Tooru was walking in his house. Today was the day the Vale Government announced that they'd do something about the crime problem.

He sar down on his couch and turned on the tv.

"Let's see the news..." Tooru said as he changed the channel.

"We are gathered here at the Kurona Race Track with the populace of Vale. The government will announce their decisions here." A reporter said.

"A race track?" Tooru thought confused.

"Mrs Magenta, what do you think the government has decided?" The reporter asked a pedestrian.

"After the problems of gang war in Vale, I think they've decided to force their laws down with violence." Mrs Magenta said.

"Indeed, these are just speculations but these speculations carry weight." She said as the camera changed.

It changed to show the stage where the dudes with legal influence will annouce their decisions.

"As you can see, there's councilwoman Senora Blue, Headmaster Ozpin, Police Cheif Connor Argentum, General Aurum and Chef Steiner Humboldt???" The reporter said confused.

"A chef? He has equal influence as them?" Tooru wondered.

Then Senora stepped up on the podium and was ready to announce something.

"My fellow citizens, we have been suffering from Gang Warfare, Drug Dealing, Street Violence, Robbery, Burglary and shootouts since the grimm went extinct but today we will start fighting!" She exclaimed as the people cheered.

"It was the huntsmen and Atlas Millitary that were fighting for us all these days but now we need to stand up too!" She exclaimed as the people cheered.

"We've assembled the most elite force in the world to combat this problem. They are called the Criminal Uproot Ministry." She informed.

"Most elite?" Tooru wondered interested.

"Or the C.U.M for short." She said as everyone went silent for a split second before erupting in laughter.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHHA! THE CUM!? CUM!?" Tooru laughed his ass off. Even the cameraman was dying of laughter.

The councilwoman had an indifferent expression but she was embarrassed inside.

'But we'll be humiliating the criminals more by making them fear the C.U.M.' She thought about one upside.

The councilwoman stepped down from the podium in embarrassment. Connor then walked up to the podium.

"Look I know it's a funny name but they're really the elite." Connor said bit they still didn't stop laughing.

"The most elite cum you'll ever see!" One if them said.

"This is like Biggus Dickus again!" Tooru exclaimed in laughter.

"It's... It's..." Connor tried to say something but couldn't silence them so he just waited.

They calmed down after a minute. "Now, I am the head of the C.U.M. We will start our operations in Vale and expand outwards." Connor informed.

"They're gonna impregnate the woman!" A man gasped out as the crowd started laughing again.

"Silence!" Connor exclaimed as they calmed down but still were giggling.

"To any criminal listening to this, You will no longer commit crimes as you like. The C.U.M will cum for you to eliminate your ability to cum." Connor played along and made a pun.

The people started clapping for that. That really encouraged them to not commit crime. (Sarcasm)

Connor then walked down the podium and Chef Steiner walked up on it.

"Now any questions before we leave." Steiner asked.

"Hold on he's german?" Tooru asked in surprise.

"What's your influence in any of this?" A reporter asked.

"I am ze Medic for the C.U.M. and also the second strongest in ze force" Steiner said as people were surprised. They didn't know he was a doctor.

"Who are members of the C.U.M? Like the combatants?" A reporter asked.

"I can't tell you zeir names but we have a Milf, a witch and a wizard, an insane psychopath, a thief, a lie, ze devil, ze angel, ze dog, ze dong, ze bong und ze borg." Steiner said as people were confused.

"Is he the insane one or the high one?" Tooru wondered.

At the Kurona Race Track...

'I really wish we hadn't recruited him.' Ozpin thought in regret.

Then Ozpin saw suspicious cars approaching their party on the cameras. (Is this even a party? this is a rally or something)

"Connor, we might have a problem." Ozpin said as Connor looked at the camera feed.

"Shit, I see'em. All right, we need to protect the civilians." Connor said.

"And fight them at the same time?" Ozpin asked.

"Don't worry, he can handle them. He's more than a medic." Connor reassured him.

"Steiner, can you handle this?" Ozpin asked.

"Ja." Steiner said.

"All right people, there are terrorists heading towards here." Connor said as the people were surprised.

"Terrorists!?"

"Are we going to die?!"

People were panicking. "Please please, just go down the bunker behind the stage. We'll protect you." Conor reassured.

"Let's go people!" Senora ordered.

Multiple trucks barged through the gate and was driving into the rally.

"They're here!" Aurum exclaimed.

"After all our planning to select this place outside of the city only for these fucks to find us!" Senora cursed.

A truck was headed for the crowd. The crowd screamed in fear.

