Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Mr. Wickham and Mr. Hurst eavesdrop, and Colonel Fitzwilliam meets his new commanding officer
Updated to make Collins less creepy — 21 May 22
Netherfield
Mr. Wickham
Mr. Wickham had not been surprised to receive a note from Miss Bingley, all but demanding that he meet her early the following morning. He cut through Longbourn's woods and saw Elizabeth in the distance. He was trying to decide whether to dally with her then and there, when he heard hooves. Standing back and watching from behind some trees, he saw a uniformed officer dismount.
Richard Fitzwilliam!
"Lizzy!" He heard him cry.
He saw Elizabeth turn to see who was calling her name.
"Richard!"
Mr. Wickham watched, astounded, as Richard Fitzwilliam took Miss Elizabeth into his arms and, partially concealed by the horse, kissed her. They both laughed with delight.
Oh! He is the children's father. The eyes! The dark-haired child has the Fitzwilliam eyes!
Heads close together, the couple walked away, she clinging to his arm. Mr. Wickham did not follow. He had the information that he needed.
"I have discovered the identity of the children's father!" he cried, spotting Miss Bingley.
"Good morning to you, too, Mr. Wickham," she sniffed in return.
"Good morning, Miss Bingley," said Wickham with a mocking bow.
Longbourn
Mr. Bennet
A message arrived midmorning:
'Saw Caroline meet W this morning. Managed to overhear some of their conversation: they believe Miss E to be the natural mother of your wards and Colonel F to be their father. W said that he would let 'her ladyship' know at once.
'Hurst'
In his book-room, Mr. Bennet showed the message to Darcy when he and Mr. Bingley arrived a little later, bringing Colonel Fitzwilliam. He had intended to invite the colonel to play a game of chess, but saw that this newest visitor struck by Cupid's arrow on being introduced to Jane. Jane had looked similarly struck.
Poor Bingley.
"Richard spotted Wickham through the trees and suggested a little play-acting. He greeted Lizzy fondly, while I stayed out of sight."
"Ha, ha. I expect that you were not too pleased with that idea!" laughed Mr. Bennet.
"Indeed, but I was persuaded," replied Darcy, dryly.
"Tell me of your cousin. Tell me what my reports do not."
"I cannot tell you anything bad of him. He is an excellent friend, an excellent man and an excellent officer," Darcy replied.
"Would he make a worthy and constant husband for my Jane?"
"I have but one reservation," said Darcy with a small sigh. "I once said to Missy, after my mother had played a great jest, that if that was the influence that your family has on mine, I shall not allow the entrance of any more of her sisters."
Mr. Bennet stood shocked for a few seconds, then burst into laughter. "Well done, son! Well done!" he cried, clapping Darcy on the back. "She has been good for you, I think!"
"Indeed," Darcy replied with a rare grin.
"While I await the colonel's petition, let us start our game."
They had barely set out the pieces when two toddlers burst in demanding attention. Neither man minded and followed them back into the parlour. There, they found Richard regaling the party with tales of his daring exploits.
"Most are made up, you know," remarked Darcy, sotto voce, to Mr. Bennet.
The following morning, they felt safe to meet as Mr. Collins had made his almost daily trip to meet with the local parson. Thus, the colonel joined Elizabeth, Mary, Lydia and Darcy in Mr. Bennet's book-room. He looked a little distracted to see Mr. Bingley leave for a walk with Jane, Kitty and the children.
"Fear not, Colonel," said Mr. Bennet. "'Where there is no peril in the fight, there is no glory in the triumph'."
"Aye, but I am away from the battlefield so am not in the fight," Richard replied.
"Colonel, the sooner that we agree on our plans, the sooner you can return to the fight for my sister," Lydia admonished him.
Bemused, Richard looked at Darcy.
"Did no-one tell you, cousin, that Miss Lydia is the commanding officer here?" Darcy explained.
Richard looked at the other faces.
"Lydia has shown a keen aptitude for linking disparate snippets of information together," said Mr. Bennet. "She is also adept at driving us along towards our aim of lifting the veil which surrounds the 'great secret'. I value her enthusiasm!"
Delighted, Lydia grinned.
"She and I gather this information, but are not sure what to do with it. All of us here shall play our parts, and we might have an extra player in Mr. Hurst, but we do need your help with tactics and strategies."
"Aye, very well," Richard paused. "What are our aims?"
"To have no more 'great secret'," said Elizabeth.
"But what does that mean? What are you hoping for when the 'great secret' is no more?"
"To have Lizzy and the girls live with me at Pemberley as Mrs. and Misses Darcy," Darcy said.
"To take Beatrice and live with James," added Mary.
"What is preventing these from happening?"
"The 'great secret'," cried the sisters.
"Then we need to determine what will release us from the secret, do you not agree?"
The heads around him nodded.
"I can think of two ways to find this out. Mr. Bennet, perhaps you would write to ask your, er, masters, while I visit my father to enlist his assistance. Perhaps we might journey to London together."
His audience nodded again, and Mr. Bennet said, "Very well; but after my cousin has departed for Kent. I shall not leave him here alone with my daughters."
"Mr. Bennet, Miss Lydia, your idea to send your own messages to the conspirators is good. Though you might think it tempting to compose silly messages, we should ensure that everything that we do is towards our agreed aims. Much as it would be amusing to have them running hither and thither, they would soon discover our plot and would change their ciphers and messengers."
