed put? That gave me time to get there and get Shepherd in my sights."

She lowered her head back to his chest, sighing. "I should have known it was a dummy grenade."

"She fooled me and Nas, too," Kurt reminded her gently. "She used our training against us. One of the first things anyone in the military or law enforcement learns is that when someone unpins a grenade, we duck and cover. She was counting on that reaction."

"Still," Jane said, "it was Shepherd. I should have realised she wouldn't just blow herself up randomly."

"It's over now. No point in picking it apart. We got her."

"Yeah. I know." She lifted her head again, her expression serious. "Thank you. For being there for me today. I know how much work you're going to have to do to manage this whole situation."

He gave her a slow, affectionate kiss. "Hey… For the first time in ages, I feel like I can leave the job at work. Nothing I can do about any of that stuff tonight. Right now, I'm not your boss. I'm just…yours."

She gave him the most genuine smile she'd managed since they'd arrived at the apartment, which made his heart skip. God, she's so beautiful. And resilient. And determined. And…

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she murmured, seeming intrigued.

"Just wondering how I got so lucky."

She stretched up to kiss him again, sending a spark to his cock, but he pushed the instinct aside. Not now.

"I'm gonna make us something to eat, okay?"

She burrowed against him for another few seconds, then sat up with a sigh. "I guess I should shower. Probably not a great idea to submerge this in bathwater right now." She held up her wounded hand.

"Okay. You hungry for anything in particular?"

Jane hesitated, looking a little embarrassed. "This is gonna sound weird, but…breakfast? Like we had the first time I stayed over?"

He grinned. "I guess nothing else about today has been normal. Might as well shift breakfast to the evening, too."

"Thank you." She got to her feet a little unsteadily, but stepped away before he could reach out to her. By the time he got up, she was already halfway to the bathroom.

Kurt entered the kitchen with a lighter heart than he'd had since Jane had been ripped from his life, six long weeks ago. Things wouldn't be easy from now on—he knew some of Jane's battles were just beginning, and he fully intended to be her backup as she fought for Shepherd to be incarcerated, not committed to a black site—but right now, all they had to concentrate on was being alive, safe and free of phase two's shadow.

Together.

He'd suggested food for Jane's benefit more than his own, but by the time everything was frying, his stomach was growling in anticipation. He hadn't been able to stomach much that morning, and lunchtime had passed in a blur of stopping a nuke attack, then calming his stressed personnel after the fact.

Jane reappeared at his side as he was dishing out the food, as though summoned by the smell of frying bacon. She was wrapped tightly in her bathrobe, her hair still damp and her makeup washed away, and from the way her shoulders were hunched, he could tell the time alone had given her too much time to fall into her darker thoughts.

"Smells good," she said, trying a smile, and he allowed her the pretence that everything was fine—at least, for now. When they'd eaten, it would be a different story.

He pushed a plate towards her, then rounded the breakfast bar to sit beside her with his own meal. Hooking his foot around her ankle, he rested his leg against hers as they settled down to eat, and Jane smiled down at her plate, shifting a little closer.

He'd worried that she'd pick at her food, but she ate just as steadily as he did, finishing only a couple of mouthfuls behind him. At least he wouldn't have to worry about her appetite tonight.

"That was amazing," she said, after setting down her utensils on her empty plate. "I missed your cooking."

He almost teased her about whether she'd had to cook for herself while she'd been away—knowing she was a terrible cook—but decided against it, not wanting her to have to think about the compound before she was ready to.

"How about you go get snuggled into bed, and I'll take a quick shower, then join you?" he suggested.

Even though it was barely starting to get dark outside, Jane must have been craving their bed as strongly as he was. She nodded, then rested her cheek on his shoulder for a second before sliding off her stool. "I wish this were more of a celebratory homecoming, but I just don't have it in me right now."

Before she could apologise, he rested his hands on her shoulders. "Jane, I didn't know if you'd even be able to come home at all—if you'd have to be stuck in the hospital, or…worse. I didn't know if you'd want to just hide away in the spare bedroom and be alone, like when we were at Sarah's place. Just being able to hold you tonight…that's all the celebration I need."

She pressed her lips tightly together, her eyes filling with tears, and looked towards the bedroom as though she wanted to escape from the conversation.

