Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which a gentlewoman's activities are revealed
Netherfield
Darcy
Acknowledging that it would be rude to dine again in their chambers, Darcy and Lady Anne intended to dine with their hosts that evening. He would leave Stevens in his chambers should Elizabeth need anything.
He saw that his mother shared his immediate regret for their civility; as they descended the stairs and approached the parlour, they could hear Miss Bingley's shrill voice raised loud in abuse. Abuse of the dreadful neighbourhood; abuse of the pitiful excuse for an estate; abuse of the Bennets; abuse of the lazy, useless servants; abuse of the coarse and unsophisticated neighbours; abuse of her inept siblings; further abuse of the Bennets. On it went.
The Darcys stopped in the hallway and looked at each other. Should they be courteous guests or should they retreat upstairs? While they stood, undecided, Mr. Hurst came down the stairs; they were caught!
Mr. Hurst stood with them as they listened, and said, softly, "Do not feel obliged to dine with us. While I should be interested in finding out if Caroline would temper her temper in your company, there is no need to sit through hours of it."
Darcy and his mother exchanged glances. She nodded and he said to Mr. Hurst, "As we shall be leaving this pitiful excuse for an estate soon, we are prepared to test your hypothesis. Lead on!"
"And I heard that their cousin is betrothed to that strumpet and her eyes, which I have heard some call fine— " Miss Bingley's diatribe faltered and came to a halt as Darcy and Lady Anne followed Mr. Hurst into the parlour. They greeted their host and hostess, and Lady Anne started to apologise for having dined in her rooms for the previous few days.
While Bingley genially waved away her apologies, his youngest sister took no notice but rushed over to try to take Darcy's arm.
"Dear Mr. Darcy, I have been so worried about you," she said gushingly. "Have I not, Louisa?"
Mrs. Hurst did not respond.
"You poor man, being overrun by visits from those grasping Bonnets," Miss Bingley simpered. "I have been quite, quite wretched with worry."
Lady Anne turned to face Mr. Bingley and said, "Thank you for allowing me to take advantage of your hospitality by inviting my nephews to stay."
"Your family are always welcome, my lady," interrupted Miss Bingley.
"I must also thank you for permitting me to meet here with Mr. Bennet and his family," Lady Anne continued.
"As I said to Darcy, my lady, please treat my home as your own," replied Mr. Bingley with a bow.
"You are very generous, Mr. Bingley."
"It is beyond me," cried Miss Bingley, "why anyone in your sphere of society should wish to meet the Bonnets. I do hope that they did not impose upon you."
"Your concern is most appreciated, Miss Bingley. I shall be certain to inform you immediately should someone impose upon my mother or myself," said Darcy, abruptly.
The other men barked with laughter, while Mrs. Hurst turned her face away concealing a smile.
Darcy felt his mother's hand tighten slightly on his arm. Was that in approval or in reprimand, he wondered.
Dinner was announced, and Darcy watched as Miss Bingley reluctantly took her brother's proffered arm to walk through to the dining room. He found himself at his usual place between his hostess and Mrs. Hurst. Fortunately, his mother was placed between the other two men, away from Miss Bingley. I can bear the harridan for short periods, but should prefer not to have Mother subjected to her vitriol.
He listened, as well as he could, as Lady Anne made polite conversation with Messrs. Bingley and Hurst and Mrs. Hurst opposite to her. Unsurprisingly, Miss Bingley attempted to hold all of his own attention, while his responses were terse. I wish that we had remained with Missy.
"What do you think of the soup, Mr. Darcy? Is it to your liking?"
"Indeed."
"Do you care for more wine, Mr. Darcy?"
"No, I thank you."
"Can I tempt you to more potatoes, dear Darcy?"
He bullishly refrained from answering unless she addressed him by his correct title, and caught his mother's expression as she realised what he was doing. He thought that it was strange that, even as an adult, a husband and father, he remained aware of his parent's censure. His heart cried to return to his wife, and again he wished that they had remained upstairs.
Eventually, it was time for the sexes to separate. Miss Bingley led the ladies to the parlour, while the men remained at the table. Darcy noticed that Mr. Hurst shared his relief.
Lady Anne
After the Bingley sisters had exhibited on the pianoforte and tea had been brought in and served, Lady Anne said, "You speak often of the school that you attended, Miss Bingley. Which one was it?"
"Oh, Lady Anne, would you like me to recommend dear Georgiana for admittance?" cried Miss Bingley. "I should be only too delighted to ease her way in society!"
"That is kind of you, but Miss Darcy will remain with me, taught by tutors."
