Author's Note: My first update since the series finale aired! No overt spoilers in this author's note, since I know not everyone has managed to watch it yet - but if you follow me on Tumblr, you'll know that the happy version of the ending didn't really convince me (even though I've read multiple posts from people listing reasons why they believe in it), and the sad ending felt more like it resonated with me, but I still don't want it (because even though it closes off Jane's character arc nicely, everyone else is left in a bad place, and I don't like that, either). Anyway, there will probably be fics from me at some point about all that, but I need a bit of time to process it all, first.

Here's more TWY! (I know - took me long enough, right?) It's angsty and it's smutty, and it's also the last nightmare scene I'm going to have in this fic, because I've written so many of them now that it's getting a little boring! Plus now that the undercover mission is over, Jane can start proper treatment for her PTSD.

Jane dreamed she was home, in Kurt's apartment. That was nothing new; she often had, over the course of her time at the compound. But this time was different—more lucid.

As she sat up in bed, knowing she was dreaming, yet unable to wake herself, she caught sight of Kurt's silhouette walking past the open door.

"I'll go check that out," Parker said, striding past the bed towards the door. He pulled his sidearm from its holster and headed after Kurt.

"No!" she called, terror freezing her for critical moments before she was able to make her limbs move.

Already knowing what would happen when she caught up to them, she stumbled out into the hall, then through to the living room.

In place of the couch was a thick patch of wild strawberry bushes, and Kurt was crouching amidst them, a small wicker basket slung over one forearm. Parker was nowhere to be seen, and Jane exhaled with relief, running to Kurt's side.

"You have to get out of here now. If Shepherd sees you—"

He looked at her as though he was just out for a walk and picking berries, not intruding on the edges of her family's terrorist operation and putting the whole undercover mission at risk. "What? No one will mind. I know this is private property, but—"

"No, you have to go, or you'll blow my cover!" She pulled at his arm, trying to steer him to the apartment door, but he moved so slowly…

"Just like I said."

Jane froze at Parker's voice.

"An intruder. I see." Shepherd.

"No," she whispered.

"Remi, deal with this problem, please," Shepherd said wearily.

Jane stared at Kurt, her breath catching in a sob. Time seemed to slow as she pulled out her weapon and aimed it at Kurt's head.

"Jane, what are you doing?" he asked warily.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "If my cover is blown now, we'll never figure out Phase Two in time."

"Please." He stared at the gun in her hand, and she saw the panic rising to the surface of his expression. "Don't."

"Turn around."

"Jane. I love you. Please don't do this." His voice was quiet, desperate. "Don't choose them over me."

She took a step closer, putting steel into her voice so he'd know she was serious. "Turn. Around."

He closed his eyes and turned his back to her, defeat in his posture.

"Let's get this over with," Shepherd said.

Jane lowered the gun, turning to her mother. "Why does he have to die? Can't we just let him go? I love him, Shepherd…"

Footsteps approached from behind her, and she spun to find Oscar standing behind her, a burned husk, with the scythe she'd used to impale him still embedded in his charred gut. "Yeah? Well, you loved me, too. Didn't make any difference."

No, I didn't love you. Remi loved you, not me.

Jane looked to Shepherd one more time, unable to speak. Pleading with her eyes alone.

"Do it," her mother snapped, her impatience plain.

Unable to control her own body, Jane watched herself raise the gun again. As she silently screamed a denial, she aimed at the back of Kurt's head and pulled the trigger, making blood spatter over the berries as he fell—

"It's okay, Jane. It's okay; you're safe."

Jane had thrown a punch before she'd registered that it was Kurt's voice, but he deflected it easily, as though he'd been expecting it. She fell back a step, pulling her arms against her chest, and looked wildly around the living room.

The couch was just a couch again. Shepherd, Parker and Oscar were gone. Only Kurt remained, his expression concerned.

Home. I'm really home.

