A/N: Hmm, last chapter wasn't as bad as I thought. This has definitely gone to the Crack Side…Sped things up a bit; this hopefully will not go as long as the Da Vinci code. Big things that happen? The girls hear nasty things about 'em, Racknell gets into a spot of Board Trouble, and the all-pending mother is revealed.

Chapter 9: News

"Damn, sometimes, I wish I could turn my damn pager off." Racknell said, flopping down next to Foreman and Cameron, across from Idnax. She observed their respective trays: Tuna sandwich for Foreman, potato bake for Cameron, and mi-so soup for Idnax.

"Yuck, how can you eat that?"

"Quite easily, especially when I'm knackered." Idnax replied smarmily.

"So, here we are: no cases for nine days!"

"Actually, the record is fifteen days. " Foreman mentioned, chuckling at the memory. Fifteen days after solving a simple case of malnourishment.

"'Course it is. You know how far away you all were from cracking?" House said from a few feet away, making a beeline for the seat next to the smallest doctor. Each duckling was curious at why he was rushing, their boss would normally dawdle along when there wasn't anything serious on his mind. Foreman got the plan first.

Walking steadily behind House was a now five-month pregnant Chase. The wombat didn't look too abnormal compared to five months ago, maybe heavier around the hips and front, but it just gave the appearance of someone who'd been bingeing on junk food for a week.

House had won his own race. Before Chase had made it to the last seat at the table, he'd put his leg and cane up onto it in protection.

"Oops, sorry, too slow! Next table for you, mate."

Chase silently moaned at the statement, "My feet are killing me, I'm hungry, and I saw you take your Vicodin ten minutes ago. Get off that chair."

"No way, you can't sit with us. You've worn scrubs three times this week, and it's only Tuesday. We can't be seen with you."

"I've had to do some surgeries, now can I sit down and eat?"

"Euw, like no!" House whined, pretending to flip long hair over his shoulder, "That green colour looks ugly on you, and if you increased your RDI to one squillion calories a day, the stables are down a floor."

Now a slight glisten was in his eyes, "God's sake, I haven't slept decently for a month, walking hurts and if you REALLY need to know, scrubs are the only thing that fit now."

"Oh, so now you're in pod, the train of thought hits you that your clothes never really fit you in the first place?"

The bang of the tray on the table made everyone flinch and cause the ducklings to pay full attention to this scrapping match. "Oh, so now that I've grown bigger, the voices tell you its okay to tease me about it?"

"They may not be real, but they've got good ideas."

"…Oh…" Chase muttered, turning on his heels and leaving the cafeteria and the tray of uneaten food behind him.

House turned back to the ducklings, rolling his eyes and tucking into his Rueben sandwich. All was silent, until a murmur from Idnax tainted with fury.

"You bastard."

"Huh?" House drawled in an irritating manner.

"How can you be so bloody awful to him? He came to join us, and you deny him a seat and pick at the one thing he's worrying about-"

"Come on, all the cool kids are doing it!"

"-AND you know perfectly well that pregnancy causes hyper emotions!"

"I never realised you cared that much."

"I care about the fact that because you're miserable, you have to make others around you miserable. Son of a…"

"No swearing, it makes your face look wrinkly…"

"He has a baby inside him!" she shrieked and slammed her fist on the table as she shot up out of her chair. Three surrounding tables stared at her like she'd asked for a bottle of plant fertilizer at the pharmacy desk.

"Uh…lovely day, hey?" she said sheepishly, giving House one last dirty look and stalking out of the cafeteria too.

Cameron sighed, and finished playing with her leftovers," I'm going to talk to Meri."

"Good, pull the leek out of her ass for me, then." House thought to himself.

"I'm going to follow Cameron; make sure she doesn't get lost in the kids oncology ward." Racknell smirked, picking up her pager and following said doctor.

"Great thinking; there could be a whole bunch up there."

"I'm going find and talk to Chase, or at least try to." Foreman said, collecting a couple of sandwiches off his tray.