"Of course, when dear Darcy weds, his wife will take on the duties of her new sister's care and education."
"Caroline! Are you suggesting that Lady Anne is not fit to raise her own daughter?" asked Mrs. Hurst, in horror.
"Oh, not at all, Louisa," replied Miss Bingley with a supercilious smile. "But a younger woman, more accustomed to current fashions, would surely be a more appropriate mentor than one who came out several decades ago."
"Am I correct in understanding that you believe that someone other than myself would be more capable of tending my daughter?"
"The Mistress of Pemberley — whoever she might be," Miss Bingley tittered coyly, "would be the perfect woman to oversee her. She would do very well at Mrs. Younge's Finishing School as I did."
"Are you saying that my sister should be sent away?" Darcy's voice came from the door.
"Your wife would not wish to spend her time directing a girl not yet out in society; she would be far too engaged in other activities," Miss Bingley replied in a tone that suggested that her statement was all too obvious.
Mr. Hurst had sat next to his wife, but addressed his sister, "If you were the mistress of a great estate — my query is theoretical, you understand — how would you spend your time if you were too busy to care for a younger sister?"
Lady Anne noticed his mocking tone and awaited the answer.
"Why, Hurst! What a strange question. I do not think that it is appropriate for me to answer until I hold that position."
"You are the mistress of your brother's leased estate," continued Mr. Hurst. "Lady Anne is the mistress of Pemberley. Shall we compare what you do each day?" Mr. Hurst's tone had become more serious and had a slight edge.
Lady Anne knew that this was improper behaviour, but was interested to hear Miss Bingley's answers. "Very well, Mr. Hurst. Would you like us to write or to speak?"
"Speaking will do," Mr. Hurst nodded. "Your answers will be for a typical day at the estate of which you are mistress. Caroline, how do you start your day; you can spare us the details of your toilette."
Miss Bingley sat up straight. "I rise a little before noon and, after my toilette, come downstairs to breakfast."
"Lady Anne?"
"At Pemberley, I usually rise between seven and eight o'clock and, after my toilette, breakfast in my chambers. Then the housekeeper joins me for tea and to discuss the forthcoming meals, guests and activities. If we have a lot to discuss, she eats with me."
"You eat with a servant?" exclaimed Miss Bingley.
Mr. Bingley spoke for the first time, "You meet every day?"
"Except for Sundays, yes, I do, whether I am at Pemberley, Darcy House or another of our estates. I write to each of my housekeepers at least once a week. They also correspond with each other. Meanwhile, my son meets with or writes to his stewards. If any of the tenants need help from the household, rather than farming matters, he will inform me when we meet later in the morning."
"So, by noon, you have usually spent three or more hours managing the household?" asked Mrs. Hurst.
"Indeed," said Darcy.
"If the weather is clement, my daughter and I will walk in the garden, or ride if we are at Pemberley. Two or three times a week, we visit tenants. We try to visit all of them every few weeks." She looked up at the faces around her; some approving, some astonished. "My apologies, Mr. Hurst, I continued beyond the mornings."
"No apologies are necessary, my lady," Mr. Hurst inclined his head. "Would you mind telling us what else you do after noon?"
"Not at all. After supervising my daughter's education, I meet with my son and daughter for tea. Georgiana often entertains us while we share news."
"Thank you, my lady.," said Mr. Hurst. He turned to face Caroline, "What do you do after you have breakfasted, sister?"
"I do not find it necessary to meet with the housekeeper every day. Of course, Northfield is much smaller than Pemberley, so there is much less to oversee. I might practise on the pianoforte or take up my embroidery. But, really, it is so boring in this county; there are no people of style or wealth with whom to socialise, and the events that they plan are so very rustic. But, like Lady Anne, Louisa and I gossip over tea."
'Gossip'? I did not say that we gossip!
"Have you considered visiting Bingley's tenants?" asked Mr. Hurst.
"Oh, no, Hurst. No!" Miss Bingley shuddered in disgust. "Nasty smelly creatures!"
"Forgive me, Darcy, for the impertinence of this next question," said Mr. Hurst before turning back to face Miss Bingley. "Caroline, when you hear rumours of Darcy's ten thousand a year, do you know from where that money comes?"
Lady Anne glanced at Darcy and saw that he was not at all offended. He was leaning forward, seemingly eager to hear their hostess' answer.
"Why, he inherited it from his father, just as Charles did from ours!"
Darcy snorted and turned it into a cough.
