Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Elizabeth and Mary meet Lady Prudence
Darcy House
Lady Anne
Her daughter-in-law's recovery had been slow, but Lady Anne felt that Elizabeth was almost ready to socialise with more people. Mrs. Gardiner had been correct to say that she would enjoy her cousin's birthday celebrations. Lady Anne had watched the Gardiner children show them all their own bumps and bruises and Elizabeth's own appearance had then been quite forgotten.
The following week, Lady Harriet and her daughter, Lady Charity, arrived with invitations to their forthcoming ball. Lady Harriet reassured Elizabeth by saying that there would not be so many people invited that she might feel overwhelmed, but sufficient that her absence would not be remarked upon, should she need to escape. As Elizabeth began to express her gratitude, Lady Harriet interrupted, saying,
"I am holding this ball for selfish reasons, my dear niece. I am hoping that I shall be able to persuade Anne to invite your other sisters here so that I shall have to invite them too!"
"Ah, you would like to meet our dearest Jane! I am afraid that our youngest sisters are not yet out in society, but I know that both would like to come to London — especially our very youngest," Elizabeth said.
Mary, who was handing cups of tea to the visitors, nodded in agreement.
Lady Harriet leaned forward, pretending that she had gossip to share. "We wrinkled crones have plans for exacting revenge on Miss Bingley — did Anne tell you about her attempt to invade the front parlour?"
"She did, my lady," said Elizabeth, with a smile.
Suddenly stern, Lady Harriet stood and beckoned Elizabeth to her. "Young lady! If you ever again call me anything other than 'Aunt Harriet', I shall write to Catherine telling her of the 'great secret'! Is that clear?"
Lady Anne felt a moment of concern as Elizabeth startled, and then felt very relieved as Elizabeth curtseyed deeply saying, "As you wish, Aunt Harriet."
Lady Harriet turned to Mary, shaking her finger. "The same applies to you too, young lady, so stop laughing!"
"Yes, Aunt Harriet." Mary mimicked her sister's deep curtsey as best she could while holding a plate of cakes.
Shaking her head at Lady Harriet's antics, Lady Eleanor also bid Elizabeth to call her 'aunt'.
"And you shall call me 'Charity', as we are now cousins!" Lady Charity added.
"Thank you," said Mary. "I am sure that you hear this often, but I am struck by how very much you, Georgie and Anne de Bourgh resemble each other."
"Yes," replied Lady Charity with a laugh. "Put us next to each other and you will see that Georgie is the tallest, and Anne the shortest, but I shall admit to using our likeness to advantage now and then." She leant forward and continued, "But, perhaps I shall share these tales for another time!"
"We look forward to your call; we are quite at leisure," replied Mary with a secretive smile.
"In the meantime, we shall have to decide upon my new name," continued Lady Charity.
"Your new name, dear?" her mother asked.
"My new Miss Prout name!"
"Ah, yes," agreed Mary, in understanding. "We have Gina and Hannah; what would you like?"
"I had thought of 'Clara'," Lady Charity mused aloud.
"'Clara Prout'?" asked Mary.
"'Clara Prout'," said Lady Charity, trying it out. "How well that sounds!"
"I need a fishy name too!" came a voice from the door.
"Mother!" exclaimed Lady Harriet. "What do you do here?"
As the ladies settled down after standing to greet and be introduced to the newcomer, Lady Anne took the opportunity to murmur in Elizabeth's ear, "I know not if William has told you of the Imp."
Elizabeth shook her head.
"She is very quick with words, spinning extraordinary nonsense from the most innocuous of things."
"That is so kind of you to say so, distant niece," called Lady Prudence.
Lady Anne continued, "And, despite protestations to the contrary, she also has exceptional hearing!" She took Elizabeth's hand.
"You are quite right to protect this young woman! She has hurt me most grievously!" cried Lady Prudence.
Lady Anne squeezed Elizabeth's hand; she hoped that Lady Prudence's nonsense would not upset her daughter's recovery.
"Why should I need protecting, my lady?" Elizabeth asked.
"'Aunt Prudence'."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I accept your apology. Anyway, as I was saying, I told Catherine only yesterday— "
"Last week, Grandmother. It was last week," Lady Charity interjected.
"No, no, we interviewed the new housekeeper last week," protested Lady Prudence before turning to the others to explain, "My daughter arranged for a very knowledgeable woman, who wore the oldest clothes that you have ever seen, to interview as our new housekeeper."
"Ah," said Lady Anne, feeling certain that that was not the case at all.
"It was Catherine who came to Matlock House— " Lady Harriet started to clarify her mother's proclamation.
"That is not correct, daughter. Why should Catherine apply for the housekeeper's position? You have it all muddled."
