Author's Notes: I was almost done with Changed Overnight, but the 5-minute pineapple juice break had an effect on me, so I ended up posting this fic instead. I actually started making this two months ago with The Princess Diaries in mind. Hope you like it. (",)

Disclaimer: Not mine, not yours, but hers.

The Diary of Akane Tendo

Chapter One: The New Guy

Tuesday, November 30, my room

Sometimes I wonder why people are born.

I mean, there's no point in living because we're all going to die anyway. Well, yeah, smart people go to school and end up living lifestyles of the rich and famous, but hey, one thing: just like homeless beggars with rotten teeth and normal people careworn to live, they're all going to DIE. Everyone ends up dead, and I'm not scared to say that. So what's the point of being born, eating, going to school, earning money, plastic surgeries and all that if we're all going to be decomposed into soil anyway?

Because of all the problems my life is fraught with – and with my life, I mean only my personal life, where I am tortured and degraded everyday until predictably one second I just shrink into smithereens in utter mortification – I just blow up and shriek inside my room in misery and being fed up with all of it, in the middle of the night.

So everyone in Nerima wakes up. People start banging on my door. I hear that voice, the owner of which is one of the main reasons I shrieked, and it went, "Akane! What's happening? Open the door!"

I covered myself with the blanket and just listened to their disturbed tones. "We're all going to die," I went when a minute of their upheaval passed. "Leave me alone!"

And as usual, as if the word PRIVACY didn't mean anything to him, Ranma Saotome broke into my room, expecting a ninja or assassin ready to take the ever helpless, weak me away through the window. I was under my covers so I didn't see his face, but he heaved a sigh of relief (or should I say aggravation) and went, "Baka! Why the heck did you go screaming like some terrorist was strangling you? You woke everyone up!"

Hearing that word again, the same bursting feeling built up inside of me. I didn't even hear anything – I just faintly detected Dad's, Uncle Genma's and my two sisters' voices that didn't make any sense – and I blew up.

"Get the hell out of my room! I hate you!" I was screaming the whole time, pushing everybody out. Thanks to the adrenaline rush, I shoved them out of my room despite their pushing back. I blocked the door with my desk and everything else I could get hold of. In all the panic, I still managed to lock my window (because duh, with all the kung-fu-flying-jumping-leaping freaks in Nerima, the window is not at all an inconvenient entrance to my room).

And like the stupid crybaby that I am, I wept. They were still banging on my door, obviously confused and worried about my behavior, but I didn't say anything. I just sat against the desk and cuddled myself on the floor.

What, they didn't think I was human? "All humans experience at least one breakdown in their lifetime," according to Dr. Phil when he guest showed in Oprah. Well, Dr. Phil, I know that – but unfortunately my family does not. It's either they're just plain lame at this whole decoding-human-emotions thing, or they don't think I'm human AT ALL. Now, if you could give me a solution to this whole dilemma, then I would immediately bow down at your feet and proclaim you the best psychoanalyst in the whole wide world!

Yes, those were the thoughts running through my head as the We-Think-Akane's-Going-Crazy Horde were frantically calling out my name – Dr. Phil and his psychological theories.

It just took my eldest sister to calm everyone down. She made them stop the banging on my door and then talked to me with her gentle, soothing voice. She went, "Akane, are you okay? What happened?"

Because nobody could really resist Kasumi's tone, and because I figured that if I didn't stop, they would eventually force me into seeing a real psychoanalyst (which I wasn't really in favor of even if it was Dr. Phil), I went, "I-I'm okay. I just had this nightmare. Sorry for waking all of you up…"

All of them went, "Are you really okay? Can we get you anything?" and such, but I said I was fine and sleepy. So they all went back to their rooms, thinking I was all right, because apparently they didn't hear my faint sobbing. But I wasn't all right. I just had a BREAKDOWN for crying out loud – who wouldn't be okay after one of those? Huh? HUH?

