DISCLAIMER: I do not own High School Musical or any related characters
A/N: Hey I hope you liked the last chapter, we get to know Troy a bit better in this chapter and Gabriella's opinion of him starts to form as well, so enjoy!
Saving Me
CHAPTER 3
I'M STILL HERE
Gabriella leaned against the locker that she had stopped by, her mind still reeling from the thoughts that had just past through her head. She knew that she was numb; she knew that she couldn't feel anything and that the humiliation that she had just felt, she hadn't really felt or experienced she had just known that it was something that someone in her position would have felt if they had been in her position. But that thought, it had hit her like a truck. Because it had made so much sense, how did she know she was alive? How did she know she could even bleed? Was her blood frozen, because she couldn't feel emotions, did that mean that her blood just stopped until she thawed? If so how was she going to thaw and when? Did she have to do it alone? Her mother couldn't help her, she knew that, but who would? Would someone help her? Would someone save her? How did one question set off more? Gabriella closed her eyes and allowed her head to rest against the locker. More questions and no answers. That's all her life seemed to consist of. Questions.
"Hey, are you sure your alright?" someone touched Gabriella's shoulder and she jumped.
She pulled away from the locker and spun on her heel to see who had spoken. Only to discover it was the boy who she had run into. Gabriella stared at him, why had he followed her? She had run off, didn't that say something? Apparently not, Gabriella wondered if she should answer or just bolt again. With a sigh she decided that she would have to answer.
"Yeah, I'm fine" she replied shortly, even though in truth she was as far from fine as you could get.
He studied her closely and Gabriella wondered why he was doing that. Her own mother couldn't read her, what would make him think that he could? Besides she didn't even know his name and he most definitely didn't know hers.
"Okay" he nodded, unconvinced, and Gabriella stared at him, he didn't know her and he could still take the tone her mother used when she asked a similar question and got a similar answer.
They were both silent for a moment and Gabriella suddenly realized that they both were meant to be in class. She opened her folder to sort through the papers in search of her map. She'd only gone through about three papers when she felt eyes on her, her head snapped up and her brown eyes met the boys blue ones, which were twinkling slightly. She eyed him and than looked back down. Unsure as to why he was watching her.
"You know, you could always ask me" his voice caused her head to snap up again and Gabriella stared at him.
"What?" she asked and he repeated what he had said.
"Um, okay" Gabriella said mentally hitting herself; she should have just done that in the first place, instead of having him think she was an idiot.
"So where are you going?" he asked and Gabriella glanced at her schedule and noted that she was going to be very late for homeroom.
"Room 214" she replied hoping that he wasn't going to point her in the direction and give her vague instructions.
"That's good, we can face Darbus together" he seemed relieved that he wasn't the only one late and Gabriella nearly frowned. What sort of person was relieved that another person was going to get into as much trouble as they were?
"Come on we'd better get going, we're really late, you're lucky you have an excuse your new, I don't. Miss Darbus will freak when she finds out I've been in the gym with my dad" the boy said and Gabriella gave him a strange look.
"You don't need to know" he said as an explanation, which Gabriella found even odder.
They began to walk down the hall, Gabriella slightly behind the boy wondering why he was helping her. She had run into him, she had knocked him on the floor and than run away. Yet he had followed her to see if she alright, which she knew that she wasn't, but still what sort of person would do that to someone who had made it clear that they didn't want to talk? Anyone else would have classified her as weird and walked the other way. Gabriella barely noticed they had stopped until a hand came down in front of her face and she jumped.
"What was that for?" she exclaimed heatedly.
"Uh I told you were here three times in a row and you didn't notice" he replied raising his eyebrows at her.
"Oh" Gabriella shifted uncomfortably and looked at her feet.
"Yeah, so before we go in can I at least know your name?" he asked her and Gabriella very nearly smiled again, he had noticed that he had no idea who she was.
"Sure as long as I can have yours" she replied nodding.
"Hmmm, I'd have to think about that" he teased her and Gabriella held her laughter in check.
"Gabriella Montez" she introduced herself as the door opened.
"Troy Bolton" he replied with a smile and Gabriella couldn't help but smile back, her smile soon faded and her feeling of ease was replaced with shock as she realized that this boy had jut managed to make her smile voluntarily, something her mother had been trying to do for months.
"Mr Bolton, you are late!" a shrill voice snapped as a short, large women appeared in the doorway.
Her blonde hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she was wearing a long flowing dress, her earrings dangled to her shoulders and her glasses gave Gabriella the impression that she saw things and believed them to be larger than they actually were. Gabriella searched for a word that would sum her up and her mind landed on theatrical as she watched her launch into a lecture about the importance of not being late, which she over dramatized as if trying to get the point across. Gabriella watched for a few moments before deciding to interrupt.
"Uh, excuse me miss?" Gabriella interrupted timidly.
The woman stopped talking, her arms in mid-movement, and stared at her, seeming amazed that someone had interrupted her lecture. Next to her Gabriella heard Troy let out a sigh of relief, which he seemed to regret when the woman shot him a look.
"Can I help you?" she asked drawing up to her full height and puffing her chest out.
"I think that I'm in your homeroom, also, Troy was, uh, asked to show me where this room was and the principle detained us for a little longer than we expected and we had to run here" the words came out of thin air and Gabriella tried to put on a convincing face, unsure whether or not she was going to be believed.
Gabriella could feel Troy's eyes on her and she knew that there was a look of astonishment on his face, she didn't look at him, she just continued to stare at the wall just behind the woman. The woman herself was studying Gabriella intently, as if trying to find some crack in her face. It was the second time someone had tried to read her and for once Gabriella was grateful that most of the time she was unreadable.