With many interruptions and corrections and much laughter, Lady Anne, Elizabeth and Mary finally understood the purpose and events of Lady Catherine's visit.
At the end, Elizabeth cried, "I shall never look at vases the same way again!"
"So, you see," added Lady Prudence, "it is imperative that I have a fishy name!"
"I do not understand, my lady," said Mary.
"'Aunt Prudence'."
"What is a fishy name?" Mary asked.
"What is a fishy name, Aunt Prudence?" said Lady Prudence.
"'What is a fishy name, Aunt Prudence?'" Mary dutifully repeated.
Lady Prudence huffed and looked at Mary as if she were stupid. "'Gina Trout', 'Hannah Trout' and now 'Clara Trout'. What is my fishy name to be? There is no need to exclude me just because I am not quite as tall as you."
Mary snorted. "I can only offer my most humble apologies, Aunt Prudence."
"As well you should, Miss Mary. As well you should." Lady Prudence eyed her with suspicion. Plucking at Lady Harriet's sleeve, she asked, "Does Maid Marion have a fishy name?"
"Not as far as I am aware," replied her daughter.
"That is as it should be," Lady Prudence nodded in relief, but continued to watch Mary warily.
"What would you like to have as your fishy name, Aunt Prudence?" asked Elizabeth.
Lady Anne released her grip on Elizabeth's hand. She will be fine dealing with the Imp.
"Mmm. I have given this great consideration. I had thought of 'Miss Darcy Trout', as I am to wed young Darcy, but, as Gina, Hannah and Clara all end with a a a a sound, I have chosen 'Wilhelmina Trout'. This will honour young Darcy and, after we are wed, we shall be William and Wilhelmina Trout."
"That sounds excellent, Aunt Wilhelmina, but Mr. Darcy's Christian name is 'Fitzwilliam' not 'William'," said Elizabeth, laughing.
"Oh, you are quite correct, Busy Lizzy. It should be 'Fitzwilhelmina Trout'." Lady Prudence nodded in satisfaction.
"That is perfect!" cried Elizabeth, clapping her hands.
Chuckling, the women sat sipping their tea and nibbling on cakes, and Lady Anne asked, "Lizzy, Mary, am I correct in thinking that your father is remarrying soon?"
"Yes, you are correct, Aunt Anne," replied Mary.
"I am sure that he and your new mother— " she paused as the Bennet girls smiled and laughed. "What is amusing?"
"Yes, I shall pretend to be Catherine and demand to have my share of the amusement," Lady Harriet interjected, thumping the arm of the sofa.
"Charlotte is Lizzy's oldest friend; we shall not be calling her 'Mother'," explained Mary.
"'Though we might tease her by calling her 'Step-mamma'!" Elizabeth quipped.
"And Lizzy has started to call her 'Step-Charlotte'," added Mary.
"When is the wedding?" Lady Charity enquired.
"Early next week; Tuesday, I believe," replied Elizabeth.
"Will you return to Hertfordshire to attend?"
"I know not. Mary and I have not spoken of it." Elizabeth looked at her sister for her opinion.
"I ask," continued Lady Charity, "as, if you were to do so, you could bring your sisters and Cousin Anne back afterwards, leaving your father and new step-Charlotte alone."
"That is a good idea, Charity. Lizzy, shall we write to Aunt Madeline to ask if she is in agreement?"
"Excellent! But there is no need to inconvenience your aunt as Anne will invite them here, will you not, sister?" Lady Harriet announced.
"That is kind, but not necessary. Our Aunt Gardiner will be pleased to have them to stay," Elizabeth protested.
"Lizzy, this is your home now, and your sisters are very welcome," Lady Anne took Elizabeth's hands in her own. Seeing distress growing in her daughter's face, she continued, "The bruises are almost gone now."
The others nodded their agreement.
"'Tis not the bruises, not just the bruises." Elizabeth tried to hold back her tears. "I confess to cowardice."
Mary continued, "Our oldest sister did not behave well when she was told of my and Lizzy's marriages. Though she has since apologised, Lizzy is wary of seeing her again. And our second youngest sister cannot keep a secret, which is why we have not yet told her. She says the first thing that comes into her head, not heeding how that might affect others."
"And your youngest sister?" asked Lady Charity. "What is she like?"
"Marvellous and brave!" Lady Anne replied. "But I shall sport with you and leave explanations for another time."
"And this is the influence your sisters have on my family!" came Darcy's voice from the door.
Lady Anne noticed Lady Charity's envy as she watched Darcy's manner change on seeing his wife's slight distress as he immediately hurried to crouch by her side and take her hand.
