AN: The paragraphs in italics are entries in April's journal. This entire fic will cover the events leading up to April's infamous suicide, and the reasons behind it, and the reason Emily never told Roger the truth about it.

"I asked you a question, Emily," Roger snarled. "What are you doing with April's notebook?" Emily hesitated for a second before getting up.

"Roger," she began. "What you gotta know about that is…"

"Is what?"

"She brought it with her," Emily replied quickly, as if she was forcing herself to speak before loosing her nerve.

"With her? Are you…" Roger suddenly grabbed Emily's arms roughly. "She was there? Are you saying she was at the Center?"

"I'm sorry," Emily apologized with downcast eyes. "She came to the Center shortly after finding out she had HIV. She said she needed a place to stay while she thought about things. I couldn't turn her away, that's not how we did things there."

"And you didn't have the character to tell me this?"

"I can explain."

"Save it!" Roger shouted, pushing Emily back. "There's nothing you can say. I thought you were my friend, Emily! Friends tell! They don't keep secrets, especially not ones like this!" Without another word, Roger stormed out of the apartment.

"I'm sorry," Emily whispered seconds after he left. She looked up at the others who were all staring at her in shock. "I'm sorry. All of you." Before anyone could say anything Emily retreated out of the apartment complex.

An hour had passed since the disastrous confrontation downstairs. Roger was sitting at the window, staring out into space. Everyone else, including Mimi, was too nervous to say anything to him, for fear of setting him off. Even Mimi and Joanne, who had never known April, knew that she would probably always be a touchy subject with Roger.

At that moment, someone knocked at the door, and Mark got up to answer it. Outside the door was Penny, looking absolutely peeved, with April's notebook in her hand.

"I came to see Mr. Roger," She announced simply.

"Go away, Penny," Roger hissed from his spot at the window. "I don't care what Emily told you to say."

"Like it or not, you're gonna have to listen," Penny insisted, walking toward the musician without any trace of fear. The little girl dropped the notebook into Roger's lap. "Read that," she ordered.

"Get it away from me," Roger glared down at the notebook.

"You have to read it, Roger," Penny insisted, gently this time. "I promise, it will explain everything. I know Miss April was your girlfriend. But that's why you gotta read it now." When Roger didn't show any sign of relenting, Penny went on. "I was only five-and-a-half when she was staying at The Center, so I don't remember her that much. All I know is that Mom was crying after you all left. I hate seeing Mom cry. She's cried enough already. Please, Roger. Just read it."

For a tense moment, Roger looked like he was actually going to strike Penny, but then, to everyone's surprise, he grabbed the notebook and opened it to the place where an old movie ticket stub served as a bookmark. There, folded in between the pages was a sheet of paper. Upon unfolding it, Roger had to fight back tears, seeing that it was the paper that made his life turn upside-down. April's test results. The memory of that day came flooding back to him.

Flashback

Roger and April sat at the table in the coffee shop, their foreheads touching, with Roger's hand resting on the back of April's head. He desperately wanted to say that everything was going to be all right, but he couldn't. Because it wouldn't be 'all right' again. Their fate, her fate, and quite possibly his fate, was written there plainly. Report Status: Positive. April tested positive. Positive for AIDS.

End Flashback

Roger gave his head a quick shake to return to the present. Glancing down at April's journal, he saw an entry, written in her handwriting.

"Hey, Roger?" Mark finally got the courage to speak. "You don't have to, but we were hoping you'd read it out loud. We're all wondering the same things you are."

"I doubt it."

"Please Roger?" The musician looked up immediately upon hearing Mimi's hesitant voice. "I… I want to know about April, too."

"Mimi…."

"You never talk about her, Rog. But she's a part of your past. I want to know everything about you. Including your past. The good and the bad parts." Roger sent her a tender glace. He could never say no to her. Not when she looked at him with those eyes. Relenting, he began to read.

May 8, 1988

Positive. I tested positive. It's all I can think of. Well, not everything. There's also Roger. He… he hasn't been tested yet. But there's no doubt his will come back the same as mine. How could they not? The number of times we shared needles to shoot up; the number of times we slept together…

I practically killed him. That thought hurts more then anything. It hurts so much, I can hardly stand it. I can't even look at him without feeling the tears forming. I just need to get away for a while. Not forever, just long enough to come to terms. And I can't do that here. If I did, I'd just get hysterical. I can't stand it when I do.

It took me a while to convince Roger to let me leave for a bit. He can be so stubborn at times. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I love him so much. Once he gets his mind set on something, he doesn't let it go easily.

I don't know what's going to happen. I just know I need time to clear my head. I told Roger I was going to see my folks for a bit. After he relented, he loaned me some money he got from a gig to buy a bus ticket.