The truck was few meters from running the civilians over, then Ozpin landed infront of it.

He slid his can underneath the truck and used some magic to push the cane up. (He did that in half a second)

The truck was flipped instantly by Ozpin. It landed upside down.

The civilians and the gangsters were shocked seeing the headmaster do that.

"Steiner!" Connor exclaimed as he threw the Ubersaw at Steiner.

Steiner caught it. The crowd started running again before the other trucks arrived.

"Now headmaster, zis is where you leave things to me." Steiner patted him and then he walked toward them.

Ozpin nodded and walked to the crowd to protect it while Steiner walked toward the truck.

"Damn you!" The gangsters exclaimed as they crawled out of the truck.

One of them crawled out and looked up to see Steiner with his Ubersaw ready.

All he could do was gasp before his head was slashed open.

"Shit!" The other gangster exclaimed trying to move, only the see the side of the car roll up on him.

"AAAAAAAGH!" He screamed in agony as his insides were crushed by the weight of the truck.

"Ze healing is not rewarding as ze hurting" Steiner said as more trucks arrived.

"Ugh, my formal suit will be ruined." Steiner said annoyed as he got his Ubersaw ready.

'I need to check my dust levels.' Steiner thought and brought up his watch.

'I have just enough for her to arrive.' Steiner thought as the gangsters aimed their weapons at him.

"Well well well, if it isn't the second strongest?" One of them said.

"Well I am." Steiner said.

"Then you morons must be really weak!" One of them taunted.

"Well, habe you heard of force?" Steiner asked.

"Yeah, what are you gonna teach us?" Another taunted.

"Force is multiplied by mass and acceleration. So while I may not be heavy..." He said as brought his Ubersaw up as they were curious.

He then dashed at the speed of lightning and punched a truck. The truck immediately exploded from all the force.

"I am fast enough bring your time to an end!" Steiner exclaimed.

All the gangsters saw was a blur and their truck exploded. They don't know how it happened but understood what happened.

"Open fire!" Their superior ordered as they opened fire and their bullets were hitting him.

There were two trucks remaining. One of them had a gun mounted on it while gangsters were exiting the other ones.

Steiner can't spam the lightening dash he did. It has a cooldown and spamming it will cause strain.

'But I told Ozpin that I would take care of it. I guess I have to push harder!' Steiner thought.

Steiner then immediately took an stance while he was getting shot. He has his aura to protect him.

'They haven't exited the other trucks yet and they are lined up sideways.' Steiner thought as he got his Ubersaw ready to swing.

Then Steiner used his lightning dash move with his Ubersaw to cut the sides of both of those trucks horizontally.

The friction from his swing generated heat on the side and engine

The trucks immediately exploded due to the heat he produced near the fuel tank and engine.

"Shit!" The remaining two gangsters exclaimed seeing their homies down.

They started firing at him but their bullets still couldn't penetrate his aura.

Steiner started running toward them. "What the hell are you?" One of them exclaimed as Adolf closed in on him.

His gun ran out of ammo just as Adolf prepared to swing. Adolf swung through his gun and half of his torso.

"I am ze angry bird god of ze badlands!" Steiner exclaimed as half of his torso was cut horizontally.

"AAAAAAAH" The remaining one dropped his weapon and started running away in fear.

Only to have the Ubersaw go through his pancreas from his back.

"Pancreas!" Steiner exclaimed as he brought out his Ubersaw.

"AAGCHK" His victim screamed in agony.

"Liver!" Steiner exclaimed as he stabbed him in the liver.

"Gal Bladder!" "Stomach!" "Spine!" "Intestines!" Steiner exclaimed as he repeatedly stabbed those places while his victim screamed in agony.

"Und I believe zis is where your feces are!" Steiner exclaimed as he drove his Ubersaw through his brain.

"Your time has cum to an end, ha!" Steiner joked.

Them more cars arrived. This time they were armored with guns mounted on them.

"APCs?" Steiner wondered if they came to support him or not. It didn't matter anyway. They will all die.

Then he saw the gang insignia on the vehicles.

"I recognise zat insignia, it belongs to the gang Crimson Empire." Steiner recognised them.

Most of them exited their vehicles while some were on the mounted guns.

"Well well well, it seems the second strongest has dealt with our lackeys within a minute." Their lieutenant said stepping out.

They saw a bloody Steiner standing there.

"It seems he's not the second strongest for nothing." Another lackey said.

"Where's your Emperor Crimson?" Steiner asked.

