Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Miss Bingley shows off her own accomplishments and belittles Elizabeth's
Netherfield
Darcy
Mr. Bennet arrived early the following day bringing Mrs. Stevens with him. He sent her off to take a few minutes to greet her husband while he visited Jane. Darcy, having shown him the way, as the Bingleys had not yet descended for breakfast, waited outside in the corridor.
After a short visit to satisfy himself that Jane was resting and being cared for, Mr. Bennet teased Darcy by suggesting that they play their daily game of chess there at Netherfield rather than returning to Longbourn. "Unless you care to pay a visit to the other ladies of the house, that is!"
"As long as you can assure me that all are in good health, I am content to stay here," replied Darcy.
"Aye, Mrs. Jameson still enjoys looking after little ones, and Kitty and Lydia can be relied upon to play with them, but you are welcome to call later on, should you wish."
"If I am not required here, then I shall do so. In the meantime, should we dust off Bingley's chessboard?"
After Mr. Bennet had left, Darcy returned to his chambers where his valet found him.
"That was a grand surprise, sir!"
"'Twas pure selfishness on my part, Stevens — you get to see more of your wife and I get to see more of mine!" For a moment, no longer master and servant, the men exchanged contented smiles.
Elizabeth
Leaving Jane in the capable hands of Sarah, Elizabeth wandered down to the library to see if she could find a book to read to her sister when she awoke. The shelves were shockingly bare, empty apart from some old estate ledgers. She sighed and made her way to the parlour from where she could hear voices. As she entered, Messrs. Bingley and Hurst both smiled and stood to greet her. Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley barely acknowledged her.
"How is Miss Bennet?" Mr. Bingley asked, as soon as she crossed the threshold. "Do you need anything for her care?"
"She is finally sleeping, I thank you. I was hoping to find a book to read to her later," replied Elizabeth.
"Ha, ha, and you have made the mistake of looking in the library!" guffawed Mr. Hurst.
"You have found me out, sir! I think that Jane would not care for a recitation of Netherfield's accounts." She raised her eyebrows as if in exasperation.
"Darcy might have left some books in my study," said Mr. Bingley. "Would you like me to show you?"
"That would be very kind if you think that he would not mind my borrowing one."
"Shall we find out?" Mr. Bingley offered his arm to Elizabeth and escorted her from the parlour.
A sniff followed them. "Really, Charles, you ought not interrupt dear Darcy while he is working."
"He can send us away if he does not wish for our company, Caroline."
"But to interrupt him merely for a book— "
Ignoring Miss Bingley's protests, they entered the study to find Darcy sitting at the desk surrounded by piles of papers. He stood to greet them and quickly put a weight on the nearest pile.
"Miss Bennet? Bingley?" Seeing Miss Bingley entering behind them, he nodded to her too.
"Darcy, I hope that you can help Miss Elizabeth," Mr. Bingley began.
"Oh, Mr. Darcy, do allow me to apologise for Miss Eliza's forward behaviour," Miss Bingley spoke over her brother. "I did try to tell her that she has no need to interrupt your letter-writing." She walked around the desk, leaning over to read the papers.
Darcy started to turn over the top page of each pile.
"My, what neat writing you have, dear Darcy." Picking up his quill, she continued, "I am afraid you do not like your pen. Let me mend it for you. I mend pens remarkably well."
Elizabeth concealed a smirk and dared not catch her husband's eye. Does Miss Bingley not know for what that was a euphemism?
"Thank you — but I always mend my own."
Mr. Bingley clearly understood as he barked with laughter. "Caroline. That is enough." His sister started to speak, but he continued, "We are hoping that you have a book that Miss Bennet might enjoy listening to while she recovers. Miss Elizabeth unwittingly tried looking in the library!"
"How is your sister, Miss Elizabeth?"
"Our maid is attending her while she sleeps. I thought to find something cheerful to read to her once she awakes."
"Your maid, Miss Elizabeth?" asked Mr. Bingley, in surprise.
"Yes, my father brought Sarah over from Longbourn to help me to care for Jane."
"You sent for your own maid? Were you dissatisfied with Netherfield's maids? If so, I must talk with the housekeeper." Mr. Bingley turned to address his sister, "Caroline, as the lady of the house, would you care to discuss this with her in your daily meeting?"
"Really, Charles! I do not meet with Mrs. Nicholson every day! Whatever makes you think that?"
"We meet with our housekeeper every day, Miss Bingley," said Elizabeth, thinking that Miss Bingley was very lucky to have such an experienced and capable employee as Mrs. Nicholls.
"I can assure you, Miss Eliza, that, in the best society, ladies have better things on which to spend their time."
"Oh? What do you do if not running your household, Caro?"
Miss Bingley narrowed her eyes and replied, "While we are not entertaining or attending balls or the theatre, we practise and improve upon our accomplishments."
