Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Lady Harriet learns and Miss Bingley fails to learn
Darcy House
Lady Harriet
That same day, Lady Harriet received an invitation to take tea with her sister, Lady Anne Darcy. Finding that Lady Eleanor Fitzwilliam, the bishop's wife, had also been invited, they travelled the short distance to Darcy House together. The knocker was not on the door, so their footman rapped with his cane to announce their arrival. The butler greeted them and showed them up the stairs to their sister's private sitting room.
Once a maid had brought a tea tray, Lady Anne turned to Lady Harriet and said, "I needs must apologise to you, Harriet."
"What on earth for, Anne? Have you invited Catherine here, too? She was here in London only yesterday, you know; I could call her back," quipped Lady Harriet.
"No," replied Lady Anne, with a smile, "I must apologise for I have been keeping a secret from you."
"Does this secret involve Catherine?" Anything to upset Catty!
"No, no — it has nothing at all to do with Catherine." Before Lady Harriet could interrupt again, she continued, "It is to do with William."
"William?"
Lady Anne was prevented from answering by a knock on the door.
"Yes, Mrs. Stevens."
The door opened wide enough to admit a small child. The child carried a doll and two painted wooden blocks, took them to Lady Anne and put them on her lap. Lady Anne picked the child up and turned her to face her companions.
Lady Harriet looked at the little girl, looked at Lady Anne, looked at the little girl again. "I take it that this is the secret," Lady Harriet raised her eyebrows. "Excellent! Would you introduce the child?" Is she William's?
A second knock came at the door. Carrying an even younger child, Darcy came in and asked if he might join them.
"I think that you had better, young man," Lady Harriet teased him.
Two young women followed him; Lady Eleanor leapt to her feet to embrace them.
'Secrets'? I should say so!
"My dear girl," Lady Eleanor cried, kissing one of the newcomers on the cheeks. She pulled the other into her arms too, then noticing her bruises, added, "Oh, what has happened to you, child?"
They were distracted by the sounds of thumps and bangs from downstairs. Darcy called for Stevens and sent him to find out what was happening.
Lady Anne stood, with Melissa on her hip. Lady Harriet looked at them all and also stood to be introduced.
"Aunt Harriet, may I present my wife, Elizabeth— "
"Your wife! Anne, you said that this does not involve Catherine, but I should dearly like to see her face when she discovers this!"
" —my wife, Elizabeth, and her sister— "
"My daughter," interjected Lady Eleanor.
" —her sister, Mary? Lizzy, Mary, this is my aunt, Lady Harriet Fitzwilliam, Countess of Matlock."
Elizabeth and Mary curtseyed to Lady Harriet. She did not curtsey in return, but came and took each by the hand and grinned at them. "Bennet! You are Mr. Bennet's daughters!"
"Yes, Lady Harriet," said Elizabeth.
"Excellent, I can see the resemblance! I am so pleased to make your acquaintance and to welcome you to the family."
"Thank you, my lady," replied the Bennet sisters.
"And these," Lady Harriet indicated the children, "must be your daughters, young William."
"Indeed," replied Darcy.
"Yes, this is my eldest granddaughter, Melissa," said Lady Anne. She indicated the child in Darcy's arms and continued, "And this is her sister, Phoebe."
"Excellent. Look at you," Lady Harriet said to Melissa, "with your mother's gorgeous dark hair and your father's eyes. Are you not lovely?"
The child was suddenly shy, hiding her face in Lady Anne's neck. When she chanced a look at the newcomer, Lady Harriet made her giggle with delight by playing peekaboo. Soon, shyness appeared forgotten, as Melissa demanded to be let down, picked up her doll to show it to the visitor.
Georgiana came in carrying another young child. "I heard that Aunt Eleanor was here, so have brought someone to say 'hello'."
After more introductions and watching Lady Eleanor take Beatrice from Georgiana, Lady Harriet sighed, held out her arms to take Phoebe and said, rather wistfully, "My envy knows no bounds today. You both have grandchildren and my children have yet to wed." Seeing Darcy and his wife exchange glances, she continued, "I see that you have some news to share with me, young man."
Darcy demurred saying that it was not his news to share, but Georgiana was happy to tell her aunt the news that Richard was gathering the courage to propose to Elizabeth and Mary's oldest sister.
"Georgiana! That was not your news to tell," Lady Anne said, shaking her head.
"Now do you see what I mean?" Darcy said to Elizabeth. "Your sisters are not a good influence on mine, and I have told your father that I refuse to permit any more of them to join my family."
Astonished, Lady Harriet watched as Mary joined Elizabeth in tickling her, usually reserved, nephew.
"Aunt Harriet! Aunt Harriet!" he cried, trying to remain a gentleman while fending off probing fingers. "Are these the sort of gentlewomen that you would like your sons to marry?"
"What do you think, Melissa? Would you like to tickle your Pappa too?"