With the very little strength I had left (it was midnight and I was so destabilized after that adrenaline rush), I got up and lay down on my bed. My crying resumed and it was a wonder why nobody was woken up by my late night psycho issue again. It was then that I felt great pity towards myself – didn't anybody care about me anymore (that was before I realized that I myself told them to leave, yeah)?

Much to my surprise, there was a knock on the door. "Akane?" the soothing voice of my eldest sister beseeched. "You're crying. Please open the door."

"I'm fine," I mumbled. But I could tell my sobs were as clear as… well, the clearest sound on earth for my sister, because she didn't leave – just like what she's been doing every time I was down in the dumps and consistently told everyone to leave me alone. Kasumi Tendo isn't only a sister to me; she's the shoulder I could always cry on, my eyes when I couldn't see, my voice when I couldn't speak… and the rest of the lyrics of that song.

Kasumi didn't really believe what I said because she knew me better than the rest of the family did. She said that if I had any problems, I could tell her, because she's my sister.

And so, having been touched by the realization that somebody did care, it all just flooded out of me afterwards – how I want to die right now because I don't want to live long and suffer all the unbearable things Kami-sama burdens me with, how I cry all the time but I want nobody to find out because it hurts me so much when CERTAIN PEOPLE call me names like baka and kawaiikune, and I don't want to be labeled a crybaby because I already have diminishing self-esteem and things could really get worse.

"Nobody likes me," I concluded my emotional rant. "The people I love don't even recognize my concern for them and they just toss it away unknowingly."

"Akane, we all love you," Kasumi said after my long whining rant. "Father and Uncle Genma, Nabiki and I, Ranma and… everybody. You know that."

Not even caring about the probable number of ears listening, I answered dolefully, "Ranma doesn't love me."

And I just had to say that.

There were many things that I could have said, like maybe, you know, "Thanks," or "Okay. I love you too." But NO, my stupid mouth went, "Ranma doesn't love me" with a frightening emphasis on his name.

Right after I said that, there was this thud sound of something – or someone – falling from up the roof to the ground outside. Someone was clearly listening from outside my window! Since it was locked and the curtains were closed, I let my breath escape quickly in the form of "Oh crud," and didn't even care to look.

Kasumi, having not noticed anything except what I said about Ranma not loving me, went, "You want him to love you? Because there's only one reason for that, Akane… you love him, don't you?"

If Kasumi was the only person listening, I would have said what I really wanted to say. But of course she wasn't the only one paying attention, so I answered tersely, "NO. Who would fall in love with an arrogant baka like him?"

She felt I wasn't very truthful, so she asked me to open the door a little. I moved the desk and unlocked the door, and through a small gap a few inches wide she handed me this furry pink notebook. She said I should write my feelings more often because suppressing emotions is very detrimental and could be the cause of derangement.

I swear, I wouldn't know what to do if not for my eldest sister; I love her so much with all my being. But she told me that instead of restraining my feelings more, I should start writing them down because it would do me good, especially after my "nightmare".

It's like three in the morning, but okay, I'll write down my feelings:

WHY CAN'T I DIE RIGHT NOW?

Tuesday, Homeroom

When I woke up this morning, I was all, "Hey, another day at school. This wouldn't be so bad." I had begun to forget about what happened a few hours ago, because I was somehow drowsy due to lack of sleep (no wonder I do not grow any taller every year anymore; I don't get the eight hours of sleep I deserve every night – and my sleeping habits worsened when the Saotomes entered my life).

The first thing Ranma said when I walked into the dining room was, "Ohayou."

Maybe he was talking to a ghost behind me… er, not likely. I ignored him and minded my own business. I mean, he was the reason I went ballistic last night. He was not going to get away with it in a million years! Or, you know, considering that humans have very short life spans due to the increasing quandary of global warming and pollution and all that, I give him ten years tops.

But he didn't know it. That he was the reason I blew up, I mean. It thought it would be cruel to act that way to someone innocent, so I had second thoughts. And that made my morning just great.

