Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation

This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.

[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]

In which Darcy is overwhelmed

Netherfield

Darcy

Darcy stood watching Mr. Bennet ride away. 'Son'? What did he mean by 'son'?

"'Son'?" he said out loud. "'Son'!" Is he Missy's father?

Much as he wished to saddle Ajax and gallop after Mr. Bennet, Darcy calmed himself sufficiently to acknowledge that that would not be wise. If he had mistaken the older gentleman's words, he would but make a fool of himself by such an action. If he had not mistaken those words, surely that meant that Elizabeth and his daughters were but three miles or so to the east. Heart pounding, he stood staring unfocussed in the direction of Mr. Bennet's departure, wrestling with this new thought.

He had little time to reconcile this new information as he suddenly felt sharp fingernails clamp into his arm. Miss Bingley attempted to snuggle into his side, saying, "Dear Mr. Darcy, should we take a stroll? It would be a shame to be inside in this, er, gloriously autumnal weather."

In shock, he pulled away, managing to reply, "Miss Bingley, you ought to wait for the gentleman to offer his arm."

"Not among such dear, dear friends as us, surely, Darc— Mr. Darcy." She continued to try to hold his arm.

"Miss Bingley. The only women who are permitted to take my arm without me offering it are close relations, such as my mother, my sister and my wife." His face softened as he thought of Elizabeth, and this was all the encouragement that Miss Bingley seemed to need.

"Your wife, of course," she simpered up at him and held the outside of his forearm. "It will not be too long now before you offer for the perfect Mistress of Pemberley."

"I think not. Now, if you will excuse me, as Charles is new to this 'pitiful excuse for an estate', it is appropriate to meet with his neighbours. A gentleman called Sir William Lucas has arrived and we ought to go to meet him."

Miss Bingley

Miss Bingley huffed. Why has he not asked me yet? "But we shall not be here in Hampshire long enough to need to know the neighbours."

"This is Hertfordshire!"

Ah, he clearly understands my jest that all of these southern counties are indistinguishable.

She leaned even closer to him. "Herefordshire or Hampshire — they are but the same in their misfortune to not be Derbyshire."

Darcy paused in his walk back to the house and regarded her solemnly.

He knows that I am correct.

"That may be true, madam, but it is still time to meet with the neighbours of this 'pitiful excuse for an estate', as they have shown us the courtesy of calling upon us."

"Of course, my dear Mr. Darcy," she replied with a fixed smile, "even though they will all have unmarried daughters whom they wish to flaunt in front of Charles and," she continued, leaning closer as if sharing a secret, "you."

Darcy

Darcy shuddered as Miss Bingley pressed her breasts against his arm. Urgh! He pulled away as much as she would allow, half escorted, half dragged her up the steps to the open front door and said, "Unless you wish to join me in meeting Sir William, I shall take my leave of you."

"No, Mr. Darcy, I have no need to hear about his unmarried daughters — but do beware that you are not caught in his sights!" she tittered and walked away. He thought that he heard her muttering, "Where is the breakfast room in this monstrous house?"

Perhaps you ought to have joined Mrs. Nicholls when she offered to show you around, last evening.

Walking swiftly to the Mr. Bingley's study, he could overhear his host and their guest talking. "I expect that Bennet has told you all that you need to know about Netherfield's land," said Sir William, peering down at the map over his straining waistcoat buttons.

"I am very fortunate that he — and you — have been so helpful, as I know next to nothing about running an estate," Mr. Bingley replied. Then, spotting Darcy entering the room, he continued, "Mr. good friend, Darcy, here, has agreed to help me to learn, to show me what to do."

"That is very good of you, sir, very good," praised Sir William, bouncing up and down on his toes.

"'Tis nothing, Sir William. Bingley is keen to learn and I am happy to spend a few months with him while he does so," demurred Darcy.

"Capital! Capital!" cried Sir William, cheerily.

"I am keen, also, to meet and get to know all of my new neighbours. Would you be so kind as to tell me of them?" Luckily, the ever social Mr. Bingley asked the question that Darcy would have like to have asked. He had not been able to think of how to broach the subject without shocking his friend into silence. Bingley would wonder what ails me, should I have asked that.

Mr. Bingley pulled the bell cord and, at Mrs. Nicholls' entrance, asked for a fresh pot of coffee and some more cakes. "Shall we be seated, or would you prefer to show me more on the map?"

No! Tell us about the neighbours — tell us about the Bennets!

