Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation

This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.

[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]

In which Lady Anne arrives, Miss Bingley intrudes and Mr. Collins is evicted

Netherfield

Lady Anne

Later that day, Lady Anne Darcy arrived at Netherfield to be greeted by a fawning Miss Bingley. Mrs. Nicholls deftly extracted the guest from the effusions, showing her to the chambers connected to Darcy's.

Once she had refreshed herself, she invited her son, Richard and James to take tea with her. They had been chatting for some time, when Stevens burst in from Darcy's bedchamber, hissing, "Master! Mistress! Miss Bingley is on her way here!"

Darcy leapt to feet and strode silently to the door. He snatched it open to reveal Miss Bingley leaning against it. She stumbled and half fell into the room. How long has she been eavesdropping?

"Good afternoon, my lady, I am come to enquire if you need anything," said Miss Bingley regaining her balance and curtseying. "My servants, poor though they are, are at your disposal."

Lady Anne did not stand, but replied, "I am quite well, I thank you, Miss Bingley. All that I desire is here in this room." Seeing Miss Bingley begin to preen herself, she added, "I am enjoying a quiet tea with my son and my nephews."

"I shall be glad to attend you," said Miss Bingley, gliding further into the room.

"I am sure that you would, but an estate's mistress ought to be busy attending to household matters while her guests recover from their journeys."

"But I— "

"My mother is safe in my hands, Miss Bingley, and I shall not hesitate to inform you should she needs anything before we dine." Darcy held the door open. "Your concern is very kind, but do not let me detain you."

The interloper curtseyed again and left the room; Darcy closed it after her.

"Thank you, Stevens. Was she listening for long?"

"No, my lady, I espied her on her way and came straight here."

"Good, then she did not hear anything."

"I thank you, too, Stevens," said Darcy. As Stevens took his leave, he added, "We must adopt more subterfuge. Shall we meet again after dinner?"

"I do not think that she will return immediately, so let us continue our discussion now. Would you call after Stevens and ask him to bring us fresh tea, please?"

"As you wish, Mother."

"Now, tell me when we are to visit Longbourn."

Longbourn

The following morning, Lady Anne accompanied her son, nephews and host to Longbourn. After greeting them, Mr. Bennet invited the men to ride out to inspect the estate with him. Seeing that the visitors looked disappointed to not sit with the ladies, he laughingly assured them that they would see them at luncheon.

The ladies of the house invited Lady Anne to the small parlour, where they could speak without the presence of men. Mr. Collins was kindly, but most firmly, denied entrance.

"I apologise for bringing you in here, my lady," said Elizabeth, "but this room is reserved for females!" Elizabeth introduced her mother-in-law to her sisters Jane, Kitty and Lydia. In order to quell any curiosity that her sisters might have about her acquaintance with Darcy's mother, she continued, "I know not if Mary told you that she and I met Lady Anne with our Aunt and Uncle Gardiner."

Mrs. Hill brought in a tray of tea and Kitty poured and served them all.

"It is my sister Kitty's turn to be the lady of the house today, my lady. I hope that you do not mind," Jane explained.

"Not at all, Miss Bennet. Do you all have a turn?" Lady Anne looked at Jane, wondering if the young woman recognised her from their previous meetings at Netherfield; she gave no indication.

"Yes; Pappa said that we should practise here so that we know what do when we set up our own households."

"Mr. Collins was not pleased when I sat at the head of the table on his first evening here," interjected Lydia. "He said that he would complain to his patroness."

Before Lydia could complete Mr. Collins' usual paean to Lady Catherine, Mary said, "We understand that his patroness, Lady Catherine, is your sister, my lady."

"He, that man, is my sister's parson? I am not surprised, though I ought not be so impolite as to say so," replied Lady Anne with a laugh, settling Melissa on her knee. The Bennets laughed too, as did Melissa when her grandmother tickled her.

"Lizzy," Lydia said, "perhaps you might tell her ladyship about Lady Catherine's visit."

"My son wrote to me about it. I understand that she distressed you, Miss Kitty."

"She was most unkind, my lady. Oh, I ought not say that about your sister. I am very sorry."

"Catherine has been my sister all of my life, Miss Kitty. I am not surprised to hear that she was unkind, but am sorry that it was to you."