NOT.

While Ranma and I walked to school, he kept stealing glances and asking me what happened. I kept quiet and looked ahead, like I was angry. And I actually was! It was so totally his fault, even if he didn't know. I know that sounds unfair on his part, but he's supposed to be responsible for his actions. I mean, he's no five-year old kid – he's sixteen for crying out loud!

He was still concerned, though. He said, "Listen, Akane. I don't know what happened, but I just hope you still have your sanity. Kasumi told me you had this little problem."

And in my head I was all, Okay, here it comes. What's it going to be? That I was such an idiot for waking everybody up with a little problem, that I acted like some crazy gorilla, that it was unreasonable?

Instead, to my surprise, he went, "Well, whatever it is, everybody's here to back you up." And he added, in a whisper that he might have thought I couldn't hear, "I'm always here for you."

My heart was fluttering that time, but I went, "You said something?" in a tone that I hope was nonchalant. He said it was nothing, but you know what? He actually blushed. I think.

What was that about?

I decided not to take it seriously because it may end up with false hopes and such, like many times before. I actually believed he had feelings for me. But with all the name-calling, I thought, Okay. No way he loves me.

Yet why do I feel like there's something about him that makes my heart beat fast like no other person could, and that somehow, he feels the same? I know – the hormones of a growing lady are most active at this age, thus resulting in terribly assuming habits run amok. It's supposed to be completely normal, yet I feel like a jerk for feeling this way towards someone who makes me want to end my own life.

ODE TO RANMA

Saotome Ranma, why do you keep

Hurting and haunting me, hacking into my heart

Like it's just some computer you can violate

And play with anytime?

I don't know how you could make me feel

That I love you and hate you

At the same time

Or show that you could be caring and insensitive

All at once.

But I just want you to stop it.

Stop playing with my heart

Because it started hurting a long time ago.

Pretty soon my heart's going to be cut into half

And I would just want my life to end by any means.

STOP IT, BAKA!

I wish I'd just said good morning back at him. He wouldn't have asked if I was okay, because he should have known I was okay. So that wouldn't give him the reason to say he's always there for me. Because hearing that makes me feel weird.

Okay. I know I'm overreacting, because what's wrong with greeting someone a good morning? He may have addressed that to Kasumi, Nabiki or whoever. It's just that… ugh, I don't know what's wrong with me…

So, having heard what he whispered to himself, that he's always there for me, I should be happy, right? Because he might have feelings other than hatred for me after all. I actually am happy.

NOT! Now the forces inside this heart of mine are having this tug-of-war that's splitting my heart into two. Which is not good, if you ask me. So not.

Akane 1: Come on, Akane, he loves you! This is RANMA we're talking about!

Akane 2: No, Akane! Nowadays, words that insult you don't mean lurv.

There's this all-knowing voice in my head, though, saying, "Crap. Kill yourself and get it over with."

It strongly resembles Nabiki's, which totally creeps me out. I mean, I know that my sister would never say that to me, but considering that she's boldly done many atrocious and insolent things before, who knows? Nabiki's voice is getting louder in my head by the moment, and it's really not a nice experience if your own sister's voice resounds in your head all the time, telling you to kill yourself.

Tell you what, Voices In My Head – all three of you, yeah – I'm not listening! I mean, I know it's just senseless because I don't need to have ears to hear the things inside my head, but by willing that my brain's ears close whenever you speak, I can do it. Really.

Not making sense.

Oh, gotta go, Math teacher's here. Maybe I'll write again during English before the usual translating exercises, because the teacher would spend a few minutes chatting in front and choosing students that she'd want to hear delivering some paragraphs in English.

Yes, most high school students in Japan still do not know how to speak fluent English, I'm afraid to say so.