With one last nervous glance at the couch, Jane let out her breath in a hard sigh of relief. "Kurt…"

"I'm here." He approached tentatively, stretching out a hand, but staying just out of arms' reach for now.

In case I try to hit him again.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled, and staggered forward into his comforting embrace.

"Nothing to be sorry for." He kissed the top of her head, his arms tightening around her as she clutched him harder. "I'm sorry I didn't wake up before you got out of bed. Come on—let's go back."

"Bet you didn't miss this," she joked weakly, as they walked slowly back into the bedroom.

"I would have agreed to be woken up a hundred times every night, if I could just have had you home with me." He got back into bed and slid over, making room for her. Then he propped a pillow against the headboard and sat back against it. "C'mere."

Jane joined him, about to sit with her back against his chest when she had another idea. "Do you mind?" she asked hesitantly. "I want to feel your heartbeat."

He looked a little mystified, but murmured, "Whatever you need."

Jane straddled his lap, sitting on his thighs before pressing her hand to his bare chest. His heartbeat was a little elevated, probably from being worried about her—and woken up so suddenly. Still, it was strong, its rhythm soothing her as she tried to forget the dream where she'd snuffed out his life.

Kurt covered her hand with one of his. "I'm fine, Jane."

She nodded, and let him wrap his other arm around her, pulling her into an embrace with their hands trapped between them.

"That was a bad one, huh?" he asked softly, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

She shuddered. "I've had nightmares that were worse, but this one felt…too realistic. Even though parts of it weren't realistic at all."

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

Jane sighed. "I shot you. To protect my cover. Shepherd made me."

"Nope. I'm right here." He squeezed the hand that rested over his heart. "See?"

Jane slid her free hand up to the back of his head, half reassuring herself that there was no bullet hole there. Then, trying to shake her mind free of the dream, she wrapped both arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder.

Remi, deal with this problem, please.

She shoved the words from her dream away, trying to focus on the moment.

Betrayed. By my own daughter.

Jane squeezed her eyes tighter shut and banished Shepherd's words from her memory. I'm home now. It's over.

Kurt pulled her closer, rocking her gently. "I'm so glad you're back."

"Me too," she whispered, nuzzling his neck.

He was so warm, the tactile sensation of his skin against hers sending awareness tingling through her nerve endings. She took a deep, shaky breath, his masculine scent adding to her appreciation. For a moment, she considered taking the night in an entirely different direction.

No. You promised him you'd stop using him for sex to hide from your problems.

She carefully sat back, involuntarily catching her lower lip between her teeth for a second. His mouth was right there, and she knew how well he could kiss, how easily he could chase the thoughts from her head with his skilled tongue…

"I know that look," he said, his voice carrying gravelly amusement.

Guiltily, she looked up from his mouth into his eyes, finding surprise there, as well as heat and a hint of laughter.

She swallowed hard. "No, I…"

Whatever he read in her face made concern eclipse the humour she'd seen, and he cupped her cheek in his hand. "What?"

She almost turned her face to nuzzle into his hand, but stopped herself in time. "I don't wanna start using your body so I can forget about my problems again."

He gazed at her for a long, silent moment, then shook his head. "You need to stop thinking?"

Ashamed of herself, she nodded, then rose to her knees from his lap. "But I—"

He caught her hips before she could move away, tilting his head back to gauge her reaction. "Jane. Use me."

Heat bloomed between her thighs as he pushed up her tank top and pressed a lingering kiss to her stomach. It had been so long since the last time they'd been intimate. Her mind went blessedly silent when his tongue brushed her skin for a teasing instant.

"You deserve better than to be used, Kurt." She meant it with everything in her soul. She wouldn't trample on his self-respect again, not when she loved him so much.

Kurt shook his head, guiding her back down to sit on his thighs. "It won't be like before. We know what we are to each other now. It'd hurt more to know that there's something I can do to help, but you won't let me."