Knowing she was fighting a battle with tears that she'd lose if she spoke, Kurt kissed her forehead. "Go ahead. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Jane shot him a quick glance, as though checking on his mental state, then pulled gently away from him and headed for the bedroom.

After clearing up their dishes and taking the fastest shower of his life, Kurt hesitated in the bedroom doorway, a small smile creeping onto his face as he gazed at the bed. Jane was curled up with her back to the door, her arms wrapped around his pillow and the blankets pulled up around her. Seeing her there, where she belonged, settled something in him that had felt out of place for a long time.

Unsure whether she was asleep or just relaxing, he quietly headed for the dresser and found some fresh underwear, then discarded the towel around his waist and shut the bedroom door before rounding the bed. "Hey."

Jane opened her eyes and drowsily rolled onto her back, giving him more room to slide into bed beside her. "Hey."

He repositioned his pillow and stretched out beside her, extending an arm as an invitation for her to cuddle closer. Jane rolled half on top of him, getting as close as she could, and he used her momentum to pull her entire body onto his—her head on his bare chest, her hips against his upper thighs and her legs nestled between his.

"There," he said softly, fighting the unexpected tingle of tears as he kissed the top of her head. "Perfect."

"Perfect," she agreed, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Think we can just spend a couple of days like this? No one's gonna mind, right?" He'd meant it as a joke, but there was a hint of bitterness to his tone. They both had too much to handle, on top of everything they'd done so far. It didn't seem fair that they'd dragged themselves through so much pain, and saved millions of lives, yet their work was not yet done.

"Hold that thought for a few days," Jane suggested.

"I'm sorry we can't just close the door on this. I know how much you just want it over."

"It's okay." She turned her head to kiss his chest. "I missed being at the office, almost as much as I missed being here."

They were quiet for a moment, then Jane asked, "Did the picture I found in your yearbook help at all? I wanted to leave a note, too, but then Roman knocked on the door…"

It seemed so long ago that he'd found the open yearbook hidden under his pillow. "Yeah. You could say that," he said wryly. "It let us figure out Shepherd's real name, and a couple of things Roman might not have thought to mention to you."

Jane held him tighter as he related how they'd discovered that not only had Shepherd paid his school tuition, but she'd also gotten Sean Clark to block his promotion to the DC office. When he fell silent, she lifted her head to look into his face. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you found out. Shepherd was controlling your whole life. That must have been hard to hear."

He brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes, shaking his head. "Not your fault. And as for the promotion… I'm glad it was blocked. If I hadn't been here, I would never have met you. Even knowing how much Shepherd meddled with everything, having you here? That makes it all worthwhile."

"I love you too," she murmured, a sad smile on her lips.

He gave her a soft kiss, putting Shepherd out of his mind. There was too much to enjoy about this moment to let one poisonous influence ruin it.

"I'm so glad to be home," Jane told him, when they parted. "I know I'm not that cheerful, but—"

"Hey, don't worry about that. There's still a lot going on, a lot we have to come to terms with. I know it's gonna take time. For now, all you have to do is breathe."

"I can just about handle that." With a wry quirk of her lips, she lay her head back down on his chest.

Kurt skated his fingertips up and down the fabric covering her back, wondering how best to approach what he knew would be a sensitive subject. It was clear Jane wasn't going to bring it up herself until she had to.

"Roman told me…about the trespasser you had to kill."

Jane went rigid in his arms. "Kurt, I…"

When she fell silent, he stroked her hair in a slow, comforting rhythm, hoping to calm her a little. "You did what you had to do, and I know that if there'd been any other choice, you'd have taken it."

"But there wasn't. And I murdered her, while she begged me for her life." A tear wet his chest, and he swallowed hard, his own grief at what she'd been forced to do threatening to break free.

"I know how guilty you must feel, and that you'll blame yourself, no matter what I say. But Shepherd would have killed you if you hadn't pulled the trigger, and without you, we never would have figured out phase two in time. To save millions of people, you had to do what you did. If you'd let her live, Shepherd would have killed her instead—or if she'd been able to get away, she would have died in the nuclear attack."

She remained silent and tense, barely allowing herself to breathe.

"Talk to me," he urged gently.

Jane shifted her weight off him, rolling onto her side, facing away from him. "I can't, Kurt. I just… I can't."