"Very well, Mr Bolton you're off the hook, but if you're late again………detention and I don't care what your father says you'll get one anyway. Now who are you?" the lady turned her attention back to Gabriella, whose eyes snapped to meet hers.
Miss Katherine Darbus, very nearly recoiled when she saw that shadow in the girl's eyes, it was a look that she was not accustomed too seeing or expecting. She had at least expected a sparkle in her eyes; any girl who was in her position would have one. But no this girl had a shadow and a sadness in her eyes that Miss Darbus had never seen before and that made her curious, about the girl and her sadness.
"Um, I'm Gabriella Montez" Gabriella replied shifting uncomfortably this was the second time someone had stared at her too long and she wondered why.
"Very well, welcome to East High, I'm Miss Darbus now in" she ordered and Gabriella walked into the room, only to find everyone staring at her.
Immediately she turned around and tried to walk back out, but was stopped by Troy's tall presence in the doorway. He looked at her curiously and Gabriella turned back around to face the class. This wasn't good; she hated having people stare at her. It was something that had developed over the past few months, and Gabriella hadn't exactly taken to it. She looked at the ground her hair hiding her face, not wanting anyone to see the tears that were forming in her eyes, she felt so alone. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up in surprise.
"There's a seat up the back" Troy whispered to her and pointed discreetly.
Gabriella gave him a grateful look and moved to the seat quickly. Her tears gone, she looked up and noticed that everyone was now staring at Troy. She wondered why that was but didn't linger on it too long as a new question came to her attention. Why was Troy helping her? He could have just shown her where the room was and left it at that. She hadn't expected him to point out a seat, instead of waiting for her to find one on her own. Yet he had seemed relieved when he had found out he was not the only one late and wouldn't be the only one to face the wrath of Miss Darbus, what did that make him? Gabriella couldn't decide. She was just grateful he had decided to help her.
Gabriella heard the final bell ring and gratefully ran out the front door of the school, her eyes scanning the car park for her mother's car, which she almost immediately spotted. With a sigh of relief she ran towards it and opened the passenger door and slid in.
"How was you day?" Carmen asked glancing at Gabriella as she started the car.
That was a good question, Gabriella thought. She could barely remember her day. It had all gone so quickly. She remembered getting lost twice, being presented with three assignments and Troy Bolton. That was it, it annoyed Gabriella that while her memory failed her on this particular subject, it never failed her when she looked at the time. Those memories were preserved rather well and Gabriella wished that they hadn't even been preserved. She suddenly realized that her mother was waiting for an answer.
"It was……interesting" Gabriella said with a momentary pause.
"Interesting how?" her mother glanced at her as they turned into their street.
Gabriella glanced at her mother and wondered if she really wanted to know or if she just wanted her to talk.
"It was just interesting" she replied as they pulled into the driveway.
Carmen parked and turned off the ignition, Gabriella undid her seatbelt and reached down and pulled her bag onto her lap. She reached for the door handle and stopped when she heard her mother's pleading voice.
"Gabriella, talk to me, please"
Gabriella turned her head and stared at her Carmen, who recoiled at the look in her eyes.
"I can't" Gabriella replied not flinching as she watched Carmen's face fall.
"Why not?" Carmen asked closing her eyes.
"Because, you act like I'm not here, because, you don't know who I am" Gabriella replied, she knew what she was doing was right. She knew she was being protective. But those words still hurt to say, no matter how true they were.
"Gabriella" her mother said, pleading softly.
Gabriella didn't reply, she opened the door and got out of the car. She walked up to the front door and unlocked it with her key. She walked up to her room and shut the door. Gabriella threw her bag down onto the floor and removed the disc in her stereo and replaced it with a different one. She hit play and the sound of the ocean filled the room before the music started. Gabriella collapsed in her desk chair and stared at the blank piece of paper lying there as John Rzeznik's voice filled her room.
I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms
And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want
Let it be
And what do you think you'd understand
I'm a boy no I'm a man
You can't take me and throw me away
And how can you learn what's never shown
Yeah you stand here on your own
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted I could be
Now you know me and I'm not afraid
And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me
But I'm still here
They can't tell me who to be
Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah the world is still sleepin'
While I keep on dreamin' for me
And their words are just whispers and lies
That I'll never believe
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can they say I never change?
Their the ones that never change
I'm the one now
Cause I'm still here
I'm the one now
Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
For once there were no tears as the song came to a close and Gabriella was grateful. She wished that she had a moment to be real; she wanted a moment to touch things that she didn't feel. She was holding on but only just. Was she a question to the world? Or was she an answer? She knew that she was never going to be what her mother wanted her to be, because her mother didn't really see her. Her mother didn't know she was still here.
"I'm still here" Gabriella whispered wanting to shout it, but knowing it wouldn't help, she knew that her mother was standing on the other side of the door, frozen at the song that had just been blaring from her room. But even though she knew she was there, Gabriella couldn't do it, it would hurt too much.
Gabriella sighed and reached for her bag, she had an assignment due tomorrow and it was probably the only one she would be able to do without thinking. It was easy. She glanced at her door and than back down at the sheet.
"Cause I'm still here" she whispered, but for how long? A day? A month? An hour?
"I'm still here" she repeated determinedly, wishing it was enough to convince herself; still the question lingered in her mind. How long was she going to be around for?
A/N: Wow, that chapter took a long time to write! I know you'll probably find the exchange between Gabriella and Carmen upsetting but please trust me on this, it will get better. The song was 'I'm Still Here' by Johnny Rzeznik. I'll update soon!