Tuesday, English

There's a new guy in class. He looked rather, er… cute the moment he entered the room as the math teacher ushered him inside. He had light brown hair, green eyes, and a mild smile painted on his lips. I was the only girl with enough poise to not sink on my desk and drool in front of him while he introduced himself as Avery Hanabishi. His tone was friendly, like he wanted to have a connection with everybody and let them know that he could be their friend. I give him props for that.

The teacher made him sit on the unoccupied seat beside me. Everybody's eyes were on him, including mine (but I wasn't looking at him like, "Ohmigod, you are SO handsome," like the other girls, or "Hmm… newcomer," sort of surly like the guys). The moment he sat down and settled his stuff, he smiled at me. In an affable way.

And I was so evil because I didn't smile back. I raised my eyebrows and faced the front. It wasn't my fault; being accusing and suspicious of the guys I meet being conceited isn't my fault!

Okay, who am I kidding? I didn't smile back because I thought I sensed egotism in his smile. Maybe I was imagining things because I thought that in his head he was going, "Hey, she's a cutie. Avery Hanabishi, you just snagged another one!"

I was so evil, thinking about that when in fact all he was trying to do was make friends with his seatmate. Paranoia, Akane. Paranoia's the word. It's an inevitable sickness in me, which is sorta excusable because nobody should blame himself for being sick. After all, Tatewaki Kuno started it. Tatewaki Kuno and his sick, drooling, we-like-having-mirrors-on-top-of-our-shoes-so-we-could-see-what's-under-the-girlies'-skirts-teehee cronies.

Die, Kuno! Die, Furinkan High Hentai Horde! Which reminds me, I hope it isn't too far from my destiny. Dying, I mean.

Tuesday night, my room

After Math was English where we had to translate all those Japanese sentences into English in our notebooks. I dropped my pencil (NOT on purpose, of course, because I am not the type of girl who flirts using the oops-I-dropped-my-pencil-so-cute-guy-could-you-get-it-for-me method) and when I was about to pick it up, he bent down from his seat and got it for me. When he straightened up, he bumped his head under his desk. He massaged the back of his head and handed my pencil back to me when he noticed that the lead was broken, so he exchanged my pencil with his. I wordlessly smiled at him, and maybe in my smile was the expression, "Thanks, but how about you?" because he gladly said, "Don't worry. I have an extra one. I'll give your pencil back when I've sharpened it."

Wasn't that just nice? He bumped his head, and he was still so kind. Because, you know, I read in this psychology magazine that people who bump their head a lot, or even once in a while, experience crabbiness as a side effect of shaking the brain's neurons or something. But Avery wasn't irritable at all, which was one of the good first impressions I had of him.

In Physical Education (they use that term to make it sound complicated. Why not call it Gym Class?), which was the last period, we just stayed in the classroom instead of our usual sports activities in the gym and listened to the teacher lecturing us about what to do in case of cramps and stuff, when a baseball from outside shattered one of the windows. Luckily, nobody was hurt with the broken glass, but someone was hit by the baseball. It happened to be Avery.

Since I was his seatmate, the teacher made me accompany him to the clinic because a small gash on his forehead was slightly bleeding, and I agreed immediately in return for his good deed with the pencil (all the while flashing warning looks to the sniggering guys, and avoiding the jealous glances of the girls as Avery and I went out of the classroom).

In the clinic, the nurse was asking Avery all sorts of questions while she treated his wound. I sat in front of them, listening to their conversation (and that's how I found out how a foreigner like him could have a Japanese surname, because his great grandfather was Japanese). He had this nice, deep voice – but not too deep. It sounded gentle and rather smart, probably because of his almost-unnoticeable-but-noticed-by-me British accent when he spoke Japanese. Yeah, how could that happen? The whole mixed blood thing I could understand, but the accent? I don't really know. It was fascinating, though.

When the nurse left the room, he looked at me. And his emerald green eyes were really sincere and calm that I couldn't help smiling the whole time we talked. He went, "Thanks for coming with me to the clinic."