Lydia looked disappointed. "I shall have fun composing them, but shall not send them."
"A fair compromise, and I shall inform you immediately when it is time to compose one to send," Richard promised her. "Let us continue. We have other ways of getting our information, misinformation, to two of the conspirators.
"Wickham appears keen to charm Lizzy, having seen Darcy's interest in her, so she can tell him what we want him to know. Miss Lydia has also established her role as an indiscreet flirt and, as long as you take care, that is a good part to play — I doubt that anyone's suspicions will be roused.
"Darcy and Lady Anne write to our Cousin Anne and Lady Catherine — that is another way to supply misinformation."
"Lady Anne is certain to agree," said Lydia, nodding.
"How dare you assume—?" started Darcy, indignantly.
"Because she loves you and Gina, and Lizzy and Melly and Phebes. It is obvious that she will agree," replied Lydia, shaking her head.
"Indeed." Darcy conceded. "I apologise. You are correct."
"We have no direct route to the other conspirators. Have you identified any of them, Miss Lydia, Mr. Bennet?" Richard turned to them to ask.
"We have!" cried Lydia. "We have 'Boar', who is— "
Richard's jaw dropped. "Boar?! He is a friend of my father! Are you saying that he was party to the attempt on his life?"
"To use Darcy's well-worn reply, 'indeed'," replied Mr. Bennet.
Richard shook his head in disbelief. Taking a deep breath, he asked, "Are any more of them friends of my father?"
Father and daughter looked at each other, neither wishing to confirm the bad news.
"Tell me," sighed Richard. "It can be no worse for knowing."
On hearing the reluctantly supplied replies, Richard sat in silence. Elizabeth and Mary both put comforting hands on his forearms.
"Eagle, Bull and Boar — the three men that my father has known since their schooldays and who he holds highest in his regard, tried to kill him." Richard could say no more for many minutes.
When he had calmed sufficiently to tell the others of his father's lifelong friendship with the very men plotting against him, he continued, "I did not need you to tell me their names, Miss Lydia. Bull, Eagle and Boar are the nicknames they have had since they were boys. My father is 'Mouse', as he is neither small nor quiet."
Darcy nodded soberly in agreement.
Elizabeth
Eager to speak with his father, the earl, Richard had managed to persuade Mr. Bennet to travel with him to London after all, so they had set off very early the following morning. Darcy arrived at Longbourn as usual and sat with the women in the parlour. Stevens had accompanied him and was settled in the kitchen. Darcy and his father-in-law had agreed that the two of them would remain until the latter returned, even if it meant staying overnight.
At visiting time, Lady Lucas arrived with her daughters. They were followed, to general surprise, by Mr. and Mrs. Hurst. When pleasantries had been exchanged, Mrs. Hurst approached Elizabeth and asked for a private conversation.
"In my cousin's absence, I must insist that any conversation with my young cousin also includes me," said Mr. Collins.
Mr. Hurst came towards them and said, "Oh, you do not wish to overhear women's conversation, man. Urgh, heaven only knows what they discuss." He shuddered, intimating female complaints.
"Well, of course. Do have your little gossip, dearest cousin. We men shall eagerly await your return."
Elizabeth led Mrs. Hurst to the small, ladies' parlour and invited her to sit.
Mrs. Hurst looked down at her hands in her lap, and took a deep breath in. "I find that I must apologise to you, Miss Elizabeth."
"Oh?"
Mrs. Hurst looked up and spoke quietly. "When I witnessed her treatment of you, I was forced to acknowledge that my sister's behaviour has gone too far. Her relentless pursuit of Mr. Darcy has blinded her to his marked interest in you."
It was Elizabeth's turn to look down at her lap.
"When she sang that song while you were at Netherfield nursing Miss Bennet — I know not what to say. I was so very embarrassed. My husband and I have talked about Caroline a great deal, trying to decide what to do with her. Do we ask Charles to set her up in her own establishment? Do we send her to live with relatives?"
Elizabeth realised that these were rhetorical questions and did not respond.
Mrs. Hurst continued, quietly. "Hurst has told me of his own sister; he said that he has also told your father. Has Mr. Bennet told you?"
Elizabeth nodded.
"We, he and I, have decided — no, he told me that I must decide whether to continue putting up with Caroline or to assist you in whatever plans you have to avenge the death of his sister." Mrs. Hurst reached for Elizabeth's hands and said, with resolve, "I should very much like my husband to be happy, so should like to assist you in your pursuit of Mr. Wickham."
Elizabeth was squeezing Mrs. Hurst's hands in return, when Mr. Collins burst through the door, followed by Mr. Hurst.
"I find myself to be missing your company, Cousin Elizabeth! It is about time that you joined me in the parlour."
"Mr. Collins!" Mr. Hurst shouted. "You must leave the ladies to their gossip, this is why they have a small parlour reserved for that very purpose. I am glad that you were not listening, as I dread to think what they can have been chattering about."
The ladies recognised that Mr. Hurst tried to intimate that Mr. Collins had not been lurking for long. Mr. Hurst then edged past Mr. Collins into the room, offered his arms to the two women and led them back to the others in the main parlour.
Please don't copy 😏