Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which an elopement is discovered and it is Matlock's turn to be bedevilled
Matlock House
Lydia
It was a few days after the ball and Matlock House was in uproar. Lydia and Kitty were desperate to find out why. Their normally serene oldest sister rushed past them, refusing to answer their questions.
What is going on?
They tried to loiter in doorways but were shooed away, as was Lady Prudence when she joined them in their attempted eavesdropping.
"This was not the way when I was younger," huffed Lady Prudence pulling the girls away. She shhhed their protests as she led them into the music room. There, she teased the door to the parlour ajar. Listening, most keenly, Lydia leant forward.
"I cannot believe it!" That was Darcy's voice.
"She was craving adventure," Jane said, quietly.
Who? Who? Lydia caught Kitty's eye; she had no idea either.
"Adventure was running away from her mother." Was that the colonel's voice?
Who has run away from her mother? She gasped in shock. Anne de Bourgh had run away from her mother!
The next voice was Elizabeth's. "And what has been done, what has been attempted to recover them?"
'Them'? Who is 'them'?
She was trying to discern who this might be went the door was pulled open. Caught, she, Kitty and Lady Prudence stumbled into the parlour.
"Mother, do come in," said Matlock, with a weary sigh.
"Who is it? Who has run away?" cried Kitty, thoughtlessly asking the question to which the erstwhile eavesdroppers desired an answer.
In silence, Elizabeth handed a note to Lady Prudence who settled herself into the chair nearest to the fireplace. Perching on the arms, Kitty and Lydia leaned over her shoulders and read:
'My dear Aunt Harriet,
'You will laugh when you know where I am gone, and I cannot help laughing myself at your surprise tomorrow morning, as soon as I am missed. I am going to Gretna Green, and if you cannot guess with who, I shall think you a simpleton, for there is but one man in the world I love, and he is an angel. I should never be happy without him, so think it no harm to be off. You need not send my mother word at Rosings of my going, if you do not like it, for it will make the surprise the greater, when I write to her and sign my name 'Mrs. Bingley'. What a good joke it will be! I can hardly write for laughing.
'Good-bye. Give my love to Uncle Hugh. I hope you will drink to our good journey.
'Your affectionate niece,
'Hannah Prout'
"I do not believe it!" cried Lydia. "Anne has eloped with Mr. Bingley?"
"Aye, so it seems," snarled Matlock.
Lydia thought that her father looked rather relieved that Anne had eloped from Matlock House and not from Longbourn. She caught his eye and he winked at her. "Is she not of age? Could they not have married here in town?" she asked.
"As Jane said, it is clear that Anne wishes for an adventure," replied Elizabeth.
"That does not excuse Bingley!" Darcy protested.
"No, but he is a grown man, responsible for his own decisions," said Elizabeth.
Mr. Bennet started to laugh.
"I fail to see what is amusing, Bennet!" cried Matlock. "This is my niece!"
"Indeed," Mr. Bennet acknowledged with a chuckle.
Matlock was frowning as Lydia suddenly understood and joined her father's merriment.
"Uncle Hugh! Be not cross! Have you not noticed the most interesting part of the note?"
Matlock shook his head. "My niece has eloped with that rogue, Bingley. What is interesting about it?"
"Bingley is hardly a rogue," protested Darcy.
"He is a rogue to have absconded with my niece!"
Lydia took the note from Lady Prudence and showed it to Matlock. "Look, she has signed it 'Hannah Prout'."
Lady Anne and Elizabeth understood the import of this and joined in the laughter.
Matlock huffed, still not understanding.
"Do you not see: Mr. Bingley has not eloped with your niece, Miss Anne de Bourgh, but with our distant cousin, Miss Hannah Prout."
"When do think that she will tell him?" asked Lady Harriet.
"I should not be surprised if she waits until they stand over the anvil," sighed Richard, shaking his head in reluctant admiration.
"Depending on the weather, they might be there already," remarked Elizabeth. "If, as you say, the note is a few days old."
"Very well," said Matlock. "The rogue, Bingley, has eloped with a woman who he thinks is your distant cousin, but she is still my niece."
"She will be happy with Mr. Bingley," said Jane, softly. "He will be very kind to her."
Matlock grunted. "The kind rogue has still eloped with my niece."
Mr. Bennet clapped Matlock on the back. "There is little that we can do now, apart from witness his sister's reaction to the news."
"His sister? Do you mean the woman who made a fool of herself at my wife's ball?"
"Dear Miss Lineley-Bingle had to leave early as she had a headache. Harriet! Daughter! Did you call for a physician to attend her?"
Matlock addressed his mother-in-law, saying sternly, "Usually I enjoy your silliness, but it is not appropriate this morning."
"Is it not? Do you not remember that Tommy has told us: she dismissed her when he first introduced them."
"'Tommy?' Do you mean Bennet, here?
"Timmy, Tommy, I know not. If he were a distant nephew, I should not have to remember his name," Lady Prudence said with an annoyed tut. "He said that, when he introduced them, she disdained her as she was dressed in hastily-altered gowns which they had lent to her. When she discovers the marriage — for they will be wed — she will disapprove, not knowing that he has won an heiress!"
"And who are the 'she' and the 'he' and the 'they' in this tale?" Red-faced, Matlock had no patience.