"It's nothing," I replied. "You were hurt. I'm the person seated next to you after all, and that's why the teacher asked me to come with you here. Don't worry, I'll talk to those baseball players on the field…"

He chuckled. He was so charming when he did that. "Please don't. That was only an accident. I'm Avery Hanabishi."

"Yeah, I know," I said, being so stupid for not realizing that the reason why he introduced himself again was he wanted to know my name. So he made this little gesture with his hand towards me, a questioning look on his face, and I stammered, "Oh, I-I'm, uh… Akane Tendo."

I am so sure that sounded smart.

And that's how I came to know a guy named Avery today. It's really not a big deal, making friends with somebody new, but for a while there in the clinic I forgot all about wanting to die. In fact, when Ranma and I walked home, I didn't feel the same tense air that surrounded us this morning. I was in high spirits and just looking forward to hugging my cute little P-chan.

It was all going fine when Ranma suddenly went, "Why are you so happy? Something with your new friend?"

I didn't feel like returning the sarcastic tone he had, so I grinned at him. He almost lost his balance on the fence he was walking on. Even I don't know why I GRINNED – it was so not me – especially when Ranma was there and most especially when his first blow on me was mocking. I just said, "Yeah, something with my new friend. He's nice. I don't know why Hiroshi and the others thought it was funny when Avery's forehead was hit with the baseball." I said it pointedly, and he did answer it rather disgustedly.

"Because he thinks he's a star. Avery Hanabishi, the exchange student that girls drool over. He's proud and BIGHEADED."

Ah, and the truth came out. He was threatened. Jealous, maybe?

"That isn't true!" I retorted. "He's really nice. You know, you should get to know people before labeling them names."

"I know him well enough. You shouldn't hang out with him." Then he snorted. "I don't know why he'd even want to hang out with a kawaiikune person like you!" We were in the vicinity of the dojo already and he quickly opened the door, no wonder expecting me to mallet him out of orbit.

He was about to run inside when I went, "You should really get to know people before labeling them names," in a hurt tone. I didn't make loud frustrated noises or anything; I just hurried past him, went upstairs to my room, and sourly flopped on my bed.

I swear, I can't take any of this anymore. I used to be strong; I used to be cool and composed despite of all the troubles Kuno gave me with the Furinkan High Hentai Horde facing me every morning and trying to defeat me so one of them would be my boyfriend! How could Ranma make me feel so vulnerable? And WHY, for crying out loud?

Oh yeah, I forgot. I love him.

Not! Akane Tendo, you don't love Ranma Saotome. What are you thinking? Just now when you're still battling with your feelings, your heart's almost torn into two. What more if the battle is done? Either you win (and you get to mend your heart), or you lose (and you'll drown in misery, and… well, blood from your torn-apart heart. I know it sounds lame, but these words are the closest I could get to what otherwise inexistent words I had in mind).

And besides, Akane, think of it. Do you actually want a mocking, insensitive, heartless guy like Ranma to be your boyfriend? I mean, as if the fact that he's your fiancé already isn't enough, but with the word boyfriend, I mean finally getting together with him with your consent, not because your parents forced you to.

Akane 1: Er… I guess not.

Akane 2: See? I thought so.

Dinnertime and I didn't even take as much as a glance at him. I tried my best to act normal and I think it worked. Nobody asked me what was wrong. Or maybe they were just scared I might blow up again like last night, because even though I said it was just a nightmare, they realized that I could be really extreme and just lose my nuts and bolts. After dinner I headed back to my room – and that's where I am now, sitting on my bed. I think I'll study Math.

Someone's knocking. IT'S RANMA! He wants to talk to me. He asks if he could come in. Later.

Author's Notes: So what do you think of the whole diary thing? Maybe Avery could be an addition to the Boys Who Are Crazy About Akane fans club… just to give Ranma a thought or two about how Akane feels about Ranma having fiancés other than her. And I swear, I'm almost done with the next chapter of Changed Overnight, but I just had to get this out of my head so I can concentrate on CO.

Thanks for reading and please review! (",)