Jane hesitated, but as he cupped her breast in his hand, she found herself arching into the touch, seduced by the confident caress. He shifted her closer in his lap, and her breath caught as she realised he was rising to the occasion.

She whispered his name, rocking slowly against him. "I love you. I just don't want to screw things up, not now that we—"

She lost her train of thought as he tugged down her shirt enough to expose her nipple. Rolling it against the pad of his thumb, he gave her a mischievous look. "Was there more to that sentence?"

She didn't know whether to laugh or hit him, so she kissed him instead, grabbing his head with both hands and tilting it back to stroke her tongue into his mouth. Kurt groaned, sensing she'd finished protesting, and kissed her back with just as much desperation.

When Jane pulled back, they were both panting, still rocking slowly against each other as she pressed her forehead to his. She opened her eyes to find him watching her, a slight smile on his face. "Whatever you need," he murmured.

"You," she replied, just as softly. "You're everything I need."

"Your starting point?" he asked, his smile growing a little.

She took his hand again, guided it up under her shirt—not to her breast, but to her heart, which pounded out of desire now, not fear. "And my end point. The thought of getting back to you was what kept me going, out there."

"I love you, too," he told her fiercely, and kissed her again, his hand still pressed tightly against her heart.

Impatient now, Jane yanked her shirt up over her head, then tossed it aside. "Love you," she whispered against his lips, then rose up off his lap far enough to begin stripping off her pyjama pants.

By the time she'd dealt with her clothing, Kurt had done the same to his underwear. He cupped her mound in his palm as she began to lower herself, and she bit back a moan as he squeezed lightly.

"It's been six weeks since we last did this. Your birth control is still good, right?" He trailed his slick fingers up over her clit, rubbing just hard enough to make her wetter and hotter, pleasure fizzing through her skin.

Nodding breathlessly, she bucked into his touch. "We're good."

He drew her nipple into his mouth and curved his tongue over the very tip, then gave a gentle bite. Jane steadied herself against his shoulders, gasping.

"God, you're soaking my fingers," he murmured, when he lifted his head again. "Tell me what you're thinking about."

Her mind scrambled for an answer, but she was barely thinking at all. "You. How amazing this feels." She sighed as he coated his fingers in more of her arousal, then returned them to her aching clit. "Mmm… How much I want you inside me."

He bent his head to take her other nipple into his mouth, not taking her hint. As he flicked his tongue against her skin, she pressed her hand over his, slowing him, making him press harder between her thighs.

"Like that?" He drew her carefully down into his lap, and as his cock brushed the back of her guiding hand, she took hold of it with the other, stroking up the hot, hard length of him.

Sensing she was getting distracted from her own pleasure, he shook his head, his expression holding determination as well as need. "You first. Fuck, Jane… Make me make you come."

Jane kissed him, grinding her clit against his wet palm, holding his hand still as she found the perfect rhythm to send her towards the brink. So close…oh, Kurt—

She cried out into his kiss as the pleasure crested, her inner muscles clenching around nothing, and even though it felt fantastic, she knew exactly what was missing. As soon as her climax had begun to abate, she rose up and took hold of Kurt's solid erection, guiding him deep inside her.

He breathed a curse and pressed up his hips, his head falling back. "Fuck, you're—"

"That's better," she told him, relishing their closeness. "Missed you."

Kurt wrapped his arms around her, sitting up straighter against the headboard, and for a moment she luxuriated in the afterglow of her orgasm, enjoying how right it felt to be here with him.

"I thought about this so many nights," he said. "How much I wanted to hold you like this, so close that we couldn't get closer if we tried."

Jane nuzzled his neck in agreement, knowing exactly what he meant.

He took a deep breath, then let it out a little shakily. "I know we're kind of in the middle of something, but can we stay like this for a minute or two?"

She smiled, running her fingertips up and down the nape of his neck. "Hey, I already got off, so…"

"Doesn't mean I'm done with you yet." He didn't move or try to provoke her in any other way, but the promise in his voice sent a thrill through her.