"This is why we do not care for many of your suitors, child," murmured Lady Harriet to her daughter. "They would not care for you as William does for Lizzy."
At the same time, Darcy was murmuring to Elizabeth, "Would you like to retire, my love?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "No. I should like Lady Anne to explain Lydia's marvelousness and braveness. I hope that it will become easier to hear each time."
"If you are sure," Darcy replied.
As Lady Anne described Lydia's quick thinking and how she had hit the monster, Elizabeth's bottom lip quivered, but she managed to join the others in their laughter when they heard that Lydia had demanded Elizabeth's blue ribbons — both sets — in exchange for taking the blame for the damage to the candlestick.
"Excellent! Both marvellous and brave." Lady Harriet clapped her hands in acknowledgment. "If your father agrees, I shall invite your three sisters and my niece to stay at Matlock House. And I shall reward your youngest sister with a trip to my dressmaker, Mlle Gris, for a new dress to go with Lizzy's blue ribbons."
"She would enjoy that immensely, Aunt Harriet. I thank you," said Elizabeth.
"I should like a new gown to go with my blue ribbons, too."
"As would your sister, Kitty, would she not?" asked Lady Anne, ignoring Lady Prudence's interruption. She addressed the other ladies, "Miss Kitty has a very keen eye for fabrics and colours."
"Yes," said Mary, nodding in agreement. "She has the talent for knowing what suits each of us."
"So I asked her if she would be so kind as to accompany me to determine what suits me best."
"Kitty would love that more than anything!" cried Mary.
"Miss Bennet and Miss Kitty should have new dresses, too, do you not agree?" Darcy asked Elizabeth. "Have them send the bills to me."
"You should all have new dresses, especially for Mother's ball," Lady Charity said. "If you would write to your father, and include my mother's invitation to stay with us, we can make appointments for choosing new dresses."
"Would Mrs. Gardiner like to join us?" asked Lady Anne, and at Elizabeth and Mary's nods of agreement, she continued, "Would her eldest daughter like to come, do you think? Is nine years of age too young?"
"We shall ask Aunt Gardiner. Perhaps it might be better to include Cousin Emma when we have a smaller party," answered Elizabeth.
"Excellent. Now that is all in hand, I have another bone to pick with you, Lizzy," announced Lady Harriet.
Elizabeth's grip on Darcy's hand tightened slightly.
"Why do you call my sister 'Lady Anne'?"
Elizabeth's grip relaxed. "She has not bid me call her anything else."
"Oh, Lizzy! Will you not call me 'Mamma'? cried Lady Anne.
Elizabeth's self-control failed, and tears started to run down her cheeks. "I should like that very much, Mamma," Elizabeth replied through sobs.
Delighted, Lady Anne took her into her arms for a loving embrace.
Darcy
Later that evening, once they were ensconced in their shared sitting room, Darcy took Elizabeth's hands and brought them one at a time to his lips but did not kiss them.
"Oh," he sighed. "It is as I thought — they are broken."
"What are broken?" asked Elizabeth with concern.
He turned slightly away from her, looking sorrowful. "My lips. My lips are broken."
"Your lips?" Elizabeth asked, a little confused.
"Yes," he answered, dropping his chin and looking at her as if woebegone. "They have forgotten how to kiss."
"I see," she answered, hiding a smirk and nodding sagely. "And why do you think that this is?"
He faced her directly, saying, "I know that you are not yet ready for intimacy, but would you be so kind as to bestow a kiss on my poor broken lips?"
She stood on her toes and gently kissed his lips. "There. Is that better?"
He again took her hands to his lips and kissed them. "Indeed. I thank you!"
He did not attempt any further intimacy, but suggested that they prepare for bed and sit together by the fire.
Something was tickling his nose. Sleepily, he tried to wave it away. The tickling continued.
"Mmm?" he mumbled.
Darcy opened his eyes sufficiently to see that Elizabeth was tickling him with the end of her plait.
"Missy?" he said, still half asleep.
"William?"
"Mmm?"
"'So sleeps my Love, and yet—'"
The following week, Darcy accompanied Elizabeth and Mary to their father's wedding to Charlotte, then, after much teasing of their new step-mamma, all five Bennet sisters and Anne de Bourgh set off to London and Matlock House.
Longbourn
Mr. Bennet
Quite often with Charlotte's help, Mr. Bennet enjoyed thwarting Mr. Wickham's desires to meet with his daughters, providing misleading answers to questions about their whereabouts. On the Wickham's first visit after the wedding, the laughing new couple repelled him and his comrades. They made their desire for privacy so awkwardly obvious that Captain Carter and Mr. Denny had to pull the determined Mr. Wickham away.
Please don't copy! 😏