"Mr. Darcy was very kind when he arrived afterward," said Jane. "He reassured Kitty that she was not at fault and certainly was not a harlot, if you pardon my language, my lady."

Lady Anne glanced at Elizabeth to see a fond, faraway look on her face.

"It is no matter — if that is the word that my sister used, I am not shocked at hearing it from you." She tickled Melissa again, and continued, "Now let us talk of more pleasant things — what are you all to wear to the ball?"

She was taken aback when Kitty answered, describing, in great detail, her older sisters' dresses and slippers, how they each were to have their hair arranged, and what jewellery they would wear. In her element, Kitty spoke eloquently about fabrics and lace and ornamentation. Lady Anne noticed that the remaining Bennets encouraged their sister in her enthusiasm, recognising her authority in all things sartorial.

The sisters were not surprised when Kitty excused herself and dashed from the small parlour, pushing past their nosey cousin, returning shortly clutching snippets of various fabrics. She showed these to the visitor, explaining from where her uncle had imported them and why they suited each of her sisters.

Lady Anne recognised Kitty's keen eye from the descriptions provided by Georgiana, and was impressed enough to say, "Next time you visit your aunt in London, perhaps you would accompany me to my dressmaker and advise me."

"Oh, Lady Anne! I should like that above all things!"

Longbourn

Elizabeth

Mr. Collins doggedly remained at Longbourn for a second week, and thus had been included in the invitation to the ball at Netherfield. He had requested dances from all of his fair cousins, seeming not to realise that Kitty and Lydia would not be in attendance. Elizabeth wearily agreed to the first dance. Better that it is over and done with, she thought. She refused his requests for the supper and last dances, suggesting that he should make sure to ask the hostesses and the many ladies without partners to dance, as that was the gentlemanly thing to do.

"I shall do as you bid, my dearest Cousin Elizabeth. It would not do for me to ignore the bosom companions of my intended." He licked his fingertips as he ran his eyes over her body.

Elizabeth shuddered. How did Liddy put it? Urgh!

Netherfield

On their arrival at Netherfield on the evening of the ball, Elizabeth praised Miss Bingley with great sincerity for her arrangements.

"You have made the rooms look very beautiful, Miss Bingley!"

Miss Bingley sneered down her nose and said, "This is how a ball is done in the very best society, Miss —sniff— Eliza. I thought to give you a taste, as you will never attend another such as this."

"You are most kind, Miss Bingley." Elizabeth took Miss Bingley's hands in her own, and continued, truthfully, "It is really magnificent."

Miss Bingley looked up and down at Elizabeth and said, snidely, "I see that you are wearing a dress only two years' out of fashion, Miss —sniff— Eliza."

"It is one of my favourites as the fabric, this silk, is from my uncle's warehouses."

"We are honoured by the efforts that you have gone to, this evening."

"There are but nothing compared to yours, Miss Bingley."

The queue of people moved forward, and Jane introduced Mr. Collins to the Bingleys and the Hursts. Bobbing and bowing, he immediately petitioned Miss Bingley for the supper set. Elizabeth did not hear her reply, but doubted that it was favourable.

As they entered, Richard and James met them, offering Jane and Mary their arms. Mr. Bennet and Elizabeth followed them to Lady Anne and Darcy. Mr. Collins trailed after them and, barely waiting to be introduced to Lady Anne and ignoring Mr. Bennet's pointed look, tried to take Elizabeth's hand.

Darcy pushed between them, saying to Mr. Collins, "I promised that I would ask my mother to explain to you that she and her sister— "

"My suitable and secluded patroness, her ladyship, the Lady Catherine de Bourgh," interjected Mr. Collins, bowing deeply.

" —made no arrangements for me to marry my cousin Anne."

"That cannot be correct, Mr. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, as my organic and opulent patroness, her ladyship, the Lady Catherine de Bourgh is correct in all things. It is my belief that you conceal the betrothal to avoid the jealousy which it would arouse— " He appeared to lose his thoughts for a moment while his eyes drifted over his cousins' figures. "Um, arouse in those many gentlemen thwarted by your prior claim. 'Tis the way of great men like yourself."

"Mr. Collins," warned Mr. Bennet.

