Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
A formatting issue: in my source doc, I've used small caps for loud exclamations, not quite SHOUTING. As small caps aren't available here, I'm trying underline; let's see if that works.
In which Miss Bingley attempts to threaten Elizabeth
Netherfield
Elizabeth
When the meal had finished and the ladies left the men to their port, Elizabeth excused herself to see how Jane was. On her return to the parlour, she found that the men had joined the ladies.
"Will you play cards with us, Miss Elizabeth?" asked Mr. Hurst.
"I thank you, no."
"You prefer to read?" He glanced askance at Miss Bingley. "How singular."
Miss Bingley turned in her chair to sneer at Elizabeth. "Miss —sniff— Eliza Bonnet despises cards. She is a great reader and does not enjoy anything else."
Elizabeth laughed. "I enjoy a great many things, Miss Bingley." I shall not argue with her.
"I am sure that you enjoy looking after your wards, Miss —sniff— Eliza," sniped Miss Bingley.
"I do, very much, Miss Bingley. They learn something new each day and it is a delight to witness that." She chose a book from a pile on a side table and sat near Darcy.
"How is it that they have come to live with you?" Miss Bingley asked. "Do you not find it strange, Mr. Darcy, for young children to be wards in the house of unmarried women?"
Darcy rested his book on his lap. "Miss Bingley, you have asked this before. The children are related to Mr. Bennet, so he has taken them in. It is natural that his daughters would care for them as he is occupied in managing his estate."
"Were there not other relatives to take them in?" probed Miss Bingley.
"Caroline! Pay attention to the cards — it was you who insisted that we play." Mr. Hurst called her to order.
After some moments of silence, Mr. Bingley said, "I do hope that your sister is recovering, Miss Elizabeth. You must let me know the moment — day or night — should she need anything, anything at all."
"I shall, Mr. Bingley. You are most kind," replied Elizabeth with a smile.
The card game drew to a close and Miss Bingley strolled about the room. She stopped by Elizabeth and said, "Miss —sniff— Eliza, I am sure that you have missed your daily rambles, as I can see that your petticoats are not six inches deep in mud! Do take a turn about the room with me."
Elizabeth noticed Darcy's bemused expression from the corner of her eye.
"Gladly, Miss Bingley. I did miss my walk this morning, so shall be pleased to join you."
Miss Bingley guided Elizabeth to the far end of the parlour, where she stopped and, while pinching Elizabeth's arm, said in a low voice, "I saw how you took Fitzwilliam's arm without him offering it to you."
"'Fitzwilliam'? Who is that?"
"Dear Darcy."
"Oh, did I? I do not recall."
"Fitzwilliam has told me— "
"'Fitzwilliam'? Oh, you refer to Mr. Darcy. This is too confusing! You call him 'Dear Darcy' yet refer to him as 'Fitzwilliam'." Elizabeth interrupted and shook her head as if bewildered.
"Fitzwilliam has told me— " many times that only his mother, his sister and his wife are permitted to take his arm without permission."
"I see; Mr. Darcy warned you off."
Miss Bingley ignored her and continued, "Your behaviour is becoming an embarrassment to both his family and mine."
"In what way?"
"I, my family and I, are very intimate with his family, and such behaviour as yours is simply not acceptable to such elevated personages."
"Oh, are they all as tall as Mr. Dar— sorry, as Fitzwilliam?"
Miss Bingley narrowed her eyes. "I do not refer to his height, Eliza— "
"'Miss Elizabeth'."
"— but to their status in society."
"Ah. But my understanding is that as he is a gentleman and I am the daughter of a gentleman, we are equals."
"Be that as it may, Eliza— "
"'Elizabeth'. My name is 'Elizabeth'."
"—his family would not accept you or your behaviour."
"Oh, so you know his family well?"
"We stayed with them at Pemberley for the summer a year ago and summered with his family in Bath recently."
"How lovely. What are his family like?" Elizabeth attempted to portray disappointed politeness, while wondering what else Miss Bingley might claim.