He laughed softly at the involuntary way she tightened around his cock, but said nothing, his fingers carding through her hair as they held each other. Despite her simmering lust, the moment of peace settled some unidentifiable part of her consciousness, and she wondered if it was the same for Kurt.

A few seconds later, he brushed a kiss against her bird tattoo. "Think I can get you off again without us moving too much?"

Intrigued, Jane wriggled her hips a little, remaining where she was. "What did you have in mind?" she asked.

"Stay how you are."

Carefully, he worked one hand between them, easing her hips back just enough to wet his fingers and curve them against her pubic bone. There wasn't much room for manoeuvre, but Jane could already tell what he was thinking, and experimentally rocked against his hand, not lifting her head from his shoulder or rising off his cock.

Adjusting her angle a little, she caught her breath. "Mmmm… There. Don't move."

She ground against his fingers with small, hard bucks of her hips, hardly moving, still as close to Kurt as it was possible to get. He gave a soft groan against her neck as she tightened around his shaft. It wouldn't do more than tease him, but she knew he loved being the cause of her pleasure, even if it didn't lead to his own climax.

"Almost there," she gasped, digging her fingers into his back, rubbing her nipples against his chest. "Kurt—"

He nipped the side of her neck, then soothed her skin with his lips. "Come around me, Jane."

A couple of hard, trembling jolts of her hips later, Jane muffled a feral cry against his shoulder, her frustration shattering into a brief but intense orgasm.

Kurt laughed, tipping her onto her back as she panted, trying to remember how to unwind her arms from around his neck. As her body finally began to relax, he gave her a hot, deep kiss, his body pinning hers to the bed.

Then he pulled back a little, a flicker of uncertainty on his face. "You need to keep control tonight?"

She shook her head emphatically, refusing to contemplate it. "No. I spent so long having to watch every word I said, every step I took—I just want to give all that up tonight. However you need it—that's what I want."

He gazed at her for one cautious instant, checking she wasn't just telling him what he wanted to hear. But then he leaned down to kiss her, hot but slow, with a surprising edge of sweetness.

His fingers lacing through hers, pinning her gently to the bed, he rocked back, almost all the way out of her, then slowly back in. Jane savoured the feeling, her sense of re-connection to Kurt intensifying with every second that passed. He wasn't trying to get either of them off, not at this slow speed, but she knew instinctively that he needed to just feel her, as much as she needed him the same way. This part was more about comfort than about stoking the embers of pleasure that were still undeniably smouldering.

We survived. We're here, together, and this didn't break us.

It so easily could have gone the other way.

As if Kurt sensed the fretful turn her mind had taken, he quickened his pace, distracting her very effectively before she'd even thought to ask. She moaned her appreciation, and he lifted his head to look into her face, the love and desire she saw there stealing her breath. She unwrapped one of her legs from around him, bracing her foot against the bed so that she could more easily meet his thrusts.

Neither of them lasted long after that, unwilling to stall when they'd been apart for so long. Their frenzied rhythm soon subsided to breathless, satisfied languor, their only movements the lazy caresses and soft kisses they bestowed on each other's skin.

"See? Not like before," Kurt murmured. Though she was too exhausted to lift her head from his shoulder, Jane could hear the smile in his voice, and a warm glow spread through her chest.

Thinking back, the difference between their first time and tonight was easy to pinpoint. "We trust each other now."

"Yeah." He skated his fingers across his name on her back. "It makes a difference."

Jane stifled a yawn with her hand, then said, "I don't think I can stay awake much longer."

"Sleep, Jane. I'll still be here when you wake up." He pulled the covers up more securely around them—as though she needed to be any more comfortable right now.

I know. And so will I, when you wake up. She tried to say it, but her words came out an unintelligible mumble, one she was too sleepy to clarify.

Her last thought before she fell asleep was that Kurt's arms around her were better than any blanket.