"The boss have more important work to do than talk to corpses." The lieutenant said as they aimed all their guns at him.

"Light him up." He ordered as they all started shooting him.

But to their surprise, thier bullets still didn't go through his skin in the first 3 seconds. They could tell because they still hadn't seen his blood.

'I've unlocked my aura when I was 8 and I learned that it gets tougher the more damage it takes. I have been training my aura ever since then. From taking slashes from a blade to holding against chainsaws, taking bullets and explosions. When I was 20 I would take bullets and put on vests rigged with explosives twice a day. I have been doing that since then. My aura is 230% tougher than an average huntsman's.' Steiner remembered how his aura got tougher.

They all stopped firing after 15 seconds. Their guns ran out of ammo.

"Wh-What the hell are you!?" The lieutenant uttered in fear.

"I am ze angry bird god of the badlands! Fear me!" Steiner exclaimed as their APCs were cut into pieces along with the people near it.

"What the!?" They all were shocked at what happened. They didn't see Steiner move.

"And you're in ze C.U.M zone!" Steiner joked as the lieutenant was beheaded by someone else.

All of them was cut into pieces, fruit ninja style. Then someone landed near Steiner.

It was a woman in black with a white mask. She had a katana like weapon.

"Glad to see zat you've finally arrived Mein Fraulein." Steiner said as he looked at the person that cut them all up.

She didn't say anything and glared at him.

"So I heard zat you have new information about their boss, Raiven?" Adolf asked.

"It's Raven and their leader is called Liro. The same one who smuggles weapons from Atlas." Raven informed.

"It seems it was not a waste of money to send you to Mistral." Steiner said.

"Connor, the coast is clear." Raven said.

"The terrorists are gone?" Connir asked.

"Ohohoho, it was all a misunderstanding! They weren't terrorists, they were gangsters!" Steiner exclaimed.

Two hours later...

Ozpin, Raven, Connor and Steiner were sitting around a table.

"YOU CALLED ME A MILF!?" Raven yelled at Steiner furious that he called her a milf.

"It is ze truth." Steiner said sitting across the table.

"You shall face the consequences!! Raven exclaimed as she unsheathed her katana.

"Zen let's go!" Steiner exclaimed bringing his Ubersaw out.

"You do know I'm the strongest here?" Raven said surprised that Steiner wanted to fight.

"Ladies, ladies..." Connor said trying to calm them down.

"Zat's because I took the title of being the second strongest. We all know who'd win in a fight against eachother, don't we fraulein?" Steiner exclaimed.

It's true that Raven is strong but Steiner is fucking invincible. But Steiner is a close quarters combat expert. So Steiner could probably kill her before she can use magic when she's close.

'And that's not considering his deadly semblance.' Raven thought in defeat. After all the one who has the best chance to beat the top is the one under him.

"I'd win." Raven said sitting down knowing she'll have a hard time against him.

"As I thought." Steiner said as he sat down.

"So, their leader is Liro?" Ozpin asked.

"Yes." Raven confirmed.

"So zis Liro has been dealing with the Atleasian terrorists to buy weapons?" Steiner asked.

"Pretty much." Raven said.

"So what do you think their motivations are?" Connor asked.

"I don't know but I think they want to rule Vale. They are trying." Raven said.

"If these Atleasian terrorists are ze ones supplying them, then why don't we go after zem?" Steiner asked.

"We can't. We don't have jurisdiction there anymore." Ozpin said.

"Which is why I've sent Crysis, Roman and Neo there. They'll infiltrate Atlas and find those terrorists." Connor explained.

"How boring!" Steiner exclaimed.

"And him?" Ozpin asked talking about Wonder of U.

"Sinejiro and the others are after him. They will track him down like they've tracked others down." Connor said.

"He isn't like others!" Raven exclaimed.

"Then they'll die, I suppose." Steiner sighed.

Alright guys that's it for this chapter. Sorry for any spelling mistakes and please leave your reviews.

About the C.U.M...I plagiarised that name. The original was Crime Uproot Ministry and I changed the Crime to Criminal. It was a funny name all right!?

The original Crime Uproot Ministry was made by Tank Fish.

Yes, Steiner is the Medic from TF2. I wonder what gave it away? His insane personality?

Steiner Humboldt is Ludwig Humboldt (The Medic) from another universe.

Other members of the C.U.M are inspired by other people too like the Medic.

And yes I made those names up. I had to think about colours and materials. I was going to name one of them Plumbum or Wolfram.

There's still the scientific names. Can't imagine fighting against the Belatella Germanica or Apis Indica.