He rested his forehead against her back, hating himself for what he was about to say. "If it was anything else, I'd let this drop. I'd let you work through it in your own time. But the team already knows. Nas will ask you about it on the polygraph tomorrow."

He knew she'd hate to lose her composure in front of the whole team, while hooked up to a machine that measured even the tiniest changes in her biorhythms. If she could work through the worst of the emotions now, with him, maybe they could avoid that.

Jane gave a wordless, despairing cry and curled into a defensive ball, still facing away from him.

"I'm so sorry, Jane." He wanted to hold her more than anything, but he wouldn't force his arms around her.

After a few taut, pained moments, she uncurled and lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm not mad at you."

A knot of tension within him eased, but he stayed where he was, lying on his side, watching her.

"I know you're thinking ahead, trying to make things easier." She sighed. "I just thought I'd have more time."

"We could get Nas to postpone the polygraph." He reached for her hand.

Jane shifted closer, drawing his arm around her as she turned away, making him the big spoon to her little one. "No. That will make it look like I'm uncertain what the result will be. I don't want there to be any room for doubt."

Kurt kissed the back of her head. "If you really can't deal with this now, we can just go to sleep."

Jane took a deep, shuddering breath, then said, "There's a shooting range in the barn at the back of the compound. I was walking back from there with Shepherd and Parker, when Parker noticed movement along the property line. He went to check it out. Shepherd and I followed at a slower pace, and as we got close, Parker hauled a woman out of the bushes. Blonde, early thirties, maybe. Terrified."

The last word had emerged almost in a whisper, and Kurt could feel the distress radiating from Jane. He tightened his arm around her a little, a gesture of support.

"I don't know her name, but she had a basket with her. She said she'd noticed some berry bushes last time she drove past, and money was tight, and she didn't think anyone would mind if she picked a few to help feed the kids…" Jane paused for a second, then shook her head. "She didn't mean any harm, but Shepherd didn't want to take the chance that she'd seen something she shouldn't, or that she was an undercover cop doing recon, or something. So she asked me to…take care of the situation."

"Testing you again." Kurt tried not to grind his teeth.

"I tried to get her to reconsider, but she wouldn't listen, and the more I protested, the more suspicious she got, so I…" Jane's voice grew strangled. "I told this poor, innocent woman to turn around. And she cried, and she begged, but I drew my weapon and ordered her to, and she was too scared not to do what I said. And then I put a bullet in her head."

Oh, Jane… She was tense and trembling, but not allowing herself to cry. He held her helplessly, wishing he could have been there to take the shot himself, to shoulder the burden so Jane wouldn't have had to.

"Parker radioed for some of his people to come and take care of…the body. I don't know where they dumped her. If they had plenty of lye stockpiled, I guess we'll never find her. Her kids won't be able to bury their mom."

"We'll check the grounds for gravesites, just in case. If she's there, we'll find her."

Her voice wavering, Jane confessed, "It's the worst thing I've done since I was ZIPped. By far."

"You were coerced. It is not your fault." He laid a hand over her chest, locating her distressed heartbeat. "I know your heart, Jane. Killing innocent people in cold blood—that's not who you are."

"What if it is?" she asked, rolling over so that she could look into his face. Her eyes were teary, and her gaze was almost pleading him for absolution. "There's still so much I don't remember from my time as Remi. What if…?"

He shushed her, gently kissing her lips. "I know you, Jane. And you know me. If you really were the monster you're scared you are, would I be here with you right now?"

Jane reached out to rest her palm on his chest in turn, a sad smile breaking through her misery. "I guess not."

Kurt brushed a tear from the corner of her eye. "I love you. That hasn't changed."

"I love you, too." The tenderness in her expression, despite her turmoil, moved him more than he could ever describe. "Thank you so much for being here for me."

"Always." He pulled her closer. "You're exhausted. Do you think you can sleep a little?"

She hesitated, then nodded. "Until the nightmares start, I guess."

"Worry about the nightmares later. Just rest now, Jane."

Obediently, she closed her eyes, shifting back into her position as the little spoon and relaxing properly for the first time since he'd mentioned the woman she'd shot. Kurt allowed himself to relax as well, lulled by her warm presence into drowsiness, but not allowing himself to drift off until Jane's breathing evened out.

Only then did he allow himself to slide into sleep.