Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which Mr. Bennet sets up his chess pieces
Longbourn
Mr. Bennet
He no longer felt the need to deny that he enjoyed been surrounded by women and girls. It helped that he was not quite as outnumbered as he used to be: Darcy spent most of his time at Longbourn, as did Mr. Bingley who came with his wife almost daily. Wryly, Mr. Bennet wondered why they bothered to maintain the rent at Netherfield and idly considered challenging Charlotte and Mrs. Hill to find room for the Bingleys too. 'Tis well that Mary and Beatrice remain in London!
Melissa, Phoebe and Martha had grown since he last had seen them but a few weeks earlier and were, much to his delight, even more full of mischief. As before, within a day of her arrival, Mrs. Stevens had fitted herself into the household; Mr. Bennet thought that Elizabeth was very fortunate to have such a wonderful lady's maid, and considered poaching her for Charlotte. Mm, I should also have to try to steal Stevens away from Darcy. Hmph, perhaps not.
It was not long after the Darcys' return to Meryton that Mr. and Mrs. Hurst arrived at Netherfield, followed shortly by Colonel Fitzwilliam. General and Mr. Bennet had been corresponding with the latter and his father, the earl; they felt that they were close to forming a plan to capture the anti-abolitionists. Now that Lizzy and the others are back, we all ought to meet.
Beginning to feel like a spider in the middle of its web, Mr. Bennet awaited communication from Matlock, then he would assemble his fellow plotters.
Then, in early March, a letter came; he read it to Charlotte.
"Very good," she said. "I have thought on this and think that we should send Kitty to stay with Lady Anne. She would be so thrilled that she would not think that she was missing anything here."
"Mm, good idea. Would you write to her ladyship to ask if she minds?"
"I have already done so; we need only let her know when Kitty is arriving."
"Ought we to send Jane with her? What do you think?"
Charlotte made a face — part thought, part wariness. "I do not know. If she will contribute calmly to our scheming, she might to stay here. But if she is likely to misbehave again, then she ought not."
"I shall ask her," Mr. Bennet decided.
"Shall we gather everyone here, tomorrow evening? I could ask my mother to ask Kitty to stay with my sister."
"Very well. Who will be here? Lydia, Lizzy and Darcy; the colonel; the Bingleys and the Hursts— "
"Are we including the Bingleys?"
"I think that we ought to, especially as we shall need to use Netherfield."
"I see," Charlotte nodded. "I wonder— " she paused.
"You wonder—?"
"I wonder if we ought to include Mr. and Mrs. Stevens."
"Oh! I had not thought of them! Oh!" Mr. Bennet leaned back in his chair. "The Stevenses? Why not? But let us consult Darcy first."
"I also wonder— " She raised her eyebrows at him.
"You also wonder—?" He mimicked her expression.
"I also wonder about including the Hills and Mrs. Nicholls. I do not mean for them to be fully involved but because servants always know what is happening in and around the neighbourhood; their inclusion might make them more likely to report their knowledge to you."
"This will not do!" cried Mr. Bennet.
Charlotte looked taken aback.
"We cannot have two generals in the family; one of you will need a promotion!"
Relieved, Charlotte laughed. "I willingly concede the position to Lydia. Perhaps I might be her adjutant."
Mr. Bennet was standing to salute her when Lydia, herself, knocked on the door and asked to be admitted.
And so their first get-together was arranged. Kitty was invited to Lucas Lodge, and they met. The dining table was large, but was quite crowded with the Bennets, the Darcys, the Bingleys, the Hursts and Colonel Fitzwilliam. Charlotte had been unable to persuade Mr. and Mrs. Stevens to dine with them, but bid them join them in the dining room for the post-prandial briefing.
Mr. Bennet spoke: he explained the Stevenses' presence and Charlotte's idea for the inclusion of the Hills and Mrs. Nicholls for the information that they might gather; he told of Lydia's plan to use the anti-abolitionists' codes against them and that they were awaiting the arrival of Lord Matlock before they sent any messages; he reiterated the need for secrecy; and, finally, he reassured them that the ladies would be safely ensconced at Longbourn away from any danger. He pretended not to see the sceptical looks exchanged between Elizabeth and Lydia.
Before the ladies withdrew to leave the men to their port, Mr. Bennet added that they would meet again when Matlock arrived. In the meantime — if they could — they were to behave as normal.
Meryton
Mr. Wickham
Damn Colonel Forster! Damn Denny! Mr. Wickham was furious. He had assumed that being in the militia would necessitate little more than occasional marching before cheering crowds of admiring and willing females, and strutting around the small market town flirting and dallying with said admiring and willing females. And the unwilling, he admitted to himself with a smirk. They often pretend to reluctance, but are, you understand, actually willing.
