Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: So, because I'm getting to an emotional part of my other fanfic My Druggie, I thought I would give you guys a break with something goofy. Enjoy! (And I promise to have the next chapter up by tomorrow at the latest.)

A Man and His Squirrel Army

Ever have one of those days where you wake up and know, just know, that it's going to be a weird day?

This was one of those days.

They were everywhere.

Little, brown, fuzzy, horrifying. Everywhere I could see, squirrels.

And they weren't moving, they were staring at me. Well, all except for two who seemed to be whispering to each other.

I knew right then it as going to be a weird day.

"Hey, Carla," I said, leaning over the nurses station. "Did you notice, like, twenty squirrels hanging out this morning?"

Carla raised an eyebrow. "Bambi, do you need to lay down?"

I shook my head, wondering if I had finally lost it.

The Janitor popped his head up from behind the table. "Did he buy it?"

"Yeah," Carla said. "But I don't get why you have to torture JD so often. Can't you give him a break every once in awhile?"

The Janitor seemed to take a moment to ponder. "Nah, this is more fun. Mind if I had a few around here?"

Carla groaned. "Fine, whatever."

The man in the room was spilling his entire life story to me and I didn't hear any of it. Outside of the window there were three more of them, wearing clothes, and pointing at me.

"Carla!" I shouted, turning my head for a second. She ran in the room and I turned back to the window. They were gone. "Carla, there were three, and they were dressed up, and I think..."

"Bambi, not in front of the patient." Carla said, I turned back and saw one in pink scrubs sitting on her shoulder. "Bambi?"

"I-I-I have to go." I said, shaking my head and walking from the room. "They're everywhere!"

I turned into the break room and saw Elliot sitting on the couch watching TV with a squirrel in a white coat. Soaps were on and the squirrel had the remote.

"Why would a squirrel watch a soap opera?" I asked my ceiling self. The next thing I knew it was facing me and Dr. Cox was talking from it.

"I don't know what you're talking about with squirrels, Helena, but if you make me miss whose wife slept with Chico I'll be forced to gut you."

I turned quickly from the room, something weird was going on.

"A little harsh, don't you think?" Elliot asked, leaning over the back of the couch to where Dr. Cox was sitting on the floor.

"Same goes for you Barbie, now get the squirrel back to the Janitor, it's making me sick."

The man in charge of the CAT scan device owed me a favor...

I walk into the police station and see him sitting next to a prostitute, a very ugly prostitute.

"All right, I'll bail you out, but you..." I say, pointing at the...woman? "Have to stay here."

So I decided to cash it in for a free head scan. I figured something must be loose in there, why else would everyone be...squirrel.

As the machine sent me back I could feel something in my hair, it was little...fuzzy...rodent-like.

I screamed and jumped up, hitting my head on the machine and losing consciousness.

I blinked back awake and was surrounded by the fuzzy fiends. The Janitor was also there, smiling maliciously.

"April Fools," he said. I rubbed a sore spot on my forehead.

"What are you talking about? It's November third!"

"That's the joke," he said shrugging. "Come, squirrel army, there are more innocent minds to mess with."

I assumed he wanted me to believe they were following him, but it was easy to see the fishing wire that had been attatched. I groaned and leaned back in my chair.

I was right, it was a weird day.