Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Mr. Bennet meets Lady Catherine and aids in an escape
Longbourn
Mr. Bennet
Mr. Bennet was pleased that he, Lydia and the colonel had made a quick and easy journey to London. Before they had left, he had bid Mr. Hill to pack up all of Mr. Collins' belongings — he did not want a trace of the monster remaining. Richard had helped him to force some laudanum into Collins' mouth and to put the unconscious body in the carriage's boot.
After dropping Richard near his barracks, Mr. Bennet and Lydia were alone in the carriage.
"When we reach Gracechurch Street, we shall tell your Aunt and Uncle what has happened this morning, but we must be careful that we are not overheard."
"I understand, Pappa, even though I should like to shout it to everyone!" She sobered, and continued, "It would not be kind to Lizzy for that to be known."
"I am very proud of you, daughter; you are maturing into a lovely young woman."
"Thank you."
"Now, I shall not be staying there long as I would like to deliver our cargo this evening. I shall stay long enough to explain our presence and to give Darcy's men and horses a rest.
"Then, while I am gone — probably overnight — please think about whether you would prefer to remain in London for a few weeks or return with me. If you would rather return to see Lizzy, we shall arrange another visit for you."
Rosings
In the splendour of Darcy's carriage, Mr. Bennet toyed with the buttons in his pocket. Lost in thought, he discovered that they had arrived at Rosings sooner than he had expected. The carriage stopped at the grand entrance and he alighted to find a butler opening the ornate front door.
"Good evening, sir," said the butler, stiffly.
"Good evening. I am come with a delivery for her ladyship."
"The tradesman's entrance is around the back," sniffed the butler.
"This is a personal delivery — directly for her ladyship. I am returning something to her."
Hearing a shrill voice from within the house, Mr. Bennet concealed a wry smile. Now it begins!
"What is going on? I demand to know what is going on! Why is the door open at this time of night?" Ah, the discreet and demure Lady Catherine de Bourgh, me thinks. She appeared behind the butler. "Who are you? What are you doing on my estate?"
"Good evening, Lady Catherine. I am Thomas Bennet of Longbourn." He bowed very slightly.
"Longbourn? My parson's inheritance?"
"Yes, my lady, and I have something to return to you." He signalled the coachmen who opened the boot and dragged out the parson's body to drop in front of her.
"What is the meaning of this? Why is he unconscious? Is he drunk?"
"No, my lady, he is not drunk."
"Why is he not properly attired? No gentleman should reveal so much to a lady."
Mr. Bennet strode up the steps, took her hand and put the buttons in it. "He tore these off when he assaulted my daughter." His voice lost its disinterested tone. He took Mr. Coll— the monster's signed commitment from his breast pocket and put it in her other hand. "Read that!"
She dropped the paper, pronouncing, "Your daughters are flirtatious harlots using their wiles to attract respectable men. I have seen this for myself!"
"Be careful what you say, madam!" He was growing angry. He stooped to pick up the paper and pressed it into her hand. "This 'respectable' man, as you call him, trapped her in a room and barricaded the door. When she would not accept his propositions, he thumped, beat and kicked her, tore her clothing and tried to rape her."
"How dare you use such language before me?"
"How dare you allow your creature to behave in such a manner in my home? To my daughter?" He snarled.
"I sent him to you to marry one of your worthless brood. You should be grateful!"
"'Marry'? 'Grateful'? If it were not for my daughter's reputation, I should have called the magistrate. Your patronage of this monster would have become common knowledge; that you ordered him to Longbourn."
"How dare you— "
A small voice interrupted her. "Mamma, I believe Mr. Bennet has the right of it. Mr. Collins is a monster."
"Anne, go back inside!"
Mr. Bennet saw a slight, frail young woman approach the open doorway.
"Mr. Collins is not a gentleman, Mamma. Many of the maids have complained of his attempted, er, assaults."
"Nonsense, Anne! No-one has told me of these— "
"You would not have listened if they did, Mamma."
"I— "
The pale young woman held a hand out to Mr. Bennet and said, "I am very sorry for your daughter, sir. Please know that I shall pray for her recovery."
Gently, Mr. Bennet took the outstretched hand and bowed over it. He felt a folded note being pressed into his palm but did not look at it. "I thank you." Poor lass with such a mother.
"I— " spluttered Lady Catherine.
Miss de Bourgh took the paper from her mother and read it. "This did not work, then, Mr. Bennet?"
"What? What is that, Anne?"
"Read it, Mamma. Mr. Collins has signed this saying that he would not behave inappropriately towards his cousins."
Lady Catherine read it and sniffed, "You did not include the things of which you accuse him."
