Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which a compromise is attempted and Stevens earns his pay
Netherfield
Darcy
Much, much later that evening, hearing a soft knock at his door, Darcy opened it to find his dearest wife. "Are you here intending to compromise me, Missy?" he asked with mock sternness.
Her only reply was a giggle.
He pushed her back against the door, closing it behind her with a thump. With anticipation, with great anticipation, he bent to kiss his wife's lips — and found himself kissing her palm. He groaned. "Is this another foul trick?"
With a rueful expression, she put her hand on her lower abdomen and asked, "Do you wish me to stay?"
"Always," he breathed in her ear. Groaning again, he kissed the very corner of her mouth and said, "But I cannot deny that I am disappointed." Very disappointed!
They stood silently in each other's arms for a few minutes before he led her to the sofa in front of the fire. Pulling the eiderdown from the bed, he wrapped it around them both. "Shall I read to you?"
While he read softly, Elizabeth gradually drifted into sleep lying in his embrace across his lap. He stroked her hair, pulling the pins out and dropping them on the floor. Bliss!
Well after midnight, the calm was shattered by Stevens' frantic knock on the door to the dressing room as he hissed, "Master!"
"Stevens?"
"Miss Bingley, sir; she is on her way here!"
"Damn!" Darcy shook Elizabeth, urging, "Wake up, my love, you must away!"
She opened her eyes and looked at him groggily. "Hmm?"
"We are about to be invaded! You must flee!"
"Ah, two attempts to compromise you in one night?"
"Go with Stevens!" He gave her cheek a quick kiss. "I shall see you on the morrow."
Stevens led Elizabeth through the dressing room and pressed her into Mrs. Stevens' hands. Darcy heard, "This way, Missy. I shall lead you back to Miss Bennet," as the servants' door closed behind them.
"Well done, Stevens," Darcy said to Stevens who was standing on the eiderdown by the fire. Hearing muttering from the corridor, he took a deep breath and continued "Not a moment too soon!"
Miss Bingley
Miss Bingley had been getting increasingly vexed with the muddy hussy Eliza Bonnet and the attention that dear Darcy was paying to her. Fine eyes, I think not!
The elder Miss Bonnet's illness had prevented her from finding out more of the supposed wards. Then her annoyance had been fuelled by Mr. Hurst's mocking observation that Darcy looked as if he would like to eat up the harlot: "Darcy cannot take his eyes from her!" Even worse had been his comment: "She is more likely to be Mrs. Darcy than you, Caroline, for all your — oh, what was it, oh yes — elegance and charm!"
Never!
She would have to compromise Darcy before that interloper inveigled her way into his affections.
The household was asleep when, after donning her most revealing nightgown and loosening her hair, she left her chambers and padded along the corridors to the guest wing. Nearing, she gasped in shock; there was that Eliza creeping along before her. You will not succeed! Furious, she saw the other woman knocking and the door opening.
Hurrying, she heard Darcy say, " —intending to compromise me, Miss E— ?" Not if I can help it.
Miss Eliza giggled and slammed the door.
Pressing her ear to the door, over her ragged breaths, Miss Bingley heard Darcy groan and made out, " —foul trick— ". Then the tart said that she would stay. Poor Darcy groaned again, " —disappointed".
I am sure that you are.
About to break in to disturb the temptress' scheme, Miss Bingley paused thinking that it would be better if there were more witnesses to such shameful behaviour. Charles or Louisa?
Both! But I had better change into something more demure. Drat! Where is my lazy maid to plait my hair?
Frustrated by the long wait for Helen, she finally reached her sister's chambers. Walking straight in, she demanded, "Louisa! Louisa! Where are you?" Entering the bedchamber, she cried, "Are you asleep? Wake up! Wake up! Louisa! That strumpet is in Darcy's chamber!"
Blearily, Mrs. Hurst sat up. "Then you are too late, Caroline."
"No! No! She is compromising him!"
"Lucky old Darcy." Came a sleepy voice from the far side of the bed.
"Hurst! What are you doing here?"
"Good night, Caroline. Come here, Lulu."
'Lulu'?
Miss Bingley had no idea what went on between man and wife, so watched in horror as a hairy arm pulled her sister back into the bed.
"I shall wake Charles!" she declared as she fled.
She caught herself before storming into her brother's chambers, hammering on the door instead.
"Charles! Charles! Wake up!"
"Caroline? What is the matter?" he asked, yawning.
"Really, Charles, you should not yawn so."
"What else should I do when you have dragged me from my sleep?"
"Never mind that! You must come with me to Darcy's rooms."
"Why on earth should I do that? If you are asking for my help in compromising him, then I shall decline." He started to close the door. "Good night."
"Charles, poor Darcy is already being compromised — you must rescue him!"
"Already being compromised? By whom?"
"Eliza Strumpet!"
Mr. Bingley muttered.
"What did you say?"
"I said, 'good for him'!"
"That is enough; you and Hurst have had your crude jokes, now come with me."
"Hurst? You woke Hurst?"
"I woke Louisa, but Hurst was there — I know not why."
Mr. Bingley raised his eyebrows. "Poor Hurst."
"No. Poor Darcy. You have not got this right — did you drink to excess earlier?"
"I believe that I have got this right, Caroline. You hoped to compromise Darcy, but Miss Elizabeth has got there first. You woke a married couple and were surprised to find them together. You now wish me to break down Darcy's door to catch him with Miss Elizabeth."
"Yes, yes! I need another witness."
"Thus forcing Darcy to wed Miss Elizabeth."
"No! No! She will be exposed— "
"Very possibly if there is compromising going on," said Mr. Bingley, under his breath.
"Do not be so coarse, Charles!"
"This is foolhardy. Darcy is his own man and twice the size of Miss Elizabeth — he cannot be compromised by her." Mr. Bingley closed the door adding, "Leave it, Caroline; go back to bed."
Hmph; it is up to me. Darcy will thank me for my quick thinking.
Resolved, she marched to Darcy's door, knocked and entered peremptorily — to find Darcy in a state of undress, while his valet stood before the fire.
"Miss Bingley!" Darcy cried.
The poor man — in such distress.
Adopting a concerned expression, she said, "I saw Miss Eliza come in here, no doubt with the intention of forcing you into a compromise. "
"As you see, Miss Bingley, Stevens and I are all alone."
"I saw Eliza enter not long ago."
Darcy
"Stevens, is there anyone here but the two of us?"
"No, sir."
"There, Miss Bingley, you see that there is no need for concern. Should I tell Stevens to check in the closets and under the bed?"
"Master." Stevens nodded, glancing down to his feet.
Darcy caught his valet's meaning: under the eiderdown were Elizabeth's slippers and hairpins, and the stalwart Stevens was standing guard.
"Tidy up this mess and leave us, Stanley; I shall attend dear Darcy."
Darcy sighed and approached the invader. She smiled at him with sympathy, closed her eyes and lifted her face as if for a kiss. Darcy took her by the upper arms — why is she sighing in that manner? — propelled her through the door and closed it firmly behind her.
Taking another deep breath, Darcy turned to find that Stevens had picked up the eiderdown and slippers and was gathering the scattered hairpins. "Thank you, once again, Stevens. How did you know that she was on her way?"
"Sarah, sir; she was popping down to the kitchens and heard Miss Bingley waking Mr. Bingley."
"I see that I shall always have to travel with both of you!"
"Sir," agreed Stevens, with a slight smile.
Please don't copy 😏
In which the author suggests that the reader waits to see what happens next 😏