"Your accomplishments?"
"Yes!" interjected Mr. Bingley. "It is amazing to me how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they all are."
"All young ladies accomplished! Really, Charles, what can you mean?"
"Yes, all of them, I think. They all paint tables, cover screens, net purses, play and sing. I scarcely know anyone who cannot do all this, and I am sure that I never hear a young lady spoken of without being informed that she is very accomplished."
"The young lady must add to this list a thorough knowledge of drawing, dancing and the modern languages to deserve the word; and, besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved." Miss Bingley demonstrated the correct manner of walking as she spoke.
"Your list of the expected accomplishments," observed Darcy as he tidied away his papers, "has too much truth."
"Just so," Miss Bingley replied, nodding keenly.
"Much as I enjoy listening to well-played music— "
Miss Bingley looked coyly pleased.
" —as a landowner and farmer, I value care and compassion and charity,— "
"As do I, dearest Mr. Darcy. It is so important for ladies to be charitable — often, I give my old dresses to my maid, lazy girl that she is." Turning to address Elizabeth, she said, "You know, Miss Eliza, as my oldest dresses are newer than yours, perhaps I might give them to you, instead."
"You are all generosity, Miss Bingley." Elizabeth looked down at herself then at the other woman's much flatter figure before continuing, "But I think that they would require too much alteration."
Mr. Bingley gave a most impolitic snort while, clearly determined not to do the same, Darcy finished his list of desirable accomplishments.
" —also diligence and duty. It is more important to me that the lady of my house is prepared to work by my side than fritter her time away painting tables and so forth." Seeing Miss Bingley gaping, Darcy added, "To this she must yet add something more substantial — the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."
"I wonder that you know any accomplished women, Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth said, laughing.
"Perhaps half-a-dozen," he replied, counting on his fingers and smirking slightly at her.
"Ha, ha, Darce!" Mr. Bingley joined in their laughter. "I should think that Miss Elizabeth's mind needs no improvement, but do you have any books that she might care to read to Miss Bennet?"
"You are too kind, Mr. Bingley. But I believe that my mind does need constant improvement!"
"As do your manners!" Miss Bingley muttered.
Ignoring her, Elizabeth continued, "My father has always told my sisters and me that we should not miss any opportunity to inform ourselves."
"You must add bluestocking to your short list of accomplishments, Miss Eliza."
Recognising that the best way to deal with Miss Bingley's barbed comments was to agree, Elizabeth did so. "I thank you, Caro. I shall add it beneath walking and reading."
Darcy said that he would retrieve some books from his chambers, and, having stored his papers back in their boxes, left the study with Elizabeth on his arm.
After taking her luncheon upstairs with Jane, Elizabeth again re-joined her hosts in the parlour for tea. Darcy asked her if she would like to play chess. When she assented and accompanied her husband to chairs by the chessboard, Miss Bingley said, snidely,
"Something else to add to your list of so-called accomplishments, Miss Eliza."
"That is a good idea, Caro, I thank you. My list is growing apace, so I shall have to start writing these down."
The Darcys sat and arranged the chess pieces. As they started playing, Darcy stretched his legs out in front of him, crossed his ankles and tucked his feet under the hem of Elizabeth's skirt. She caught his eye as he stroked the side of her leg.
"Are you trying to win by foul means, Madam?" she asked quietly.
"I do not know what you mean, Missy." He smiled as he answered and lowered his head ostensibly to study the pieces.
As the game progressed, he became more and more distracted as she had dropped her hand to her side and had started to tickle his foot.
"'Tis not my means which are foul, Missy."
"What is that you are saying, Mr. Darcy? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Miss Eliza? Let me hear what it is." Miss Bingley's strident tones disrupted their mutual teasing.
"We were talking of the raising of chickens, Miss Bingley," replied Darcy.
"I have found Mr. Darcy's knowledge of the practice to be poultry, Caro," Elizabeth added.
"Ha, ha!" Hurst laughed and added, "You must egg-ucate Darcy, hensforth, Miss Bennet!"
"Oh, well p-laid, Mr. Hurst!" cried Elizabeth. "I wonder if your parents shared your quickness: like feather, like son, perhaps?"
"Oh, egg-cellent!" responded Mr. Hurst.
Elizabeth moved a final chess piece, saying, "That is peck-mate, so I shell make my egg-sit and chick on my sister."
Darcy stood with her. "Indeed; leave me to brood on my loss, Miss Elizabeth," he said with a sigh.
"Perhaps you will beak Miss Bennet nest time, Darcy!"
"I do not understand," Miss Bingley interjected, petulantly. "What is the joke?"
Hurst's congratulations to his sister for her wittiness and the men's laughter followed Elizabeth up the stairs.
Please don't copy 😏