A/N: Yeah, well, there we have it. Someone's gone and knocked the wombat up. This chapter I'm going to use to explain it medically, because it's House, and it's not really going to make much sense if I say "Yeah, he screwed around, and Bang!" Tips on whose baby it is can be made in review form, and I'm curious to see who you think is the mother…err, father…whatever. Note: NOT a single joke about Cuddy's breasts in this!
Chapter 5: Buns
The second hobble past the room holding Chase that day. He did not consider the idea of having to visit someone he didn't really think himself that close to a brilliant idea. Especially with life-changing news.
The girl that had indirectly called him an asshole earlier that afternoon was sitting on the bed. They were talking, laughing a little; Chase was even explaining to her what some of the machines were recording. Whatever it was, they were going to have probably forgotten about it in a year's time. Small talk, never remembered in the long run.
Coming into the room with the stride that was underlined in his hobble, they stopped and stared at him.
Pip was biting her lip, deciding if she should have told her boyfriend that she'd been tested for STDs by the same doctor a couple of hours earlier. If it had come back positive for something, and if she'd given it to him…
"Is everything alright, Dr. House?" she blurted out.
"Yeah, for you, you're perfectly healthy."
She breathed out a sigh of relief. Thank God, at least she wasn't going to hospital any time soon.
"So, doctor. Find anything about why I passed out in the toilets?" Chase asked, rearranging himself on his pillows. He would have been comfortable, but the fact that this was a sterile hospital bed just made him uneasy.
"As a matter of fact, yes, I did. But before I can be certain, have you got any other wombat-ish complaints?"
Pip obviously had no idea what he was talking about.
"Don't worry. Office joke. Absolutely nothing to do with Australia."
"Well, despite my stomach bothering me? Back's sore, and I had a headache this morning. Surprisingly, it's just suddenly some back." Chase said, giving him that glare of irritation, which made him look more frightened than angry.
House snickered a little, "That might explain it. The tests came back positive for pregnancy."
That shocked them. After their minute-and-a-half long pregnant pause (House was used to putting with these in his medical lifetime), Pip squeaked, no squealed in obvious surprise. "Huh. Talk about delayed reaction…" he thought to himself.
Chase's bluey-greeny eyes, House had never decided what colour they actually were, appeared to be glistening more than usual. He'd turned to face her, and with the matching bitten lip, began to laugh. Was their fear behind it, though?
Either way, both seemed to be too wrapped up in the other at the moment. Girl hopped up closer onto the bed (perhaps with a bit more grace) and went up to embrace boy lover. Girl held boy for a minute longer, before either of them looked down at her midriff.
Having to sit through scenes like that annoyed House, except if they were in the form of General Hospital or The O.C. It seemed like a good time to put them straight.
"Well, actually, the test came back negative…"
Pip stared at him again. "Huh? Wait, you just said…"
"I did. Your test for STDs which could be messing with your boyfriend came back negative, for anything. However…his test, for pregnancy, came back positive. Your bun's in-his- oven."
That shut them up. Pip stared at him in disbelief, as if waiting to be woken up from some dreadful nightmare. Chase frowned and looked at his employer, expecting to hear "Just kidding!" any second now.
"Is this some sort of crap joke about my sexuality again?" Chase wondered, beginning to look afraid.
"Oh, no no no no! God no. I think your blood's trying to tell us in less than eight months time, a baby's going to pop out. Pregnancy does all sorts of weird and wonderful things to a woman's body, or your body, as it seems. It's called HS, or Hippocampus Syndrome. I personally call it "Seahorse Sickness". Causes all sorts of crazy things to happen to a perfectly healthy man. Only detected when you get knocked up. However, if you're not pregnant, it could be diagnosed by monthly stomach pain. Naturally, you wouldn't have told us about that little set back, would you? Anyway, if you've been, erm, exposed to enough female hormones, I pity your unlucky stars that a pouch with similar function to a uterus may from. Had any contact with a chick's abdomen lately? Well, if she was ovulating, that egg may have been passed onto you and your synthetic membrane for skin on your abdomen. Sperm did its thing, and, voila."
The lovebirds wanted to stare at something, anything, except Chase's stomach. It would probably be a while before either would accept that he was carrying their child.
"Naturally, I'm appalled at the fact that you've gotten pregnant, let alone had a girlfriend you didn't even tell me about. Go on, have a week off. I'll probably get over it by then. I'm also going to get an ultrasound booked for you with Wilson. Sort out your own maternity-slash-paternity leave."
"You know, that's probably the nicest thing you've even thought of doing for me." The wombat commented, his throat sounded clogged.
House felt irritated. Being called nice was not wanted from this visit, grovelling, wailing, tearing out of hair follicles, but not being called nice.
"Don't think you're off the hook then thanks to Wombat Junior. And absolutely no knitting in my office!"