Lady Anne sighed and said, "I can see that you and my sister— "

"My floral and forlorn patroness— "

" —are well suited, Mr. Collins— "

"I thank you, Mrs. Darcy. I shall be certain to tell my— "

" —as neither of you listen to what anyone else says."

Darcy again shuffled his wife away from Mr. Collins, firmly putting her on his other side.

Mr. Collins was not to be thwarted. He sidled closer to Elizabeth, turning his back on Lady Anne. "I must state, yet again, Cousin Elizabeth, that you must not flirt with Mr. Darcy! When you are under my authority— "

"Mr. Collins. I believe that I have already informed you that it is ungentlemanly to talk of such things before— "

Mr. Collins had licked his fingertips and was reaching towards Elizabeth's breasts.

As Elizabeth recoiled, Darcy's hand shot out and grabbed Mr. Collins' wrist. "STOP!"

Darcy

Heads turned as Darcy took hold of Mr. Collins by the scruff of his neck, pulled him away and into the library. Richard and Mr. Bennet followed. "HOW DARE YOU TREAT A WOMAN LIKE THAT!" he roared, shaking the clergyman.

"Mr. Darcy," the parson simpered, much in the manner of Miss Bingley. "Cousin Elizabeth is to be my wife thus all of her, er, bounties are mine for the plucking."

"WHAT?!" shouted Mr. Bennet, while Richard drew himself up to his full height and reached for his sword. It was not there; he was at a ball, not on a battlefield. Darcy noticed that he clenched his fists instead.

Mr. Collins puffed himself up. "My betrothal to Cousin Elizabeth entitles me to— "

"What betrothal? Of what are you talking?" demanded Mr. Bennet, white-faced with fury.

"It is arranged. I shall take Cousin Elizabeth as my wife!"

"Who has arranged this? I, her father, have given you no such permission," Mr. Bennet snarled.

"I am to inherit Longbourn, thus have the pick of your daughters. I have chosen the ripest, Cousin Elizabeth."

"Out! OUT! No more conversation! Get back to Longbourn, cousin, pack your trunk and leave. NOW!" Mr. Bennet shouted. "I will send your signed commitment to your ferocious and furious patroness by express, and demand that she manages your behaviour!"

Darcy admired his father-in-law for his restraint; he was barely stopping himself from pounding the stupid man into silence.

"I cannot return without the carriage," Mr. Collins protested.

Richard obviously had also had enough and did not listen to the loathsome man's pleas as he dragged him to the doors and pushed him out. "Walk! It is in that direction."

Elizabeth

Finally it was the supper dance — her first with Mr. Darcy! He had calmed sufficiently to return to the ballroom. She had danced with Mr. Adam many times, but this was the first with Mr. Darcy. She felt that it was different in some way, but could not have said why that was so. Afterwards, he escorted her to sit with Lady Anne and Mr. Bennet. Richard and Jane joined them, as did James and Mary, Mr. Bingley and Charlotte.

After a few minutes of quiet, companionable conversation, Lady Anne started to look a little unwell. "I am afraid that I must leave you, Mr. Bennet," she said with a small wink. "Before I go, might I ask you to do something for me?"

Mr. Bennet nodded his assent. "If I can, my lady."

"Do ask Miss Lucas to dance. She is a lovely young woman." Turning from Mr. Bennet's confused face, she continued, "Miss Elizabeth, Miss Mary, would you mind escorting me to my rooms? I should appreciate leaning on your arms."

The men stood as she left the table. All but Jane, Charlotte and Mr. Bingley guessed what was afoot as Darcy and James followed the women from the dining room.

As soon as they had gained the first floor, Lady Anne released their arms and dismissed them. "I shall invite you to stay for the night, Lizzy and Mary, then you can say, quite truthfully, that I tendered the invitation should you not wish to return with your family. Now, off you go!"

James led Mary away, and Darcy and Elizabeth retired to his chambers. Darcy closed and locked the doors, pressed the glass guardsmen into duty and, with urgency, great urgency, kissed his wife's lips.

• WARNING! Chapter 53 has the assault. I confess to it being a shabby plot device but it affects many future events. It's right at the beginning and you can skip it by searching for ***** (five asterisks)