Darcy's luck held as Sir William was obviously keen to gossip. He started, of course, with his own family. "I have two daughters out in our local society, Charlotte and Maria; they are the apples of my eye." His round face lit with a soft smile. "I have a son, John, my heir, between them in age. He recently finished his studying."

"Where was he? Darcy and I are Cambridge men!" laughed Mr. Bingley.

"Capital! Capital! But John was up at Oxford just like Bennet was many years ago." He took a bite of cake. "Mm, very nice," and, swallowing, continued, "John is also the apple of my eye!" Clearly thinking that this was a great joke, he went on, "I have quite an orchard as, after Maria, I have two more sons and a third daughter — all too young to socialise with us adults."

"I should like to have my own orchard," Mr. Bingley commented, wistfully.

"Give it time, young man, give it time. You have yet to find a wife!"

Hiding a smile, I have already started my orchard, Darcy turned to look at the study door. He was sure that he had heard a sniff of disapproval. He stood and walked to the door. He started to close it only to hear Miss Bingley whispering to her sister, "I knew it. These locals will all parade their unmarried daughters in front of Charles; just after his fortune. Hmph; at least they will not get Darcy's fortune."

How right you are! And neither shall you!

Closing the door, he hid a small smile of satisfaction before returning to the other men and their conversation.

Mr. Bingley had just prompted Sir William to continue. He need not have done so as the visitor was garrulous and seemed to require no such provocation. "Did Bennet tell you of his own family?" Mr. Bingley shook his head while Darcy did his utmost to feign mere polite interest. "Ah, well, Bennet's family have lived at Longbourn for over two hundred years, I believe."

"A long time," said Mr. Bingley.

"Indeed," agreed Darcy, "not many families can lay claim to owning their land for that long."

"How long have the Darcys held Pemberley," asked Mr. Bingley, distracted.

"Not a great deal longer than that — two hundred and fifty years, perhaps." Darcy bore the slight change of subject well. Sweet torture!

"We Lucases have not lived at Lucas Lodge long at all." He sat up and took in a deep breath of pride. "We moved here to Meryton when I received my knighthood."

Hoping to deflect pontifications on said knighthood, Darcy asked, "How long ago did you come here?"

"Oh, nearing twenty five years ago," he paused, "My Charlotte was but a babe in arms, so, yes, it must have been about twenty five years ago. And we have been fortunate to have the Bennet family as our very good friends since then."

"And what are they like?" asked Bingley.

At last!

"A lovely family! You have met Mr. Bennet. He is a good master of his estate, but likes to hide in his library behind his books too much to attend all of the entertainments and dances that we hold here."

Are these the books of which I have heard much?

"Mrs. Bennet was the second daughter of a local solicitor and died shortly after Miss Lydia was born; very sad. Her sister is married to their father's successor, Mr. Phillips."

"Were there no sons?" asked Mr. Bingley.

"Yes, one, much younger. He went to London and has made his fortune in trade."

"Good man," said Mr. Bingley. "My father made his fortune in trade, too. It was his dream that I should become a gentleman and buy an estate."

"So you have come to rent Netherfield to find out if it suits you?"

"Exactly! And with Darcy's help, I am sure that I shall find out."

"Capital! It is good that you are planning to stay here; we always welcome new arrivals to our little town."

"What is the name of Mr. Bennet's brother in trade? I am wondering if my father did business with him."

"Gardiner, Edward Gardiner."

Darcy choked on his sip of tea.

"Are you well, Darcy?"

"Yes, I thank you, Bingley. It was just a cough." Clearing his throat, he could not resist asking, "Gardiner? He has an import and export business in Cheapside, does he not?"

"Do you know him?" asked Bingley in surprise.

"My own father and I have done business with him; he is a good man with a shrewd eye for investments."

"I am surprised! Do you not eschew tradesmen?" asked Sir William.

Darcy laughed. "Not at all! My interests and investments are many and wide — I should be a fool to shun a man of Mr. Gardiner's calibre."

"Perhaps you would introduce me," said Mr. Bingley.

"The next time that we are both in London, I should be glad to do so."

Sir William indicated the clock and started to apologise for staying longer than fifteen minutes. Mr. Bingley reassured him that he was welcome to stay longer — especially as he had not told them of the rest of the Bennet family nor of the other families nearby.

"I would be honoured to remain," replied Sir William, eyeing the last cake. Darcy passed the plate to him, indicating that he should take it. "I thank you! Capital cakes!