Melissa toddled to her father and poked her fingers into his legs. Lady Harriet's astonishment rose when Darcy gamely fell to the floor to allow his daughter to tickle him more, then, of course, he tickled her in return.
I have never seen William so at ease and happy!
Surrounded by laughing women, Darcy admitted defeat.
"Pax! Pax! I shall allow two more of your sisters into my family. Stop, stop, stop!" he cried, as wriggling fingers again approached him. "Two more, as I have only two more bachelor cousins."
"Very well. We shall compromise on two," said Elizabeth, sagely nodding her head.
"'Tis not a compromise when you have won, my dearest wife," Darcy protested.
"Your only wife. It is a compromise as you are not allowing all three to join your family, but only two." Elizabeth shook her head, while the others laughed.
"Are they always like this?" asked Lady Harriet.
"I believe so," Lady Anne replied, while Mary and Georgiana nodded.
"Excellent! I wish to meet their remaining sisters as soon as possible! We must see what we can arrange."
Matlock House
Having understood and, despite her bent for levity, having agreed to keep the 'great secret', Lady Harriet arrived at Matlock House with a spring in her step. She had reluctantly conceded that her sudden arrival at Longbourn would cause gossip and speculation, so was thinking of holding a ball in January, to which she would invite the Bennets and the Gardiners.
She suggested this to Lady Anne, a few days later, when they met with Lady Eleanor.
"Would Elizabeth come to a ball at the middle of January? I noticed that she had some yellowing bruises and scratches. Though she was polite — and it was excellent to see her teasing young William — her expression was wary at times. I have not settled upon a date, so can leave it until February if you think that better."
Pain briefly showed on Lady Anne's face as she explained to her sisters-in-law what the monster had done and tried to do to Elizabeth, and that that was why she, Mary and their daughters were staying at Darcy House.
What?!
"I stayed with Lizzy while her aunt, Mrs. Gardiner, encouraged her to speak of the whole thing," Lady Anne continued. "It was distressing to listen to, very distressing, but Mrs. Gardiner had the right of it. Then, when she had told us all and we had all wept, we bathed poor Lizzy and tucked her up in bed.
"Mrs. Gardiner then took William aside and spoke firmly to him, telling him that he must allow Lizzy to tell him what had occurred: he was not to lose his temper; he was not to stop her from talking; he was to listen."
"How did William take such orders?" Lady Eleanor asked.
How, indeed?
"Mrs. Gardiner is quite the marvel, you know; each time William opened his mouth to protest, she would brook no opposition. She finished by telling him that Lizzy had said that she felt ruined and not worthy of him— "
"I cannot imagine him agreeing with that!" interjected Lady Eleanor. "You need take but the slightest glance to see that he adores her."
"Yes, he does; of course he does! However, Mrs. Gardiner would not allow him to raise any objections saying that she would take Lizzy to her own house to recover if he disobeyed."
The other ladies nodded.
Quite right!
"He is quite bewildered: he does not understand Lizzy's distress about her gown — the one torn that day. It was made from fabric gifted to her by Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and was her favourite. He says that he will buy her a hundred new gowns not understanding that the gown was special to her, that she had chosen it to wear for her first dance with Mr. Darcy."
Lady Eleanor nodded. Not being sentimental about such things, Lady Harriet was slightly perplexed but stayed silent and nodded too.
"William did not see Mr. Gardiner take his wife away; she had hidden it well, but was clearly very upset."
Despite her preference for gaiety, Lady Harriet understood that her sister must also have greatly missed George Darcy's comfort.
"Catherine can pick them, can she not?" asked Lady Eleanor, rhetorically.
Lady Harriet said something rather uncouth.
"I hear that Richard has taught you some choice curses, Harriet. Would that he had not also taught Georgie!" cried Lady Anne.
"Oh, I knew these before I was married," said Lady Harriet, with a chuckle.
"Speaking of curses, what was that noise from downstairs when we last saw you at Darcy House?" enquired Lady Eleanor.
"Yes, Anne, was it Catherine battering at the door clutching a special licence for Darcy and her daughter?"
"No, not quite," replied Lady Anne.
The other two ladies leaned forward to hear more.
Darcy House — A few days earlier
Miss Bingley
It did not matter who she had tried to bribe, not one of the servants at Darcy House would provide any information about who was living there for the winter. It was only by ordering Mr. Hurst's coachman to drive past the house repeatedly, at all hours of the day and evening, that Miss Bingley discovered that someone must be there, as many rooms were lit. Then she chanced to be passing, two mornings after her arrival, as Darcy was handing his mother into a carriage. Aha! Dearest Darcy is here in town!
She had returned to Mr. Hurst's house, a few streets away, to make her plans.
The following day, dressed to perfection, or, at least, to her own satisfaction, she arrived at Darcy House. She waited for a few minutes after seeing two elderly women being admitted, then alighted from the carriage. The knocker was missing, so she knocked at the door with her knuckles and waited. And waited. Then she knocked again, with more vigour. These lazy footmen will be thrown out when I am Mistress of Pemberley.
