Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Miss Bingley is persistent
Mr. Hurst's townhouse
Miss Bingley
Deploying her usual method to find out information, Miss Bingley stood in the hall and eavesdropped on a conversation between her sister and brother-in-law.
"Louisa, we cannot decline this invitation," Mr. Hurst said.
What invitation? Miss Bingley wanted to know.
She could not hear her sister's reply, but Mr. Hurst continued, "I thought that dining with them would be the end, too, but now this."
Holding her breath, Miss Bingley heard, "But I do not wish to go unless we can take Caroline."
Very good, you are learning that you ought not exclude me.
Mrs. Hurst added, "She makes her dislike of children so plain that she would shield me from their attentions."
Mr. Hurst laughed, remarking that she could shield both of them.
I am not going to protect you from children!
She made her presence known and walked into the parlour. "Of what are you talking?" She was satisfied to see her sister colour in discomfort. You ought not to be talking of me!
"We have been invited to stay at the estate of one of my husband's friends," started Mrs. Hurst.
"Is this the same friend who invited you to dine a little while ago?"
"Yes," sighed Mr. Hurst. "The one with all of the children."
"Mr. Hurst does not wish to go, but I think that— "
"It is no matter what you think, Louisa. You cannot leave me alone here in London, so you shall not go," averred Miss Bingley.
"Ah," interjected Mr. Hurst, looking down at his feet. "I have already intimated that we shall go."
"Really, Hurst! I am not going anywhere where there are children!"
"Oh, Gilbert! What shall we do? Would you ask Mr. and Mrs. Adam if Caroline can come with us?"
Miss Bingley sniffed. "Who are this Mr. and Mrs. Adam? Where is their estate?" Are they worth knowing, despite the children?
"I have known Mr. Adam for a few years, but have only recently met his wife. I believe that they are living with Mrs. Adam's family in Herefordshire," Mr. Hurst replied.
"He does not have his own estate? What sort of people are they?"
"They are quite kind, Carol— "
"'Kind'? Of what use is kindness?"
"It means that they would make space for you if you would like to come, too."
"'Make space'?"
"I hear it to be quite a small estate," said Mr. Hurst.
"No, no! We will not go!"
Mr. Hurst sighed, "If you do not wish to come with us, then we shall see you on our return." His voice became sterner. "If you wish to stay here in my house, then I expect you to comport yourself as before: you will not be rude to my servants, you will not entertain, you will pay for anything you break."
"Very well, but, before you leave, I need your carriage to take me to see Dar— Lady Anne. She bid me to call on her and I have yet to do so."
"Caroline, you have not— " interjected Mrs. Hurst.
"Her ladyship was most insistent that I call upon her. She said that you were to come too; we shall go together."
"Very well; I shall drop off my card at Darcy House on my way to my club, later. I expect that Lady Anne would like the company as Darcy is soon to go north," said Mr. Hurst.
"Go? Darcy is leaving?" How can you deliver this dreadful news without thought for my wishes!
"Aye. I saw him a week, a fortnight or so ago. He said something about spring planting, but I did not pay much attention."
"When? When will he go?"
Mr. Hurst shook his head as if it were of not the slightest importance. "I know not."
With effort, Miss Bingley withheld her rage and gave one of her calling cards to her brother. "Take this with you, and say that I shall call in the next few days."
Darcy House
Lady Anne
Mr. Hurst's note was apologetic. Knowing that it was important to keep Miss Bingley in London and away from Netherfield, he had agreed to deliver her card.
As you are aware, Mrs. Hurst and I are leaving for Meryton soon,
he had written,
and we must keep my sister's thoughts here in town.
Lady Anne had some thoughts of her own that were rather uncharitable. Weaver and the footmen still had instructions to not admit Miss Bingley, and had dealt efficiently with her further attempts to enter Darcy House by force.
Berkeley Square
Lady Anne
One morning, Lady Anne and Elizabeth went shopping and had enjoyed pottering in and out of various shops together before visiting Gunter's Tea Shop for refreshments. They had been talking quietly for a few minutes when they found Lord Matlock standing by their table and gladly made room for him. As he sat, Lady Anne asked how he knew that they were there.
"It was easy, my dear sister — your carriage is nearby!" Matlock replied.
"Of course," she laughed. She called a servant to order more tea and biscuits, adding, "It is too chilly for ices."
After exchanging pleasantries, Matlock said, "Darcy was on my heels so will join us soon."
They were chatting when a strident voice came from the door:
"Oh, look, Louisa. There is Lady Anne! I told you that that was her carriage."
Oh, no! Years of training prevented Lady Anne from giving in to the temptation to slump down in her chair.
They did not hear Mrs. Hurst's words, but Miss Bingley's carried across the shop. "No, I do not see that I should not greet her."
Mrs. Hurst's response followed, "We have not been invited."