"Caroline! Did you learn nothing at your school?" gasped Mrs. Hurst. "All estates, great and small, make money from the tenants' rent and by selling produce. Is this not so, my lady?"
Before Lady Anne could answer, Miss Bingley had more to say, "But gentlemen have stewards to do all that!"
"Ah, but quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" asked Darcy.
"I do not understand!"
"Who stewards the stewards? Who makes sure that they perform their roles properly, making money for the estate rather than losing or, even worse, stealing it?" asked Mr. Hurst, rhetorically.
"Who does the same for the housekeeper? A good housekeeper is worth her weight in gold, but a poor one rules over a very unhappy household," added Mrs. Hurst, softly.
"If these lazy servants do not do their jobs satisfactorily, you fire them and get new ones," announced Miss Bingley, with her nose in the air. "Take Mrs. Nicholson, for example. She is rude and disobedient! If we were to stay here much longer, I should tell her to leave and find someone better qualified."
Mr. Bingley cleared his throat and spoke again. "Actually, the terms of our tenancy are that we cannot fire the senior servants."
"Really, Charles, how ridiculous. The owners can have no idea just how dreadful these lazy servants are!"
Lady Anne took a long breath in and looked questioningly at Darcy. He returned a facial shrug which said, 'it is up to you'. She stood and the men followed suit.
"Miss Bingley. Are you aware that, in her master and mistress' absence, Mrs. Nicholls oversees the household and arranges visits to the tenants with the steward. Mrs. Nicholls is an excellent housekeeper," she looked pointedly at Miss Bingley, "that is why I hired her!"
Miss Bingley gasped.
"She does an exemplary job and I am very pleased with her."
"But— "
"My short stay here," she looked up at Darcy, "our stay here, has allowed us to talk with the senior staff and to visit all of our tenants. Meanwhile, we still correspond with all of our other housekeepers and stewards. It is an untruth that gentlemen and gentlewomen do not work. We do not work for a weekly wage, but the life of diligent masters and mistresses is not filled with afternoons of boredom and gossip."
She turned to speak to the others. "I thank you, Mr. Hurst, for raising such an educational subject. I thank you, Mr. Bingley and Mrs. Hurst, for making me, my family and my guests welcome. We plan to return to London in two days but, before we leave, I expect our neighbouring estate-owner to call on me on the morrow. We still have a few matters to discuss. Good night."
They heard Miss Bingley shrieking as they climbed the stairs. It sounded as though she was demanding that to know why her brother had not told her the identity of their landlords.
Darcy
On reaching his chambers, Darcy took Elizabeth into his embrace. "Are you well, Missy? How have you been?"
"I have been well enough. Stevens arranged for some hot water for me, so I enjoyed a bath while he waited out here. It was comforting to hear him pottering around, knowing that I can trust him." She spoke into his chest. "You have a good man there!"
"Indeed. I must tell you— "
A soft knock came from the sitting room door. Stevens opened it to admit Lady Anne. She had barely greeted Elizabeth, when a second knock heralded Mr. Bingley. Darcy pushed Elizabeth out of sight and pulled the door to, leaving it slightly ajar. "Listen," he instructed her quietly, with a wink.
"Darce, I know not what to say! You are my landlord! I had no idea!"
"Indeed."
"I am afraid that I was unable to remain silent, Mr. Bingley. I needs must apologise for my intemperate words," began Lady Anne.
"Oh, no, my lady. It is I who must apologise. I had no idea that you would be here and ought not stay." Mr. Bingley started to retreat when a third knock sounded at the door.
Darcy was impressed that Stevens did not raise his eyebrows, but would have understood had the valet done so. Mr. Hurst was revealed. Darcy thought that he heard his dearest — and only — wife snort from the bedchamber.
"Ah, I came to thank you for an informative evening, but see that I am in a queue to do so. Perhaps we can talk in the morning — before noon! Come along Bingley. Good night!"
The door closed behind them and Elizabeth peeped in from the bedroom. "Psst! Stevens! Do check that there is no-one else loitering!"
Stevens bowed and did as bidden, very deliberately looking both left and right. "The corridor is quite clear, Mrs. Darcy."
"Thank you for checking and for looking after me this evening. Unless William says otherwise, I think that you can leave us for tonight."
Darcy shook his head. "We expect Mr. Bennet again tomorrow, Stevens. Then we return to Darcy House on the following day."
"Very good, sir, madam, my lady. Good night."
"Good night, Stevens," Elizabeth called after him as he left through the servants' door. "Now," she said to her husband and mother-in-law, "what happened this evening?"
Please don't copy!