But no! Denny's claims of an easy life were false; that blasted Forster expected him to work! He, the godson of old Mr. Darcy, educated as a gentleman, was expected to work! It made no difference to Forster that he had joined the militia only at her ladyship's bidding. His time there was to be but a short step before assuming the position of Master of Pemberley. Yes, yes; her ladyship might believe that she was to get Pemberley, but she is my pawn in this game and I shall triumph!
Strolling along Meryton's main road, he spied some of the Bennet sisters. He was relieved to see the curvaceous, dark-haired one in their gaggle. A ha! He nonchalantly crossed the road to be in their path and greeted them in surprise. "If it is not the lovely Misses Bennet, brightening this dull day with their presence!" He gave them a flamboyant bow, then straightened to show his most charming smile.
"Oh, Wicky!" cried the flirtatious sister. "Where have you been? We have not seen you since Tuesday!"
"Oh, such is the life of an officer. Much as I should spent every moment with you and your sisters, I cannot as there is much work to be done at the camp, you understand." But not by me if I can help it!
"Anyway, you are here now," the youngest continued. "We are to visit our Aunt Phillips. You must come with us."
He felt his arms taken and looked down to see the two youngest attached to him. "Should I not offer to escort your sisters?"
"No, no! They are to the milliners and will join us at our Aunt's house soon."
With that promise, he allowed himself to be pulled along.
Much to his frustration, the eldest sisters did not arrive until he had to return to his duties. He cursed the lack of opportunity to continue his flirtation with the dark-haired one. As he took his leave, he asked her for permission to call at Longbourn the following day; she flirted boldly with him and suggested that four o'clock would be suitable.
Netherfield
Elizabeth
"Insufferable man!" Elizabeth raged to her husband. "He interprets every interaction with a woman as flirtatious. Speak to the man and he perceives you to be offering up your wares! Can he not keep his eyes and thoughts to himself!"
She allowed Darcy to pull her into his embrace.
"He was ever thus. I wish that you did not have to meet him without my presence," he said, kissing her forehead.
She was still angry and leaned away to speak up to him, "I know, I know! And I know that it is not for long, but —ugh— I feel that I need to scrub myself clean after dealing with him."
"If you listen carefully, my love, you will hear hot water being delivered. I shall attend you to make sure that every inch is scrubbed clean of his eyes and thoughts."
"You! You! You seek to distract me!"
"Indeed. Am I meeting with success?"
"Madam!"
Longbourn
Darcy
The following day saw Kitty and Mrs. Annesley departing to stay with Lady Anne in London. Darcy relaxed a little as he no longer had to be quite as circumspect at Longbourn. Knowing that Mr. Wickham was expected that afternoon, he had asked Mr. Bennet if he could invite Richard for a discussion in his book-room.
When the three of them had seated themselves, Mr. Bennet asked, "Are you hoping to use Godson's visit to our advantage? Ah, I ought to ask how are you hoping to turn his visit to our advantage?"
"Indeed to your first question, and do you have any thoughts on the second?" replied Darcy.
"Until Matlock's arrival, I do not believe that we have any definite misinformation to disseminate, so can we find a way of muddying the waters, as it were?"
The men sat in silence until it was interrupted by the sound of squeals from the parlour. Darcy smiled. Lizzy has told her sisters and Mrs. Bennet! His father and cousin noticed the smile; Mr. Bennet understood its import first.
"Am I to expect another grandchild?" he asked.
"Indeed." Grinning widely, Darcy could not conceal his joy. To his surprise, Richard's congratulations were rather perfunctory. Darcy took no offence; he could see that his cousin was deep in thought. "Richard?"
"Aye. It would not add anything to our scheme except distraction, perhaps, but we might allow Wickham to discover Lizzy's condition." He leaned forward in his chair. "I know that this would not make you happy, Darce, but might we allow him to continue in his assumptions that I am the father?"
With difficulty, Darcy managed to swallow his immediate refusal. "Let us invite the ladies to join us. Lizzy must agree. Miss Bennet must also agree, especially if there is more acting to be done. And Miss Lydia and Mrs. Bennet ought not to be excluded."
"Would it not be easier for us to join them in the parlour?" asked the colonel.
Longbourn
Mr. Wickham
Mr. Wickham had set off from Meryton early for his walk to Longbourn hoping to avoid the company of any fellow officers. He was not successful; both Captain Carter and Mr. Denny discerned his purpose and accompanied him. He had a second reason for being early: he liked to arrive before the household was prepared, as he enjoyed watching women fluster about in embarrassment when caught unawares.
Unable to shake off his companions, he led them through the woods towards Longbourn saying that he had seen the tracks of some deer there and had thought of hunting them. That was not his true motivation; he wanted to approach Longbourn from the side not the front. Who knows what the girls might be up to in their garden? he wondered.
His ploy bore fruit: there was Miss Elizabeth walking away from the house, towards them. She appeared to be attempting to avoid the notice of anyone watching from the parlour. Mr. Wickham cursed the presence of his fellow officers, but motioned them to remain quiet and revel in the sight of the pretty young woman. They stood in silence, watching her tread softly along one of the woodland paths. Debating whether to send the others on without him — this is as good a time as any to see how willing see is, he thought — he heard a cry:
"Lizzy!"
Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam appeared at a run. Mr. Wickham's jaw was not the only one to fall as the colonel swept Miss Elizabeth up into a fierce embrace and spun her around and around. Then they heard a joyful shout; the colonel put Miss Elizabeth down and knelt at her feet. Mr. Wickham's astonishment grew as the colonel pulled the girl to him and kissed her abdomen. He remained speechless as the couple righted themselves and, clinging to each other, walked off towards the local small hill.
Bloody hell! Is she expecting another of his natural children? Bloody hell!
Captain Carter and Mr. Denny appeared to have reached a similar conclusion; their expressions mirrored his own.
Darcy
Feeling Jane's hand tighten on his arm, Darcy shared her distress upon witnessing the performance. Concealed behind some bushes, they had stood to watch. He did know why she had insisted on being there, but hoped that her jealousy would not prompt her to repeat her poor behaviour from the autumn.
Holding his other arm, Lydia also watched. She indicated the officers and nodded with satisfaction. Releasing his arm, she murmured, "Come, Jane. This is our scene."
Darcy watched them stroll out into the garden.
"Lizzy!" cried Lydia. "Lizzy!"
Darcy noticed her jiggle Jane's arm.
"Lizzy!" cried Jane.
"Where has she disappeared too?" said Lydia, petulantly. "She knows that Wicky is coming to call and I want to borrow some of her ribbons."
Jane's reply was inaudible.
"Well, I shall take them from her room."
Again, he could not hear Jane's words.
"No, Jane. It is not fair that Lizzy spent all of that time in London with Aunt Gardiner and did not bring me any new ribbons."
Undaunted by Jane's apparent stage-fright, Lydia was gamely keeping up a one-sided conversation.
"And she had a new gown for Lady Matlock's ball. I do not see why I could not have had a new gown too. No, Jane, I am not too young to go to a ball. I am sure that her ladyship would have invited me had Lizzy told her to."
After a few steps in relative silence, she continued, "And I cannot make out from her whether she danced with any officers. I should have danced with all of the officers!"
Jane murmured again.
"That cannot be right, Jane, there must have been some officers at the ball! Who would there be to dance with if there were no officers!"
Another murmur.
"Lady Matlock's son is an officer? A colonel! Oo, Jane! Why did you not tell me? No, you were better not telling me as I should have been even more jealous not to have been invited." Lydia prattled on, "Did Lizzy dance with him? She did? Then all hope for her is not lost, but she must dance with more than one officer if she is to catch a husband before she becomes an old maid like you."
Darcy watched as Jane abruptly turned from her sister and began walking quickly back towards the house.
"Jane, Jane! You cannot blame me! If you did not dance with the officers, you will not catch a husband either! Lord, how ashamed I should be of not being married before three-and-twenty!" Lydia's cries faded as she chased after Jane.
Well done, General! Darcy nipped around to the stables to wait for Richard. Together they climbed the stairs to his chamber, disappointed that they could overhear the officers' visit.
Later, he and Richard chuckled as Lydia told them all. She described how the smirking officers had knowingly nudged each other as they came into the house; how Jane had remained upset and had been short-tempered with Lydia, thus making the visit awkward; how Elizabeth had come into the parlour, red-faced and attempting nonchalance. Then the officers had taken their leave, giving rein to their ribald laughter as they walked away.
Please don't copy! 😏
In which the author confesses to having only one and a bit more chapters ready. If you remember, back in chapter thirty-something, I asked for help in dealing with the baddies. Although I have something, I'm not happy with it and it could do with fleshing out.
I have some later scenes: Caroline inviting herself to the grand finale get-together at Pemberley; Lady Pru running rings around her, and so on, but they need to be slotted into the story arc.
One of the reviewers has pinpointed what, for me, is wrong with this story: it conflates two ideas. There's the long slow gentle secret romance tied into codes and plots against members of the House of Lords; and there's the sheer inanity of Caroline's behaviour and the introduction of Lady Pru.
I was going to write only one book, so shoved everything into it. I've been wondering if it's worth splitting these two ideas: Madam and Missy – secrets and separations; Madam and Missy – folly and farce.
I'd really like to get to the point of publishing on kindle, but now have to concede that I need a collaborator! Someone to cast an objective, critical eye over the scenes/chapters to say which version of the story they belong in; and to help me to pin down the storylines of the various characters.
So, if you're good at the plot rather than the minutiae and are interested, feel free to PM me! Do put 'collaborator' in the subject; I'm getting an astonishing number of messages — which is fab, but is taking me ages to reply to.
On the subject of reviews — I can see the count going up, but the reviews don't seem to appear for several days after they're posted — frustrating, as I value the feedback.