Mr. Bennet snarled in response, "'Do not touch' includes thumping, kicking and rape. The need to spell those out did not occur to me."
Lady Catherine sniffed again. "What do you expect me to do with him?"
"I considered handing him to the pressgangs; feel free to do so yourself, my lady."
"He would not fare well at sea." Lady Catherine paused. "See to it."
"I must decline, my lady. I ought not have all of the inconvenience in this matter. But, before you dispose of him, do persuade him to relinquish any claim to Longbourn. Now I must return to my daughter, so shall bid you farewell." Mr. Bennet bowed, and then he and the coachmen climbed aboard and departed.
Not as satisfactory as I had hoped, but the monster is off my hands now. I should like to witness her bullying and belligerent ladyship when the monster regains consciousness. Hmph, perhaps my imagination will suffice.
When the carriage was out of sight of Rosings, he bid the coachmen to stop. He unfolded the note to read:
'Please await me at the Red Cow.'
He called to them, "Let us stop at the Red Cow and order a good meal and have a good night's sleep. I might have sufficient coin for half-a-glass of ale for each of you too!"
The coachmen laughed good naturedly, and did as they were instructed. He discovered that he had enough coins to buy them each a full glass — or two.
Shortly after dawn the following morning, as they were readying to resume their journey, the slight figure of Miss Anne de Bourgh approached — on foot. Mr. Bennet went to meet her and offered his arm. As she took it, he realised that she was not as frail as he had assumed. In the daylight, he was struck by how very much she resembled her cousin, Miss Gina Prout.
"I thank you for awaiting me, Mr. Bennet," she said.
"I was glad to do so," he assured her, "but admit to some curiosity. It is a great many years since a young lady slipped me a note!"
She laughed with him and said, "I have not had the opportunity to do that before. I was relieved that you did not startle."
"Will you assuage my curiosity and tell me why you wished to meet?"
"I am running away and should like your assistance!"
"Huh!" As most of Mr. Bennet's daughters had either run away or had threatened to do so, he was not too surprised. "Are you certain?"
"Yes, I am. Your arrival is the first opportunity that I have had. For several years, I have had my most treasured possessions in this satchel, ready to leave!"
Mr. Bennet hastily decided to comply with her wishes and helped her into the carriage. He started to climb up next to the coachman.
"Please sit inside with me, Mr. Bennet."
"It would not be proper, Miss de Bourgh," he replied.
"Who will know? These are my cousin's coachmen and will not say anything."
Mr. Bennet raised his eyebrows. An observant miss.
"We shall have to decide upon my destination, and can do so better in here than in a public inn."
He admitted defeat and entered the carriage. As he settled opposite her, he asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"I must confess that I know not! I have achieved my escape and have not thought beyond that." She paused to think. "I could go to my uncle, Lord Matlock, but that is the first place that my mother would look."
"Mmm," he agreed.
"Can I not come with you?"
"Mmm." He thought. Thus, I acquire another daughter! "I am on my way to my brother's house in London, where I shall collect my youngest daughter. I shall ask my brother if you can stay with him."
"Can you not take me to your home? My cousin, Darcy, has told me much of your family in his letters and I should like to meet them."
Mr. Bennet leaned forward. "Your mother knows of Longbourn; she went there last week."
"I heard about her trip! I gather that she was quite horrid to your daughters."
"I assume that Darcy wrote to you about her visit."
Miss de Bourgh nodded.
"Does your mother read your letters?" Mr. Bennet continued.
Miss de Bourgh leaned forward too. "Only those that I leave for her to find!" she replied with a twinkle in her eyes.
"Excellent!" He laughed. "Very good! Is my home mentioned in the letters that she has found?"
"No, but Darcy has written to me of Netherfield and its inhabitants — including Miss Bingley and her ploys!"
"Very well. First we stop at my brother's, where we shall stay overnight. Then, tomorrow, we return to Hertfordshire."
Gracechurch Street
Mrs. Gardiner
The Gardiners had been so appalled by Lydia's tale, that they insisted that Mr. Bennet tell them more and that he repeatedly reassure them that Lizzy was safe. Though they praised Lydia for her quick thinking and bravery, they had had to wait until she and Anne had retired before Mr. Bennet could tell them of Darcy's role.
Mrs. Gardiner had been unruffled by the arrival of an unknown young lady. Seeing that the visitor had not brought clothing with her, she and Lydia searched closets for what might fit Miss de Bourgh. Then, that very afternoon, they had a short shopping trip to purchase a few things that Mrs. Gardiner could not supply.
In which the author admits to dissatisfaction with the conversation about letters that Lady CdB may/may not have read = can't get it right!
Please don't copy!