Ah ha! I'm back once again with Kate's Delimma! LOST in general has become a slight delimma for me, as now everyone's writing fanfic regarding the second season. I should've waiiiitted for the series to end! Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Oh well, things are funnier this way. Thank you for those who have clung on to this fic, even if they are dissapointed that they don't get to see whats-her-face (Ana-Maria? Ana-Lucia? Blonde chick?)!

Ha, will be going on my little paradise trip. White sandy beaches, warm pacific ocean, hot boyfriend lying next to me (though not as cute as Sawyer,Charlie or Jack). Bring on the martini and the wild late-night dancing! w00t! I will attempt to become brown, and I shall no longer be "The White Whale!" but "Brown Beach Goddess!" Bring on the skin cancer! lol.

Don't own LOST

Not even the DVD collection yet :(

Kate trudged along the beach glumly; her mind set into going back into the hut, changing into some clean clothes, eating her week's supply of chocolate in one sitting and sleep. Despair clouded her eyes as she remembered how she had to leave the dead child to the side as she helped move the still unconscious Sun to Jack's small doctor's practise and sort out with Claire and later Shannon about caring for the healthy twin boy. She felt utterly exhausted, and fell through her door (which was really just a mat) drowsily, only to find herself confronting a very naked Sawyer.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!" she screamed, covering her eyes in horror. Sawyer initially had his back to Kate, and turned around when he heard her scream showing of his masculine appendages, "TURN THE FUCK AROUND! WHY ARE YOU NAKED IN MY HOUSE!" she yelled again.

"What? I don't think I heard you." Sawyer rubbing his ringing ears, making no effort to cover himself or to turn around.

"Why. Are. You. Naked. In. My. House?" she said slowly, peeping through her hands just so she only saw the top half of him.

"Your house? Excuse me, but I thought that this place was well and truly mine when I left." Sawyer said.

"We thought you were dead!" Kate said shrilly, "the house was officially abandoned when you left, and this was never your house to begin with!"

"It has my name on it! "Sawyer's Hoard" is written in great big letters out the front." He pointed out the door (which was really a mat).

"I don't really care, right now. For goodness sakes put some goddamn clothes on!" she stamped her foot hard on the ground, not wanting to get involved in a property dispute.

"I thought you didn't mind seeing my naked body; since when did you become a nun, Freckles?" Sawyer asked slyly.

"Just put some clothes on." Kate said in a deadly voice.

Sawyer retorted by swaying his hips side to side, causing dangly bits to jiggle.

Kate heaved up her large and heavy stick, her eyes glinting dangerously and ready to strike him.

"Ok, ok, jeez," Sawyer said, simultaneously motioning for her to put down the large stick and grabbing his pair of filthy jeans, "I came in here anyway to find some clothes. If what you guys say is true, I've been in these clothes for about two years. I'm long overdue for an underwear change."

"Ew."

"You've got that right." Sawyer rolled his eyes, and found a suitcase with male clothes. He pulled out a pair of pale pink jocks and looked at them in disgust.

"What do guys wear these days?" he asked rhetorically.

"I dare you to wear them." Kate said evilly, feeling the weight of her stick.

"I need to," Sawyer shuddered, "this is the only suitcase I've found with my size clothes. Do you reckon they're clean?"

"There's only one way to find out." Kate said calmly. Sawyer looked slightly disturbed.

"Sniff another man's jock strap? Man, that stuff ain't football." He shook his head in disbelief.

"You have two minutes to get out of here before I hit you." She looked at her watch impatiently.

"What got your panties in a bunch?" he snapped.

"Oh, you know, got up 3 am this morning to deliver babies; I'm covered in afterbirth; I have a pounding headache; I had to handle a dead child and a distraught doctor and I come home, only to find a naked man in my house. I just a little upset right now." Kate said, baring her teeth in what she thought was a smile. The little smile had some effect on Sawyer.

"Fine." He said grumpily, turning his attention back to the underwear. He leaned forward, taking the briefest of sniffs before springing away.

"Well?"

"Clean." He stated. She turned around, giving him the privacy to change into some clothes. He turned around, dressed in a clean tee and a pair of three-quarter jeans.

"Hey, Freckles. Have you been pigging out on those chocolate bars? 'Cause you're lookin' kinda plump." Sawyer said, patting her baby bulge.

"I'm pregnant, Sawyer," she sneered a little, "Not fat." His face fell a little.

"Not Doc Junior I suppose?" he said steadily. His disappointment aroused great triumph within Kate.

"Yes, this is Jack's baby." She placed a protective hand on her belly. Sawyer huffed.

"I hope you're happy," he said in a tone that said otherwise.

"We are."

"Fine."

"Out." She pointed to the door.

"Hold on one goddamn second," Sawyer said, waving his hand, "we need to sort out who owns this place."

That was the last straw for Kate. With a war cry that could rival Xena's, Kate swung the heavy stick and connected it with his stomach. He fell to his knees with a wheeze.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? YOUR STUPID HOVEL? FINE! I'M OUTTA HERE," she screamed, hitting him again on the back. She threw down the stick and collected everything that she had ownership of, "I'M LEAVING, AND I DON'T CARE IF I EVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK, I WISH YOU NEVER CAME BACK!" and she promptly slammed the door (which was really a mat) into Sawyer's pained face.

Cookies for all who guess where she's off to!

(fees apply for postage and handling; no refund if cookie is eaten by postal staff, lost, LOST, broken, stolen or inedible; chances of you actually recieving a cookie from me is about the same as Micheal Jackson becoming black again)