"You are unlikely to meet them, so I shall not waste my breath in describing them. They are the very best of people — so refined and elegant."
"And how long have you known Mr. Darcy and his family?" Elizabeth asked.
"Many, many years now!" Miss Bingley replied before abandoning Elizabeth and gliding back to the rest of the group.
Mr. Hurst called out, "How many circuits of the parlour will you have to take to make three miles?"
"Really, Hurst! We were merely strolling about the room. Dar— Mr. Darcy, will you not join us?"
"That would rather defeat the purpose," he replied, looking at Elizabeth in concern, as she approached him.
"What do you suppose he means, by that, Miss —sniff— Eliza? Do you know?"
"Not at all, but you can be sure that he means to be severe on us, so we should thwart him by not asking." Seeing his curiosity, she winked and shook her head. Later.
Fluttering her fan, Miss Bingley insisted that Darcy answer her.
"You either choose this method of passing the evening because you are in each other's confidence, and have secret affairs to discuss, or because you are conscious that your figure appears to the greatest advantage in walking, and I can admire the view much better as I sit by the fire." He looked at Elizabeth as he said this.
"That is shocking!" cried Miss Bingley, who had not seen the direction of his gaze. She fluttered her fan more, and said, "How shall we punish him for such a speech?"
"That is easy," cried Elizabeth, watching her husband. "Tease him! You claim to be an intimate, Miss Bingley, so you must know how to do so best."
"We may yet be so intimate." Miss Bingley attempted coquettishness.
"Ha, ha, Caroline! That would only be if you were to succeed in compromising him!" said Mr. Hurst with a guffaw.
As Miss Bingley went to remonstrate with her brother-in-law, Elizabeth found herself abandoned so made her excuses and returned to Jane.
Darcy
Leaving the parlour and the Bingleys' arguments, Darcy made his way to his chambers. Hearing voices from within, he entered to find Elizabeth and Stevens chatting companionably. It seemed as though they were attempting to find more opportunities for Stevens to see his wife and daughter.
"'Tis grand that Sarah is here now, Missy, but I see Martha but once or twice a week."
"I am so sorry that you are missing them, Stevens. Perhaps you could accompany Mr. Darcy when he meets me each morning." Turning to Darcy, she asked, "Would you not agree?"
"Let me think on this," replied Darcy. You are so generous, my love.
Stevens bid them a good night and excused himself.
"What was Miss Bingley saying to you, downstairs? I heard some of your words, but not hers," said Darcy, and was outraged as Elizabeth showed the marks from the pinches and told of their hostess' claims and threats, but laughed with her as she described her retaliation, both physical and vocal. "I have already spoken with Charles about his sister's behaviour. I said that, even if she were to be seen naked in my room by all of Meryton, I would not marry her."
"Perhaps you might tell her that, yourself. Or allow her to overhear you telling Mr. Bingley again." She smiled up at him. "Let us leave all that until tomorrow and not allow her to ruin our evening."
"You are quite right, my very dearest wife."
"Your only wife."
"How is your sister now?" Darcy asked, holding her shoulders.
"She is much recovered. I dare say that we shall be able to return to Longbourn in two days."
"So soon?" He sighed.
"My heart is torn, my love."
"Indeed. As is mine." He pulled out her hairpins. "Are you mine tonight?"
"I am, my only husband, but ought you not cool your ardour until you have put the bottles at the doors?"
He drew away from her saying, "I have asked Mrs. Nicholls for all of the keys to my rooms. She was not surprised as it seems that tales of our hostess' nocturnal wanderings had reached her. I shall lock the doors and place the bottles."
Having done so, with anticipation, great anticipation, he bent and kissed his wife's lips.
The next morning, he awoke to find her in his arms — what joy! — and could not resist singing to awaken her too.
"Madam Adam!" she cried before he silenced her in the time-honoured fashion.
Darcy kept finding himself singing 'their' song throughout the day. He had not realised that he had been overheard until that evening.
Please don't copy 😏