"Really, Louisa. You were not there when she left Northfield, so you did not hear her say that we should call upon her."
"Charles said that— "
"He has no notion of these things! He is not attuned to the hidden meaning behind the words of the first circle."
"But— " Mrs. Hurst's tone changed from protestation to admonishment. "Caroline! You cannot approach without invitation!"
Mrs. Hurst's pleas fell on deaf ears; Miss Bingley arrived at their table.
"Another of your paramours, my lady?" Waving away her sister's horrified gasp, she continued, "This one appears better quality than the country bumpkin whom you entertained so often at Northfield."
Spying her brother take breath to lambast the interloper, Lady Anne squeezed his arm and used her son's well-worn response, "Indeed." She looked significantly at Matlock and continued, "Would you allow me to present Mrs. Gilbert Hurst and her sister Miss Caroline Bingley?" She did not introduce him in turn, hoping that Mrs. Hurst would recognise the earl and forgive the incivility.
Matlock bowed and surreptitiously winked at Mrs. Hurst but did not acknowledge Miss Bingley.
"Could your ladyship not find a younger man? One more appealing to the eye?" She tittered. "Perhaps, when one is older, one must make do with others' leavings."
Mrs. Hurst moaned, "Oh, Caroline!"
"Oh, Louisa, you do so fuss. Lady Anne is a widow, thus must take her pleasures as she can."
Miss Bingley tittered and looked around to find Elizabeth also at the table.
"And Miss —sniff— Eliza. I had no idea that courtesans were allowed in here." At her victim's astonished look, she continued, "Are you now presenting yourself as Lady Anne's companion?"
Elizabeth wiped her mouth and prepared to answer, but Miss Bingley's insults had not finished:
"Perhaps your role is to approve her ladyship's male companions?"
Matlock broke the stunned silence, bending to say querulously in his sister's ear, "If you would send your friends away, we three might return to your chambers."
Mrs. Hurst caught hold of that statement as a drowning man would a rope. "Yes, of course. We have intruded for too long. Come along, Caroline."
"You go if you want to, but I shall sit with her ladyship."
Though Matlock had not spoken loudly enough for their neighbours to hear, Miss Bingley's imperious call to the servant to bring more tea and cake drew the attention of those nearby. She pushed Elizabeth to the side and drew up a chair for herself. "Of you go, Eliza — you will find plenty of custom for your favours back in Cheapside."
"There is not room for you, Miss Bingley— " began Lady Anne.
"Nonsense! You there," she huffed at Matlock. "Give up your chair for my sister!" She appeared impervious to the looks of horrified delight on the faces at the surrounding tables.
Lady Anne knew that her son had arrived as Elizabeth's eyes shone and an expectant murmur grew around them. Miss Bingley's aspirations were well known and their fellow customers seemed eager for a show. Darcy must have caught Mrs. Hurst's pained look of apology, as he beckoned the servant over and asked for more chairs and helped her to a seat.
"Dear Darcy! Do sit here by me. Eliza is just leaving and we shall do well without her."
Darcy ignored her, choosing a seat next to Elizabeth. He took his wife's hand and kissed it.
Miss Bingley gasped.
Lady Anne found it difficult to not to laugh as Matlock glared at Darcy, then took and kissed Elizabeth's other hand.
"Have you no shame, Miss —sniff— Eliza! Plying your shameless trade in public!" Miss Bingley reached across the table and upended Elizabeth's cup of tea into her lap. "How clumsy you are, Miss —sniff— Eliza! Now, off you go!"
People peered in their direction from throughout the shop; keen anticipation evident as they leaned this way and that to get the best view.
Lady Anne and Elizabeth stood. Darcy and Matlock followed suit. Matlock offered his arm to his sister, while Darcy accompanied Elizabeth. Pausing at the door, Lady Anne turned to see her son offer to escort Mrs. Hurst too. Outside, she allowed her brother to help her into his carriage. Elizabeth and Mrs. Hurst followed. As soon as he and Matlock had climbed in, he banged on the roof and off they went, leaving Miss Bingley mouthing wordlessly on the pavement.
Poor Mrs. Hurst was in tears, but Elizabeth was trying to contain her laughter.
"Louisa," said Elizabeth, taking her hand. "Please do not worry on my account. You will find out, all too soon, that tea is far from the worst thing to be spilt in one's lap. William has some grim tales of Melissa's improving aim!"
"Indeed," agreed Darcy. "Hurst's open mouth while snoozing will be all too tempting a target for your son or daughter in a year or two."
Elizabeth snorted, Matlock leaned back and mimicked Hurst, and Mrs. Hurst allowed herself to be amused.
As they dropped Mrs. Hurst at her home, Lady Anne said to her, "I shall have a guest suite prepared for you in case you need an escape."
Mrs. Hurst's new tears were those of gratitude.
Please don't copy! 😏