"Yeah, you go tell him that Heidi Klum's not a good role model."

Now House was the only one left, and he decided to tell no one in particular "I'm going to eat my lunch."

--

"Meri, Chase has copped worse from House. Poking fun at weight gain is not the worst Foreman and I have seen." Cameron said to Idnax, power-walking a few steps in front of them.

"Yeah, ignores it, rolls his eyes, he even laughs at it, for God's sake!" Idnax snapped back.

"Id, don't worry about it. Chase'll be fine, plus that Joey can practice kick-boxing while they have the chance!" Racknell said, smiling at her own silly joke. Quickly after this though, she stopped in her tracks and held a finger up to her lips.

"What are we listening for?" Cameron asked quietly.

Racknell answered the question by pointing to a door that said "NURSE'S LOUNGE" on the plaque.

"I heard 'Cameron', 'House' and 'pathetic'. I think this is worth eavesdropping on." She whispered, sneaking back to the door, beckoning for the other two.

"…And the Irish one, so fastidious with her colleagues, eh?" one giggly Nurse, Martine squealed.

"I'm. Welsh." Idnax muttered.

"Yeah, but have you seen Dr. Chase lately? I saw him outside pathology yesterday eating a piece of cake. It was so gross, it was like this," another familiar nurse's voice commented. This one, Tai, then mimed a wild animal ripping into a meaty bone.

"Too true, no wonder he's getting fat." An older voice moaned, belonging to Nurse Deborah.

"It was kind of cute a month ago, but now it's just like Santa's paid a visit or two." Nurse Martine put forward.

"And the way his female co-workers are crawling over him, it's sad. Blind Freddy could see that he's lost the cute thing." Nurse Tai nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, except the blonde Snow White…it's like she's devoid of emotion, or compassion."

"Not like Dr. Cameron, so naïve…" a new nurse, Constance put in.

It was shocking; none of them had any idea that the nurses gossiped liked that. Gutted was not the word that could describe how each felt; more like being slashed open with chainsaws and being dried out for days. Cameron and Idnax looked ready to hyperventilate.

"…God, what happened to nurses being nice?" Idnax said in a small voice. "I had no idea you got that sort of thing Racknell…Racknell!"

No reply came. All they saw that the spiteful door had been flung open and a disgusting squelching sound came from Racknell's closed palm.

"You bitch!" Nurse Tai and Deborah cried in unison, looking at their fellow social butterfly crushed on the wheel, or at least her nose was.

"Next time I hear crap like that, it's her jaw!"

Cameron and Idnax raced in too late: Tai had jumped on top of Racknell; the sound of her heel snapping and hands flying around in frenzy were accompanied by squeaks and squeals of spectating nurses.

"Dr. Elaine Racknell, please report to Dr. Cuddy's office right now." The PA system announced.

--

Once again, the team were gathered in Diagnostics. The men were listening intently (Foreman had cajoled Chase into a good mood with the offer of chocolate) at Cameron and Idnax's story.

"So, Racknell got in a fight. Did I miss any good use of Jell-O?" House asked from his devoid universe of Game-Boy playing.

"She heard some bitchy stuff about us, and flipped out." Cameron explained.

Speaking of the devil, Racknell walked into the conference room with an ice pack over her cheek.

"Remind me that nurses never have, and never will cut their fingernails." She said, lifting it up to show four nasty scratches on her face.

"Wow, nice battle wounds, Xena." House gaped in fake shock.

"Shut up. They sting."

"Well, I have some mail for y'all, so heads up!' he smirked before sending a pile of random letters flying. They all began to scurry through the pile for letters addressed to them. Chase was the first to find one of interest.

"Oh, God. Here it comes…"

That letter had been opened with great care, read with great care, disbelieved in great shock.

"Oh…" Chase said, clutching his stomach, very frightened.

"What's the matter?" House snapped.

"Pip's not the mother, Meri is."

A/N: Oh, dear. Aren't they all in a fix? Don't despair, CamChase fans, there will be that sort of stuff…son.