"Bennet has five daughters and three, four wards. Ha ha, he is hopelessly outnumbered!" Darcy held his breath as Sir William listed them. "The eldest Miss Bennet is the jewel of the county. Though my Charlotte is the apple of my eye, I allow that Miss Jane is very beautiful and, unlike some beautiful women who appear spiteful and vain, Miss Bennet is very kind and gentle and caring.

"The next oldest is Miss Elizabeth."

Darcy's heart thumped wildly and he wondered that the other men could not hear it.

"Though not as beautiful as her sister, Miss Eliza is lively and intelligent."

And hates being called 'Eliza' by any other than you and Miss Lucas.

"What of the other daughters?" prompted Mr. Bingley.

"Miss Eliza is followed by Miss Mary, Miss Kitty and Miss Lydia. Miss Mary has only recently joined society; the youngest two are still kept at home, though Miss Kitty is older than my Maria."

"I look forward to making their acquaintance," said Mr. Bingley, enthusiastically. "And his wards?"

"Ah, but babes in arms. Some sort of distant relations," Sir William said. He again looked at the clock, rose to his feet and said that he really must leave. "Thank you for receiving me, Mr. Bingley." He bowed and turned to Darcy. "Mr. Darcy." He bowed again.

Mr. Bingley and Darcy also stood and bowed to their informative guest. As Mr. Bingley showed him to the door, Sir William added, "There is an assembly in Meryton two nights' hence. If you would like me to introduce more townsfolk to you, you must attend!"

"That sound delightful, Sir William; I shall look forward to dancing with all of the ladies of whom you have told us." He leaned towards Sir William and added in a stage whisper, "But Darcy, here, does not care for dancing."

"Bingley, as Sir William has been so kind as to tell us of some of Meryton residents, I might well be tempted!" If only to dance with Missy!

"I shall look forward to it!" teased Mr. Bingley as Sir William mounted his horse. "Farewell!"

Miss Bingley

"Two daughters and three daughters! We shall have lots of young ladies to dance with at this assembly," said Mr. Bingley, rubbing his hands. "It will be delightful!"

"Really, Charles, what are you talking about?" Miss Bingley called from the parlour. Mr. Bingley came through the door and Miss Bingley spotted Darcy behind him, turning as if to go elsewhere. "Mr. Darcy, of what is Charles talking; what will be delightful?" I see that Darcy is frowning at my brother's gaiety.

"We have had visits from two of our new neighbours, Mr. Bennet of Longbourn and Sir William Lucas of Lucas Lodge," Mr. Bingley replied.

"A lodge?" tittered Miss Bingley. "Is not a lodge but a small hut at the entrance to a grand estate? It must be quite uncomfortable for Sir William — was he knighted for being a gatekeeper?" She caught her sister's eye, and they both laughed.

Mr. Bingley looked reprovingly at her. "I do not care if Lucas Lodge is a hovel; he was polite to come to welcome us to Meryton. He also— "

"He and that other visitor come only to parade their daughters before you!"

"He also," Mr. Bingley repeated, "invited us to— "

"Visit his hovel!" She screeched with laughter. See, Darcy disapproves of this knight and his hovel.

"He also invited us to an assembly in two days."

"An assembly? Here? Really, Charles, what can you be thinking? You did not accept?" She turned to Darcy in outrage, hoping for his support. "Mr. Darcy, you are not considering attending an assembly such as this. Surely not. You and I shall keep each other company while Charles goes to inspect the local maidens." She smiled winningly at him. It will be perfect to spend an evening alone with him. It will be an opportunity to impress him.

"I have already accepted on our behalf, Caroline; we shall all be going to the assembly," her brother said.

"It is correct for us to attend as we must show every civility to the people amongst whom Charles will be living," said Darcy. "I beg you to excuse me." He bowed and left the room.

He cannot be happy about the thought of going as he looked cross with Charles. I shall find a way to remain here with him that evening.

"There," spoke Mr. Hurst for the first time, "Darcy said that we must go." He leaned to speak quietly in Miss Bingley's ear, "Remember, 'elegance and charm'." Smirking, he also left the room.

Darcy

Escaping, Darcy ran up to his chambers, taking the stairs two at a time. Ensuring that the door was closed before him, he fairly shook with joy. He could not stand still. He could not stop grinning.

"MISSY!" he shouted!

"Sir?" said Stevens, coming out of the dressing room.

"Sit down, Stevens. I have something to tell you!"

"Sir?"

Please don't copy, but please do let me have comments/corrections 😏