Flashback

"One ticket to Crystal Falls, Michigan," April muttered, handing the money to the ticket man at the bus station. The ticket man counted the money, but scowled.

"What's this? Tickets to Michigan cost $126. This is $115. You owe me $11."

"What if I wire you the money when I get to my parents'?"

"Listen, missy. We're running a business here. So let me spell it out for you. No money, no ticket."

"Please! This is all I have!" April begged the ticket man.

"Get lost!" the ticket man barked. "We don't give out free rides!" April walked off defeated. Now what? She couldn't return to the Loft. Not now. Even thinking about Roger made her feel as if she'd throw up. How could she have been so stupid? No one had ever cared about her as much as he did. What if she had infected him, too? She couldn't bear the thought of it. The possibility that she might have condemned him, the first man she'd genuinely loved, to death was too much to handle. She needed time to clear her head. Seeing him too soon would just be too much.

"Psst. Miss." April looked up to see a middle-aged woman. "I couldn't help overhearing your spat back there. If you need a place to stay, try going to the corner of Broome and Bowery, over in Little Italy. Ask for Miss Goodhall, or Mrs. Chang. Their doors are open to just about everyone these days."

"Thanks, but I doubt they'd let me stay," April muttered. "Not when I've got…."

"Got what?"

"I…" April took the test result out of her bag, her hand shaking as the woman glanced at it.

"Oh, no worry of that, dearie!" the woman laughed. "I dare say you'll be quite welcome there. You go check it out. You'll see what I mean."

Sometime, later, April arrived at the place the woman had mentioned. However, when she walked in, it was completely deserted.

"Hello?" April called. "Hello?"

"Hey! Is someone out there?" a voice asked. Looking toward the direction of the voice, the redheaded girl saw nothing but a trash bin, the type that would usually be found in a fast food restaurant. A trash can sat nearby, but there was no one in sight

"Hello?" April asked squinting in confusion. At that moment, the flap to the trash bin flew open, revealing a girl's face.

"Oh! Thank goodness, someone finally come along! Can you get me out of here, please? I can't open this thing from in here." For a brief second, April stood, completely stunned, but then hurried over to help out. "Oh, thank you!" the girl, dressed in a Yankees jersey and cap, cried in gratitude, flexing her arms and legs in an effort to stretch out her muscles. "I've been stuck in there for over an hour; I was cleaning the inside, you see. But Rupert and Jerry decided it would be funny to lock me in! Those two are so finished when I find them. Oh, boy am I stiff."

"Um, excuse me," April began. "But I was told to ask for a Mrs. Chang, or a Miss Goodhall. Do you know where I could find them?"

"Yeah…. I'd say I do," the girl smiled, extending a hand. "Emily Goodhall. How can I help you?"

"Yes, I…um," April trailed off. Despite the woman's assurance, April still was hesitant to tell Emily the truth.

"If you're nervous about something," Emily urged, as if reading her mind. "You don't have to be. You'd be surprised by some of the crap I've seen since I first started living in New York sixteen years ago. I can assure you, nothing you can say would surprise me."

"I… I was trying to get a bus ticket back home, to see my parents," April began, deciding to hold back on the part of being HIV+ for now. "But I didn't have enough money. I… I really can't go anywhere else right now. And some woman who overheard my problem said I'd be welcome here."

"Well, I have to say, there shouldn't be a problem with you staying here for as long as you need to. Unless you have a problem with kids."

"Kids?"

"Sure. If you stay here, you have to be willing to share room and board with about…" Emily paused, calculating in her head. "Twenty-seven children, all ranging in ages from five to newborn."

"I don't mind children," April insisted.

"Oh, good. Then there won't be a problem. Let's just get you checked in with Nana. It will really be her call. Her authority overrules mine here."

End Flashback

Nana turned out to be the archetype for a grandmother, the kind anyone would want. She informed me I was free to stay, under the condition that I understood it would not be a free ride. I was expected to assist in looking after the children who lived in this place, which Nana and Emily call the Center. I don't mind, though. I always loved children.

After I was in, and had my name entered in the Center's record book, Emily helped me get settled. I would be staying up in her small room above the Center. She assured me that if I needed anything within reason, that I shouldn't hesitate to ask.

But, as I write this during the night, with Emily and everyone else asleep, I can't shake the worry of how they'd react if they ever find out about my HIV.

AN: Yeah, so many fics, even though they are set in movie-verse, have Roger never learning about April's test results until after the suicide. But if you watch the One Song Glory flashbacks, you can see Roger was there when April got her test results. So, that's the reality I use. The one scene of Roger and April, right after they find out about the HIV, is based on a short scene that can only be viewed in the teaser trailer. The link to the screencap is in my profile. (I tried posting it here, but this site won't let me)
Until next time...