"Oh, do pay attention, distant son-in-law! Listen, I shall tell you once more: He, Timmy, said that, when he, Timmy, introduced them, dear Miss Lineley-Bingle and my very distant niece, Anne, she, dear Miss Lineley-Bingle, disdained her, my very distant niece, Anne, as she, my very distant niece, Anne, was dressed in hastily-altered gowns, which they, my very, very distant Bennet niece, Jane, and my very, very distant Bennet niece, Kitty, had lent to her, my very distant niece, Anne. When she, dear Miss Lineley-Bingle — who is not a niece at all — discovers the marriage — for they, the kind rogue, Mr. Bingley, and my very distant niece, Anne, will be wed — she, dear Miss Lineley-Bingle, will disapprove, not knowing that he, the kind rogue, Mr. Bingley, has won an heiress, my very distant niece, Anne!"
"What?" cried Matlock, while the others applauded. "Do I understand you to say that Miss Bingley disdained Anne for her borrowed gown?"
"Yes, that is what I said."
"And that she will disapprove of Bingley marrying a woman in a borrowed gown?"
"Oh, distant son-in-law, I doubt that she would have worn a borrowed gown at the wedding as we went shopping a few weeks ago and she has a very nice new one with some pretty lace around the bodice."
"No lace! No lace! I beg you, no lace!"
"It went well with some blue ribbons— "
"No, no, no! Forget about the gown!"
"It was you who kept mentioning it!" Lady Prudence said petulantly.
Finally untangling the explanation, he cried, "No, no! I cannot sanction this marriage merely for your anticipation of his sister's reaction!"
"Yes, indeed you must! For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?" Lady Prudence countered. "And, I needs must add: you should anticipate your own sister's reaction."
"I am confused," said Kitty. "To which of the earl's sisters to you refer? Do you mean Lady Anne or the woman who came to Longbourn to call me a hussy?"
Elizabeth took Kitty's hand. "She did not go to Longbourn to call you a hussy, sister."
"But she did call me a hussy!" Kitty protested.
"We know, but that was not her purpose in going there," Lydia added.
"What was her purpose, if not to call me a hussy?"
Lady Prudence chuckled. "Oh, well done, very, very distant Bennet niece, Kitty! For that you deserve a fishy name!"
Elizabeth said, "While you honour our sister with such a reward, she does not understand that Lady Catherine went to Longbourn— "
"Enough!" boomed Lord Matlock.
The room went silent.
"You," he shouted, pointing at Darcy, "take your family away!"
"You," he continued, pointing at Mr. Bennet, "take your family away!"
"And, you," he said, pointing at Lady Harriet, "take your family away!"
Lydia laughed as her father herded Charlotte and the Bennet girls out of the parlour and towards the stairs. "When, do you suppose, will he realise that he has dispatched everyone?"
Her question was answered quickly.
"Richard! Darcy! Come back here! Bennet! You too!"
Lydia nudged Kitty and together they paused on the stairs to watch Darcy kiss Elizabeth's hand. Whatever he murmured for her ears only made her sister blush. I should like a husband who loves me as William loves Lizzy, she realised. Despite being far too young to wed, she resolved to pay more attention to her father's reports on prospective suitors.
"Why does Mr. Darcy keep kissing Lizzy's hand?"
Oh, Kitty!
Darcy House
Elizabeth
"Did Uncle Hugh finally calm down?"
"I believe so," replied Darcy as he removed the pins from Elizabeth's hair as she sat at her dressing table. "Surprisingly, it was Jane's insistence on Bingley's kindness that reconciled him to the marriage."
"I do not suppose that Aunt Pru's nonsense helped," she murmured as he stroked each strand as it fell.
"Indeed; though, after Richard had plied him with sufficient brandy, he began to see the humour in it." He chuckled in remembrance. "Before we left, he bid Aunt Harriet return — it will not surprise you that Aunt Prudence invited herself too."
Elizabeth shook her head and acknowledged this.
"After apologising for his earlier brusqueness — and he sent his most sincere apologies to you, too — he told them that they were not to allow news of the elopement leave the family."
She passed him her brush; she loved this part of their evening routine.
"He then challenged Aunt Prudence to provoke both Miss Bingley and Lady Catherine with the news in such a manner as to make him laugh."
Frowning, Elizabeth turned to face him. "That does not seem fair to me. Much as I do not care for Miss Bingley, surely she does not deserve to hear of her brother's wedding like so. And Lady Catherine, like every mother, ought to be party to her daughter's change of status. If one of our girls were to run off and marry without informing me, I should be greatly upset."
"Indeed, as should I," he said, turning her back to face the mirror and continuing to tease out the tangles. "I take it that we are in agreement that we shall not allow them out into society until they are at least thirty years of age." Before she had chance to respond, he continued, "Do you think that we ought to wait until the new Mr. and Mrs. Bingley return and find out how they would prefer to tell their relatives?"
"Mmm, you are correct. It is Bingley and Anne's decision."
He did not answer.
She regarded his reflection. "What are doing?"
"Attempting to plait your hair. I will master it! I know not how you do it; there are too many strands to manage all at once."
"Why are you trying to plait it? You will only loosen it later!" she laughed.
"The loosening of it later is my aim; first I must do the work to reap the rewards." He was biting his lip and frowning in concentration.
She pulled her newly-tangled hair from his hands, quickly untangled it and said, "Watch!" Slowly, she divided her hair into three sections and deftly plaited it. She finished it with a piece of ribbon tied in a bow.
"Beautiful!" he exclaimed, before growling, "Now come here so that I can loosen it!"
She raised her eyebrows at him.
"Very well! Let us take a peep at our little bees, then I shall loosen it!"
She stood on her toes and kissed his lips. "Here is something to reward you for brushing my hair."
He groaned and followed her to the nursery.
Please don't copy! 😏