She hmphed in anger and knocked a third time. The door opened slightly to reveal the butler.
"Ah, Weevil, I am here to call on Dar— Mr. Darcy, er, Lady Anne," she hastily corrected herself.
"The family are not at home, miss —sniff. If miss —sniff— would care to leave her card," replied the butler.
"Really, Weevil. Mr. Darcy is always at home to close friends."
"I believe that miss —sniff— said that miss —sniff— wished to call upon her ladyship."
"Of course, on her ladyship as well, yes. There is no need to show me to the parlour as I know the way. You may bring tea and Darcy's favourite lemon cakes after telling him of my arrival."
"Miss —sniff— has already been informed that the family are not at home," insisted the butler.
Miss Bingley shoved at the door, pushing past the insolent man and thrust her coat, bonnet and gloves at a footman. Spying Stevens descending the stairs, she cried, "Stanley, tell Darcy that I shall await him in the parlour."
"I am afraid that the master is occupied, Miss —sniff— Bingley, and is not at home to uninvited visitors," began Stevens.
"Really, Stanley. He cannot be entertaining those two wrinkled crones who were admitted a few minutes ago. Send for him now."
"Mr. Darcy is engaged in entertaining the ladies admitted earlier— "
"'Ladies'! I think not!" scoffed Miss Bingley.
"I shall take the liberty of informing him of your call, as soon as I am able." He bowed.
"Very well, Stanley. I shall await him in here." She opened the door and swept into the parlour. Why is there no fire?
The footman stood, expressionless, at the door.
Miss Bingley shivered as she sat with her skirt arranged elegantly around her, and waited. While doing so, she looked around at the furniture and ornaments. Too plain, far, far, too plain, she sniffed.
The footman still stood, expressionless, at the door.
Too cold to remain sitting, she stood and strolled elegantly around the room. What this room needs is more colour and more decoration. The Egyptian style, yes, that would impress our visitors.
The footman did not move.
"You!" she snapped. "Yes, you!"
The footman remained motionless.
"Send for your master!"
Only the slow rising and falling of his chest showed that the footman was not a statue.
"Now! Send for him, now!"
The butler came to the door. "Yes, miss —sniff?"
"Send for your master!"
"I believe that miss —sniff— has already been informed that the family are not at home. If miss —sniff— would care to leave her card."
"But those old crones were admitted!" Miss Bingley protested.
The butler sighed. "Perhaps miss —sniff— is not aware that when the door-knocker is removed from the front door of a house, it is to indicate that the family are not to be disturbed."
"Really, Weevil! That does not include close friends."
"Perhaps miss —sniff— is not aware that it includes all uninvited visitors."
"Really— "
"Perhaps if miss —sniff— would present her invitation."
Cold and outwitted, Miss Bingley swept to the front door, pausing, when outside, to collect her forgotten coat from the, now mobile, footman.
Matlock House
Lady Harriet
"'Wrinkled crones'?! She called us 'wrinkled crones'?" Lady Harriet wept with laughter.
Lady Eleanor appeared less amused, but mustered half a smile.
"Indeed," Lady Anne confirmed. "Then, according to both 'Weevil' and 'Stanley', she cast doubt on you being ladies."
"Someone more entertaining than Catherine! Anne, I must congratulate you on such a find!"
Lady Anne addressed Lady Eleanor, "Do not be offended, sister. Miss Bingley is rude about everyone. Hmph, and is often rude to them, too!" She told them of Miss Bingley's parting words at Netherfield.
"She intimated that you and Mary's father—?" gasped Lady Eleanor.
Lady Anne nodded. "It was more of a statement than an intimation."
"Huh, and claimed to be betrothed to young William! My mother will have something to say about that!" added Lady Harriet.
Agreeing, Lady Eleanor suggested to Lady Harriet, "Why not invite the rude miss to tea, or to the ball that you keep mentioning?"
"Excellent thought, Eleanor," turning back to Lady Anne, Lady Harriet continued, "Does this wrinkle-free young miss call everyone by the wrong name?"
"Mmm, it appears that she deigns to use the correct name only for people and places that she considers important. She calls Lizzy and Mary's family, the 'Bonnets', and our estate — the one that her brother rents in Hertfordshire — 'Northfield' and appears to believe that it is in Hampshire or Herefordshire." Lady Anne shook her a head at such ridiculous pretentiousness.
"Why did Weaver sniff so much?" asked Lady Eleanor.
"William told me that Miss Bingley sniffed ostentatiously whenever she spoke of Lizzy. I do not condone my servants making sport of visitors, but have turned a blind eye in this case."
"A deaf ear, you mean! I must invite her! My mother, a true wrinkled crone, will have such fun when she meets her." Lady Harriet winked at her sisters who knew Lady Prudence well and joined in her merriment.
Please don't copy! 😏